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| Ginger Virago - Copyright 2005 Shilo McCabe |
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| Jukie Sunshine - Copyright 2005 Shilo McCabe |
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| Sugar LaMoore - Copyright 2005 Shilo McCabe |
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| Copyright 2005 Shilo McCabe |
Showing posts with label Heather MacAllister. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heather MacAllister. Show all posts
When researching photos to accompany Sossity's Guest Post last week, I came across images of some of the other women of Big Burlesque whom I had the immense pleasure of meeting in 2005. Here are are four of my favorite photos of four incredible performers. - Shilo
Category:
Big Burlesque,
Burlesque,
fat positive,
Heather MacAllister,
Images,
size acceptance,
size positive
0
comments
Heather MacAllister was the first sex-positive size activist I met. I had the opportunity to work with her when she asked me to take promotional photos for her Fat Bottom Revue burlesque troupe. She made a lasting impression on me and was a huge inspiration. I'm happy to present some images from our 2005 photo shoot, to accompany this guest post by the radically awesome Sossity Chiricuzio. -Shilo
I’ve had a long and complicated relationship with sex and my body. I’m sad that the same could be said by almost every person I've ever discussed that with. As a child, it was uncomplicated: my body felt good. The socialization of advertising, public school, and inappropriate adult men made it a place of fear, and shame. I quickly realized that only some bodies were the good ones, sex was mostly dirty, and the people deciding those things weren’t likely to change their minds. It broke my heart, and my spirit, for many years.
After I came out as queer I began to meet people who were proudly sexual and persistent in fighting for information and healthy sexuality. I began to reclaim my power around sex - both in how I had it, and in my activism. I was studying Humanities and Women's Studies at the University of Arizona. It was 1992, and penetration was often still considered patriarchal. Those of you reading this who don’t know what I’m talking about: hit up Wikipedia on terms such as ‘lesbian feminism’, ‘Andrea Dworkin’ and ‘separatism’. And then, for your antidote: ‘sex radical’.
The truth is, I have had a long and complicated relationship with feminism as well. I’ve had many arguments over the years with other feminists as to if I even qualify as a feminist. This usually happens after I’ve read one of my poems about fisting, advocated for polyamory or BDSM, or otherwise disrupted their idea of what feminism should include. I’ve also had many a long and satisfying conversation with like minded sex-positive feminists and am grateful for the ever-expanding activism and resources we are collectively creating. There is one person in particular that understood and resonated with me completely, and continually inspires me: Heather MacAllister, aka Reva Lucian.
Meeting her was akin to vault doors being blown open in a flood of fierce sunshine. She was determined to be shameless, and to drag the rest of us with her into that light. Learning to love my body exactly the way it was, and for all it could do, was her challenge to me and so many others. Her magic was rooting those lessons in the body itself, through ritual, sex, dance and anything else that revealed the power inherent in flesh that is loved. We both approached that space as a way of embodying the sacred whore - for ourselves, and others - and considered that work to be our gift to the world and our own battle scarred bodies.
We met the challenge of being femme, fat and bold in the pursuit of our desire in similar ways. Refusing to apologize; reveling in running the fuck just as much as giving over to rough and tender hands; sharing the best revelations, and the best lovers; walking in that grace and power, visible and unashamed. We strove to set that example for others as well as ourselves in our art and activism. Protests and workshops, bordellos and play parties, burlesque and erotica … if it offered a chance for people to love themselves better, and each other, we explored it. We lived thousands of miles apart more often than not, but our muses traveled the distance in a heartbeat.
Heather’s legacy is widely known, and the ripples she spread continue to roll into waves of realization and revolution. One of those waves is the project that brings every skill I’ve gathered along the way into perfect overlap with our shared beliefs: Dirty Queer. It’s an X-Rated Open Mic and Fundraiser I’ve produced and hosted monthly for almost 5 years now at our local feminist resource center, and it’s entirely reasonable to say it wouldn’t have happened without her encouragement and faith in me. She was never able to attend, as it began the month before her death, but I feel her in that room with me every month: buoying me up with passionate conviction, smiling on the courage of people sharing their deepest selves, flirting her energy up against the sexy confidence everyone in the room takes on as we all witness for each other what it is to be so fully seen and appreciated. Sex radicals, radical sex - we hold that space for each other, we love ourselves, we inhabit our bodies from the marrow to the skin. Just what she wanted.
I’m going to close with some pieces of wisdom and inspiration she shared with me over the years - some of them paraphrased quotes, some of them examples she set, and many of them familiar to folks who knew her. Love yourselves better. Face that part of your sexuality that is scariest and own it. Get your parts checked, whatever they are, and however you feel about them. Respect your lovers, and yourself. Negotiate like you are in control of your own body, even if you don’t believe it yet. Make friends with the mirror, or break up with it. Court your friends as well as your lovers. Take yourself on a hot date as a first choice, not a backup plan. Tell a stranger they are beautiful. Be an ally, an advocate, an educator. Keep doing the work. Even when it’s hard, or embarrassing, or uncomfortable. It’s worth it, and so are you.
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| Copyright 2005 Shilo McCabe |
Sex Radicals/Radical Sex
By Sossity ChiricuzioI’ve had a long and complicated relationship with sex and my body. I’m sad that the same could be said by almost every person I've ever discussed that with. As a child, it was uncomplicated: my body felt good. The socialization of advertising, public school, and inappropriate adult men made it a place of fear, and shame. I quickly realized that only some bodies were the good ones, sex was mostly dirty, and the people deciding those things weren’t likely to change their minds. It broke my heart, and my spirit, for many years.
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| Copyright 2005 Shilo McCabe |
The truth is, I have had a long and complicated relationship with feminism as well. I’ve had many arguments over the years with other feminists as to if I even qualify as a feminist. This usually happens after I’ve read one of my poems about fisting, advocated for polyamory or BDSM, or otherwise disrupted their idea of what feminism should include. I’ve also had many a long and satisfying conversation with like minded sex-positive feminists and am grateful for the ever-expanding activism and resources we are collectively creating. There is one person in particular that understood and resonated with me completely, and continually inspires me: Heather MacAllister, aka Reva Lucian.
 |
| Copyright 2005 Shilo McCabe |
We met the challenge of being femme, fat and bold in the pursuit of our desire in similar ways. Refusing to apologize; reveling in running the fuck just as much as giving over to rough and tender hands; sharing the best revelations, and the best lovers; walking in that grace and power, visible and unashamed. We strove to set that example for others as well as ourselves in our art and activism. Protests and workshops, bordellos and play parties, burlesque and erotica … if it offered a chance for people to love themselves better, and each other, we explored it. We lived thousands of miles apart more often than not, but our muses traveled the distance in a heartbeat.
 |
| Copyright 2005 Shilo McCabe |
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| Heather, with the women of Fat Bottom Revue, 2005. |
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| Heather and Sossity, photo courtesy of Sossity. |
Category:
activism,
Dirty Queer,
fat positive,
Heather MacAllister,
Images,
size acceptance,
size positive,
Sossity Chiricuzio
0
comments
by Airial Clark
When I was 14 years old I had my first moment of hot flash inducing lust. I was in my bedroom when I heard a basketball being dribbled in the parking lot below my second story window. I thought it might be a friend of mine coming to ask me to play, so I leaned out to look. What I saw made my skin go prickly, my ears start to buzz, and heat to rise in my face. The most round taut thick meaty male ass I had ever seen was striding away from me. As I watched each cheek bunch then smooth, my mouth watered. It really, truly, actually watered. I could tell he was about my age and that was all that mattered. I thought to myself, “Girl, you have to meet the person that that ass belongs to.”
It didn’t matter that I was tall and gangly and had a flat-chest. It didn’t matter that I had crazy kinky hair that looked like a lion’s mane. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have clear skin or that I was a size 14. It didn’t matter that I was the living embodiment of everything the pretty girls dreaded being. I hungered after another person’s body.
And that shocked the hell out of me.
Because up until that point, I really believed that people like me couldn’t be sexual. I believed that my body exempted me from sexuality. I was told what a sexy body looked like, and then I was told that I did not have that type of body. I thought this distinction was based upon some type of physiological truth. I believed it was real. That all those ads and TV show plots and exercise videos were trying to help people overcome an actual physical problem. You won’t feel sexy, or be sexy, or get to have sex, unless you look like ‘this’.
So imagine my surprise when my very imperfect, unsexy body had an obviously sexual urge: an urge strong enough to propel me out my front door to go meet the boy at the basketball court. I wasn’t sure if the pulse in my throat was from the running I did to get there or the fact that I was going to see that ass up close. He was alone on the court and as I walked up to him a type of panic set in: would he find me sexy? Maybe my blatant moment of desire just meant I was even more screwed. As in, by having a double digit dress size not only was I supposed to be devoid of desire, I should know better than to expect someone to desire me.
And yet… the physical reality of what was happening could not be ignored. I followed my instincts. I pursued him, and found a mutual attraction. He and I shared a lot of first sexual experiences together. A few months later it was a pair of shoulders on a new boy at school that got my juices going and I got to relive the lust at first sight experience all over again. And again, the ‘big’ girl had no problem starting up a sexual relationship with a boy she found desirable.
Long story short, at a young age my lived experiences as a sexual being contradicted all the ‘truths’ about size and sexuality surrounding me. By having a fun and active sex life I knew that the standardized sexual imagery presented to me was a lie. I was never going to see me, a big, brawny, 200lbs. young woman, having a positive sexual experience. From porn to daytime TV, artful nudes or music videos, I knew it wasn’t about me. So I stopped watching and I stopped reading. I had to tune out to stay turned on.
And you know what, as a woman in my early 30’s, I’m here to say that that is some bullshit. It’s not ok that we’re being lied to. It’s not ok that we have to avert our eyes in order to stay sane. It’s not ok that we are inundated, saturated and castrated by size-negative sexual imagery. Only one size of body is sexual? To Hell with that.
Which is why The Sex Positive Photo Project is so very pleased to bring you images, stories and interviews that ooze body size acceptance. Starting this month, you’ll be able to see and read how size acceptance is a crucial aspect of sex positivity. We’ve got guest posts, a gallery of Heather MacAllister portraits, an interview with Oakland’s own Kentucky Fried Woman and more.
Say it with us, Size Positive is Sex Positive!
When I was 14 years old I had my first moment of hot flash inducing lust. I was in my bedroom when I heard a basketball being dribbled in the parking lot below my second story window. I thought it might be a friend of mine coming to ask me to play, so I leaned out to look. What I saw made my skin go prickly, my ears start to buzz, and heat to rise in my face. The most round taut thick meaty male ass I had ever seen was striding away from me. As I watched each cheek bunch then smooth, my mouth watered. It really, truly, actually watered. I could tell he was about my age and that was all that mattered. I thought to myself, “Girl, you have to meet the person that that ass belongs to.”
It didn’t matter that I was tall and gangly and had a flat-chest. It didn’t matter that I had crazy kinky hair that looked like a lion’s mane. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have clear skin or that I was a size 14. It didn’t matter that I was the living embodiment of everything the pretty girls dreaded being. I hungered after another person’s body.
And that shocked the hell out of me.
Because up until that point, I really believed that people like me couldn’t be sexual. I believed that my body exempted me from sexuality. I was told what a sexy body looked like, and then I was told that I did not have that type of body. I thought this distinction was based upon some type of physiological truth. I believed it was real. That all those ads and TV show plots and exercise videos were trying to help people overcome an actual physical problem. You won’t feel sexy, or be sexy, or get to have sex, unless you look like ‘this’.
So imagine my surprise when my very imperfect, unsexy body had an obviously sexual urge: an urge strong enough to propel me out my front door to go meet the boy at the basketball court. I wasn’t sure if the pulse in my throat was from the running I did to get there or the fact that I was going to see that ass up close. He was alone on the court and as I walked up to him a type of panic set in: would he find me sexy? Maybe my blatant moment of desire just meant I was even more screwed. As in, by having a double digit dress size not only was I supposed to be devoid of desire, I should know better than to expect someone to desire me.
And yet… the physical reality of what was happening could not be ignored. I followed my instincts. I pursued him, and found a mutual attraction. He and I shared a lot of first sexual experiences together. A few months later it was a pair of shoulders on a new boy at school that got my juices going and I got to relive the lust at first sight experience all over again. And again, the ‘big’ girl had no problem starting up a sexual relationship with a boy she found desirable.
Long story short, at a young age my lived experiences as a sexual being contradicted all the ‘truths’ about size and sexuality surrounding me. By having a fun and active sex life I knew that the standardized sexual imagery presented to me was a lie. I was never going to see me, a big, brawny, 200lbs. young woman, having a positive sexual experience. From porn to daytime TV, artful nudes or music videos, I knew it wasn’t about me. So I stopped watching and I stopped reading. I had to tune out to stay turned on.
And you know what, as a woman in my early 30’s, I’m here to say that that is some bullshit. It’s not ok that we’re being lied to. It’s not ok that we have to avert our eyes in order to stay sane. It’s not ok that we are inundated, saturated and castrated by size-negative sexual imagery. Only one size of body is sexual? To Hell with that.
Which is why The Sex Positive Photo Project is so very pleased to bring you images, stories and interviews that ooze body size acceptance. Starting this month, you’ll be able to see and read how size acceptance is a crucial aspect of sex positivity. We’ve got guest posts, a gallery of Heather MacAllister portraits, an interview with Oakland’s own Kentucky Fried Woman and more.
Say it with us, Size Positive is Sex Positive!
Category:
Airial Clark,
Heather MacAllister,
Kentucky Fried Woman,
size acceptance,
size positive
0
comments
 |
| Copyright Shilo McCabe 2010 |
Jukie Sunshine is an amazing sex-positive and size-positive activist and performer with a contagious fun-loving spirit. After spending the afternoon with Jukie, interviewing and photographing her for The Sex Positive Photo Project I walked to my car with a bounce in my step - she is one of those kinds of people that make you feel great just by being around her. I first met Jukie in 2005 when I took some promotional photos for The Fat Bottom Revue, a burlesque troupe that she was a member of. A self-proclaimed queer, alpha-femme glamour girl, Jukie has appeared in Time, Juxtapoz, Bizarre, New Yorker magazine and in Leonard Nimoy’s photo book The Full Body Project. Last month, I sat down with “San Francisco
Shilo McCabe: So, who first called you San Francisco
Jukie Sunshine: I did. I felt like I was doing a lot of things... the things that I had done were coming to fruition in the public and I felt “San Francisco
SM: You’ve already been on the cover of a magazine or two, haven’t you?
JS: I have two covers. Other magazine, with the “church & state boobs” photo and Size Queen magazine.
SM: Over the 10 years I’ve been living here in the bay area, I feel like I’ve come across your image over and over again.
JS: I’ve lived here for a long time; I’ve lived here 20 years, and been a performer for 10 years now. The first performing that I did was in Good Vibrations’ Voluptuous Vixens.
SM: That was your first performance?!
JS: That was my first performance, a porn movie. I had started getting into the Sex Positive scene and when a call came up for the movie, I just had so many people say “you HAVE to try out for this...” So I did! I went and tried out for a porn movie. I took of my clothes and rolled around on a bearskin rug.
SM: Wow. Do you have background in performance or theater?
JS: I do have a theater background; I was a Drama major in Los Angeles San Francisco
SM: So you’ve been an activist for quite a while?
JS: My first activism was animal rights activism, specifically against animal testing, and more slowly I became a vegetarian – it was easier to give up leather than it was to stop eating meat. And so now I have a big animal rights tattoo in my back and I’m a total meat eater and I love leather (laughs). Oh well, it’s still where I came from.
JS: I did the movie and there was a premiere on the big screen at the Roxy theater, I emceed the event. Afterward, Heather MacAllister came up to me and said “You’re hot. I want you to be in my troupe. Come try out.”
SM: There’s still this underlying theme of non-acceptance…
JS: “Look at the freaks… aren’t you funny, bouncing around looking that way.”
But, I love being funny, bouncing around looking that way! Humor is a big part of what makes fat performance palatable, because it has a funny twist.
SM: In Hollywood, the fat actresses are always the funny sidekick, the butt of the jokes. They are just there for comic relief.
JS: I feel like if I can do that, be the comic relief, and be pretty I can take more control, more power with how I get seen… and that’s the image I am trying to present. Pretty and funny and together and fashionable… I’m the “It Girl”, I’ve got it going on! But, that’s only part of the story, that’s my performance persona. I still have ugly days and days where l cry and I have close friends that understand that. I’ve heard other activists talk about the difficulty of being on display and trying to be the best person possible and not always being able to be the best person possible, falling short of that yet still being able to have pride in yourself and not feeling like you’re a fake.
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| Copyright Shilo McCabe 2010 |
SM: One thing that strikes me on a personal level, is that when you are on stage you have this presence, this gleam in your eye, this… you’re strong and in control and hot and beautiful …and I just wonder… where did you get that?! Were you born that way? How do you find it in you, or outside of you, to fight the dominant paradigm?
JS: It’s really has been a combination of outside and inside, kind of believing the hype. I think that what happened is that as I started feeling sexually confident… well, my story is that everything changed for me on December 31st 2000 … I went to Queen of Heaven, a pansexual play party put on by Carol Queen, and met a new community of sex positive people. With it being pansexual, and people of all ages and races and sizes, and as different as they could be and seeing what was hot to them, it really allowed me a space to find comfort in being comfortable in my own body and find comfort with a group of people who weren’t judging me. I didn’t feel judged and kept on the outside, I felt like everyone here is on the inside and I get to be on the inside too! I very much like pansexual spaces; I prefer inclusion vs. exclusion whenever possible.
Shilo: How long after the Queen of Heaven party were you in Voluptious Vixens?
JS: It was within a year and a half, so I was now a gay divorcee and very excited, really blooming sexually in a way that I hadn’t been afforded in Los Angleles, or in a marriage with so many problems… so at 30 years old I found myself blooming. I started feeling more positive about myself, I was getting a lot of positive feedback… so that created this monster you see now… where I feel positive about my sexuality. I think that’s a lot of what it is; it has to do with sexual self esteem. Once people feel they have access to that kind of pleasure and freedom in that aspect of their life then life is a lot better in general and people, I think, face the world differently.
Shi: Do you think that this could have only happened in the bay area?
JS: I can’t imagine this happening in Los Angles… its very body focused, about looking a certain way. Of course, it’s everywhere, but it’s more so in LA. So that was a place where I felt very drawn in on myself because I didn’t feel accepted. I didn’t feel sexually positive. I didn’t feel like I was going to find people there that would be interested in me.
SM: You were photographed by Leonard Nimoy for The Full Body Project, what was that experience like?
JS: There was something strange being naked in front of Spock. It’s just a weird situation…
SM: Really, you never thought you’d be naked in front of Spock?
JS: (laughs) no…
He was really kind, gentle and patient and soft spoken. I expected him to be this huge man with a big hand that enveloped mine… and he was very normal sized. (The Full Body Project) was something that he was trying to figure out too, it was clear that he was drawn to this and I don’t think he was necessarily concerned with how it was going to be taken. I know by looking at images of fat women that sometimes this is a lot to take, a lot to look at and there’s no way to erase what we’ve already been taught about the vilified fat body so there’s always that screen that you’re looking through. And the media totally sexualized (The Full Body Project) and that was really interesting and hard to take sometimes.
SM: The pictures were not necessarily sexual.
JS: I don’t think they were sexual at all. They were naked... nude. People weren’t just able to look at them as nudes, as they would look at nudes of non-fat women. I suspect that would be true even if they were not as fat as we were, that it would still be difficult for people to look at as just art - something that was not even supposed to be erotic.
SM: Were you disappointed in the media’s response?
JS: I didn’t expect it to be easy. I guess one of my fears was that it was going to be made fun of, that it was going to be on Jimmy Kimmel and it was going to be a joke; and it’s going to be on “The Soup” on E (network) and there’s going to be a fat joke. And… I think it was on both of those and I think it was a fat joke and I didn’t crumple… it didn’t kill me. I was able to not take it personally because it is this separate image… it was me posing and doing specific things that he had asked for, down to facial expressions. The hard one was from The View. Joy Behar brought the book out and Whoopi was into it, she was all “I don’t know what you are talking about, these women are beautiful” – she was cool about it. Joy said something to the effect of “I don’t know what makes these women think they can do this – don’t they know they are grossly obese and there is nothing beautiful about them”. It was horrible! I felt like I couldn’t leave the house. I took that really personally. I felt exposed, and not in a positive way. I felt like I wanted her to be a feminist and be positive about it, and she was a traitor and I was somehow put on the outside. I like the way that Leonard dealt with it throughout. I like what he said in interviews and what he said in the book. He really acknowledged the beauty myth and the double standards and the dominant paradigm in our society and how fucked up it is.
SM: I noticed that a lot of people assumed that he was sexually attracted to fat women, and that’s why he made this book.
JS: And he was always very “no no no” but, whatever, I know he thought I was hot! Whatever Leonard, I know you want me! (laughs)
SM: Did you hesitate when you were approached to do this project, or did you jump at the chance?
JS: I was like, I don’t know… this means I can’t be a school teacher now, or… I can’t run for public office. Not that I was planning on doing those things anyway (rolls eyes). I was certainly choosing a certain path in the direction of sex positivity, deciding okay, I’ll be a spokesmodel for this. I knew that somebody would feel good about it. That’s ultimately what went on with both the porn and with Leonard Nimoy. Someone is gong to say “Wow, she looks good; I look like that, if she can look good like that then I can look good like that!” There is an aspect of “if she can do it, I can do it”. That’s not just from a fat viewer, from anybody. Certainly, skinny women have issues with feeling ugly, and being not enough or too much, and needing to purchase products to make something better. So I knew that most everyone would be able to relate to it in that way. And for the people who just wanted to say “ew, gross” they were going to say that. I was really surprised about how much came out about how it was not okay to glorify something that was unhealthy. That was an argument that was written about a lot online and a lot of people felt strongly that it was not okay to show pretty, fat women because fat is evil.
SM: Totally the opposite of HAES, the Health at Every Size movement.
JS: Right, there are still so many people who don’t believe that’s possible, the media and the medical profession too. It’s really difficult also, for instance… I know there are a lot of health issues related to belly fat. I have belly fat, so I watch Dr. Oz and he talks about belly fat being the enemy and it’s still something I’m trying to figure out. How do I love myself the way I am and not see myself as evil or bad in some way and still have this knowledge that my belly fat isn’t the best thing for me. I do believe what doctors have to say about the association between belly fat and some diseases. I’m not going to hate myself in the mean time and think I’m evil and horrible and deny myself the right to have happiness. So it’s about finding the balance of those things and also figuring out how I can help other people feel good about their selves.
SM: I feel like, as someone who has been able to benefit from the positive role model that you are - seeing you out there being your persona, being happy with who you are, being sexual regardless of what the dominant paradigm is telling you and being a happiness activist… I know I’m not the only one who has internalized that message and benefited from it. So, on behalf of myself and the other people like me, thank you!
JS: I think it will be interesting to see how I handle it as I grow older, there will be the age activism that is automatically going to be involved too, that I dare to do what I do being at the age that will continue to increase… but that’s important too. So, yeah, I guess I am a happy activist and specifically for me I feel like the way that people will achieve happiness is through having a positive sex life and you have to have a positive image of your own body to have a positive sex life.
SM: Absolutely!
Soak up some up Jukie Sunshine in person at Hot.Fat.Femmes! a Fat Activist Panel at Good Vibration 603 Valencia 7-8:30pm – Free! She will also be the co-Femcee at Last Call: The Very Best of The Kentucky Fried Woman Show, May 1st 9:30-12:30 at Velvet in Oakland , CA
Category:
"It Girl",
activism,
Carol Queen,
fat positive,
HAES,
Heather MacAllister,
Interview,
Jukie Sunshine,
porn,
size acceptance,
The Full Body Project
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