You Awards (On sticky)

Advertorial

You know, I've thought that I have a really cute butt, but there seems to be no contest for me to join to show off my ... erm... favourite asset! Perhaps you also suffered the agony of braces for years and want more than praises for your teeth? Or perhaps you have a really toned physique and you think you deserve more than just appraising looks for it?

Well congrats then coz it is Watsons' annual YOU AWARDS, the award that's all about you! And you can actually win money for looking good!




Watson came up with a grand total of 8 categories for people to pit against each other! No 'butt' category, but they do have:


Healthy Hair
for hair that gives you confidence throughout the day

Fit Figure
for the body that is taut, toned and full of energy.

Flawless Face
for a face made amazing with make-up magic

Healthy Skin
for a skin that glows with health and radiance

Friendly Face (Female)
for the face that speaks the universal language of friendship

Friendly Face (Male)
for the face that speaks the universal language of friendship

Sunny Smiles
for the smile that lights up the room when you walk in

Sporty Physique
for the body that loves exercise and the great outdoors



So many!

With 8 different awards it's much easier to win isn't it? Honestly, just pick whatever you think has the least people join and go join it! OK I can't decide which one that is... I guess less people have fit figures? But I can't join that...

Ahem. Anyway, to entice you to read on I have to let you know the amazing prizes!



Wait for it...



Wait...




$2,000 for the winner of each category

PLUS


1 year modeling contract for Glow magazine

PLUS


1 year's supply of the sponsors' products!




Great prizes or what!

And to register is surprisingly easy! Check out the simple registation page here.

All you have to do is to keep a Watsons receipt (any amount will do!) and fill up the form by telling Watsons why you think your feature is unique in 400 words or less.

And then post up 2 photos of yourself! Easy right?


Now, just because I'm a Know-it-all like that, here's some pointers on how I think you can have a better chance of winning 2 categories... Flawless Face and Sunny Smiles!!


First, dress up in nice clothes and preferably a noticeable accessory! First step to being shortlisted is to be noticed!! (Mine is the hairband)

You have to put make up though, being bare-faced is obviously lame for a make-up contest.


Ugly without make-up

Everyone who knows me knows I've been using ZA's two way cakes ever since I was 13! It has always been my favourite!

Recently Andie introduced to me Revlon's awesome liquid soft-flex foundation and it has officially joined my make up family!

It's really, really cool! The foundation has a crazy magic formula that lets it stay on your face for HOURS AND HOURS. The texture is a little like... deodorant. You know how when you put deodorant you can't really 'rub' it off? It's like that! But powdery!

And miraculously enough it doesn't ever (EVER) let your t-zone shine, no matter how oily your skin is. Marvellous.

However, I don't like the colour as much as I do ZA's powders, so I do a mixture of Revlon on T-zone and Za all over.


(And btw these are really my own opinions Revlon is totally not paying me to say this)


Put a little on your sponge just like that.



Spread it evenly... Apply ZA...

And your base is done!



Glam up your peekers with loads of mascara!


On my lower lashes - Loreal's lash fibres and Rimmel's mascara as the second coat because it's a nice shade of brown.

And my eyes are done!


Next step is for Sunny Smiles!

First you go brush your teeth real clean!!!


And then...





Remember to apply lip colour because nobody wants to see pale and cracked lips!


You can cam-whore while you are at it:







There! You are all ready to take photos! First for your Flawless Face Award...

Have a few for selection.

You can try the classic act chio pose...



Or I'd suggest a pose more special so that you get noticed!



Like this? :D


And as for the Sunny Smiles Award...



Just make sure you are feeling really happy when you are taking it, because a smile can always reach your eyes, and those are the best kind of smiles!


Now that you've got your photos, make sure the pictures you have are clear, sharp and bright!

Then you can send them in HERE.

Recruitment is open from now till June 10th only so hurry!


AND WAIT!

If you are not interested to join in the contest, you can still join in the fun by voting!

Voters also get prizes! The 8 lucky voters who correctly vote for the correct category winners will stand to win attractive product hampers each worth up to $50 in value and a $100 Watsons Voucher!

However, voting only starts on the 18th of June so there's a long way to go.


If you are joining, Good luck! =D


ZAZEN IN A NOISY ROOM


My friend Svetlana lives in a small apartment with two roommates. She's a regular practitioner of zazen. So she asked me about a situation she'd encountered a few days ago.

Right at the time she'd set aside for her zazen practice, her roommates decided to start watching episodes of Family Guy in the adjacent room. There was no way to escape the noise. And to add even more misery, Svetlana is a fan of Family Guy and they were watching episodes she hadn't seen.

Still, she decided to do her zazen anyway. But she wanted to ask me what I thought of that.

I can totally relate! I used to have to do my zazen with the Zen Luv Assassins rehearsing with all amplifiers turned to 11 in the basement -- trying to work out a version of "She Said, She Said" without taking into account that the middle section is in 3/4 time. They just kept falling apart every time they got to the "When I was a boy" section. As the pirate with the steering wheel sticking out of his crotch said, "Arrrr, it was driving me nuts!"

Yet I kept on sitting, not just through that, but through countless other distraction -- noisy roommate arguments, noisy roommate sex, buses, trains and aeroplanes, you name it, I have probably done zazen through it!

At one of my stops on my recent tour some guy kept asking me about, like, if you're sitting and a plane flies overhead you lose your concentration. I kept telling him it didn't matter. He kept pressing the question. I don't know if I ever managed to convince him that zazen was still zazen even if you got distracted.

We are not trying to "establish one-pointed concentration" or whatever else some meditation teachers in other religions try and go for. It's still zazen even if you're doing it on a noisy playground at recess time.

Of course you should try and find the quietest spot possible. If you can wait for your roommates to finish watching Family Guy or talk them into using headphones that would always be better. And, to answer another F.A.Q., no, you cannot "do zazen to music." Meaning, you should not deliberately introduce distractions or entertainment into your practice. But sometimes the quietest spot you can find isn't very quiet. That doesn't mean you should neglect the practice. There is still some benefit to be had even if you have to do your zazen among all sorts of noise and distractions.

One of the strangest distractions I've had to deal with comes from Zen teachers who think it's necessary to provide entertainment for people who are sitting. There's a tradition called "kusen" in which the teacher gives a dharma talk during sitting. I hate that! I also hate it when they beat drums and ring bells unnecessarily during practice in a misguided attempt to ape certain misguided traditions present in misguided temples in Japan.

But you deal with what you gotta deal with.

OK. That's my sermon for the day. Now it's off to the salt mines to try and write some material for my next book. See ya!

P.S. By the way, I guess it wasn't the Jerry Rubin who came to that rally the other day. There is a politician here in Santa Monica named Jerry Rubin who is just about the right age, right "look" and right political affiliation (he lists himself on ballots as "Peace Activist Jerry Rubin") to be the Jerry Rubin and really seems to make no great effort to let people know he's not the Jerry Rubin.
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GAY MARRIAGE again...

Before I forget, there is Zazen tomorrow (May 30th) at Hill St. Center. I just updated the page about it & realized I had not listed that date. Sorry!

A funny thing happened. I looked at the comments to the most recent posting and it was a pleasant experience. The comments were mostly intelligent, even funny. Maybe I should look in there more often. So I thought I'd run with the whole gay marriage thing for just a bit longer.

In response to a couple of those who commented; I don't think Japan is free from anti-homosexual prejudice and I don't think gay marriage is a completely trivial issue.

I've never really studied Japan's attitude towards homosexuality. But I was surrounded by that nation's attitudes towards everything for 11 years. What I've gleaned is mostly through interested observation rather than study. The main thing I wanted to point out is that gay bashing is pretty well non-existent in Japan. Homosexuality has never been regarded as sinful behavior there. There is no history of people being burned alive for the crime as there is in Europe. There is no precedent for shunning homosexuals or beating them up.

Which is not to say everything is open and free either. It's just that what prejudice does exist (and it does exist) comes from a very different place, and is expressed far more mildly. But if you really want to know the details there are certainly better sources than me!

As far as the importance of the issue, I agree it is a civil rights matter. I heard one person here in California say that a good compromise would be to just make all marriage -- gay or straight -- illegal. It's an interesting proposition.

One argument you hear a lot in California is that homosexuals are already allowed to enter into legally recognized domestic unions with most (though not all) of the same rights and privileges as marriage. Again, I am a poor source of information on this. Still it seems the main thing that supporters of same-sex marriage want is for their unions to be recognized by the state as marriages.

It's certainly fine by me.

I don't know if I really understand the anti-same-sex-marriage argument. It certainly doesn't seem to be well presented in the media here. The stories I read in the LA Times over the past few days don't do much to explain the reasons anyone would want to keep same-sex marriage illegal.

The opponents of Proposition 8 (which made same-sex marriage unconstitutional) largely characterize the supporters of Prop 8 as being hateful. I don't think that's really fair. There must be something else...

Now here's where I'll get myself in trouble. Cuz I went to that pro-same-sex marriage rally the other day and, frankly, what I saw there made me sorta kinda maybe understand why people oppose same-sex marriage. Much of the rally seemed almost as if it were calculated to annoy anyone who would be opposed to same-sex marriage. I know it wasn't. But if it had been consciously designed to annoy them it could not have done a better job. Because, and may Jesus have mercy on my soul for admitting this, it sort of annoyed me. And I support same-sex marriages!

Dig. You had parents come up on stage with their children saying, "I want to teach my little girl that if she wants to marry a girl when she grows up, she can." You had a pair of 14 year old girls saying they wanted Prop 8 overturned so they could be married when they grew up. You had high school boys pledging their love for one-another and dancing together. And you had Jerry Rubin, for God's sake! Jerry Rubin!

All of this is exactly what scares the opponents of same-sex marriage. If they wanted to inflame the hearts and minds of their supporters they could just have video taped that rally and put it on YouTube without comment. Maybe they did!

Now, I believe everyone should have the right to live as they want to as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. But what these folks are fighting for is a to be recognized by the society as a whole as OK, safe, not threatening the established order. You can't win that kind of recognition by giving your opponents precisely what scares them the most.

This is an example of people being too idealistic. I'll say it again for anyone who can't read very well -- I support the rights of same-sex couples to legally wed. I want to see the law changed. But at the same time, the flaws in their approach are so glaringly obvious I can't comprehend how they cannot see them.

I don't have any suggestions, really. And even if I did, I don't think anyone's listening to me on this issue. But it was interesting to me to see the way an overly idealistic approach will always fail. These folks need to try and understand their opponents and make their opponents understand that they are not scary, freaky people (again, again, again, they are not scary or freaky to me, but it's not people like me they need to convince of that).

And that's all I want to say about that!
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1. First, the confession: I am a female, a virgin and I am 25.
2. My only boyfriend was when I was 12, and he kissed me on the check, twice.
3. I have only kissed one person on the lips, in a game of Truth or Dare. It was with someone I had a mild crush on at the time, but afterward I was disapointed - the only sensation was of wetness. I am still pissed off at the person who pushed me into playing for spoiling my crush.
4. The first 3 things make me very sad.
5. At random moments I will want to kiss someone so much I have to hold myself back from just grabbing them and doing it. Getting a whiff of a man's aftershave will sometimes trigger it, which is weird when I think about it because it's probably just some mass-produced stuff he got at the supermarket.
6. While totally appaling in every way, I find the idea of rape very interesting for some reason and construct little stories/scenarios around it when I daydream.
7. Sometimes I wish I could be raped so I would have an excuse for my complete lack of sexual activity.
8. I dip into my books randomly in order to read my favourite love and/or sex scenes over and over again.
9. It is only very rarely that I get turned on in any way by visual porn/erotica; most of the time I just have no reaction. I can appreciate the aesthetics (or not) but other than that, nothing. I think with porn the reality of an image cannot posibly compete with what the written word can conjure up in your own mind - speculation is always more arousing than facts. I don't know if this is just me, or if it's a female thing, or what.
10. It took me about a year to realise my vulva contained a clitoris and masturbation wasn't just about playing with the labia.
11. I can only use my right hand to masturbate.
12. I learned to come silently when masturbating as a teenager because my bed was right up against the wall of my sister's room.
13. I masturbate and come with fingers only as I have never owned any mechanical aids.
14. My BDSM fantasies have escalated in both extremes and complexity since I started on them as a teenager, from handcuffs to chastity belts. I wonder if there is any significance to the fact that many of the games I played with my Barbie dolls as a kid involved tying them up in various creative ways with my hair ribbons.
15. When I first started masturbating it could take me up to 45 minutes to come. Now my fastest is about 10 minutes. I find it fascinating that masturbating without fantasizing takes about twice as long.
16. I have researched stripping, prostitution and sensual massage as possible part-time work (though never taken any up) and have come to the conclusion that there is more work and less money involved than most people think.
17. I worry that my nipples are much bigger than other women's and are pulling my breasts out of shape; seriously, they're like the diameter of squash balls.
18. Karez was something the bohemian set did in the early 20th century: it was like an orgy, except that everyone wore underwear - so no sex - and just kissed and stroked and fondled each other in a fug of marijuana smoke for hours. It was very sensual, and I would like to try it.
19. I want to be a nude model for art classes but I can't find any that need one!
20. The last time someone asked me out was at a very stressful point in my life. I didn't find him particularly attractive, so I said no but I felt a bit guilty about it because he'd obviously had to work up to it, and that must have been the straw that broke the camel's back because for several months afterwards I had panic attacks every time I went near him and had to avoid him until they stopped.
21. Without exception, all the males in my life who I would like to date are already taken.
22. I would really like to own a neuraliser (like from 'Men in Black') so I could go and chat people up, and then if it didn't work out I could make them forget the whole conversation.
23. It is difficult to find worthwhile free porn on the internet, but even more difficult to find well-written porn.
24. I wish someone would teach me how to flirt and who are the good prospects.
25. I have never found any slang terms for genetalia that really satisfy me. 'Vagina' and 'Penis' are too anatomical, 'sex' and 'member' too vague, 'pussy' and 'dick' too crude, 'phallus' too formal. 'Cunt' might be OK if people didn't use it as a swear-word so much, but it's a little blunt.
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1. I have had 2 threesomes of the mfm variety and a mfmf. If you count having two women consecutively in the same bed then I have had a fmf but I don't count it.

2. I am immensely intrigued and turned on at the idea of opening our bedroom to other men, women, and couples.

3. I masturbate 4-5 times a week whether I am getting sex or not.

4. I went to a swinger bar in Las Vegas once and ended up fucking a woman in front of her husband. It was pretty creepy though because he seemed to be playing the part of the Director of the show and not at all focused on her pleasure. It made it hard for me to concentrate and enjoy her.

5. I also had sex with another woman one night for nearly 12 hours on and off (no pun intended) while taking turns with her husband. It was probably the most incredibly intense sex I have ever had.

6. When I was in college and my then girlfriend and now wife and I first started having sex, we had sex 5 times a day. We came to the point of not being able to any longer and I miss those days but realize they weren't practical.

7. The more sex I get the more I want, which terribly frustrates my wife, who assumes that since we just had sex I should be wanting for nothing, and for me it means I am wanting for her again.

8. I don't know what I would do if my wife did acquiesce to my idea of having a threesome or foursome. I think it would scare me but I think I'd do it it with no regrets.

9. I have always worried about the size of my equipment. This stems from years ago when my gf cheated on me and gave me a curable STD. When I confronted her about being so stupid about having unprotected sex she said she did use condoms all six times and they broke all 6 times because the guy was really large. The funny thing is that I have no worries about my size with other women and have never had any complaints. That gf incident happened 20 years ago.

10. I am a voyeur and exhibitionist to the hilt. I'd love to put a pen based camera in my bedroom and home and watch my wife masturbate because she won't do it in front of me. I wish she would be open with me and the fact that she isn't bugs me some days.

11. I have a friend who adores giving oral sex and wants nothing in return--in fact bars me from returning any of the favor. Once every couple of months I go by her house, have a couple of drinks with her, and then ask her to suck me. She does, we have another drink and then I go home.

12. When I am in public places I almost always fantasize about the women I see and wonder about them sexually.

13. I masturbated the first time in the bathtub. I found out about masturbation accidentally and I never looked back.

14. There are women to this day that I know I can exploit because they always have had crushes on me. I used that information to have sex with them but then feel really guilty afterwards.

15. My wife knows almost better than I do the type of women I like and dislike. I never need to explain someone as hot or not to her because she already knows.

16. We use toys with sex but never unless I get them out and use them with her. Also, I bought every last one of them.

17. I don't get blow jobs anymore unless I come right out and ask for them. Then it is never too completion.

18. We used to have sex while she was having her period but no more. I'd do it but she really isn't interested--I guess I don't push the issue because maybe I don't care.

19. I have a serious conflict in that my wife makes me very angry because she makes zero effort to create and maintain a sex life. I do it all.

20. I think I am pretty bizarre in my sexual tastes compared to my friends.

21. I wonder if I were run over by a bus tomorrow would people find all the pictures, correspondence, etc. that I have amassed on my "dark side," and if they did would they destroy them or would they become an embarrassment.

22. If I knew I could have a zero percent chance of getting caught I would maintain a fuck buddy with no intention of her changing her marital status and no intention of me changing mine.

23. I'd love to host an "Eyes Wide Shut" party sometime. It would never happen but it sounds like so much fun if the guest list were carefully selected.

24. I would love to sit down with my wife and hear every last one of the sexual escapades she remembers.

25. I feel a little better having unloaded these bits. There is nobody else in the world that knows this sort of stuff about me.
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1. I may come off sounding very naïve and inexperienced, and to some degree I am, but I feel that I am more knowledgeable and mature than most people my age, particularly regarding romantic relationships and sex.

2. I have never had vaginal intercourse. However, I do not consider myself a virgin.

3. I have kissed 4 people, and was in love with 2 of them. My first kiss was not until I was 18 and in college. My second kiss was at a party with a boy I had known all through high school and we were both immensely drunk.

4. I believe very much in the Kinsey scale, and I would rank myself as either a 2 or a 3, depending on the day.

5. My current boyfriend is my first “real” relationship, and he has been many other firsts for me. I love him very much, as a boyfriend and as a person.

6. I never thought I would ever be ok with performing oral sex on a man. I thought it would be disgusting and demeaning. However, my boyfriend, the first and only person I’ve done so with, was so accepting and wonderful that I enjoy it more than I thought possible.

7. I cannot imagine having sex without being in love. This may be a juvenile way of thinking, but I feel that sex is too intimate of an act to do it with just anyone.

8. I’ve always been uncomfortable with my own sexuality. This stems from childhood sexual abuse as well as not feeling safe enough within me to allow myself to experience normal, developing sexual feelings.

9. My boyfriend has helped me work through my feelings and insecurities and has not once pressured me to do things that I do not want to do.

10. I’ve found that my arousal is a lot more mental than it is physical. I think the main reason why my boyfriend turns me on so much is that I love him so much. I have never been attracted to a person without knowing them as a person first.

11. I fell in love with my best friend my first year of college. She and I became roommates and developed an odd relationship, which was very unhealthy and slightly obsessive. She went on to declare herself as straight, even though she had told me otherwise throughout the relationship, and becoming pregnant.

12. I find striptease to be very enticing and incredibly sexy. I like it even more when the person is not completely nude at the end, leaving the viewer with something left to imagine, hence the “tease” part.

13. Speaking of which, I love to tease my boyfriend. He knows this and now teases me until I’m writhing with desire. I would love to perform an actual striptease for him, but I’m not relaxed enough with my body and I don’t even know if I’d be able to do it without cracking up!

14. I am currently on several medications that lower my libido and my ability to orgasm. My boyfriend turns me on very much, so much so that I mere kiss can make me wet, but he cannot make me orgasm. I know that it is my fault, because he can bring me to the brink, but mentally, I can’t allow myself to climax. He does everything right and amazingly well, but my own psychological blocks are something I have yet to overcome.

15. I think virginity is overrated in our society. It is too highly valued. I think it is more important to do what you feel is right for yourself, and that virginity is given a worth that is not rightfully earned. Who you are and your worth as a person is not determined by your sexual history.

16. Physically, I think women are more attractive than men. Their bodies are much more aesthetically appealing to me.

17. I love dominating as well as being dominated. I think I would enjoy being dominant more if it weren’t so much work!

18. The idea of being tied up or otherwise restrained and then having the other person do whatever they wish with me is a huge turn-on for me.

19. I also enjoy the idea of being able to do what I wish to another person. Again, teasing comes in to play. I would bring them to the brink of orgasm repeatedly until they were ready to collapse with need.

20. I think humor is a very important part of sex. The noises and normal bodily functions that occur are funny, and my boyfriend has helped me appreciate this. The girl I fell in love with, mentioned in number 11, took it all way too seriously, which is why I was never very turned on by her.

21. She was also somewhat selfish and never listened to what I wanted or what felt good to me. She was determined to get inside of me and loved fingering, but it was very painful for me and I always made her stop very quickly, because she was impatient and never noticed that I wasn’t wet.

22. I am a pretty loud person in general, particularly when I get excited. This only increases during sexual acts.

23. I get chills when my boyfriend nibbles on or blows in my ear. I also quiver and spasm when he brings me close to orgasm.

24. I like rough, passionate lovemaking. Though I’ve never had technical sex, my boyfriend and I have done almost everything else, and it usually progresses from gentle and patient to fervent and demanding.

25. I refuse, absolutely with no exceptions, to have anal sex. My boyfriend likes to squeeze my bum cheeks, but nothing is to ever go near my anus. That is strictly exit only for me.
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Bali!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gonna go to Bali for a sponsored 4 day holiday! Lucky or what!

I've always want to go there but this is my virgin trip. *crazed smile*

I'm gonna be honest with you guys... Don't think I'd update the blog blog part of the blog, but for sure I'd update the Photo of the Moment and Twitter!

So come come to check for my holiday pictures before I even blog about them normally! :D

I checked and the roaming data price is 2c per 1kb. How much is that exactly? I guess I just won't be excessive.

Anyway I'm so happy coz I can take beautiful shots with my new camera! So excited!!!

I already put it into a waterproof bag (Juicy, no less) to prevent the same thing from happening to my old Cybershot (ie drowned in sea water together with phone). FML.

p/s: I cannot understand why any of you think that the jerboa is not cute. Just because it looks nothing like we've ever seen before doesn't mean it's not cute what!
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I want I want I want! Pygmy Jerboa....



Saw this link from Perez Hilton's tweet.

This cannot possibly be real. It's the maddest cutest thing EVER in the WORLD!

My god I totally want one so bad!!!!!! How can there be something real that's so cute?!?!

It's so cute it's actually making me feel a bit sick. Like seriously!

*makings coo-ing noises*

*whips out credit card*

So where do I buy one??
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Signing off



A week after the final reading of the book tour, and a couple of months removed, now, from the days when we were on the road for weeks at a time, it seems profitable to reflect upon the experience. I didn't know Kathleen Rooney very well when I called to ask if she might be interested in joining forces. I asked her because (1) I enjoyed and admired her writing, (2) our books were coming out around the same time, and (3) she seemed like she would be a hard-working tour partner, and that if we worked together, we could introduce more readers to each other's work.

What I hadn't anticipated was how extraordinary a tour partner Kathy would be. She was quite frankly better than I was at almost every aspect of putting the tour together. Her organizational skills are unmatched by anyone I've ever met, and she proved to be very good at implementation, too. Most of all, I was impressed by her skill with people. Her network is vast, and it's not a superficial vastness. In city after city, we were greeted by her many friends, and I felt lucky that some of that goodwill and enthusiasm could extend to my book, as well.

My greatest admiration for Kathy would probably extend to her reserves of energy and strength. I couldn't match her drive, her stamina, nor her will for optimism. I admire all three, and wish I could match them.

In addition to the things I thought the tour would offer -- the opportunity to connect with more readers, the opportunity to interact with booksellers and critics, the opportunity to get to know other writers -- the tour also provided me with an opportunity to reexamine and reevaluate what kind of writer I want to be, and what role I hoped writing would play in my professional life. On grounds of my personal life, the tour proved to be ill-timed. Right around the beginning of the tour, I learned that I had been laid off from my teaching position at the university where I had been working, and I felt the heaviness of the loss throughout the tour. My wife had given up her teaching post so I could take the one I had now lost, and I spent the weeks on the road in daily worry about whether one of us could find something that would provide money enough for us to live, and, perhaps more importantly, health insurance, since our youngest child was born quite premature and therefore has a suspect immune system.

I had long treated my writing as a purely artistic prerogative, believing that teaching would provide income and time enough to let me write whatever I wanted, even if what I wanted was only to write unremunerative short stories and poems, and even if it meant only publishing books on small presses. But going on tour, and interacting with writers who have found ways to make a living largely on the strength of their writing, made me think that it might be possible to do the same, especially since my aesthetic interests had recently turned more sharply toward the novel and toward reportage.

The other example of a writerly life I saw on tour and admired was that of the writer who chooses a concurrent career path that is completely outside any traditional writerly career path -- writer/physicians, writer/attorneys, writer/civil servants, writer/special effects technicians -- career paths that enable writers to become what Dana Gioia called "Spies in the House of Commerce."

My own post-In the Devil's Territory work has been driven by frequent investigative trips to Haiti, where I have been working on a narrative nonfiction book and a novel. In the Devil's Territory was a book largely concerned with the world of my childhood, but now I feel like I want to create pieces of writing that engage more fully with the world outside myself. In Haiti, where there is a breakdown in the rule of law, and where what is at stake daily is literal life and death, I have seen how closely intertwined public policy can be with human misery. And I have also seen how people with basic, ground-level skills -- nurses, dentists, physicians, agriculturalists, structural engineers -- can ease human misery in specific places, and vastly change the quality of the lives of people. I want my writing to begin to more broadly engage both of these matters, micro- and macro-, and also to achieve a broad enough audience that what is discovered might have some traction beyond the pleasures of literature.

I also want to begin to cultivate at least one of these extra-writerly disciplines on my own, as a means of liberation from dependence on the academy, as a means of deepening the knowledge base that informs the authority of my writing, and, most importantly, as a means of making possible a front-line human response that I can offer independent of my work as a writer. Toward that end, I'm going to spend some time in the next year exploring some of those disciplines in preparation for choosing one as a parallel career path.

It is no exaggeration to credit the people I met on tour, and most of all Kathy, as catalysts for varieties of active reflection that will no doubt shape the kind of writer I will become, going forward. Traveling to 25 cities, meeting hundreds of people of diverse inclinations, eating and drinking at many tables, enjoying conviviality, engaging in occasional arguments about things that matter, and pushing past physical and psychological exhaustion to achieve a marathon of interaction with other people (an area that, I'll admit, is far from my strength), all of it I'll count among the most valuable, extraordinary, and life-shaping experiences of my life.

I am extraordinarily grateful to everyone who opened their home to us, to everyone who came to a reading, to everyone who bought a book, to everyone who followed the blog, to my family for being gracious about my long absences, and most of all to Kathy for being my better in so many ways on a 25-city tour the likes of which very few people are ever able to experience. I feel very lucky.

With warm wishes,

Kyle Minor
May 27, 2009
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AT&T, GAY MARRIAGE and MORE VIDEOS

So who wants to help me fight AT&T? Cuz I signed up for this special international cell phone deal before I went to Canada. The guy at the AT&T store told me that outgoing calls would be 59 cents a minute but that incoming calls would not be charged. This was wrong and I got a phone bill for over $400!

I've never been that great at arguing with bureaucratic people at big companies. So I figure I probably can't win this one even though I was genuinely horribly misinformed. I imagine they'll shift the blame to me for being dumb enough to believe one of their employees.

I guess I could start a "Pay Brad's Enormous Phone Bill Fund" and ask each reader to send a dollar via PayPal to doubtboy@mac.com. HA! I wonder if that would work...

Anyway this is what I get for trusting people in authority.

Speaking of people in authority who ought to be fought, tonight I participated in a march to protest the State of California upholding Proposition 8, which was a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Personally I believe in the rights of gay people to be just as miserable as anyone else. Though I do think it's one of those issues that gets a lot more attention on both sides than it really deserves. God knows there are far more important things going on.

Still, the march started at the Methodist church next door and they were giving away free veggie burritos from Holy Guacamole (Santa Monica's best Mexican restaurant), so why not join the party?

It's one of these bizarrely religious issues I'll never fully understand. Someone stated that they hadn't heard a single argument against gay marriage that did not quote the Bible as its source. The Bible says it's a sin for a man to lay with another man. Yet it also says it's a sin to eat shellfish. But I don't see anyone standing outside the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company with protest signs. Where's the constitutional amendment banning clam bakes on the beach?

I never understood the concept of sin very well. I didn't grow up with it and by the time I tried to figure it out I really didn't have the indoctrination in it that's necessary for you to really grok the meaning of the word. Buddhism doesn't have the notion of sin, nor does it have the idea that marriage is a religious matter. So the idea of gay marriage being problematic to Buddhism never came up.

The Japanese are funny about this subject. It's sort of "don't ask, don't tell" over there. Gay marriage is not recognized in Japan. Yet I've never heard of gay bashing over there. It seems, in my limited understanding of the matter, that if you're gay and Japanese the goal is to be discreet about it when discretion is called for and be as open about it as you like when it's appropriate. For example, you don't bring it up in the work place, but you don't hide it when you're hanging out in Shinjuku Ni-Chome, the gay district of Tokyo. It's OK to be a "new half," which is roughly analogous to what they call "transgender" here. There are dozens of openly gay men on TV all the time.

I couldn't possibly give you the whole spectrum. But the upshot is that once you remove the concept of sin from the picture, everything changes radically.

Whatever. I marched. I chanted. I ate burritos. I came home.

I also put up some new videos. So enjoy them!


ARE BUDDHISTS ALLOWED TO JACK OFF


An astute question from the audience in Montreal.

GOD PART III
This is also from Montreal. One of my favorite Dimentia 13 songs. Here's an MP3 of the studio version of God Part III from the FLAT EARTH SOCIETY CD (1990, Midnight International Records).

BUDDHA WAS A GOOD OL' BOY
This is my country and Buddhism song, written for Tim McCarthy circa 1986. And here's an MP3 of the studio version of Buddha Was a Good Ol' Boy from the FLAT EARTH SOCIETY CD (1990, Midnight International Records).
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FINALLY!

New blogskin is up! Currently my designer is still fixing the comments. Like it? Click on the "I like this" button at the bottom.

And give me your comments!!!!!!

****************

UPDATE:

Ok now that the site is properly done I've got time to blog more about the skin!

My web designer is none other than Lionel, from Nitro Designs. He also did my friend Ming's webpage, and I really liked what he did with the speech bubble on the banner with the twitter feed in it!

So about 2 months ago, I asked him to help me with the design...

We sorta bounced ideas off each other till it is what you see here!

For years I procrastinated on a new skin because the old one was so good and I felt really pressurized to do something better than that if I wanted a change.

But times has changed and so must blogskins!


I must take credit for the idea of the "twitter feed + Photo of the Moment on top" idea though!!

I've been photoblogging/tweeting on those two so much it's crazy!

Now, because I have a blackberry, it's super duper easy to simply take a photo and send it to blogger!!

The whole process takes less than 1 minute.

Snap, blackberry asks me what I want to do with the photo. I select "email" and send it to a secret blogger email address assigned for that blog, and type in a caption. And I hit send!


Every blogger should have a blackberry!


And because Photo of the Moment and Twitter are updated ALL THE MUTHAFUCKING TIME, you will no longer log into the website and feel annoyed that I didn't update!


Because I definitely would update everyday from now! Yay for us all!


To scroll to the previous photo, just click on the little purple arrow. :)

Cool isn't it?

Other cool stuff!


- 6 different banner photos that rotate everytime you refresh!

- Little "I like it" widget at the bottom lets you express your feelings for entries without having to leave a comment.

- Finally incorporated a search bar

- And an "Older posts" button.

- And and... Look how chio he made my blockquotes!




And good news for advertisers, especially blogshops!

If you wish to have a cheap and efficient ad, the Pixel Grid would be perfect for you.

One square with a tagline of your choice links to your webpage...

And get this...


SGD $100 - and that ad is permanent.


Yes! Forever there! So grab the prominent spots before they are all gone!

It doesn't have to be a small square. You can buy 6 squares to form into a bigass ad and $600 gives you a permanent ad space on xiaxue.blogspot.com! :)


The chio photos are shot quite some time ago by photographer Kenneth Koh. You can see his works here!


So anyway, whether you like the design or not, it's here to stay! Meanwhile, remember to always check on Photo of the Moment because that's updated all the time!

I'm editing photos for the photos I took... Got a lot lah! And I love that now you can see the quality of my LX3 in its full glory because the photos can go to a maximum width of 640 pixels wide!

Meanwhile to placate you all here's a photo of me I like very much:



Chio or what! I totally look like someone shot me unaware but I was the photographer MUAHAHAHAHA! And yes I dyed a patch of my hair pink!

I am comtemplating doing it for my whole head. Yes/No?


And now you can click on the "I like it!" button!!!
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BACK FROM NEW MEXICO

I'm baaaaa-aaaack!

I'll be in Santa Monica for a while. And I'm chillaxing now. (ugh!)

Here are two videos from my recent trip to New Mexico:

NOT KNOWING

This one got a laugh which you can't hear on the video. It was when I said "butthole."

BUDDHISM AND SPIRITUALITY

You can tell I've been in California too long because I pronounce the word "neither" wrong. You're supposed to say "neee-ther." You ponder that while I go worsh my car.
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Blah blah blah

All the comments are going on about how lazy I am and little prophecies about how I am going to lose my popularity etc!

I mean, on the whole I AM lazy, undeniably, but I've been busy these few days working on the new blogskin! I mean, that is part of blogging also right! Hmpf! Kena accused of being lazy when I am actually working hard! I even missed a KTV session ok!

I know you are salivating (you are that excited), but it will only be launched in maybe 2 days' time.

And the reason why I polled whether you guys want short posts or long posts is because I bought a Blackberry!!

Therefore, I'm connected to the internet all the time and I can twitter/post photos with a short caption anytime I want!

Since most of you choose long posts over short posts, I've actually came up with the perfect skin for that. I think it's fab anyway!!! It will be like... revolutionary!!

Meanwhile, excuse me while I go work on the skin and an advertorial for Watsons.

If you are that bored, you can sign up for Twitter and follow me here: LINK.

The 300 or so kiasu people who are already following me got a little glimpse of the new blogskin yesterday. :D


AND............ Watch videos!


********************************************

XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE



Happy Mother's Day to the best Mom!

I know. So long overdue it's almost Father's day.


CHICK VS DICK



Watch KK and Paul attempt the impossible.


THE SHAN AND ROZZ SHOW



A woman who claims she can see angels!

Ding dong or some sort of messiah? Decide for yourself.


And a little bonus.

Asia Uncut on Star World interviewed me ages ago but I had not mentioned it yet. You can watch my interview here:



I totally deserved being forced to use a mac for the show.

They told me to bring my laptop but I forgot.
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1. I lost my virginity to my long-term boyfriend when I was 18. He cooked me dinner. I made him wait until House was over, a fact I now find hilarious.

2. He was not a good lover. He was selfish, had the longest refractory period ever, and figured that when he was done, we were done, regardless of whether or not I had orgasmed.

3. After we broke up, I met an amazing guy from out of town. We were only able to be together for three weeks, but during that span we used up an economy sized box of condoms, had to get emergency contraception at midnight, and broke a hotel bed. It was amazing sex – he would never stop touching me, before and after he came. I fell a little in love with him. He left and ended up being kind of a jackass, but I will always be grateful to him for showing me what good sex is.

4. I love oral, both giving and receiving. Giving, I like the reaction I can evoke and the way I can concentrate. As for receiving, well, a guy with a good tongue will have me screaming and shaking and clawing the walls. I completely lose control. There's also the mental aspect – I find it so amazingly hot when someone so completely devotes themselves to my pleasure.

5. Despite my love of it, I really don't like 69ing. I can't focus properly on my partner because their tongue distracts me, but I can't focus on feeling them because I'm trying to focus on the dick in my mouth. I'd rather we each take our time on each other, no need to multi-task like that.

6. I had my first orgasm when I was about 11 or 12 on the bathroom floor with my mom's “massager.” Since then, I have masturbated regularly.

7. I have never gotten myself off with my hand alone. Nor has anyone else.

8. I have a huge teacher fetish. I want to be bent over a desk for extra credit. My advisor and frequent professor is very attractive, I can't tell you the number of fantasies I've had about him.

9. My current friend with benefits is my ex-lab teacher. That was definitely part of the attraction.

10. He's also some of the best sex I've ever had. I lose count of how many times I come when we have sex.

11. For a long time, I thought I smelled or tasted hideous because of my ex's aversion to oral. My subsequent partners seemed to have the same aversion – one guy went down for literally 10 seconds before coming back up. It wasn't until my current FWB (who goes down on me frequently and with gusto) that I've been able to accept the problem was with them, not me.

12. Personally, I love how I taste. I lick my toys after use, and I love kissing guys and tasting myself on them.

13. I seem to have a thing for beards. Most of the guys I've slept with have had beards, but it never seems to be a conscious choice. My dad has a beard, and sometimes I wonder if it's some unconscious Electra complex.

14. I've faked a lot of orgasms.

15. I consider my sexuality to be “whatever” - I've slept with one girl and it was all right. I'd do it again. I feel like I'm still looking for the right girl to really explore that side of me.

16. I've had two threesomes (MFF), and found both of them lacking. They were both with couples who finished with each other, so I ended up feeling left out. I want to try a MMF threesome.

17. I feel like I have the hormones of a teenage boy. Every guy I've slept with more than once has made some joke about it. My response is that I have multiple orgasms, a high libido, and no refractory period – of COURSE I want sex all the time.

18. I've recently gotten into watching watersports porn. I would like to explore it someday, but am too self-conscious to bring it up.

19. I used to hate being on top. I could never figure out what to do. Then one time (with the guy from 3), it was like a light bulb went off. I figured out how to move right and hit all the right places. Now it's my favorite position.

20. I love biting and being bitten. I like seeing my lover marked with scratches and hickeys after sex, and love having the same marks on myself.

21. I used to be really quiet. Now I'm a screamer. I wish guys were louder.

22. One of my hottest moments ever was when my FWB was over at my house (I live at home). We were hanging out in my room while everyone was downstairs, and he just pulled off my jeans and went down on me. I had to muffle myself with a pillow. The excitement of being caught (my door was still open), the unexpectedness, and the selflessness of it were all just very sexy to me.

23. My sluttiest moment was a night when I went out with a guy, fooled around in a church parking lot with him, then went and had a threesome with a couple while a gay guy was in the room playing The Sims. I regret that night – I wasn't drunk or under the influence, simply a little stupid and lonely.

24. I've had sex with a guy while his girlfriend watched us on webcam.

25. Since losing my virginity, I haven't gone more than a month without sex.
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1. I've kissed 6 guys, and had sex with only 1. I'm 20.
2. My mom has always have a negative impact on my sexuality. She had my sister when she was 18, which was terrible for her, so I think she tried as hard as she could to make us ignorant about sex, to be innocent, to give us a bad image of it, which worked with me. I've had a hard experience with sex; she made me repress my sexuality.
3. I was into anime when I was a teen. I once bought this Evangelion zine, that explained the series. It had one page dedicated to yaoi, but I had zero interest on it. My mom found the zine, saw the yaoi and almost killed me. She told me that "porn is not love" and she threw it away. I really liked the zine (for the information it had), so I bought another one. My mom again was pissed, but I kept it. It was a very uncomfortable issue.
4. My first kiss was with a drunk guy I was dancing with in a disco, when I was 16. I felt raped, mainly because he also started touching my cunt violently. But I was so scared I just didn't have the will to run.
5. I had intense sexual fantasies when I was a teen. I didn't masturbate though, I just couldn't imagine I could do that (again, my mom's influence). Most fantasies were about my crushes at the time, in places like the prom, stuff like that.
6. I was with a guy I really, really liked when I was 17. He was a year older than me. We were best friends at the time. He broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years, and the day after that he went to my school, and we kissed under a tree. I was so happy. Then we went to my home and kept on making out until my mom found us in my room, it was awful. He cheated on me after a while. I still feel attracted to him, I would sleep with him if I could, but I don't love him. He's an emo jerk.
7. My first boyfriend was kind of short; kissing was awkward. He was very ignorant too; he french kissed me only like a week before he broke up with me. Our friends were disgusted when they saw us kissing. I loved him, nevertheless. We're friends now.
8. My second boyfriend and I were both virgins when we started dating, but we were horny all the time. We made out in friends' living rooms while they were watching movies in the other room, or in cars in the middle of nowhere, in his room while his siblings played Wii near-by.
9. The first time he finger-fucked me, I felt terrible. I almost cried.
10. We lost our virginity together after 3 months dating, on a Valentine's day. I wore lace tights. I had a big orgasm, my first, it was amazing. I felt I was in heaven. He couldn't come, though, so at the end he was hurting me. After that we took a shower and saw TV naked in my parents' room. We high-fived because we'd lost our virginity while staying in our country's average age (to lose your virginity).
11. Every time, at the start of sex, it hurt me a lot. I still don't know why. It was terrible for me to see how we worried so much about it, but I couldn't help it.
12. I've only had orgasms from vaginal sex like twice. But I always did when he gave me an oral job, always. He was pretty good at it (I think, I can't compare). I like to give blowjobs now too; at first I felt like a whore.
13. I like the missionary, but I've started to like doggy style more. It's so sexy.
14. I like to masturbate. I started about 5 months ago, while seeing a soft-porn flick in Cinemax. But up until now, I can do it only while watching porn. I didn't like hardcore porn up until recently, but I still think most porn is too male-orientated. I like to see how a guy licks a girl's cum. I once came while watching lesbian porn.
15. I had doubts about my sexual orientation when I was a teen. But with time I came to realize it was just an attraction to the female body as a beautiful thing, not sexually. I like to draw females, and I like see pretty and interesting-looking women in the subway, but I'm not sexually attracted to them, or to the idea of kissing or having sex with a girl.
16. I have a deep gratitude towards my ex. He was a teacher; he wasn't afraid of my repression, and was super kind and tender, and made me feel incredibly attractive. He helped me overcome my mom's fears, the ones she passed to me. I don't know if I still love him, I know I did. He made me realize sex is a great thing, not something sinful, or wrong. We still see each other. We haven't slept together since the break-up, but I think we will. Sometimes I wonder if we should have an open relationship. The idea sounds exciting.
17. Sometimes I want to have a threesome, either 2 boys and a me, or a boy, me, and another girl. But I don't know where to ask, or to who.
18. I want to do it in weird places. When I'm bored at classes I imagine my self having sex in the clas room, with or without people watching. Or in the subway, or in a plane, or the beach, etc.
19. I don't like to swallow sperm. I just find it weird.
20. I like to shave all of my pubic hair, but I don't do it as often as I should. When I do I can get aroused just by going upstairs wearing certain pants, which is awesome. Plus it's a whole different experience to have a guy give you oral sex with or without hair. I don't see why some girls don't like to do it.
21. I get super aroused when a guy licks my fingers like he's doing a blow job. Same thing when I get kissed and licked in the ear. Same goes with toes.
22. I love beards, and hairy guys. Not TOO hairy, but the right amount. I like how facial hair feels when rubbed in my face. I like "macho" guys: prominent nose, beard, big arms. I love a nice, big arm; the feeling of being held, feeling protected. Leather jackets are so sexy. I want to have sex with a tattooed guy. I've had fantasies with tattooed classmates I've never talked to.
23. I don't like to dress up, I feel stupid. I don't like acting either, or stripping. I'm insecure, and have a big sense of ridiculous. I do think I have to overcome that.
24. I like rough sex; beds that sound like crazy, aggressive humping, scratching, even biting.
25. I love to get in the paper of the sex-advisor of my virgin girlfriends. I've become more and more liberal with time, and I really like to teach them to overcome their fears, and to give them tips. Strangely, I don't talk much about sex with my experienced friends. I think it's because I know their boyfriends too much, or because mine was too close to them too.
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ON TO LAS CRUCES!

Today, May 23 (Sat) at 7pm, I'll be speaking at Las Cruces Zen Center at the Unitarian Universalist Church 2000 S. Solano Dr, Las Cruces, NM 88001. So be there or be square!

The radio show yesterday morning was interesting. Too bad none of you called in or it could have been even more so.

Man, I gotta run! See ya!
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MASTER YOUR ENERGY MASTER YOUR LIFE

Sorry for 2 posts in one day, but this just came up.

Here's your chance! Tomorrow, May 22nd, 2009, at 8 AM Pacific Time, I will be interviewed on a show called Master Your Energy, Master Your Life. It is a call-in show and the host, Sheevaun Moran, has asked me to post the phone number on this blog so that readers thereof (that's you) can call in and ask me stuff live on the air. Here is the number:

1.866.472.5795

I just had a look at her website and I'm hoping maybe she'll teach me her technique for overcoming financial blocks -- perhaps by getting every one of her listeners to buy my books!

Man, they oughta give me a radio show!

Oh well. I master my life by not trying to master my life. That way I always feel successful about it! If your goal is not to achieve your goals you'll come out a winner every time!
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I KNEW I SHOULDA TAKEN A LEFT AT ALBUQUERQUE!


If only I'd taken a left at Albuquerque maybe I woulda ended up somewhere other than El Paso, Texas, which is where your fearless correspondent (me) finds himself today. But not snatched by a giant hand jutting up from the ground! That shot was taken in Saskatoon at their lovely, but mighty weird sculpture garden.

Last night I played Albuquerque Zen Center to a ravenous crowd of thrill seekers from the Rinzai school! I had a load of fun, though I had been filled up with beans at a local eatery only an hour before I took the stage. Luckily no one was seriously injured. The Albuquerque Zen Center was founded by the legendary Joshu Sasaki Roshi, whose book Buddha is the Center of Gravity I often quote from. Don't look for it on Amazon, though. You'll never find it! Sasaki apparently hated it and never allowed it to be reprinted.

Today I'm in El Paso just hanging out. Tomorrow I'll be talking here. And if you want to know where, check out the link over there to your left about my book tour. It's in there! The following day I'm in Las Cruces, New Mexico. Yet another international stop on my tour! (Yeah, yeah, I know it's America, but I'm told a number of our politicians don't!)

Hope to see ya there!

Here's an excerpt from "Zen Wrapped in Karma" that appeared in Newspaper Tree an on-line paper in El Paso. It's not one of the dirty parts!
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A BUTTLOAD OF NEW VIDEOS

THIS JUST IN: My appearance on Suicide Girls Radio is now available on line at this link. If you want to skip ahead to the second hour, which is where my part is, go to the bottom of the page, click download, save the file and fast forward as you like!

This morning I put a buttload of new videos up on YouTube from the just-completed book tour. I'm only embedding 2 of them here because the embedding thing makes some people's browsers load really slow. For the others, just click on the title of the video and you should be taken right to it.

ZEN AND STATES OF BLISS

This one's from Green Apple books in San Francisco. I was actually kind of surprised when I reviewed the video and found this part. I hadn't remembered saying it. And it sounded sort of good. Who'd have imagined I could say anything meaningful? Not me!


DROP THE A-BOMB ON ME


I started ending some of my talks with a rendition of the Zero Defex hit "Drop the A-Bomb On Me!" Here's a live version from Saskatoon.

MIND/BODY ONENESS
This is another clip from Green Apple Books in which I try to explain Nishijima Roshi's old sawhorse about the balance between mind and body.

ATHEISM AND BUDDHISM
This is from a bookstore in Saskatoon. The questioner wanted to know if Buddhism was atheism. It isn't.

ZERO DEFEX: THIS MEANS WAR
Here's Zero Defex on stage at the Comet Bar in Detroit on May 1, 2009. I love singer Jimi Imij's comment at the beginning.

ZERO DEFEX: DRUGS
Here's Zero Defex at the Comet Bar again. Our singer needs to take it easy! He's gonna hurt himself!
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The Live Nude Girl in the Devil's Territory Tour...

...is over. And can I just say that if I have to sign one more naked torso with a Sharpie, I'll poke myself in the eye? Kidding! We love our fans. Some of them are here……and here: But as all good things must, the 25-city traveling literary circus that was our tour has come to an end, and it's hard to think of a better way for it to have done so than at the Book Cellar (thanks, Suzy!) in the company of Zach "Featherproof" Plague …and Gina "Other Voices" Frangello: I was so excited, I wore a dress that matched my book cover:

It's kind of pleasing that something so fun and awesome ended at the (relative) beginning of something else so fun and awesome: the Pilcrow Lit Festival—be sure to check it out all week long, including tonight at Innertown Pub for the Quickies Reading Series, where I’ll be reading a story from Rose Metal Press’s A Peculiar Feeling of Restlessness alongside tons of other fantastic writers including RMP’s Geoffrey Forsyth whose short short chapbook In the Land of the Free is not to be missed.

Also, even though the tour proper has reached its conclusion, stay tuned to the blog, which will continue to meet your one-stop-shopping needs for all future Live Nude Girl and In the Devil’s Territory news.

Before I bid you 'bye for now, here is a picture of Clark "Vince is Back" Harding who flew in all the way from L.A. in time to attend this reading in a turn of events that thrilled my love of things coming unexpectedly full circle: Kyle and I crashed at his place on the very first night of the LNGitDT tour, and last night, he crashed with Martin and me. Such symmetry. He also bought a copy of Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City at the Book Cellar last night so he could re-read it, and he highly recommends you do the same. Thanks, Clark, and thanks everyone, everywhere, for everything.

Gah

Paiseh for neglecting the blog again. I've been really busy lately. The good news is, I've definitely got something good coming up real soon! Promise you won't be disappointed!

Blog again tomorrow. Mad tired gonna sleep now.

p/s: Poll - would you rather this blog be filled with loads of little posts (Twitter style I guess) everyday or a good long post every few days?
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1. When I'm aroused it is much more mental than physical. I find myself unable to keep my hands off my boyfriend simply because I love him so much. Sometimes I don't really want to have sex. It's confusing to me and because of this I've asked him if he's okay with taking a break from sex for a while.

2. I watch porn whenever I get the chance. When I lived in a single dorm I would watch it almost every night. Some of my favorite things are hardcore BDSM and incest. I have no idea where incest came from because in real life it grosses me out.

3. I've never had an orgasm from anything other than a vibrator. This doesn't really bother me, but I would like to learn how to with my boyfriend.

4. When I was 4 I had surgery to remove a tumor that was growing on my pituitary gland. As a result of this, I have no pubic hair and had AA breasts until I got plastic surgery. Sometimes I wonder if this is why I can't orgasm easily, because I never technically went through puberty.

5. In high school I was in love with a boy who was disgusted by my body. He frequently made fun of my small breasts and referenced the tiny bit of weight on my frame as disgusting.

6. I've since gained 20 pounds and the man I'm with now has always thought I am beautiful. Even before my plastic surgery.

7. A father in my church used to be very friendly to all the younger girls. Once during a camping trip he took me into his trailer and we were all alone. I can only remember him washing and kissing my feet, and how uncomfortable I felt. I sometimes wonder if anything else ever happened and if I've blocked it out of memory. To this day I dislike people touching my feet.

8. I enjoy looking at naked women more than men. I find them incredibly sexy.

9. I lost my virginity to the boy in #5. I don't know if I was actually ready, but he talked me into it. It didn't hurt and I don't regret it, but it wasn't anything special.

10. We had sex seven more times. Twice outside. He wasn't a terribly considerate partner and the sex wasn't very good. I never took my shirt off.

11. The man I am with now is amazing in the sack. Every time gets better and better. We have discovered numerous positions and neither of us is afraid to take charge.

12. I love being on my stomach while he enters me from behind. I could stay in that position forever, but I worry about making him do all the work.

13. His dick is honestly the perfect size. Above average length and just the right width. I'm kind of in love with it.

14. I recently figured out how to deep throat him. We both enjoy it immensely. The only thing I don't like is how runny my nose and eyes get. Real sex is messy.

15. My biggest fantasy right now is to have him tie me up and roughly have sex with me. I'm not really sure how to ask for this yet.

16. My younger sister and I used to french kiss each other during a game we called "Prince and Princess." She still occasionally brings up this game, but I laugh it off. It makes me kind of embarrassed and a little ashamed.

17. I had my first real kiss on my 16th birthday. That actually seems like the perfect time to me.

18. My current boyfriend and I waited a whole year to have sex. I was constantly the one asking him why we were waiting.

19. I'm glad we waited.

20. I really want to make out with a girl. I love the idea of doing it as a sort of show (even though I would be enjoying it). I guess it's my voyeuristic side showing.

21. I'm fairly sure a few of my girl friends would make out with me. However, I'm not attracted to any of them.

22. If I was a man for a day I would love to have sex with a girl. I want to know what it feels like from a male perspective.

23. I would like to think that I'm fairly skilled and adaptive when it comes to sex. In reality I've only had one main partner. But if I had the chance I feel like I would wow people with my moves.

24. In spite of the emotional abuse my ex put me through, I really do love my body. Even my curves. I'm proud of what my body is capable of doing.

25. I sometimes wonder if my current man is the last one I will have sex with, and if I'm prepared for that.
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1. I consider myself a slut, yet not-quite-that-bad at the same time. Lost my virginity two years ago today, and since then I've slept with 8 guys, performed oral on seven and and lost count on how many I've fooled around with.

2. I lost my virginity to the first boy I ever kissed. In fact he was my first everything and I had the "True Love Waits" mentality until I was sixteen. My first kiss was at fourteen, we progressed to outside of clothing groping at fifteen, moved onto oral at sixteen and had sex for the first time half a year later.

3. I hit my "naughty stage" after one of the boy mentioned in #2 and I's bigger break ups (we were together for 4.5 years but broke up many times during that span), mainly due to the girl I befriended during that time. She always subtly encouraged my promiscuity as well as getting me to smoke and drink (I was completely straightedge before that and horrified at the thought of trying anything), and since she acted that way herself, the lifestyle looked very appealing to me.

4. During that break up, I had sex with five other guys in the span of eight months. I got back together with #2 for six months, broke up and since then have had sex with two other guys and intend on getting with a third soon.

5. I have had two one night stands- both turned out to be slightly obsessive and one had stalker-like tendencies (showing up at my work every day for two weeks straight asking everyone if they had seen me) for a month afterwards. This has pretty much turned me off to the idea of sleeping with a person and never seeing them again, since it never seems to work out quite how I planned it...

6. I love having sex in "adventurous" places, but am usually too shy to suggest it unless drunk or in the presence of my bad influence girlfriend. The most interesting places I've done it in are in a tube at a kid's playground, a neighbor's abandoned house and on the beach about 100 feet away from a huge party. All of these were with the same guy who seems to be the only other mildly adventurous person I've slept with. I wish I could find someone who would suggest doing some crazy shit.

7. I used to think the only boy I ever loved was average size, but I've come to realize he is actually quite small. Still, the sex was beautiful every time.

8. I have only felt comfortable in my skin around half the boys I've slept with, and one was only because I was drunk. I'm learning to become more comfortable with the way I look naked, but I've been self conscious since I was a child due to my mother's and peers' constant jibing at my weight. I know I'm not fat but I also know I'm not extremely aesthetically pleasing - I just wish I could have the mentality to not particularly care because I'm sure it would enable me to open up and be more fun. I'm pretty sure I'm a boring lay because 75% of the time I'm freaking out in my head that I'm naked in front of someone.

9. I'm extremely good at emotionless sex, because according to the psych I saw once, I have a detachment disorder. I'd like to think it's just because I'm generally apathetic and wish more people would have that approach to sex. However, once I am attached it's very hard to break, hence my long on/off relationship. I've finally found someone I'm genuinely interested in for the first time in a long time and don't know how to approach it because I'm so used to that one long relationship and casual flings.

10. I have had to let a boy cry on my shoulder before because he couldn't get it up for us to have sex. I'm kind of relieved we never went all the way, because he had the smallest dick I've ever seen, and I wasn't really into him but was good enough friends with him that I felt he deserved a better first time than me. We are still friends to this day and he always teases me about my promiscuity, saying it must be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. I have to bite my tongue from saying "Perhaps for you..."

11. My most current fuck buddy has the biggest cock of any guy I've slept with, and constantly complains I'm too tight. While I appreciate the compliment, I'm terrified he's stretched me out for anyone else and I'm not sure if that kegal exercise shit actually works.

12. As the guy in number 11 has discovered, I have never come during sex, mainly because if I feel myself getting close I tell them to stop. I'm afraid to trust anyone enough to be that vulnerable in front of them. I always joke to my friends that if I ever find a guy that can get me off I'll marry him... But I'm actually serious because it will mean that I trust him completely.

13. Condoms always make me sore for up to three days after. I'm so terrified of getting pregnant even though I'm on the pill, so I almost always use them. I often wonder if I'm allergic to latex down there.

14. I can get myself off in under a minute masturbating, then take another two hours to come again. I love doing this when I have the time although it causes my leg muscles to be sore for the next day. I've had a few guys masturbate but always refuse... I use an electric toothbrush and lay flat on my stomach so I can't imagine it would be very entertaining anyways.

15. On the other hand, I love watching boys masturbate and having them finish on my stomach and chest.

16. I've interrupted sex to answer a text message before, simply because it was more interesting. Said text contained bad news, so in my anger I threw my phone at the wall, missed and ended up nailing him in the ankle causing him to hobble for the next couple of days. He still asked if we could finish. This occasion was also the only time I have ever had sex with two people in the same day.

17. I have had sex with someone over a decade older than me, and it was definitely the best I've had. He also got me into being cummed all over and made me feel more comfortable with my body as well as being talked dirty to.

18. My sexual experiences have turned me completely off to Asians. Don't ask.

19. I feel that I'm horrible on top because I have absolutely no rhythm. My favorite is doggy style.

20. I often wish I was a male because I think it would erase my confidence issues, but I do enjoy the fact that females can get away with being lazy during sex occasionally. Although I'm convinced male-me would have a huge cock.

21. Out of the eight guys I've slept with, I wish I could take back all but three.

22. I was molested and raped by an ex-boyfriend. He spiked my drink on two different occasions, the first time I had to leave to help a friend study and ended up sleeping with him due to whatever was in my drink making me feel extremely horny and somewhat drunk. At the time I thought I had a contact high since the ex was smoking pot at his house, but realized what happened after the second time he spiked my drink. On another occasion when I was completely sober, he also literally ripped my clothes off while I screamed and cried for him to let me go and he just laughed, called me a pansy and forced himself on me. I had to drive home in a dirty bathing suit I found in my car, then hosed myself down outside my house before I went in, telling my mom I had been at the pool with a friend, and that all the bruises and scraped on my body were from slipping on the wet concrete. I also had to be tested for anemia and other blood diseases because of him due to his physical abuse and all the bruises that "mysteriously" showed up on my body. His favorite thing to do to me were hitting me with a metal baseball bat and dropping me on my head on hard objects such as a weight set and random 2x4 he kept in his room. I still have a couple of scars on my body from him and the blood tests, which remind me not to be so stupid. The message doesn't always get through to me, unfortunately.

Sex with him was always the worst even when it was consensual when we were dating - he would press his face in the pillow and not come up for air during the entire three minute escapade in which he would hump my leg like a rabid chihuahua.

This ex was the third guy I ever slept with, and aside from being physically abusive, he also repeatedly let me know I was uninteresting, fat, unattractive and only good for one thing - which I believed and somewhat still do. I believe he is partially the reason I became so promiscuous because I figured that if a guy will sleep with me I must be worth at least something. Deep down I know this isn't true but for some reason it keeps popping up in my head.

23. I would love to dress up and roleplay but I don't think I could keep a straight face. On the same note, I wish it were more acceptable to laugh and joke around during sex.

24. I wish boys would more more noise during sex or fooling around. Even though the only boy who did sounded somewhat similar to a howler monkey, I still thought it was totally hot.

25. I don't mind a guy coming in my mouth, but I can't physically swallow it without gagging or throwing up (which has definitely caused some awkward moments...) I wish I could, it would definitely make things easier and sexier.
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