Honk if You Love Jesus

When I was growing up in Wakarusa, I attended the Wakarusa Missionary Church. One of the church members owned a trucking company called, "PTL Trucking." PTL of course stood for "Praise the Lord" and the company logo was a picture of two hands folded in prayer. During church services he would often stand to talk about how he was spreading the word of God across the country and how other truckers would come up to him at truck stops to ask him about Jesus. If I remember correctly, I think he ended up going bankrupt, losing his trucking business and his farm. I also think he cheated on his wife with a married woman. Another example of a religious hypocrite from my home town.

Anyway, when I was driving from Memphis to Mississippi, the semi pictured above nearly ran me off the road when he moved into my lane. I got up right behind him to see if there was a "How am I Driving" number to call, and saw the graphic on the top left. It details the two paths in life, the narrow road to Jesus on the left and the wide road to "pleasure and greed" on the right. I have been on both "roads" in my life and feel there is not a big difference between the two, except one has a lot of rules and an imaginary friend to take along on your journey. I just wish God-fearing Christians wouldn't try so hard to get others to walk that road when they can't even stay on it themselves.
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Love that Dolly!

Forget about Obama or Hillary, and especially John McCain. I say, "Vote Dolly Parton for President!!!" Her video for "Better Get to Livin" includes a hilarious Amy Sedaris and for 62, Dolly looks amazing. Freakish, but amazing.
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Hot for Teacher

My friend Joe is a high school math teacher. One of his students offered him some fashion advice which I have posted above. Apparently, black is out and bright colors are in. My favorite advice from this student is tip #4. Hilarious!
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Miscellaneous stuff

I am back from Langkawi, people.

Omg so irritating!!!

MSN is being fucked up right now, so I cannot sign into BOTH MSN Live Messenger AND the old lao pok Windows Messenger!!

And I NEED TO COMPLAIN!!

Recently it seems that a lot of people are starting to play on Viwawa.com, a site that allows people to play online Mahjong (among other things) with the other frustrated people who also cannot find MJ kakis in real life (or are unwilling to travel out of house to play MJ, etc).

The problem with MJ is, besides the fact that people slowly start to play bigger and bigger until it starts to become a liability, is that MJ, being a game where money is involved afterall, BRINGS OUT THE WORST IN PEOPLE.

If somebody just threw a Zhong and you throw a Zhong next round only to pay for a 5 tai limit, there is nothing funny about it. Or, if you want to win a 5 tai limit only to have the guy in front of you win your winning card first, that is enough to send the best-tempered of us up in fury.

If those are not enough, perhaps you can try my faithful MJ situation: Throw what draw what. Awesome.

SO.

Online MJ is better in this sense, because you only feel a tad annoyed as there is no money involved anyway, and you don't have to face other people's tempers.

Unfortunately, this also means that you are playing with fucking idiots most of the time, because fucking idiots are everywhere.

Ok la, actually to be fair I think most people playing Viwawa are quite ok, except a handful.

This is one conversation I had with a girl. (From what I remember of course)

Stupidly enough, when I first joined (with Wanyi's urging) I didn't know my user id would be shown to everyone whom I play MJ with, so I chose XIAXUE.

Naturally, that is not the wisest choice, although it is indeed a good conversation starter - not that I wanna converse with these people most of the time.


Stupid girl: Xiaxue?

Me: Yeah?

SG: Is that your real name or are you just copying that bitch?


- She apparently never considered it an option that it could really be me.-


Me: Eh... It's my real name. Very unfortunate to share with her.

SG: Oh. Good. I don't like her.

Me: Why?

SG: No reason. I don't know also leh. I just don't like lor.


(Chao CB don't like people also must have at least a reason right? At least she say she don't like my face also better than this rubbish.)


Me: OK.

SG: She's a bitch man.


(Continue insulting me somemore! Lao niang never saw her in my life and never did anything to her!)



- After another 10 mins of peaceful playing with mundane chatting -



SG, asking table in general: How old are you guys?

Me: I'm 24 this year.

SG: I'm 17. (Juvenile idiots...)

SG, continues: Anyone here from SP?

Me: I was from SP last time.

SG: Oh! So what are you doing now?

Me: What if I told you I am blogging for a living?



- There was a pregnant 3 sec pause -




SG: I suppose that's possible.


OMG SHE IS SO FUCKING RETARDED SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT?! HOW MANY FULL-TIME BLOGGERS ARE THERE FROM SP NICKNAMED XIAXUE?!




At this point, this other guy from the table who has been quietly listening to this conversation decided it's time to burst out of his shy shell.


Other Guy from table: WAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA SHE IS THE XIAXUE YOU HATE!!!

Stupid girl: ... (she keep doing these dots. You can see that she can clearly express herself very well)


- There was another pregnant pause. -


OGFT: So Xiaxue, how's your nose?

Xiaxue: Good good... One year already!

SG: ...


(OGFT and I chat and ignore the dotting retard)


SG: You are not Xiaxue.

Me: really? Why?

SG: For one your English is not so good.

Me: What?! English here not good or on the blog not good?

SG: Here not good.

Me: I am chatting why would I use perfect English here?!?!?

SG: And for 2, you are too nice.

Me: ??? I am nice to people who are nice to me and mean to people who are mean to me la! Everyone is what!!

SG: ...

SG, continues: You are confirm not Xiaxue.

Me: Ok. (Little fucker slut trying to tell me what I am and what I am not!)

SG: Xiaxue would never use such a lame user pic. (If I didn't know she hated me I'd think she's my greatest fan...)

Me: What?! I think my user pic totally looks like me.







Now for those of you who don't know, Viwawa allows all their users to create a little avatar doll that looks like what I showed. You can change her (or his) hair, eyes, clothes etc. Everyone's doll looks more or less the same with different colours and features.



SG screeched.



SG: NO IT DOES NOT!


I finally understood how it feels like to be all "..." because I was literally speechless.


Me, a little impatiently and indignantly: Why does it not? I have blonde hair and I'm tan and I totally have that dress in real life!!

SG: ...



And with that last "..." she left the mahjong room highly agitated.


Just now, I got another irritating online MJ kaki. By this time I've learnt my lesson, decided against using Xiaxue and created another account.



Me: Fucking MSN is not allowing me to sign in again!

Another stupid person: Oei!!!


(I ignored her)


ASP: No fowl language please! (And yes she spelt it this way)

Me: Why? Are you underaged?

ASP: No. Mother of 2.

Me: Oic. Well... Are your kids sitting on your lap now reading what I say?

ASP: Nope.

Me: Then I don't see what the problem is.

ASP: Keep it clean please.

Me: Stop being a prude and telling people what to do.



And with that I leave the room. And I cannot go on MSN to complain to people, so here I am blogging!! WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF??! There are so many fucking retards around I tell you!!

I SAY FUCK WHENEVER I WANT!!!! ROARRRRRR!!

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!


Irritating la! I fucking hate all these moralistic high browed fuckers.

I don't care if you think foul language is a no-no for your freaking children, but there are people in this world who are not living their lives for your kids ok! If you don't want your kids to hear foul language, I'm sorry, but the only way is to dig out his eardrums lor!! If I don't say, then his fucking classmates will to anyway, what's the big fucking deal?!

And besides, the fucking kids are not even looking at the monitor or what! It's not like I am saying FUCK to her kids' faces!!

AND WHAT IS WITH THE MOTHER OF TWO BULLSHIT?!


JUST BECAUSE YOU SPREAD YOUR LEGS TWICE FOR YOUR HUSBAND TO SHOOT HIS SPERM INSIDE YOU AND THEN GAVE BIRTH DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHTS TO DEMAND ANYTHING FROM ANYONE OK?!?! In fact, it only makes you a mother, not MY mother!

Annoying leh these people!!

I'm gonna abruptly change topic and ask you all to check out the new videos from Click Network.


XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE



Thinking of not looking like a whale anymore?? Yet, you are so lazy and your hands seem to, on their own accord, steal all your friends' KFC chicken skins when they are not looking? LOOK NO FURTHER!! Acupuncture might be the solution for you!!

Or you can just get a sadistic pleasure out of watching me get poked by needles.


CHICK VS DICK



Love spicy food?? Bet you still can't beat either of these crazy people, as Paul Twohill and Kaykay go on a rampage to find out who can conquer that deceivingly small chilli padi. Among other very, very spicy stuff. *shudders*


p/s: I've got my Langkawi trip's photos to edit so I'll update with all the photos as soon as possible. Langkawi was awesome!!! And I am super tan now!! Comments not allowed.
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F&*king Each Other Over


First Sarah Silverman sang about her affair with Matt Damon.



Then Jimmy Kimmel sang about his affair with Ben Affleck.

Both are pretty funny, but I think Jimmy wins the bitch off.
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I Love Tina Fey!

Thanks Corey!
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SUICIDE GIRLS and UTNE READER (didn't even KNOW her!)

My latest article for Suicide Girls went up this morning. Who knows what sort of response this one will invite. Not me, that's for sure.

If you pick up the latest issue of UTNE READER (March-April 2008, with that guy from 40 Year Old Virgin on the cover) I don't just have an article in the mag, the title they've given to the article appears on the front cover. Gosh. Nobody told me this was happening, of course. I just found out when a friend of mine who reads the magazine congratulated me on it. This is how the world of being a writer works. The piece itself is an edited excerpt from Sit Down and Shut Up (see ad to your left). It's on page 76.

Remember I'll be starting my class at Karuna Yoga on March 9th (Sunday) at 8 AM. Details and a map are linked to the posting below this one.

Again, those of you in the Atlanta area may want to know about the retreat I'll be leading at the Atlanta Soto Zen Center. That happens February 29th - March 2nd. Should be fun. If you like staring at walls for a very long time.

Also April 25 - 27 I'll be leading a retreat at Southern Dharma Retreat Center in North Carolina. So don't y'all forget about that.

And on May 4th, 0DFx plays at the Kent Stage in Kent, Ohio in commemoration of the 38th anniversary of the infamous shootings by the National Guard.
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Update on My House Project

When the construction crew were taking down the walls in my kitchen, they were surprised to find the only thing separating my kitchen and my neighbor Ethel's kitchen were these wooden slats and a thin layer of plaster. They accidentally poked a hole in the plaster so now you can see Ethel working away in her kitchen. Sorry Ethel.

When they ripped up the kitchen floor to rerun the gas and plumbing, they were shocked to find that the joists for the floor were supported by a pile of bricks and 2x4s. You can see one of the 2x4s in the upper right, it is not even touching the ground. Needless to say, we will now be pouring concrete and putting in new joists.

A new addition to the plans was to widen the opening (sounds dirty) to my deck to put in French doors. I am also now knocking down the wall between the stairs and the entrance to this room that leads to the deck. The new deck will be a room to itself with walls and a roof that lets sunlight come in, yet provides more privacy.

My master suite on the 3rd floor is the furthest along. This is a picture of my bathroom, with the shower in the back next to the vanity. The drawers in front will have mirror on top where I can give myself the once over after walking out of my closet to the right. I can not wait until its done!
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KARUNA YOGA CLASS

I keep forgetting to hype my class at Karuna Yoga here on this page. On March 9, 16 and 23 (which are all Sundays) I'm going to be teaching a class starting bright and early at 8 AM. The class will start with 30 minutes of Zazen, followed by an hour long lecture and discussion about Dogen's Genjo Koan. Of course, as things go with me, what starts off as a talk about Genjo Koan could range anywhere from an examination of issues involved in PTSD and Zen, to a deep philosophical discussion of Godzilla Vs. Megalon. Karuna Yoga is in the very cool Los Feliz section of Los Angeles at 1939 1/2 Hillhurst Avenue, just north of Franklin, zip code 90027.

Also, those of you in the Atlanta area may want to know about the retreat I'll be leading at the Atlanta Soto Zen Center. That happens February 29th - March 2nd. Should be fun. If you like staring at walls for a very long time.

Also April 25 - 27 I'll be leading a retreat at Southern Dharma Retreat Center in North Carolina. So don't y'all forget about that.

And on May 4th, 0DFx plays at the Kent Stage in Kent, Ohio in commemoration of the 38th anniversary of the infamous shootings by the National Guard.

Somebody wrote me saying they were going to make a special trip up to Santa Monica on March 1st to see me at Hill Street Center. I can't find your e-mail anymore! There will be a Zazen class that day at Hill Street Center, but I won't be there because I'll still be in Atlanta and I haven't quite mastered bi-location yet.

Does anyone out there have MP3's of the band OM's new album Pilgrimage? I bought the vinyl and the copy I got is flawed so it skips several times on the first track on side 2. I bought the bastard up in Ventura, almost 2 hours drive up the coast, so taking it back for a replacement is gonna be pretty daunting. I'm really grooving on the record, too. Here's an MP3 provided by the band's record label as a taster. LAZARUS!!
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Chicago is My Kind of Town

I checked into the W Chicago Lakeshore yesterday for a work trip, and was met with this view of the Lake Michigan from my hotel room. I love Chicago, and if it was not for the bitter winters, I could see myself living there.

Later that night, I went to see the musical, "Wicked" at the Ford Center for the Performing Arts. There is something magical about old theaters, and the Ford Center does not disappoint.



As for Wicked, it was better than I thought it would be. The sets, choreography, special effects, and staging help make up for a weak book and score. As for the audience, I wanted to slap them around because several of them were talking, coughing, and eating candy loudly. Is it not possible for people to be respectful of live performances anymore?

As I left the theater, I saw a bunch of people standing around a block away so I walked over to check it out. Mind you, it was 10 pm and about 5 degrees, so I thought it had to be something good. I was so wrong. What would possess people to stand in the bitter cold to watch a local news broadcast. I just don't get it.
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Win $10,000 cash and a chance to be on the cover of FHM!

Advertorial



Ladies, Munkysuperstar Pictures is casting for a brand new Channel 5 TV show looking for the ultimate superbabe and FHM cover girl!

If you think you have what it takes, please email casting@munkysuperstar.com with your name, age, contact number, occupation, and a recent photo of yourself.

Auditions for the show are ongoing till March 2nd, 2008.


REQUIREMENTS

  • Between 18 - 30 years old

  • Attractive

  • Outspoken

  • Most importantly: look great in a bikini!



Please spread the word and forward this to everyone you know; you might actually see one of them on TV in the future!

Jetting Off

How lucky am I?

I'm jetting off today via Silkair to Langkawi for a short trip!

It's 1056am now as I am typing this, and I haven't slept yet coz I played overnight MJ, haha... I woke up at 5pm.

Yesterday I woke up at 9pm and went to White Sands to collect a parcel at 11am (haven't sleep yet obviously).

I brought a burger into the cab on the way home, and the cab driver was like, "WAH... Your breakfast ah?!"

Tired beyond words, I just said yeah to un-complicate things, since the burger was actually more like my... supper?

And the Cab Uncle commented, "Wah! So late then eat breakfast? Almost lunch already!"

-_-

Is it so unfathomable that some people sleep (extremely) late?

SO ANYWAY!!!

I'm going off on a SPONSORED TRIP for an advertorial!!! All thanks to the lovely, lovely, NUFFNANG!! (Which I support 100% btw - do check out their site for their BDAE freebies!!)

Qihua is going with me (since Mike can't get off), and there is nothing better than a trip that is not only free but actually pays you money!! Awesome.

I'm gonna go sleep now, so I'll update whenever I can. I'm bringing my lappie with me!

Luv luv!!
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Wakarusa Justice

Shortly before I moved to DC, a 16 year-old girl that lived on my county road in Wakarusa went missing. Her name was Kari Nunemaker and she lived less than two miles from my parent's home. Kari and her friend Beth were leaving the YMCA in Elkhart on January 28, 1991, after watching a couple of soccer games. Beth drove separately while Kari dropped off a boy she was with at a McDonald's. Kari was planning on meeting Beth at another McDonald's but was stopped by a train on her way and never made it to the restaurant.

Two days later, Kari's maroon 1982 Chevy Celebrity was found in an alley. Eight days later, her frozen body was found nude, strangled and sexually assaulted along a county road. One of the original suspects was the boy she was with that night. According to Elkhart County police, his version of events had some inconsistencies, and he showed deceptiveness on a polygraph.

The other suspect was Fred Mott, who is currently serving time in a California prison for rape, but was out on parole and living in Elkhart at the time of Kari's murder. Kari had blonde hair and blue eyes like Mott's other victims. DNA tests at the time were unable to produce a match, but with advances in DNA technology, police retested the samples in 2005 and arrested Mott.

The trial has been big news at home, because there is really nothing else going on there. According to trial testimony, Mott approached Kari's car as she waited for the train to pass, overpowered her, jumped into the car, and drove her back to his apartment where he brutally raped her. A married couple living in the apartment building heard a girl screaming and knocked on Mott's door to ask if someone needed help and were told by Mott that everything was fine.

Given Mott's previous convictions, his fondness for young, blonde, blue-eyed girls, the DNA evidence, and the emotional testimony, Mott was convicted of her murder on February 2. I am certain that her parents are relieved and so is David Swartzentruber, Kari's friend that who was with her that night and was a suspect until the DNA pointed to Mott. Kari's parent's have long thought that David raped and killed their daughter, and I could not imagine David having to live with that for 17 years. I just hope they can all move on.
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Sweater Gem Leslie Hall


A few years ago, I stumbled upon Leslie Hall's Sweater Gem website. I thought it was hilarious and decided that Leslie Hall was absolutely brilliant.

Then about a year ago, my friend Tom sent me a YouTube video of a big girl rapping in a gold lame body suit and I loved it. I watched it several times before I figured out that it was the same woman. Now I was hooked. I could not stop checking out her website and videos.

So, when Tom told me that she was coming to DC9 for a concert on Saturday night, I just had to go meet her. I was not disappointed because she rocked the party hard. If you have a chance to go see her, you should really try and catch her show. She is excellent live and her confidence and humor really got the crowd going strong. You rock Leslie Hall!







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Mexico vs. DC

The view from my window in Mexico.

The view from my window in DC.
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Las Ventanas al Paraiso





















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Cabo Road Trip

Marc and I rented a convertible Mini-Cooper and drove around Los Cabos. On our way out of Cabo San Lucas, we saw this nightclub, which had a female stripper climbing into a martini glass. Stay classy Cabo!

We drove from Cabo San Lucas to a small town on the Pacific side called Todos Santos. Our butler at Las Ventanas, Armando suggested we shop there because it was less expensive than Los Cabos.

Todos Santos is a quaint artist colony town with several shops, boutique hotels, and nice restaurants. It had a very relaxed vibe with traditional Mexican architecture.

I thought this family represented old and new Mexico. The grandmother in traditional clothes and the granddaughter in trendy youth clothes.

We walked over to the edge of town to see what I thought would be a beautiful view of the countryside into the ocean and this is what we saw. Talk about a letdown, but it made me laugh.

On the drive home, we pulled off from the main road to check out the views. The dirt road was in good condition when we started, but after a bit the road deteriorated and we were kicking up quite a bit of dust.


You can see Marc wiping the dust from his mouth and face in this picture after getting out of the convertible. I thought the view was worth the trouble, but I am not so sure Marc agreed with me on that.

It was the perfect way to end a great day of shopping, eating, and driving around Baja California. I would love to build a house on the spot where we stopped, so I could enjoy this view every night.
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Cabo Marc











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SEX ABUSE AND ZEN or MAKING AN ASS OUT OF YOU AND ME

Assumption is a huge part of reading. It’s impossible for any writer to communicate his or her whole life to you. And anyway you wouldn’t want to hear about their painful bowel movement following last night’s Indian dinner or the new toothbrush they just bought at the 99 cent store. Or maybe you would if the writing was really superb. But even if they told you that, they’d be leaving out a whole lot of other stuff.

When you read someone’s writing you fill in what the writer leaves out either with your own personality or with your imagined version of that writer’s personality. Reading the comments section of this blog gives me a sense of the imagined version of me that’s coalescing around the things I write. It’s kind of fascinating because it’s so vastly unlike the kind of person I am. Seeing this has caused me to drop my own tendency to imagine what the writers I like to read are really like. I just don’t know. Dropping that imagined voice of the writer has actually allowed me to enjoy a wide range of writing in a much more satisfying way.

Taking the last piece I put up on this page as an example, all I really gave you was a photo and a very brief description of the events surrounding when it was taken. From that little snippet, several people invented fascinating worlds of debauchery, insecurity, infidelity and all kinds of other juicy stuff. None of it was real. Yet our own thought inventions are very compelling to all of us and we often get completely lost in them.

When you see someone taking action that you cannot understand it may be best not to assume too much. It’s a big waste of time, effort and energy to do so anyway.

I decided today to try and explain publicly a very small degree of what’s been going on in my life lately that has led to me doing some things I’ve been writing about. Once you finish reading this, you won’t really know much more than you did before and you will fill in what you don’t know with various assumptions of your own. That’s OK. I only ask you to be aware of the fact.

When I write about going to a strip club or to a party for the Suicide Girls, a lot of people fill in their own details about why I went there. They assume I was there to get my rocks off, to party hardy, to indulge in debauchery and filth. I won’t try to convince you that’s not the case because, I’m really sorry, but I just don’t care what you think. It’s not worth my time, effort and energy. You’ll probably even think that I’m writing this piece because I want to convince you of something. You’ll make a whole lot of assumptions and you’ll believe them absolutely. There’s no point in my trying to change that.

But I would like to start talking about something that’s become very important to me and the snippy self-righteously holy little tirades I’ve been seeing in the comments section here allow me a convenient “in” to bringing this stuff up.

My work with Suicide Girls over the past year and a half or so has opened my eyes to a lot of aspects of our culture that I hadn’t been aware of before. One of those things is the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse and its impact. In the past year I’ve heard some truly heartbreaking stories from remarkable women. Not all of them have been SG’s. But the fact that I write for Suicide Girls has made some of these people far more comfortable with telling me their stories.

In fact, the theme of sexual abuse survivors has recurred a number of times in my Zen practice. One of the members of the first sangha I was part of was a sex abuse survivor. But I was too young and full of myself to be of any help to her.

I’m starting to think a lot lately about the many issues involving zazen practice as a means of confronting the issues sex abuse survivors have. Of course, zazen is good from pretty much whatever ails you. But there are some specific aspects of the practice that sex abuse survivors might want to be aware of should they get involved in zazen.

One of the interesting issues from my own standpoint as a Zen teacher is how incredibly hard it is for someone with these kinds of issues to talk to a meditation teacher. Meditation teachers are generally very straight-laced, sexually repressed people. Even when a specific meditation teacher is not that kind of person, the aura of holiness that surrounds them can be very off-putting for people who need to talk about rather unusual aspects of their sex lives. Many sex abuse survivors have rather non-standard sex lives, not just because they've suffered abuse, but that the abuse they've suffered has made it difficult to interact sexually the way so-called "normal" people do. As a result a lot of people who could use a bit of what meditation has to offer will never approach it because of the mistaken impression that they are somehow too “dirty” to be involved in such lofty things. This is sad.

Of course, this doesn’t just apply to sex abuse survivors. I, myself, would have found Zen utterly unapproachable if I hadn’t come across someone like my own first Zen teacher who was not afraid to curse and fart and offend nice people. Though I’m not an abuse survivor myself, I too had assumed I was far too “dirty” for the kind of purity required to do what I saw as pure and holy activities like meditation. I will be forever grateful to Tim McCarthy and all his vile jokes.

I’m going to try to start writing about these issues in the form of a blog in the hope that it will generate material that I’ll eventually be able to digest and put into the form of a book. Because I’m taking this approach, the blog will be pretty experimental and I expect I’ll find myself taking some wrong steps and following a few blind alleys. But I believe this is necessary.

Since this stuff is a little different from what I established the Hardcore Zen blog to do, I’ve started a blog called The Porno Buddhist to address these topics. Who knows if I’ll be able to keep two blogs going at once. We shall see…
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Paradise

Marc and I stayed in Suite 102 at Las Ventanas with a private pool, hot tub, outdoor shower, jacuzzi, and oceanfront views. It was absolute paradise.

This was our view from the patio surrounding the pool. The sun glistening off the water and the sunsets were stunning.

My favorite item in the room was the telescope. We used it to check out the stars, moon, migrating whales, and people as they walked on the beach. Whenever someone stared at us and pointed from the beach, we would walk to the telescope and stare and point back. That got them to leave us alone every time.













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