So I don’t usually write in such a serious tone but I think this is a very important issue and America must be informed…
…I keep hearing that retarded song buy Taio Cruz /Pitbull/your mom on auto-tune or whoever gives a flying fuck, but seeing as that description may leave a few in the dark, let me give you a taste of the specific lyric that irks the fucking fuck out of me…
“My life is like a movie and yours is just Tivo”
…haha…wait…what?
Now, I don’t know if this is cause I’m from the Gilmore Girls venacular/caucasian genre/I’m telling you I’m white, demographic, but Tivo is the closest thing to sex without having to take your clothes off….or turn off the lights.
Tivo fucking rocks….do you get that Pitbull….do you get that?
And what type of movies are you speaking of, because I don’t know if you have frequented you local cinema lately, but the majority of movies out there are shit…
…we’re you disappointed in Megamind too, Pitbull? Oh, goodness me too. You’d think such a great combination with Ferrell, Fey, Pitt and of course you’re sexy eye candy Jonah Hill in 3D would be a match made in heaven…but it wasn’t.
…it really wasn’t.
Now unless you were talking about Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties, cause that movie had EVERYTHING…it had a talking cat, it had romance, horror, a pussy with a British accent, and oh man that twist! Nicole Kidman as the “others” who could have seen that coming??...no one, that’s who…fucking brilliant.
…but I digress.
Tivo is fucking porn….seriously it is…and you tape different pornos simulanteously…SIMULANTEOUSLY!!!
….so obviously…I think you know what you’re getting for Christmas from me Pitbull…socks…probably socks.
Okay and of course I think we can all safely assume that Pitbull is in fact, not the author of this song.
…I’m too lazy to check on Google…deal with it.
So…um…I don’t know what oooga-booga land you live in upper-white, middle-class Caucasian who wrote this gem of a song but there is no need to lie to America.
What did Tivo do to you to have your knickers all in a twist? Um, it made your life livable, that’s what, and you know it.
So let’s just do America a favor and rewrite/record/or destroy the only existing copy…that’d be cool too.
Change it to something believable…like “Your life is like a never ending line at the DMV” or “Your life is like missing McDonald’s breakfast by two minutes everyday for a year” or ….or…or… “Your life is like having to repeat the moment someone told you the series finale of Friends over and over and over again…Even though that particular person had assumed you were smart enough to assume than Ross and Rachel would definitely end up together…Jesus Christ.”
…I know one day you’ll forgive me… mom.
