This is probably old news to most, but I just heard about it last night from my friend Tom. It is called Mortified, where people pull together adolescent artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) and then share them before total strangers. You can just imagine hearing grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job (etc). Watch the clip below for a hilarious example or check out the Mortified website here. Apparently, they are starting a new DC chapter which I will have to see.This is probably old news to most, but I just heard about it last night from my friend Tom. It is called Mortified, where people pull together adolescent artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) and then share them before total strangers. You can just imagine hearing grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job (etc). Watch the clip below for a hilarious example or check out the Mortified website here. Apparently, they are starting a new DC chapter which I will have to see.
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My parents don't call (too expensive), unless something bad happens, like when someone dies or goes to the hospital. So whenever my cell phone displays my parents number calling me, I always tense up and fear the worst. Yesterday, my dad called to tell me that he took my mom to the hospital. Apparently, she has had massive back pain for about a week and my dad has been trying to take care of her, but it became too much for him and they called the ambulance.My parents are getting to that age where everything starts to fall apart. My father is in his early 80s, my mom in her early 70s, and they are on tons of medications for everything under the sun, and something is always bleeding or dripping or breaking. In fact, they get some of their pills from Canada because they are cheaper, which I never would have expected my parents to do.
Anyway, my mom just had a partial knee replacement a couple of weeks ago, so I feared that she was probably limping around and did something to her back. I called my brother to see what he knew, and he was at an open house for my nephew's high school. He was sitting in class when I called, and he got called out by the teacher and he had to get off the phone pretty quickly.
He called back later and told me that I got him in trouble with the teacher, which I found quite funny. He had just spoken with dad and discovered that mom had fractured her back. She will be in the hospital for a few days then will be moved to a nursing home to recover. My mother will be milking this for all it is worth, just like I would be doing. The apple really doesn't fall too far from the tree.
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Marc sent me this link to a news story of a 24 year old Indiana woman, hopped up on vodka and Percocet, who let her 5 year old son drive her and his 3 year old brother in her automobile. My favorite parts of the incident was that she admitted taking Percocet not because of pain but because the kids were "acting up" and that she thought the whole thing was no big deal because "he is a good driver." Good Lord, I miss Indiana sometimes.
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First off, I’m in Montreal now at a Second Cup coffee shop listening to cute accordian music. If you’re anywhere on the East Coast of Canada from St. John's, Quebec on down to South Florida, please remember attendance is mandatory for the gig tomorrow. Here’s the info:
August 30, 2007 at 7 PM at McGill University’s Education/Counselling Psychology Department 3700 Rue McTavish Room 233
And don’t forget, there will be Zazen at Hill Street Center on Saturday Sept. 1st as regularly scheduled. But I won’t be there.
My very first Zen talks in New York City are done. Thanks to everyone who showed up. I think I spotted Aum Eye in the audience at the Interdependence Project thing on Monday night. Are you the one who asked a bunch of Yoga questions? A couple other readers of this here blog introduced themselves to me after the talk. Thank you for showing up!
The best of the three live gigs and two radio shows was definitely the Interdependence Project, although all of them were very cool. A couple of fellow Ohioans showed up at Bluestockings Radical Books in Soho and took me to a good place for Vietnamese sandwiches after. Thanks. One of Noah’s Dharma Punx showed me a great place to hang out and drink lemonade after the talk at the Interdependence Project. How come Noah never answers my e-mails? Granted I only wrote one and that was ages ago. But still. I woulda answered if he wrote me. Marc of Renagade Nation TV was also really friendly and showed me around town including a tour of the famous spots of Greenwich Village and his own very groovy office.
Anyway, it’s always really nice when people do stuff like this. I travel alone to these out of town gigs. No roadies, no drummer to pal around with. So it’s good to have somebody to talk to.
The Joey Reynolds Show on WOR was interesting, but I was sooooo sleepy I don’t think I was as “on” as I shoulda been for a show like that. The other show, "Soundcheck" on WNYC is already on line. Listen to it by clicking on this bunch of words here.
At the Greenwich Village Barnes and Noble the Q&A at the end was briefly hijacked by some Christians who wanted to make some points of their own. That was a bit odd. One guy was definitely there to speak up for Jesus. The woman near him was either trying to be nice to him or was also there for Christ. It was hard to tell. Neither of them were rude or anything. But that’s the first time I’ve encountered anything like that.
The only downside of the New York City gig was the vicious killer cat I had to share an apartment with. Now don’t get me wrong. I am very grateful to the woman who let me stay at her place. But man-o-man her cat was a total psycho. She was gone, so for the first night it was just me and kitty. He attacked me twice without the slightest provocation. But I could deal with that by just keeping a safe distance. The trouble came at night when he’d station himself outside the bedroom door and growl and hiss at me when I tried to make my way to the toilet. Because I drink about 12,000 liters of water a day this is a frequent occurrence.
The first night I managed to chase him away long enough to get into the toilet. But then he waited outside for me. I grabbed a plunger and jousted at him to hold him at bay long enough to get back to bed. The plunger worked OK that night. But the second night some other house guests showed up. Rather than risk several noisy cat confrontations each night I resorted to peeing into an empty water bottle. From this experience I learned that I can pee out 500 ml of nearly crystal clear piss over the course of a night. I think it’s sposta be a good sign if your pee is pretty colorless.
The third night I’d had enough of that. So I set up a barricade to keep the cat out of the area between the bedroom and the toilet. This would keep him away from his food dish for the night. But since I arrived back at midnight and planned to leave at five AM, I figured he’d survive the intervening five hours without dying of starvation. However my host’s other house guests (who I assumed were out that night) got very, very, very upset at the idea that the poor kitty cat might be deprived of food for an entire night and called the host to complain. I was kicked out for my cruel abuse of the sweet, darling, helpless, little fuzzy-wuzzy animal. Fortunately, the woman who’d set up my gig at the Interdependence Project lived down the hall and I was allowed to use her couch for the night.
Look. I like cats. I had a cat of my own named Shithead who cost me hundreds of dollars in vet’s bills and special food due to repeated kidney infections at a time when I was making about $200 a month at shitty Dimentia 13 gigs and temp work for Kelly Services (I exaggerate not, I swear). When I moved into Tim McCarthy’s Kent Zendo there were five cats in the place among the various members of the house. I even get along with my friend Nina’s cat Lilly who is also famous for attacking visitors but who seems to love me.
Whatever. As my publicist says, onward and upward!
I’m enjoying all the posture debate. As Smoggy Rob said, I never stop anyone from sitting in weird fucked up ways — including people who slump over like the Hunchback of Notre Dame after I've told them the point is to sit up straight and people who close their eyes even when I've said that in Zazen we keep them open and people who insist on putting their hands in bad imitations of gurus they've seen on TV after I've told them the right way to put their hands. Though I do discourage the use of chairs. Someone in NYC told me she went to a local Zendo there while eight months pregnant, and asked if she could sit in a modified posture or use a chair. They said, “No.” Just “No.” Not a word more. I don’t do that kind of stuff. But, seriously, 90% or more of the folks I see using chairs and seiza benches are just plain fuckin’ lazy. If you are really in a bad way and you sincerely want to sit somehow, accommodations can be made. But if you’re just a lazy sod, go someplace else. OK?
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A former coworker had this picture of him on his Facebook profile and I could not stop laughing. If you knew him and how funny he is, you would know that this is the perfect picture of him. I love it. Thanks for making me laugh, Eric.
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My childhood friend, Cheryl sent out a group email with pictures of her growing family. Emma looks excited about new baby sister Samantha. So cute.
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HELP!
I cannot resist the happiness that money can buy!
Due to my late hours, my shopping always used to be limited to just the rare occasions when I actually wake up and bother to go out in time before the shops all close.
HOWEVER, recently a very horrible (but still rather pleasing) event has just occurred in my life, and I'm telling you, this event is the one to blame for the lack of blogging recently.
Speaking of reasons for lack of blogging, I'm sure some of you have seen some photos on my friends' blogs about my new amazingly pink princess room, but I'm not ready to show photos yet!!
Must wait! Right now, I have not started painting it pink (stripes) yet, and the giant mirror still has to be mounted, encircled with pink fur, and blah blah blah.
A lot of work lar!!!!!!
I shall only show you guys when it is completely ready. :D
So yeah, I was saying... this recent activity of mine that has been keeping me from blogging...
WHY WHY WHY EBAY? Why you choose May and Choy as your ambassadors?! You must choose me mah! I am like (albeit only recently) ebay's biggest fan can?!
(No, ebay is not paying me to write this)
It all started when I saw Hayden Patteritte (or however to spell her name, I can't be bothered to go check) on TV show Heroes using the Juicy Couture Sidekick phone.
Even comes with its own chio pouch... kuakua...
Ok, so it's seriously gorgeous, and for a period of time, it was like the ONLY THING I EVER DESIRED.
Kelvin conveniently told me to try ebay - which, to be frank, I never used to trust because the Singaporean ebayers have blah items, and I didn't trust the overseas sellers with my money.
But desperate desires call for desperate measures, right?
So I went on International ebay to see if I can find this fabulous piece of calling machine.
And Voila, like 9 people were selling their Juicy phones!
Just before I bid, however, a forum I read said that the sidekick has to not only be unlocked for use in Singapore, but if successfully unlocked (which is unlikely because you need some code from T-mobile, a selfish US phone line provider), most of the functions will not even work.
What's the point of that bigass phone if I cannot email or IM on it?
I gave up on the phone, but it did not stop me from scratching out the word "phone" and just typing in "Juicy Couture".
What I saw almost killed me. Or my bank account, rather.
Being not available in Singapore (except for a puny counter in tangs selling only watches at a ridiculous price - what's your point, little counter, huh? Selling to leprechauns?), it really stunned me how gorgeous their products can be!!
Ie:
Call me sua ku, but besides bags, tracksuits, shoes, socks, underwear and accessories, they even have travel packs and school supplies and laptop sleeves (which they proudly proclaim "Couture Computer") ok!
*swoons*
Well, those I can't afford, but there are a lot of other products that are at really good prices, and the items are all brand new!
Shipping, however, usually costs from $25 to $40(!) sing.
Sigh.
But worth it what, some things just cannot be found in Singapore.
I'm beginning to think that shopping here is really lousy.
These are the things I bought so far, in Singapore dollars (all brand new and authentic unless otherwise stated):
I'm sorry if you guys are bored with my shopping products, but I HAVE TO SHARE ALL THESE WITH PEOPLE!!!
I am also gonna buy...
Shoes! Ebay shoes are so cheap, all the starting bids are like $15! I just don't know if I should get size 5 or 6 (US the size is different one, our 5 seems to be their 6), must wait for the sellers to get back to me.
Ok ok, enough of shopping! My point is just that ebay is fantastic and they should endorse me!!! Hehe... I just love winning a bid - fighting with somebody else and finally wrenching the item from some disappointed chick's hands is AWESOME!
For those of you who liked Girls Out Loud, there is virtually no hope for a season 2 (apparently people wrote in to MCS to say I am racist blah blah and that the show is promoting wrong values such as plastic surgery and exotic dancing *rolls eyes* - and Mediacorp takes such dickheads' opinions very seriously)...
But I'm pleased to announce a slightly similar substitute of it... except without my fantastic co-host Rozz.
Munkysuperstar is now producing XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE - a lifestyle program of me talking and doing nonsense!!
Fortunately for me, whenever I talk and do nonsense people seem to find it amusing, thus, a show is born!
The first ep is available here:
Getting my first tattoo!
Does it hurt?
How does the procedure go?
Check it out yourself. :)
Nope, it won't be on TV, but isn't it better to see it online where you can hear all my vulgarities loud and clear - anytime you want?!
Awesome.
P/s: Hairspray is fucking fantastic. I swear, everytime that Zac Efron comes to the screen and does his wink or "And I'm... Link..." thingy, THE WHOLE CINEMA SWOONS. Did anyone else notice this phenomenon too? A swooning cinema? I swear it's damn amazing, even Brad Pitt doesn't get such responses.
Alot of good shows recently ah!! I also liked 881, Evan Almighty (so many cute animals) and I can already predict I will love Ratatouille. Yeah la maybe I spelt it wrong, but the time I still cared about people commenting on my English has long passed! Can't be bothered!
I blogged this post for 5 hours straight, and I am finally joining poor Mike in bed at 6.30am. -_-
I cannot resist the happiness that money can buy!
Due to my late hours, my shopping always used to be limited to just the rare occasions when I actually wake up and bother to go out in time before the shops all close.
HOWEVER, recently a very horrible (but still rather pleasing) event has just occurred in my life, and I'm telling you, this event is the one to blame for the lack of blogging recently.
Speaking of reasons for lack of blogging, I'm sure some of you have seen some photos on my friends' blogs about my new amazingly pink princess room, but I'm not ready to show photos yet!!
Must wait! Right now, I have not started painting it pink (stripes) yet, and the giant mirror still has to be mounted, encircled with pink fur, and blah blah blah.
A lot of work lar!!!!!!
I shall only show you guys when it is completely ready. :D
So yeah, I was saying... this recent activity of mine that has been keeping me from blogging...
WHY WHY WHY EBAY? Why you choose May and Choy as your ambassadors?! You must choose me mah! I am like (albeit only recently) ebay's biggest fan can?!
(No, ebay is not paying me to write this)
It all started when I saw Hayden Patteritte (or however to spell her name, I can't be bothered to go check) on TV show Heroes using the Juicy Couture Sidekick phone.
Even comes with its own chio pouch... kuakua...
Ok, so it's seriously gorgeous, and for a period of time, it was like the ONLY THING I EVER DESIRED.
Kelvin conveniently told me to try ebay - which, to be frank, I never used to trust because the Singaporean ebayers have blah items, and I didn't trust the overseas sellers with my money.
But desperate desires call for desperate measures, right?
So I went on International ebay to see if I can find this fabulous piece of calling machine.
And Voila, like 9 people were selling their Juicy phones!
Just before I bid, however, a forum I read said that the sidekick has to not only be unlocked for use in Singapore, but if successfully unlocked (which is unlikely because you need some code from T-mobile, a selfish US phone line provider), most of the functions will not even work.
What's the point of that bigass phone if I cannot email or IM on it?
I gave up on the phone, but it did not stop me from scratching out the word "phone" and just typing in "Juicy Couture".
What I saw almost killed me. Or my bank account, rather.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE JUICY!
Being not available in Singapore (except for a puny counter in tangs selling only watches at a ridiculous price - what's your point, little counter, huh? Selling to leprechauns?), it really stunned me how gorgeous their products can be!!
Ie:
Call me sua ku, but besides bags, tracksuits, shoes, socks, underwear and accessories, they even have travel packs and school supplies and laptop sleeves (which they proudly proclaim "Couture Computer") ok!
*swoons*
Well, those I can't afford, but there are a lot of other products that are at really good prices, and the items are all brand new!
Shipping, however, usually costs from $25 to $40(!) sing.
Sigh.
But worth it what, some things just cannot be found in Singapore.
I'm beginning to think that shopping here is really lousy.
These are the things I bought so far, in Singapore dollars (all brand new and authentic unless otherwise stated):
Juicy Couture top
$41.60 - with shipping $74.63
I cannot resist things that are baby pink and terry cloth combined.
I just can't. The Juicy people know my weakness....
Born in the Glamourous USA!!!
Juicy Couture Straw tote
$66.50, plus shipping $95.81
This bag was lightly used, but still, I like it so much! Just hope the chick who used it is not a gross person. Or dead. Or a diseased whore. Arghhh! Stop it.
There was another seller selling the brand new one for like $200, but the deal I've got seems much better. :)
Box of Fafi postcards
$13.60, with shipping $20
I love Fafi! It's really hard to find Fafi products, and I was thinking of painting Fafi on my wall (some of you might not know, but I'm pretty talented in drawing) so these cards would act as a guide. :)
Quidditch through the ages
$5.60 (kuakua so cheap), plus shipping $11.70
HARRY POTTER MANIA! I don't think Singapore sells this book, and plus, this is a true-blue Great Britain first edition!
Digressing, I was looking at random Harry Potter auctions, and some of the first edition signed copies of Rowling's books are going for as high as $10,000!!
TEN THOUSAND BUCKS LEH!
I looked at those people bidding so much for a book, and it just struck me how sweet it is to look at all these anonymous ebayers, who, like me, love Harry Potter so much and I dunno, I got so moved, I actually cried.
I know, so stupid. But Harry Potter is so so so fantastic... Oh, Snape... Ok I'm gonna start crying again. To happier things!
Baby Phat halter dress
$40, plus shipping $66With "Baby Phat" in cursive gold letters
Baby Phat products are really gorgeous too and they are not available in Singapore as well!
And baby pink + terry? Sigh... The dress hasn't arrived yet but I hope it fits.
Victoria's Secret Angel tote
$21 total
This is the only thing I bought from a local seller. I've been wanting a clear bag for some time now, all the better to show off my sparkly gadgets with. HAHAHA!
Juicy Couture Starlet Bag
$86 (really a steal compared to original price), plus shipping $110.
Don't think I have to say anything about this. The words say "Juicy Girl's Club" and "Juicy girl next door". Perfect for a casual day out in jeans. :D
z22 Palm PDA
$81, plus shipping $129
I've been looking for a nice looking and small palmtop in Singapore to no avail, but found this on ebay!
The bids started from $0.01 and went up to $81 - which I won. So so so happy!
Now it's diamante-encrusted (pics later) and helps me keep my appointments, which I kept forgetting, much to the anger of many people. Sorry lar!
Playboy satin jacket
$56, plus shipping $74
Playboy products are also very cute but unavailable in Singapore! This jacket is quilted all over and is satin grey and baby pink!
I LOVE SATIN JACKETS CAN?!
Juicy Couture wallet
$54, plus shipping $89
I love it soooooo much! :)
Juicy couture tracksuit (Model not included)
$80, plus shipping $106
Perfect for those late night supper sessions, or to fly to exotic countries in! Softest terry, J zip puller, with sweet pink eyelet lace on the sleeve-ends! =D
And perhaps the most absurd steal of all...PINK STRAIGHTING HAIR IRON
$0.01, plus shipping $40
Ridiculous or not you tell me?! I dunno how the seller can manage to earn back his cost lor!
The iron works FANTASTICALLY (ceramic-coated negative ions technology blah blah) and is a awfully cute shade of pink!
SINGAPORE HOW TO FIND?!
And even with shipping, $40 for hair iron is very cheap lor. HAPPY!!
My guilty splurge...Juicy Couture watch
$312, plus shipping $330
It's so ex leh, but the authentic ones (I saw at Tangs) can go up to $1,000 plus!!! Madness.
And I really, really like this. Sigh... I'm becoming a shopaholic with no sense of control.
I'm sorry if you guys are bored with my shopping products, but I HAVE TO SHARE ALL THESE WITH PEOPLE!!!
I am also gonna buy...
Shoes! Ebay shoes are so cheap, all the starting bids are like $15! I just don't know if I should get size 5 or 6 (US the size is different one, our 5 seems to be their 6), must wait for the sellers to get back to me.
Ok ok, enough of shopping! My point is just that ebay is fantastic and they should endorse me!!! Hehe... I just love winning a bid - fighting with somebody else and finally wrenching the item from some disappointed chick's hands is AWESOME!
***************************************
For those of you who liked Girls Out Loud, there is virtually no hope for a season 2 (apparently people wrote in to MCS to say I am racist blah blah and that the show is promoting wrong values such as plastic surgery and exotic dancing *rolls eyes* - and Mediacorp takes such dickheads' opinions very seriously)...
But I'm pleased to announce a slightly similar substitute of it... except without my fantastic co-host Rozz.
Munkysuperstar is now producing XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE - a lifestyle program of me talking and doing nonsense!!
"Wanna learn how to make money doing nothing? How to find true love? How to lose weight without exercising? Xiaxue shows you how with practical and definitive advice! But don't take her too seriously; it probably won't work for most of you."
Fortunately for me, whenever I talk and do nonsense people seem to find it amusing, thus, a show is born!
The first ep is available here:
Getting my first tattoo!
Does it hurt?
How does the procedure go?
Check it out yourself. :)
Nope, it won't be on TV, but isn't it better to see it online where you can hear all my vulgarities loud and clear - anytime you want?!
Awesome.
****************************************
P/s: Hairspray is fucking fantastic. I swear, everytime that Zac Efron comes to the screen and does his wink or "And I'm... Link..." thingy, THE WHOLE CINEMA SWOONS. Did anyone else notice this phenomenon too? A swooning cinema? I swear it's damn amazing, even Brad Pitt doesn't get such responses.
Alot of good shows recently ah!! I also liked 881, Evan Almighty (so many cute animals) and I can already predict I will love Ratatouille. Yeah la maybe I spelt it wrong, but the time I still cared about people commenting on my English has long passed! Can't be bothered!
I blogged this post for 5 hours straight, and I am finally joining poor Mike in bed at 6.30am. -_-
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Check out this new interview on the Busted Halo website.
I'm going to New York next week. I'll re-post the dates here. But while I'm there I'll be doing some radio. Here's the info.
Monday Aug. 27 (or Tuesday Aug. 28, if you want to think of it that way) at 2 AM I'll be on the Joey Reynolads Show on WOR radio AM 710 in New York. More info about the show is here:
CLICK HERE FOR JOEY REYNOLDS SHOW INFO
At 1:45 PM on Aug. 28 (Tuesday) he'll be on the radio show "Soundcheck" on New York's WNYC
more info about that is at:
CLICK HERE FOR "SOUNDCHECK" INFO
Here's the previous gig list (remember, attendance is mandatory, any of you who think I already get plenty of butts in seats at these things, think again):
New York City, New York:
• August 27, 2007 at 7 PM at The Interdepedence Project at Lila Center 302 Bowery at Houston (this will be the most like a formal lecture among all the NYC appearances) RSVP soon, space is limited.
• August 28, 2007 at 7:30 PM Barnes & Noble in Greenwich Village 396 Ave of the Americas at 8th Street, New York, NY 10011
Montreal, Quebec:
• August 30, 2007 at 7 PM at McGill University’s Education/Counselling Psychology Department 3700 Rue McTavish Room 233
Boulder & Ft. Collins, Colorado:
• Monday September 10, 2007 - 7:30 pm Boulder Bookstore 1107 Pearl Street - Author Event
• Tuesday September 11, 2007 Noon - Colorado State University Bookstore - The Lory Student Center at CSU Ft. Collins, CO
• Tuesday September 11, 2007 7 PM - CSU Anthropology Club The Lory Student Center at CSU, Ft. Collins - Author Event
• Wednesday, September 12, 2007 Interview for Elevision TV show. Be part of the live in-studio audience! Doors close at 7pm. The show will be at Trilogy, 2017 13th St. in downtown Boulder
Shizuoka, Japan
• September 22 to 25, 2007, Tokei-in Temple, 1840 Hatori, Shizuoka City, 421-12 (Prior registration is required. See http://www.dogensangha.org/sesshin.htm for details)
Cleveland, Ohio
• Oct. 6, 9:15 PM - my movie "Cleveland's Screaming" will have its Cleveland priemier at the Cleveland Institute of Art's Cinematheque
(I may not make this showing personally, but I'm gonna try. Be there anyway!!!)
Akron, Ohio:
•November 7,2007 at the Akron Public Library I think I'm on at 7PM. I'm certain it's either at 7 or 8 PM. More details later...
Cleveland, Ohio
•November 9, 2007 "Cleveland's Screaming" movie showing at the Beachland Tavern along with live performance by 0DFx!
A little thought on Zazen posture for the day -- the reason 1/2 lotus, full lotus or Burmese posture are Zazen and sitting in a chair or on a seiza bench are not the same thing is because when you sit in these postures your weight is distributed among three points, like a tripod. On a seiza bench or chair the best you can hope for is to try & balance on one point -- your butt. In fact, most folks I see doing it in chairs just sorta lounge and rest their back on the chair providing absolutely no balance whatsoever. For people with leg troubles, try a higher cushion or put cushions under the knees. Yoga exercizes are also good. Visit your local McYoga, take the free sample lesson, and ask the teacher about this at the end (don't tell me there's no yoga studio near you unless you're writing from Antarctica). Then be nice & go back for a few more lessons.
I'm going to New York next week. I'll re-post the dates here. But while I'm there I'll be doing some radio. Here's the info.
Monday Aug. 27 (or Tuesday Aug. 28, if you want to think of it that way) at 2 AM I'll be on the Joey Reynolads Show on WOR radio AM 710 in New York. More info about the show is here:
CLICK HERE FOR JOEY REYNOLDS SHOW INFO
At 1:45 PM on Aug. 28 (Tuesday) he'll be on the radio show "Soundcheck" on New York's WNYC
more info about that is at:
CLICK HERE FOR "SOUNDCHECK" INFO
Here's the previous gig list (remember, attendance is mandatory, any of you who think I already get plenty of butts in seats at these things, think again):
New York City, New York:
• August 27, 2007 at 7 PM at The Interdepedence Project at Lila Center 302 Bowery at Houston (this will be the most like a formal lecture among all the NYC appearances) RSVP soon, space is limited.
• August 28, 2007 at 7:30 PM Barnes & Noble in Greenwich Village 396 Ave of the Americas at 8th Street, New York, NY 10011
Montreal, Quebec:
• August 30, 2007 at 7 PM at McGill University’s Education/Counselling Psychology Department 3700 Rue McTavish Room 233
Boulder & Ft. Collins, Colorado:
• Monday September 10, 2007 - 7:30 pm Boulder Bookstore 1107 Pearl Street - Author Event
• Tuesday September 11, 2007 Noon - Colorado State University Bookstore - The Lory Student Center at CSU Ft. Collins, CO
• Tuesday September 11, 2007 7 PM - CSU Anthropology Club The Lory Student Center at CSU, Ft. Collins - Author Event
• Wednesday, September 12, 2007 Interview for Elevision TV show. Be part of the live in-studio audience! Doors close at 7pm. The show will be at Trilogy, 2017 13th St. in downtown Boulder
Shizuoka, Japan
• September 22 to 25, 2007, Tokei-in Temple, 1840 Hatori, Shizuoka City, 421-12 (Prior registration is required. See http://www.dogensangha.org/sesshin.htm for details)
Cleveland, Ohio
• Oct. 6, 9:15 PM - my movie "Cleveland's Screaming" will have its Cleveland priemier at the Cleveland Institute of Art's Cinematheque
(I may not make this showing personally, but I'm gonna try. Be there anyway!!!)
Akron, Ohio:
•November 7,2007 at the Akron Public Library I think I'm on at 7PM. I'm certain it's either at 7 or 8 PM. More details later...
Cleveland, Ohio
•November 9, 2007 "Cleveland's Screaming" movie showing at the Beachland Tavern along with live performance by 0DFx!
A little thought on Zazen posture for the day -- the reason 1/2 lotus, full lotus or Burmese posture are Zazen and sitting in a chair or on a seiza bench are not the same thing is because when you sit in these postures your weight is distributed among three points, like a tripod. On a seiza bench or chair the best you can hope for is to try & balance on one point -- your butt. In fact, most folks I see doing it in chairs just sorta lounge and rest their back on the chair providing absolutely no balance whatsoever. For people with leg troubles, try a higher cushion or put cushions under the knees. Yoga exercizes are also good. Visit your local McYoga, take the free sample lesson, and ask the teacher about this at the end (don't tell me there's no yoga studio near you unless you're writing from Antarctica). Then be nice & go back for a few more lessons.
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I kept imagining I'd sit down one day and write up my impressions of my stay at the Great Sky Zen Sesshin in a nice, concise fashion. Y'know, like the kind of thing a professional writer might do. But I seem to be incapable of that. Or really there's just too much piled up work for me to spend that much time. So here are my general impressions wrote down directly into the Blogger template without spell-checking 'em or nuthin'.
Hokyoji monastery is wayyyyy the Hell out in the middle of nowhere. First you fly into La Crosse airport in La Crosse Wisconsin, which looks more like a bus stop than an airport. Makes Akron's tiny airport look like La Guardia. Then you gotta drive about an hour through the rolling hills alongside the Mississippi, passing briefly through Iowa and on into Minnesota. Officially Hokyoji is in Eitzen, Minesotta. But the actual nearest town is a little hamlet in Iowa whose name I've forgotten, population 200. Though I can't recall the name of the town I can recall the name of the guy who's been working the gas station for 40 years. It's Jug Darling. I kid you not. For real kicks you can drive about another 45 minutes into Iowa and visit another town whose name I've also forgotten, but whose poulation is a whopping 2000.
But we didn't go to any of those places during the week of the sesshin. For seven days we were to be residents of Hokyoji, eating Hokyoji food and shitting Hokyoji shit, to paraphrase an old Zen poem. The monastery consists of four main buildings spread out over a couple acres of cleared woodland at the end of a mile long driveway. The main building for us was the 30-seater Zendo near the center. Apart from that was a building they called "the cabin" because it once had been a real one-room cabin with no electricity or running water when they first established the place. Now it's a house with electricity and running water, thank you Jesus. But I didn't crash there. They put me in another building they called "the workshop" way down at the ass end of the place. This had once been, as the name suggests, a workshop for sawing wood and doing the other stuff they needed to do to build the other buildings on the property. Now the upstairs has been converted to fairly spartan living quarters. No running water here, but at least we had electricity. The other building is called "the tea house." It stands near the Zendo and, besides having a little tea room, also has showers that spray a fine mist of water on your head in your choice of either lukewarm or boiling hot. I never worked out how to get the water down to my feet efficiently.
There were 9 forty-minute periods of Zazen each day beginning at 5 AM and ending at 10 till 9 PM. Wake up bell was at 4:30. This is pretty standard. But Nishijima's retreats are a tad bit easier on the amount of Zazen. I was concerned for the health of my knees. But I'm happy to say that I made it thru the whole thing with no discernable damage. Zazen periods are broken up by first a service at which the Heart Sutra is chanted, then breakfast oryoki style, a short break, a Dharma talk, another service at which Dogens Jijuyu Zanmai (Samadhi of Recieving and Using the Self) is chanted, lunch, a very long break and work period (more on that later), another God damned service at which Dai Shin Darani is chanted, and a final service at which Dogen's Fukanzazengi (Universal Recommendation to Practice Zazen) is chanted. Between each of these things is all either sitting staring at walls or doing kinhin (walking Zazen). Or these things come between Zazen periods. Take your pick.
Some of this was new to me. Nishijima's retreats feature no services or chanting of any kind. So I knew none of the chants. Also work periods at his to-do's usually just means cleaning the toilets or sweeping out the sleeping rooms. At Great Sky they have you doing hard labor. This is necessary because, even after some 30 or 40 years in operation the place is still largely unfinished. So we worked mostly on making the gardens presentable and fixing stuff that needed fixing around the place. Oh, and chasing wasps out of the sleeping rooms. I was exhausted by the end of each work period. But it was good, too. It definitely got your legs moving again after all that sitting. Plus you got some decent exersize which is hard to come by at some Zen retreats.
About 30 people attended including five (count 'em) Zen teachers. Let's see how many I can remember. There was Tonen O'Connor of the Milwaukee Zen Center, Zuiko Redding of Cedar Rapids Zen Center, Dokai Georgesen of Hokyokji itself, Rosan Yoshida of some place in Iowa, I think, Genmyo Smith of I can't remember where and me. I could go look up all this info I'm forgetting but that's kinda not the point of the spontaneousness of this post. Tonen and Zuiko are womenfolk and the rest of us teachers were dudes. I was really impressed with Zuiko. She studied with the same strict-as-Hell Zen Master (also female) as Taijun Saito a female monk who studied with Nishijima. Both of them had been drilled on the Zen routines so well they knew 'em backwards and forwards. Me, I don't know shit about the rituals. I don't have any kind of contempt for those who do. I just don't. And it's not likely I'm ever gonna because, to be honest with you, I'm just not very interested. Still it's interesting to see and learn a bit from people who do.
What else can I tell ya? A lot actually. And I probably will in upcoming postings. But I want to be brief here.
What did I learn? OK. I learned that it doesn't fucking matter what you think while sitting. I knew that. But on the 4th day I got that in a big way. There I was, as I often am, getting a little cranky and achy and also thinking, "Man the wheels are just spinning away up there, how come they don't just stop some time?" I should back up & tell you that a huge lot of stuff was dumped on me just before the sesshin. Not the least of which was the bombshell that the company I work for decided top close its Los Angeles Office. The Los Angeles Office is me. More on this later. But suffice it to say that, along with about a couple dozen other things would have to be dealt with when the sesshin was done. Which I'm sorta doing now, which is why this piece is short and spontaneous.
ANYWAY stuff was just churning and churning and churning up there. Set in motion, it wasn't gonna quit till it ran out of energy. And all at once I just noticed that it didn't fucking matter. Thinking was just something going on during practice. Yet the practice was still completely valid. This wasn't an idea, mind you. This came as a real experience. There's an old koan about a monk who says, "If a clear mind comes let it come, if a cloudy mind comes let it come." The master asks him, "What if neither a clear mind nor a cloudy mind comes?" And the monk says something like, "I hear they're having a sale on underwear at JC Pennys." That's kinda what it was like. Cool.
It's funny how this stuff works. I'd known, forgotten and relearned this same lesson dozens of times. And I'm sure I'll learn it again a couple dozen more before they burn me up and scatter my ashes behind JB's Down in Kent, Ohio.
Ummmmmm... What else? I did a dharma talk. All the other teachers did Zen talks and mine was like a Krusty the Klown routine. Such is life. I rutted up the yard trying to figure out reverse gear in the monastery's pick-up. I did other stuff.
But now I gotta go. Sorry. More later! Ask me stuff. Maybe it'll jog my memory...
Hokyoji monastery is wayyyyy the Hell out in the middle of nowhere. First you fly into La Crosse airport in La Crosse Wisconsin, which looks more like a bus stop than an airport. Makes Akron's tiny airport look like La Guardia. Then you gotta drive about an hour through the rolling hills alongside the Mississippi, passing briefly through Iowa and on into Minnesota. Officially Hokyoji is in Eitzen, Minesotta. But the actual nearest town is a little hamlet in Iowa whose name I've forgotten, population 200. Though I can't recall the name of the town I can recall the name of the guy who's been working the gas station for 40 years. It's Jug Darling. I kid you not. For real kicks you can drive about another 45 minutes into Iowa and visit another town whose name I've also forgotten, but whose poulation is a whopping 2000.
But we didn't go to any of those places during the week of the sesshin. For seven days we were to be residents of Hokyoji, eating Hokyoji food and shitting Hokyoji shit, to paraphrase an old Zen poem. The monastery consists of four main buildings spread out over a couple acres of cleared woodland at the end of a mile long driveway. The main building for us was the 30-seater Zendo near the center. Apart from that was a building they called "the cabin" because it once had been a real one-room cabin with no electricity or running water when they first established the place. Now it's a house with electricity and running water, thank you Jesus. But I didn't crash there. They put me in another building they called "the workshop" way down at the ass end of the place. This had once been, as the name suggests, a workshop for sawing wood and doing the other stuff they needed to do to build the other buildings on the property. Now the upstairs has been converted to fairly spartan living quarters. No running water here, but at least we had electricity. The other building is called "the tea house." It stands near the Zendo and, besides having a little tea room, also has showers that spray a fine mist of water on your head in your choice of either lukewarm or boiling hot. I never worked out how to get the water down to my feet efficiently.
There were 9 forty-minute periods of Zazen each day beginning at 5 AM and ending at 10 till 9 PM. Wake up bell was at 4:30. This is pretty standard. But Nishijima's retreats are a tad bit easier on the amount of Zazen. I was concerned for the health of my knees. But I'm happy to say that I made it thru the whole thing with no discernable damage. Zazen periods are broken up by first a service at which the Heart Sutra is chanted, then breakfast oryoki style, a short break, a Dharma talk, another service at which Dogens Jijuyu Zanmai (Samadhi of Recieving and Using the Self) is chanted, lunch, a very long break and work period (more on that later), another God damned service at which Dai Shin Darani is chanted, and a final service at which Dogen's Fukanzazengi (Universal Recommendation to Practice Zazen) is chanted. Between each of these things is all either sitting staring at walls or doing kinhin (walking Zazen). Or these things come between Zazen periods. Take your pick.
Some of this was new to me. Nishijima's retreats feature no services or chanting of any kind. So I knew none of the chants. Also work periods at his to-do's usually just means cleaning the toilets or sweeping out the sleeping rooms. At Great Sky they have you doing hard labor. This is necessary because, even after some 30 or 40 years in operation the place is still largely unfinished. So we worked mostly on making the gardens presentable and fixing stuff that needed fixing around the place. Oh, and chasing wasps out of the sleeping rooms. I was exhausted by the end of each work period. But it was good, too. It definitely got your legs moving again after all that sitting. Plus you got some decent exersize which is hard to come by at some Zen retreats.
About 30 people attended including five (count 'em) Zen teachers. Let's see how many I can remember. There was Tonen O'Connor of the Milwaukee Zen Center, Zuiko Redding of Cedar Rapids Zen Center, Dokai Georgesen of Hokyokji itself, Rosan Yoshida of some place in Iowa, I think, Genmyo Smith of I can't remember where and me. I could go look up all this info I'm forgetting but that's kinda not the point of the spontaneousness of this post. Tonen and Zuiko are womenfolk and the rest of us teachers were dudes. I was really impressed with Zuiko. She studied with the same strict-as-Hell Zen Master (also female) as Taijun Saito a female monk who studied with Nishijima. Both of them had been drilled on the Zen routines so well they knew 'em backwards and forwards. Me, I don't know shit about the rituals. I don't have any kind of contempt for those who do. I just don't. And it's not likely I'm ever gonna because, to be honest with you, I'm just not very interested. Still it's interesting to see and learn a bit from people who do.
What else can I tell ya? A lot actually. And I probably will in upcoming postings. But I want to be brief here.
What did I learn? OK. I learned that it doesn't fucking matter what you think while sitting. I knew that. But on the 4th day I got that in a big way. There I was, as I often am, getting a little cranky and achy and also thinking, "Man the wheels are just spinning away up there, how come they don't just stop some time?" I should back up & tell you that a huge lot of stuff was dumped on me just before the sesshin. Not the least of which was the bombshell that the company I work for decided top close its Los Angeles Office. The Los Angeles Office is me. More on this later. But suffice it to say that, along with about a couple dozen other things would have to be dealt with when the sesshin was done. Which I'm sorta doing now, which is why this piece is short and spontaneous.
ANYWAY stuff was just churning and churning and churning up there. Set in motion, it wasn't gonna quit till it ran out of energy. And all at once I just noticed that it didn't fucking matter. Thinking was just something going on during practice. Yet the practice was still completely valid. This wasn't an idea, mind you. This came as a real experience. There's an old koan about a monk who says, "If a clear mind comes let it come, if a cloudy mind comes let it come." The master asks him, "What if neither a clear mind nor a cloudy mind comes?" And the monk says something like, "I hear they're having a sale on underwear at JC Pennys." That's kinda what it was like. Cool.
It's funny how this stuff works. I'd known, forgotten and relearned this same lesson dozens of times. And I'm sure I'll learn it again a couple dozen more before they burn me up and scatter my ashes behind JB's Down in Kent, Ohio.
Ummmmmm... What else? I did a dharma talk. All the other teachers did Zen talks and mine was like a Krusty the Klown routine. Such is life. I rutted up the yard trying to figure out reverse gear in the monastery's pick-up. I did other stuff.
But now I gotta go. Sorry. More later! Ask me stuff. Maybe it'll jog my memory...
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Advertorial
A friend asked me to go to Clarke Quay one evening, and I saw these two angmohs performing their hearts out. Their songs are really cute, and so I chatted them up, and they told me they used to top the charts in Belgium!!
In exchange I told them about my blog, and thus this little advertorial to introduce this band to you!
Connexion is a duo made out of two angmohs, and they have a one-hit wonder song a long time ago that apparently made them famous (in Belgium that is).
And now, the band is about to make a comeback with their tour in Singapore!
Why Singapore I have no idea - maybe they like our SPGs? Heehee...
And the funniest thing is, they actually starred in a SWEATBAND commerical back in their heyday!
What the ruddy hell is a sweatband?
Is it a sweaty band?
WATCH THE COMMERCIAL (I assure you it is super duper funny)
A sweatband is apparently something you tie on your head to absorb 3 times the sweat... Now I know...
It's super hilarious I tell you, with the mullets and the disco balls, haha! Even includes a blonde chick doing nothing for maximum manliness effect!!
You think the hilarity stops here, but no!
Their one-hit-wonder song will have you humming subconsciously to it while cooking maggi mee, and then slapping yourself for not snapping out of the song after 10 hours.
Introducing...
RING RING
That is as good a MTV as it can get, huh? Ring ring ring ring, why won't you pick up the phone...?
LOL...
Connexion talk show:
They are my new idols leh.
The point of this blog entry? Nothing, I just wanted to show you all Connexion. Ring ring ring ring, why won't you pick up the phone?
Skarly you house phone ring all by itself after you finish reading this... Woo, scary!
P/s: View Connexion's website here!!!
A friend asked me to go to Clarke Quay one evening, and I saw these two angmohs performing their hearts out. Their songs are really cute, and so I chatted them up, and they told me they used to top the charts in Belgium!!
In exchange I told them about my blog, and thus this little advertorial to introduce this band to you!
Connexion is a duo made out of two angmohs, and they have a one-hit wonder song a long time ago that apparently made them famous (in Belgium that is).
And now, the band is about to make a comeback with their tour in Singapore!
Why Singapore I have no idea - maybe they like our SPGs? Heehee...
And the funniest thing is, they actually starred in a SWEATBAND commerical back in their heyday!
What the ruddy hell is a sweatband?
Is it a sweaty band?
WATCH THE COMMERCIAL (I assure you it is super duper funny)
A sweatband is apparently something you tie on your head to absorb 3 times the sweat... Now I know...
It's super hilarious I tell you, with the mullets and the disco balls, haha! Even includes a blonde chick doing nothing for maximum manliness effect!!
You think the hilarity stops here, but no!
Their one-hit-wonder song will have you humming subconsciously to it while cooking maggi mee, and then slapping yourself for not snapping out of the song after 10 hours.
Introducing...
RING RING
That is as good a MTV as it can get, huh? Ring ring ring ring, why won't you pick up the phone...?
LOL...
Connexion talk show:
They are my new idols leh.
The point of this blog entry? Nothing, I just wanted to show you all Connexion. Ring ring ring ring, why won't you pick up the phone?
Skarly you house phone ring all by itself after you finish reading this... Woo, scary!
P/s: View Connexion's website here!!!
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Annie Lennox is one of my favorite artists ever. She was robbed when Natalie Cole won the Grammy for Best Album singing with her dead father over Annie's brilliant album, "Diva." Annie's new CD, "Songs of Mass Destruction" (love the title) will be released in the US on October 2, but a couple of songs are already being leaked. I can not wait for this album after listening to her first single, "Dark Road." Click here to listen or watch the video below.
If you search my name on Yahoo, the following comes up:
Sindy Dominguez, 17, of Hyattsville already had a baby, and didn't want another ... Keith Eby had a somewhat similar experience.
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It is no secret among my friends that I have a fear of little people. I think it has something to do with the movie "The Wizard of Oz" or "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," but I am not entirely sure. All I know, is that when I see a dwarf/midget/little person, I freak out a bit. So imagine my delight when Julie sent me a link to an article that details a dwarf's penis getting stuck to a vacuum. I am not making this up, read it here. Thanks Julie. You made my day.
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I'm back from the Great Sky Sesshin in Eitzen, Minesotta. No time to write. Too many things to clean up. But a few things I gotta announce.
One is a NEW RADIO SHOW YOU CAN LISTEN TO ON LINE with me as a guest. So go listen.
Also, starting in a couple weeks my Suicide Girls things will appear on Mondays instead of Saturdays. But it'll be bi-weekly instead of weekly.
Also, remember the upcoming gigs listed below and show up to all of them OR BE SENT TO HELL FOREVER!!!!!!
One is a NEW RADIO SHOW YOU CAN LISTEN TO ON LINE with me as a guest. So go listen.
Also, starting in a couple weeks my Suicide Girls things will appear on Mondays instead of Saturdays. But it'll be bi-weekly instead of weekly.
Also, remember the upcoming gigs listed below and show up to all of them OR BE SENT TO HELL FOREVER!!!!!!
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Advertorial
Munkysuperstar (the good people who brought you Girls Out Loud) came up with another reality show, and this time, it's called Girl on Girl!
And it's hosted by Rozzie!!
Before you start thinking how come Mediacorp would agree to boardcast some good old lesbian scenes, get your mind out of the gutter!
Girl on Girl is a reality show where 6 girls compete to do typically male tasks, such as changing tires, daunting physical activities, or I don't know, shaving beards and what's not. (I'm kidding about the shaving, I'm sure it's not very sexy to watch a girl shave her beard on tv)
Hehe...
(Digressing, I think there should be a male version of this show where straight boys are asked to braid hair and wax legs and I dunno, multi-task? Walk in high heels? Would be super entertaining!)
In typical Gillian fashion (Gillian is director of the show), she casted very GIRLY girls to go on the show, and I doubt all of them really knew what they were in for - except that the prize money is $10,000.
Eh, I also told my friend Qihua (or Kaykay, as we call her) to go for the casting, and she got in as well.
She called me after the first task - which was already shown on Channel 5 - and told me about how severely injured she was.
I think I detected a note of hatred from her for introducing her to the show. You might win $10,000 mah, must think about that!!!
Here are some photos of the contestants...
No la joking, the girls are not competing with shampoos, actually it's just that this show is brought to you by Clear Men - the first anti dandruff range for men!
Who can forget the sexy Italian-looking man who used to have a dandruff problem? (On the tv ad la, stupid)
The winner of this show is determined not only be the scores they get during the show, but also largely based on INTERNET VOTING!
Don't want your favourite girl to sob her heart out coz she lost? Go vote for her now! (I don't want to be biased but I'm telling ya, VOTE FOR KAY KAY!!!)
Prizes for voting:
There are still two episodes left for tv telecast - the challenge of enduring a million creepy cockroaches in a trapped area, and the grand finale.
The show is on Channel 5 every Thursday, 11.30pm.
Alternatively, log on to clearlyformen now. :) You can watch all the episodes you missed there!
Who do you think is the chioest contestant?
Munkysuperstar (the good people who brought you Girls Out Loud) came up with another reality show, and this time, it's called Girl on Girl!
And it's hosted by Rozzie!!
Before you start thinking how come Mediacorp would agree to boardcast some good old lesbian scenes, get your mind out of the gutter!
Girl on Girl is a reality show where 6 girls compete to do typically male tasks, such as changing tires, daunting physical activities, or I don't know, shaving beards and what's not. (I'm kidding about the shaving, I'm sure it's not very sexy to watch a girl shave her beard on tv)
Hehe...
(Digressing, I think there should be a male version of this show where straight boys are asked to braid hair and wax legs and I dunno, multi-task? Walk in high heels? Would be super entertaining!)
In typical Gillian fashion (Gillian is director of the show), she casted very GIRLY girls to go on the show, and I doubt all of them really knew what they were in for - except that the prize money is $10,000.
Eh, I also told my friend Qihua (or Kaykay, as we call her) to go for the casting, and she got in as well.
She called me after the first task - which was already shown on Channel 5 - and told me about how severely injured she was.
I think I detected a note of hatred from her for introducing her to the show. You might win $10,000 mah, must think about that!!!
Here are some photos of the contestants...
Personally, I think the shampoo contestants are the chioest...
No la joking, the girls are not competing with shampoos, actually it's just that this show is brought to you by Clear Men - the first anti dandruff range for men!
Who can forget the sexy Italian-looking man who used to have a dandruff problem? (On the tv ad la, stupid)
The winner of this show is determined not only be the scores they get during the show, but also largely based on INTERNET VOTING!
Don't want your favourite girl to sob her heart out coz she lost? Go vote for her now! (I don't want to be biased but I'm telling ya, VOTE FOR KAY KAY!!!)
Prizes for voting:
10 weekly prizes each week; Timbre vouchers, Schick hampers, cash vouchers at Storm Hair, 2 years’ free subscription to NewMan and Xbox “Get Connected” packages. The grand prize is $5,000 and BMW Advanced Driver Training for the winner and 2 friends.
All that the guys have to do is vote for their favourite girl and they are immediately eligible for the lucky draws. From 1 – 31 August, they can gain additional 1,000 points with any Clear Men shampoo purchased at selected NTUC Fairprice supermarkets.
There are still two episodes left for tv telecast - the challenge of enduring a million creepy cockroaches in a trapped area, and the grand finale.
The show is on Channel 5 every Thursday, 11.30pm.
Alternatively, log on to clearlyformen now. :) You can watch all the episodes you missed there!
Who do you think is the chioest contestant?
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A few days ago I really met the worst cab driver I ever encountered in my entire life.
AND I TELL YOU, I've encountered some really bad ones before!
But this one really karate-kicks the rest to his position of champion of all m******cking cab drivers (got to censor the vulgarities a bit since the advertorial is being run, will revert to normal vulgarities after this... Haha)
Okok, so Eekean invited me to a party at Ridout Road.
I had no idea where Ridout Road is, but I did know I was running late, so I called for a cab.
Before my called cab arrived I got a SMRT cab, thinking, woohoo, I just saved $4, it must be my lucky day!
I cancelled my call, and hopped on, not noticing that the sky turned pewter grey and lightning struck a nearby dove as a subtle ominous foreboding for me.
The Chinese uncle was ancient and raspily asked me, "Going where?"
I replied, "Ridout Road."
Rid-Out Road. I pronounced it this way.
He said "Huh? What?"
Ri-dout Road?
Still he doesn't know what the hell I am talking about.
I spelt it out for him.
By now he was rising his voice at me - apparently he is semi-deaf and can't hear my screams of Ridooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuut ROOOOOOOADDD!!!
I was very frustrated and asked him to give me the street directory and I will show him.
I SWEAR TO GOD THIS F***er must be older than Jesus himself: With all the grace of a slow-motion film, he took 10 whole seconds to reach to the newspaper-wrapped directory sitting innocuously on the dashboard in front of him, and told 10 seconds to pass it to me.
You would think the directory was a delicate endangered species of butterfly that will turn to dust at the slightest touch.
I snatched the book from him (I don't give a toot-toot-toot that he is damn old - I'm in a rush for time and if he can't give good service then I won't pay for the same price for his services, ok! Plus, he is completely unrepentent and rude!), and viciously flipped the pages.
There we go, on blessed page 146, Ridout Road.
I gave him the book with the open page.
I have been cabbing for some time now, and whenever the same situation happens, the cab driver will usually just take the book from me and wait until a traffic stop to read the book, or else some of the more garang ones would just read it while still driving.
To my horror, however, this Ah Gua stopped his car at a bus stop that was JUST BEHIND A RED TRAFFIC LIGHT!
Cannot read the book while the traffic light is red meh? It's not Order of the Phoenix lor, 700 plus pages, need to read so long meh?
"Never mind," I told myself. "People old already, don't be so harsh."
As the meter ticked away, this old geezer took the book from me (once again, slow-motion film style), and put it on the seat next to him.
Then, to my horror, he took another 10 seconds to take out his spectacles from his stupid pocket and another 10 seconds to put on the glasses.
After inspecting this book for around 1 min, he announced irritatedly at me, "I CANNOT SEE LA." and he mumbled something about small words, as if I did a major wrong to him by asking him to read his own directory!
I ALMOST DIED ON THE SPOT CAN!
But by now it was too late to get on another cab coz it was peak hour and there was none!
Really boiling by now, I yelled at him, "THEN HOW WE GO IF YOU CANNOT READ IT?!"
He responded by keeping resolutely quiet.
The bus at the bus stop honked at him to get moving. I told him to get on the PIE first.
I felt a bit guilty after, so I tried to be nicer. I looked at the map, and thought Swettenham Road was a definite no-go, I said, loudly for his deafness,
"Pierce road? PIIIEERCCE Road you know how to go?"
Pierce was simple enough, I thought, vastly wrong.
"Er road?"
"No no, PIERCE."
He kept quiet once again.
CAN'T BE LOR WHERE GOT CAB DRIVER DUNNO WHAT IS PIERCE ROAD?
And how the ruddy hell am I supposed to describe pierce road to him better? I certainly don't know the Chinese name!
I wanted to say Holland Road, but I'm afraid he would bring me along some other way to the Holland Village area or something since Holland Road is so long, so I said Napier Road instead, which was the road that led to Holland Road.
After I told him "Napier Road", he replied,
"HUH? CHEER ROAD?"
CHEER ROAD LEH! Last thing I feel then was CHEER LOR!
UNCLE, YOU SUPER DUPER DEAF OR WHAT?
This uncle must really go for a spelling bee contest lor, he can be the comedy factor in the show.
Other 7 yr old kids spell N-A-P-I-E-R, he spell C-H-E-R CHEER!
AND WHERE GOT TAXI DRIVER DUNNO WHAT IS NAPIER ROAD ONE?!
As a last ditch attempt before I take over the driving myself (won't be that hard to knock out an old man and figure out how to operate a car), I said, "Dempsey Road, Dempsey road you know how to go?"
"Dimpsey?"
"Yes Dempsey road. You know?"
"Yes," he said, and for one moment he sounded like a helpless old man and I felt really bad for flaring up at him, so I just kept quiet and hoped to myself that he really knows where Dempsey road is.
We arrived at Holland road correctly (bless his wrinkly ass) and before he turned into Dempsey, I said with ample warning time, "Don't turn inside, next one then turn." (See map to understand)
He still attempted to turn into Dempsey, and when I screamed bloody murder, he tsk-tsked at me as if it is my fault leh!
Finally we turned into Pierce road - which was full of super big private houses and was quite dark like all private estate roads are.
Well, this old man obviously didn't know how to navigate himself so I have to navigate him right?
So I told him turn left here (repeated in Chinese too just in case), or turn right there - and increasingly he showed his displeasure by not signaling and turning with the speed of a retarded driving learner.
He lumbered on at 20 km/hr (I am not kidding, I could have gone faster on a bicycle), and when I asked him to turn again, he shouted hoarsely at me,
"YOU DON'T DO THIS TO ME AH, SO DARK, I CANNOT SEE VERY WELL!"
I DO THIS TO HIM?!?!?!?!
Wah I swear I almost whacked him on his head with my tamagotchi can! Next time before I get on cabs I'd go buy a lump of char siew just to whack these horrible cab drivers with. They literally won't know what just hit them.
It took all my willpower to not argue and I had to keep telling myself that I'm reaching my destination very soon and Eekean who was there alone was counting on me to accompany her.
45 wasted minutes of my youthful life later we got there, and my cab fare was 21 bucks (I came from Loyang) - which was surprisingly not as bad as I thought, although most of the credit goes to myself for being able to read a map.
I handed him a 50 dollar bill, which was the only kind I had - but seriously, it's not like I took a bloody $3 cab ride right? $29 in change in not too much to ask for what!
The bugger said, "WHY SO BIG? GOT SMALLER NOT?" in an accusing tone (apparently still petty that I made him drive through a dark area in his semi-blindness), and I told him no.
You have no idea what it took me to not say, "DON'T WANT IS IT, SUA!"
He took 20 seconds to count how much to give me back, so I told him, "You have to give me back $29."
He took out a stack of ample ten dollar notes and took the longest time humanly possible to count 2 ten dollar bills.
As a goodbye gift, he grumbled at me, "NEXT TIME YOU DON'T DO THIS, I CANNOT SEE YOU KNOW!"
And I literally had to bite my tongue to stop from responding, "CANNOT SEE DON'T FUCKING DRIVE LA!"
With a slam on his door I watched him drive off, at the speed of 10 km/hr.
I hope he knocks onto something on his way out.
I took down his license number, but I decided to be nice and let this pass. What do you think, though? Should I write to SMRT? Should I be nice to this old man, or be nice to the thousands of other people who could suffer the same fate as me?
I think I'd let it go, just hope that I don't get this sort of driver again. Seriously dude, so old don't drive la!
Alas! The very next day I got another bad cab experience.
This time, there was a small cockroach happily walking next to my seat and the cabbie gave me a piece of dubious wet cloth, and told me to murder the cockroach myself, if I would wish to.
I told him I was terrified that the roach might fly and flap me in the face, but he assured me baby roaches don't fly.
SO I KILLED IT.
I also killed a lizard (my tenth, I think). That story for another day. My life as an amazing cab-riding auntie.
AND I TELL YOU, I've encountered some really bad ones before!
But this one really karate-kicks the rest to his position of champion of all m******cking cab drivers (got to censor the vulgarities a bit since the advertorial is being run, will revert to normal vulgarities after this... Haha)
Okok, so Eekean invited me to a party at Ridout Road.
I had no idea where Ridout Road is, but I did know I was running late, so I called for a cab.
Before my called cab arrived I got a SMRT cab, thinking, woohoo, I just saved $4, it must be my lucky day!
I cancelled my call, and hopped on, not noticing that the sky turned pewter grey and lightning struck a nearby dove as a subtle ominous foreboding for me.
The Chinese uncle was ancient and raspily asked me, "Going where?"
I replied, "Ridout Road."
Rid-Out Road. I pronounced it this way.
He said "Huh? What?"
Ri-dout Road?
Still he doesn't know what the hell I am talking about.
I spelt it out for him.
By now he was rising his voice at me - apparently he is semi-deaf and can't hear my screams of Ridooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuut ROOOOOOOADDD!!!
I was very frustrated and asked him to give me the street directory and I will show him.
I SWEAR TO GOD THIS F***er must be older than Jesus himself: With all the grace of a slow-motion film, he took 10 whole seconds to reach to the newspaper-wrapped directory sitting innocuously on the dashboard in front of him, and told 10 seconds to pass it to me.
You would think the directory was a delicate endangered species of butterfly that will turn to dust at the slightest touch.
I snatched the book from him (I don't give a toot-toot-toot that he is damn old - I'm in a rush for time and if he can't give good service then I won't pay for the same price for his services, ok! Plus, he is completely unrepentent and rude!), and viciously flipped the pages.
There we go, on blessed page 146, Ridout Road.
I gave him the book with the open page.
I have been cabbing for some time now, and whenever the same situation happens, the cab driver will usually just take the book from me and wait until a traffic stop to read the book, or else some of the more garang ones would just read it while still driving.
To my horror, however, this Ah Gua stopped his car at a bus stop that was JUST BEHIND A RED TRAFFIC LIGHT!
Cannot read the book while the traffic light is red meh? It's not Order of the Phoenix lor, 700 plus pages, need to read so long meh?
"Never mind," I told myself. "People old already, don't be so harsh."
As the meter ticked away, this old geezer took the book from me (once again, slow-motion film style), and put it on the seat next to him.
Then, to my horror, he took another 10 seconds to take out his spectacles from his stupid pocket and another 10 seconds to put on the glasses.
After inspecting this book for around 1 min, he announced irritatedly at me, "I CANNOT SEE LA." and he mumbled something about small words, as if I did a major wrong to him by asking him to read his own directory!
I ALMOST DIED ON THE SPOT CAN!
But by now it was too late to get on another cab coz it was peak hour and there was none!
Really boiling by now, I yelled at him, "THEN HOW WE GO IF YOU CANNOT READ IT?!"
He responded by keeping resolutely quiet.
The bus at the bus stop honked at him to get moving. I told him to get on the PIE first.
I felt a bit guilty after, so I tried to be nicer. I looked at the map, and thought Swettenham Road was a definite no-go, I said, loudly for his deafness,
"Pierce road? PIIIEERCCE Road you know how to go?"
Pierce was simple enough, I thought, vastly wrong.
"Er road?"
"No no, PIERCE."
He kept quiet once again.
CAN'T BE LOR WHERE GOT CAB DRIVER DUNNO WHAT IS PIERCE ROAD?
And how the ruddy hell am I supposed to describe pierce road to him better? I certainly don't know the Chinese name!
I wanted to say Holland Road, but I'm afraid he would bring me along some other way to the Holland Village area or something since Holland Road is so long, so I said Napier Road instead, which was the road that led to Holland Road.
After I told him "Napier Road", he replied,
"HUH? CHEER ROAD?"
CHEER ROAD LEH! Last thing I feel then was CHEER LOR!
UNCLE, YOU SUPER DUPER DEAF OR WHAT?
This uncle must really go for a spelling bee contest lor, he can be the comedy factor in the show.
Other 7 yr old kids spell N-A-P-I-E-R, he spell C-H-E-R CHEER!
AND WHERE GOT TAXI DRIVER DUNNO WHAT IS NAPIER ROAD ONE?!
As a last ditch attempt before I take over the driving myself (won't be that hard to knock out an old man and figure out how to operate a car), I said, "Dempsey Road, Dempsey road you know how to go?"
"Dimpsey?"
"Yes Dempsey road. You know?"
"Yes," he said, and for one moment he sounded like a helpless old man and I felt really bad for flaring up at him, so I just kept quiet and hoped to myself that he really knows where Dempsey road is.
We arrived at Holland road correctly (bless his wrinkly ass) and before he turned into Dempsey, I said with ample warning time, "Don't turn inside, next one then turn." (See map to understand)
He still attempted to turn into Dempsey, and when I screamed bloody murder, he tsk-tsked at me as if it is my fault leh!
Finally we turned into Pierce road - which was full of super big private houses and was quite dark like all private estate roads are.
Well, this old man obviously didn't know how to navigate himself so I have to navigate him right?
So I told him turn left here (repeated in Chinese too just in case), or turn right there - and increasingly he showed his displeasure by not signaling and turning with the speed of a retarded driving learner.
He lumbered on at 20 km/hr (I am not kidding, I could have gone faster on a bicycle), and when I asked him to turn again, he shouted hoarsely at me,
"YOU DON'T DO THIS TO ME AH, SO DARK, I CANNOT SEE VERY WELL!"
I DO THIS TO HIM?!?!?!?!
Wah I swear I almost whacked him on his head with my tamagotchi can! Next time before I get on cabs I'd go buy a lump of char siew just to whack these horrible cab drivers with. They literally won't know what just hit them.
It took all my willpower to not argue and I had to keep telling myself that I'm reaching my destination very soon and Eekean who was there alone was counting on me to accompany her.
45 wasted minutes of my youthful life later we got there, and my cab fare was 21 bucks (I came from Loyang) - which was surprisingly not as bad as I thought, although most of the credit goes to myself for being able to read a map.
I handed him a 50 dollar bill, which was the only kind I had - but seriously, it's not like I took a bloody $3 cab ride right? $29 in change in not too much to ask for what!
The bugger said, "WHY SO BIG? GOT SMALLER NOT?" in an accusing tone (apparently still petty that I made him drive through a dark area in his semi-blindness), and I told him no.
You have no idea what it took me to not say, "DON'T WANT IS IT, SUA!"
He took 20 seconds to count how much to give me back, so I told him, "You have to give me back $29."
He took out a stack of ample ten dollar notes and took the longest time humanly possible to count 2 ten dollar bills.
As a goodbye gift, he grumbled at me, "NEXT TIME YOU DON'T DO THIS, I CANNOT SEE YOU KNOW!"
And I literally had to bite my tongue to stop from responding, "CANNOT SEE DON'T FUCKING DRIVE LA!"
With a slam on his door I watched him drive off, at the speed of 10 km/hr.
I hope he knocks onto something on his way out.
I took down his license number, but I decided to be nice and let this pass. What do you think, though? Should I write to SMRT? Should I be nice to this old man, or be nice to the thousands of other people who could suffer the same fate as me?
I think I'd let it go, just hope that I don't get this sort of driver again. Seriously dude, so old don't drive la!
Alas! The very next day I got another bad cab experience.
This time, there was a small cockroach happily walking next to my seat and the cabbie gave me a piece of dubious wet cloth, and told me to murder the cockroach myself, if I would wish to.
I told him I was terrified that the roach might fly and flap me in the face, but he assured me baby roaches don't fly.
SO I KILLED IT.
I also killed a lizard (my tenth, I think). That story for another day. My life as an amazing cab-riding auntie.
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Ptown is more crowded for Carnival this year, and there are a lot of hunky men running around everywhere. I took this picture of Ralph as we were checking out the men standing outside the Boatslip, where you could find us nearly everyday for tea dance, enjoying all the shirtless mens.
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