First, let me just say thanks to everyone that provided great insight and support on my situation with "My Worst Thing" coming back around. It took my several days to process it and get over my shock and the rush of fucked-in-the-head feelings that came with the situation. But alas, action has been taken.
I had a divine intervention of sorts. I went to church on Sunday, as I have been trying to get back in the habit of doing, and low and behold the sermon was on the concept of Grace. Which basically is us receiving Grace as a benefit which we don't deserve. Something that can't be earned but is given to us anyways. This was the message I needed to hear. I walked out knowing exactly what I needed to do to put the situation with my Ex behind me.
I came home and replied to his email. I basically just said that I wanted to acknowledge his apology and that I thanked him for reaching out to me when he felt compelled to do so. I also told him that there was no sense in assigning blame to things now and that I hoped that he had found the peace and acceptance that he was looking for. I wished him well and signed off.
I never felt so at peace as I did when I hit "send" on that email.
And then he replied. Almost immediately. He said he understood that it was probably hard to respond to him and that he thanked me for doing so. He also said that he had expected a much different response from me, I am assuming he thought I would go off on him and drudge up all the craziness. I think he was almost hoping I would so he would have something to fight with me about but maybe I am assuming the worst. He offered to make himself available to me should I want or need anything further from him. I assured him I would be asking nothing of him and that I had no need to take him up on his offer.
He kept putting very leading statements in his reply, like he wanted me to ask follow up questions or open the door to further conversation, to give him a chance to tell me all about how much better he is as a person and how much work he has done on himself. Instead, I just kept it very neutral, extended goodwill to him and signed off.
He replied again, almost instantly. This time it was short and abrupt. I knew that me not engaging him would make him angry. He hasn't changed nearly as much as he claims he has and just because you throw "God Bless" on the end doesn't make it nice.
There was no reply to his last email and there won't be. I feel like I have accepted the apology he extended and have made peace, really this time, with the situation as a whole. Huge sigh of relief on that and not a single thought of regret for how I handled it.
Thank you guys for hearing me out as I thought through the situation. It means more than you know!
Hit "Send" for "The End"
In honor of cutting the ties and finding some freedom, today's song is "Gone Daddy Gone" by the Violent Femmes because I love VF and this song makes me glad to be done with it.
