Index Nominum


Evidently, the word “index” comes from the Latin index meaning “forefinger, pointer” and is related to the Latin indicare for “point out.” The first usage as a noun meaning “list of a book’s contents” showed up in 1580, and the first usage as a verb, as in “to compile an index” arrived in 1720.

Have you ever made an index? I spent much of my three-day weekend so far poring over the first pages of Live Nude Girl that my publisher sent me in order to a) find and fix any errors, and b) start compiling an index. I say “start compiling” because although I now have a draft of an index, I’ll have to go through the entire manuscript at least once more before I can say the book is truly indexed because the current pagination might change based on my edits. So while I can say that “Kiki of Montparnasse” appears on p. 148 at the moment, I can’t say that she will stay there for the next go-round.

Anyway, starting to make the index took hours and hours and was tedious, tiresome, and painstaking. “Boticelli, Sandro” definitely gets an entry, and so do “Picasso, Pablo” and “Siddal, Elizabeth.” “Into the World There Came a Soul Called Ida” gets an entry, of course, but does “Drake’s Devil Dogs”? Does “Fenway Park”? Does “Starbucks”? It’s tricky business. But it was also kind of fascinating and rewarding in a really meticulous and obsessive kind of way. So if you come to one of the cities where Kyle and I are reading, and you happen to pick up a copy of Live Nude Girl, please be sure to take a peek at p.177 where the index, according to the current round of page proofs, is poised to start.

OMG Mike totally proposed to me!!

Ok la, I was exaggerating.

What happened was that one day I had this conversation with Mike:


Me: "Why won't you marry me?!"

Mike: "We are as good as married."

Me: "No!"

Mike: "Why no? We are living together, seeing each other everyday... "

Me: "I wanna you to marry me!!!!"

Mike: "But we are as good as married! There is no difference."

Me: "Ok lor in that case I shall tell everyone we are engaged."

Mike, laughs: "You do that."



The first step nowadays to being engaged is to be facebook-engaged!!


Therefore, this morning when I was very bored, I logged onto his facebook account and.... totally proposed to myself.


I know... It is infinitely loserish but it is still damn shiok!! Those of you who have not been facebook engaged/married before should try it!!! AHAHAHA!!






Omg I got a relationship status request!! Got heart shape somemore!!









Mike totally wants me to add him as my fiance!!


I am touched beyond words!! Yes my love, I accept!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*sobs uncontrollably*





TADAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENGAGED ENGAGED ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




*hops around the room showing off non-existent 2 carat Diamond ring to everyone*


I know!! He loves me so much!! I am so blessed!!


*wipes away tears*



OK... That was really fun, even though it is a self-directed love story/comedy.


On a sidenote ah, I was told that an engagement ring is the one with the big diamond, and the wedding ring is normally just a simple band.

Then, after being married, girls wear the wedding ring daily, and the expensive engagement ring is then safely kept in a box.

WTF???????????


If Mike spends $10k on my engagement ring and $3k on my wedding ring, then obviously I wanna wear the $10k shit everyday right? Why would I keep it in a bloody box?

That's just stupid man. It doesn't make sense.

I mean, it does make sense for most girls lah since they have to work and their rings can't be too bling anyway, blah blah... But whatever!

I want my wedding ring to be fucking ostentatious!!!

Please don't talk to me about how less is more hor!! That doesn't even make sense. More is more please! Duh!!!

Talk somemore I scratch your face with my humongous diamond ah!


So anyway, I have thus concluded that my engagement ring should be the simple one (I think maybe a row of smaller diamonds... ahem... for my more toned-down days) and the wedding ring shall be like...


Wait wait wait... I shall google!!


Ok!!


Here's my engagement ring:


In my process of googling for rings, I have decided that 3 rows of diamonds is infinitely better than just 1 row



Correct what... You compare!!




Kua kua... See? 3 rows of diamonds. Nice. Ahem. So much for toned down days.


So anyway, as for the wedding ring, I am inspired by this science teacher I used to have in River Valley. She's very pretty!!

And since I am so short and so talkative/naughty, I am inevitably placed in the front row of classroom seats.

In fact, I am not only in the front row, I am right in the middle, just beside the bloody OHP projector.

Everytime this teacher uses that contraption, her wedding ring REALLY sparkles underneath the intense light as she uses the hands to arrange her transparencies.

Bling bling bling... I spent hours getting distracted by her chioness ring!!


And her ring is a single humongous (or so it seemed to me at that time) solitaire diamond one.




Not 4 clasps:



Yuck



Not 6 clasps:



Boring



But the magical number of 5.





I don't know... I guess its a small detail, but to me it's quite important coz I really do think it's much chioer this way!


Hahahaha!! Talk so much, skarly nobody even wants to marry me lor!!


Wait, why is this one so chio?







Pink diamond leh!! Are real pink diamonds even purchasable in Singapore???


p/s: We are not really engaged. I'm just being boh liao.
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ZAZEN INSTRUCTIONS with LIZA ROSE


I just added a link over there to your left to a page I put together of instructions on how to do zazen. The model is LizaRose from Suicide Girls. The photographer was Svetlana Dekic. She took the photo of me on the back cover of Sit Down And Shut Up as well as the one that will appear on Zen Wrapped In Karma Dipped In Chocolate. She's at Burning Man now, rockin' out no doubt. The pictures were shot at the Hill Street Center where we hold our weekly zazen things, in case you ever wondered what the place looked like. I can't take a whole lot of credit for how nice the pictures turned out. I wasn't even really aware what Svetlana was shooting. I was just off to one side telling LizaRose where to put her feet and stuff. She's a Yoga teacher and had done some Zen practice before so it was pretty easy. The idea for the shoot was mine. There are a million how-to-do-zazen things all over the web. And they're nice. But I thought I could use my Suicide Girls connections to put together something a bit more interesting. This is by far the best looking of all the zazen instruction pages I've ever seen! Again, no kudos to me on that. LizaRose and Svetlana are the real geniuses. Enjoy.

Yesterday I saw the movie The Wrecking Crew. It's a documentary about the studio musicians who played on a ton of big hit rock songs from the Sixties including most of Phil Spector's sessions, most of the Beach Boys stuff like Pet Sounds, the Mamas and Papas sessions and a crap load more. It's a great film. See it if you have a chance. It's about time someone recognized these guys' (and gals, don't forget the great Carole Kaye, bassist extraordinaire) contributions.

Also, my friends and regular zazen-sitters at the Hill Street Center Saturday things, Deep Six Holiday, are playing a show in Los Angeles tonight, Thursday, August 28th at Molly Malone's (575 S. Fairfax Ave. Los Angeles, CA 90036) from 10 PM, the cover charge is a mere $6. You can also find them on MySpace.

Not to belabor the point on the precepts. But there's two really key things I want to say. The first is that the precepts are only to be used as a guide to gauge our own behavior — not the behavior of others. I said this before but I cannot stress it enough.

When the precepts are used to judge the behavior of others we're back into the same sick game every religion plays where we are the morally righteous and the unbelievers should change their ways. Buddhists must never be like that.

The other thing is that the point of the precepts is always to do whatever makes the situation at hand better. If I were going to add an eleventh precept it would be just that. And then my precepts would go to eleven! But I'm not gonna add one. I think it goes without saying. Or it should. The precepts we've been given by those ancient precept writer people are just examples of things that are almost always the right way to go. But sometimes they're not.

The best example I can think of along those lines is that of my first Zen teacher. He's now a part-time euthanasia technician for the State of Ohio. One night, at about 3 AM, he got a call. Someone had run into a large dog on a lonely stretch of country road. The dog was severely injured and would not recover. But it was still alive and in terrible agony.

My teacher went out to the scene and saw that the dog's body had been nearly torn in half. In spite of this, it was still very much alive and howling in pain. My teacher got out his kit and give the dog an injection of strong narcotics, something he always does to ease animals into the process. As the drugs took effect, the dog licked his hand then quietly passed away.

Had my teacher obeyed the precepts in their literal sense — by not intoxicating the dog or killing it — it would only have extended and deepened the animal's suffering. Here he disobeyed them and made the situation better.

This is only one example. Our lives are full of such instances, some far less clear cut. Intuition is important and this can be developed through zazen practice.

So go look at that instructions page and then do some!

ADDENDUM

Since a few people have asked, the hand position in the kinhin photos is the one favored by Kodo Sawaki. I learned this position from my teacher Gudo Nishijima, who was Sawaki's student. I've since noticed a few other Zen practitioners doing it this way. It sort of serves as a little secret acknowledgment of Sawaki's influence. The more standard way practiced at Eiheiji, SF Zen Center and many other places has the hands positioned such that the left hand fingers' are against the chest. Go look on the Internet and I'm sure you'll find a photo.

I don't know if the position I've shown was invented by Sawaki or if it came from somewhere he practiced. I've heard somewhere that the style Sawaki did is favored by one part of the Soto line in Japan (Sojiji maybe). But I don't know. It's not Rinzai as far as I know. I'm not sure how they do it. They jog around for kinhin. It's wild!

Kinhin itself is a bit of a mystery. In the past the word kinhin referred to a number of different things Zen monks did between periods of Zazen. It's only more recently that walking around the zendo has become the standard form of kinhin. The details are in a book called Zen Ritual. I don't own a copy, so I can't refer to it. I was reading it last time I was at the Milwaukee Zen Center.

In any case, either position will do. Minor variations like this don't make a huge difference. It's important, though, that everyone in the zendo be doing pretty much the same thing. A couple times I've had people ask me if they can hold their hands the way Yoga meditators do during zazen. They sorta rest their hands, palms up, on their knees and make an "OK" symbol with the thumb and forefinger. I usually say I'd prefer they don't. To me that's too much of a variation. The kinhin thing seems far more minor and less liable to call attention to the one doing it.
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Intervention: The Musical

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The Author Photo in Hell's Kitchen



I'm told that I'm not photogenic, and the photographs have confirmed it, most of the time. So I was surely pessimistic about the author's photo shoot. It would be terrible. It would be ugly.

I was wrong.

My good fortune was the intervention of a favorite teacher, a writer I admire named Erin McGraw, who introduced me to the best author's photographer in New York, Miriam Berkley.

I met Miriam at her apartment in Hell's Kitchen, a storybook kind of place, with books crammed in every crevice, bookshelves lining the halls, books packed two and three deep on every shelf. Before we went outside to shoot, she showed me pictures she had taken of Stephen Hawking and Margaret Atwood. She told me about an afternoon with Bernard Malamud; we talked about his late novel Dubin's Lives.

In short, she was the sort of person I didn't think existed anymore -- an artist among artists, interested in artists, spending her life documenting theirs. It is not hard to imagine her thriving among the generation of F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Maxwell Perkins. Gertrude Stein would likely have written an incomprehensible book and attributed its authorship to her.

We went up onto the roof of her apartment building. It had been raining, and every time the wind blew, sheets of water fell on her head from the higher buildings surrounding the roof. I could feel the cold in my bones. The conditions were terrible, but Miriam was willing to stay outside as long as I was. For an hour we worked in the wet and the cold, catching the new light with every shifting of the clouds and the sun, standing, sitting, squatting, leaning, Miriam giving instructions all the way: A little to the left, a little to the right, give me serious, smile, don't smile, give me hunky. I tried to pretend that the camera was a friend, a girlfriend, a lover, a brother, my mother, my wife. I felt very foolish, but I was determined to try everything. She was working so hard for me, I didn't want to let her down.

In the end, I was very happy. The photo is as flattering as a photo of me could be. And despite the exhaustion of working in the wet and cold, I left feeling the same kind of happy I feel after a pleasant evening with friends. Miriam was good company -- smart, interesting, tough-minded, open to trying things. I hope I'll get to work with her again.
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Problem solved!!




My blog is now virus-free again!!


Thanks to Roy who helped me. The file was was infected was my blogger.gif file... Kuakua... All I did was to delete it.

My blog readers are awesome!
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NO YOUNG BUDDHISTS RETREAT (and PRECEPTS STUFF)

I just got word today that the Young Buddhists Retreat in Montague, Massachusetts has been re-scheduled to March, 2009. So I'll be in Santa Monica this Saturday. I think a couple people wrote inquiring if I would and I said I would not. Now I can't remember who wrote. I'm sorry. So if you were one of them, I told you wrong. Precept breaker that I am!

I've spent the whole day today trying to sort out some weird bank shit. I am no good at this. If there was some kind of Enlightenment that fixed all your banking shit forever you bet I'd sign up in a heartbeat! But I'm afraid there isn't. I'm on hold right now listening to an instrumental version of the old Carpenter's hit Top Of The World. Oh God! It ended and now the very same version of the very same song is playing again!

... Right after I wrote that someone finally picked up the phone. I have to do my banking shit in Japanese, by the way. Just to make life more absurd and complicated. I was multi-tasking there just then. Something I've heard Tich Naht Hanh (however you spell it, extra h's in every name) never does. I also find multi-tasking to be largely unnecessary. We live in a world where people will try and make you think it's something you have to do. But it's really not. So get the frickin' iPod buds out of your ears and take off that stupid hands-free cell phone thing that makes you look like a slave of the Borg Empire. I multi-task sometimes. But it just turns each of the things I'm doing at the same time into pure slop. You're always better off doing one thing at a time.

And speaking of precept breaking, I was just going over this article I wrote to try and submit to one of the Buddhist rag-o-zines. It's about how the Buddhist Precepts are like koans -- you know, those absurd questions like "What's the sound of one hand clapping?". Morality is a very key part of Buddhist practice. But teachers in the Zen school don't talk about it in a lot of detail. That's because morality is very subjective. When you try and turn the precepts into a code of rules you're just back into the same sick game every religion plays. The Buddhist Precepts are vague and, when you get right down to it, absolutely impossible to follow. Yet we follow them anyhow. That's why they're like koans.

It's also absolutely un-Buddhist to point at another person and say that person is breaking the precepts. You cannot know what the precepts are to someone else. Trying to insist that others live up to your interpretation of the precepts is a recipe for misery anyway. They never will. I guess it's a good way to make yourself feel morally superior for a few seconds. But that never really lasts. Might as well give up the game.

Anyway, that was the gist of the piece. Maybe one day I'll finish it up and send it off.

Here's a quote from Nishijima's little pamphlet on the precepts. I use this in my third book (in stores Feb. 2009):

Q: If we’re afraid we won’t be able to keep the precepts what should we do? Does that mean we can’t become Buddhists?

A: To answer your question we should consider the intent or purpose of the precepts. In most religions, precepts are considered to be commandments or laws of God. They form the basis of the religion itself and they must be adhered to strictly. But in Buddhism the precepts are fundamentally different. Keeping the precepts is not the aim of Buddhist life. Perhaps this sounds strange to you but it is the fact in Buddhism. Master Dogen said that following the precepts is only the custom of Buddhists; it is not their aim. He felt that the precepts were only standards by which to judge our behavior. As such they are very useful to us, but we should be careful not to make them the aim of our life.

The precepts have been described as a fence that surrounds a very wide, beautiful meadow. We are the cows in that meadow. As long as we stay within the fence our life is safe and serene and we can play freely in the meadow. But when we step outside the fence we find ourselves on shaky ground. We have entered a dangerous situation and we should return to the pasture. When we do, our life becomes safe and manageable again.

So to return to your question, as Buddhists we realize that in our long life there will be many situations in which we will be unable to keep the precepts. This should not prevent us from receiving the precepts. We receive the precepts sincerely, recognizing their value and purpose in our life. We esteem the precepts but we don’t worry about them. This is Master Dogen’s theory. It is our way.

Q: You mentioned that the moral code of most religions is based on the word of God. What is the basis of the Buddhist moral code?

A: The basis of Buddhist morality is reality itself. It is the order of the Universe itself. It is the facts of life, which are facing us at every moment. In Buddhist theory the most important thing to see is what there is. Buddhist morality is here.

In other words, Buddhist morality has no basis other than Buddhist morality itself. To understand this point we must realize that morality is not a theoretical or intellectual problem. Morality is a practical problem — a real problem. What to do here and now is the problem and the answer is contained in the situation itself. This is the fact, and facts are the basis of Buddhist morality itself.

Q: So what is the relationship between the precepts and morality?

A: The precepts guide us in our life. They have come from the experience of the truth in the past, so we can say they are based on reality. But our lives are tremendously complex and varied. If we try to apply the precepts too strictly we may lose the freedom to act. We are living here and now so we must find rules that can be used here and now. We must find our precepts are every moment. Reality is changeable so our rules must also be changeable. True rules must work in the real world. True precepts are changeable and at the same time unchangeable. This is the nature of Buddhist precepts. They help us live correctly. They provide a framework which is exact and rather narrow. And yet we are free to act in the moment by moment situation of our life.

A Chinese priest once said, “No rule is our rule.” This statement expresses the Buddhist attitude precisely. The precepts are valuable to us. They can help us before and after we act. But in the moment of the present we cannot rely on any rule. We must make our decisions directly. At the moment of the present to be without precepts is our precept. No rule is our rule.

Q: So is it important to keep the precepts or not?

A: It is important to keep the precepts.
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Help help help why like this?!

OK.... I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE TROJAN!!!!

I already removed all links to awfulplasticsurgery!! What else can I do?


PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!


P/s: Erm hello? I don't think some of you understand. It is not ME who has the virus, it is that my blog is spreading a trojan! What has scanning my computer got to do with it? I already did and my computer is A-ok!

All I know is that the trojan's name is giframe, and it is spreading itself through a file called blogger[1].gif, if I am not wrong.

Also, I probably got it coz I linked to awfulplasticsurgery.com, which is also spreading trojans. I removed the links but the trojan is still there.

This is fucking annoying!!

$100 to the first person to SUCCESSFULLY help me solve this problem!!! (Saying vague things like "try republishing your posts?" does not count.)

Please email me at xiaxue@gmail.com if you are some incredibly smart IT geek, thanks!!





UPDATE: Solved! I think! If you are still getting the trojan, please let me know.
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New vids again!!

OMG!

I am so busy!!

My freaking computer crashed AGAIN. I think I got some shitass virus, and I honestly can't be arsed to try and fix it so I just formatted it lor.

Gah! Can you believe my luck? This must be the, I dunno, umpteenth time this year. HATE! (Thank god I don't have any saucy chatlogs with male celebrities otherwise lost how? Just kidding... I've got not 1 but 2 portable hard drives!!! I am that Kiasu!!)

So anyway, I swear I'm coming up with the bestest blog entry ever!! But it is not done yet, so just wait for a bit yeah?

Meanwhile I have an advertorial to finish too, and Indulgz also invited me for round 4 of food tasting so I am very excited!! Woohoo!!

And hor, just to clarify, I DID NOT send Plastic's pictures to awfulplasticsurgery hor, thanks.

Just so happens that the day before her pictures were posted up, I also linked that website!! Got more suay or not you tell me?!?!?!

I swear I didn't know what the webmaster was going to post, ok! Sompah!

Or................................

Maybe I am a prophet? YOU THINK? I could be!! Ok, I predict tomorrow's weather will be rainy again. Let's see if I really have propheting skills.

WTF man... If I were the one sending in the pictures you can be certain those won't be my descriptive words! (Coz I certainly don't think she is prettier now...)

So anyway, new videos!!

XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE



Bff auditions round 2!

See the contestants in the flesh!
I love them all :D

CHICK VS DICK



The Quiz Challenge


Is KK or Paul smarter?
Paul displays his skill at naming planets.



CRACK COMEDY



Sleazy Aerobics

I'd love my gym teacher to be this amusing!!


Click to watch all!!


Btw, please do not insult the bff contestants in the comments, thanks. :)

Love!!


p/s: Is there some sort of virus on my blog?? GASP! How the hell do I remove it?! And how did I get it?!

p/p/s: I think it has to do with awfulplasticsurgery la!! My comp was saying it is an attack site and I still went to it... Nabeh then tio virus!!! I removed all links to that site already, so it shouldn't be a problem now. Please let me know if you know anything, or if the virus is still around!!

p/p/p/s: I am SO SORRY if you kena virus from my blog!! Remember to always back up your stuff and please don't install any weird files with weird extensions ok!!!
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Book-Blogging Instead of Book-Making

This morning I post to this tour blog in the hope that you will read it in November, when my book is released, or next Spring, when we're on the road. That's when, if all goes according to plan, you will hear about my book in the newspaper or online or on the radio, maybe find this blog, maybe like it, maybe like me, maybe get interested in my book, maybe follow the link to Amazon.com and buy it.

This morning I post to this tour blog as a manner of procrastination. You see, I'm hitting the homestretch of what I hope will be my first novel, and what that means mostly is a daily laboring over sentences. I want them to dazzle and delight, but not so much that you notice their artifice and find yourself too aware of them, and lose the illusion of a deep and abiding immersion in lives other than your own. It's terribly difficult, making those sentences, and it is terribly easy, making these, because they don't aspire to art, and because they feed the easy solipsism of self-promotion rather than the painful empathy that walking in someone else's shoes can require of the fiction writer.

This morning I post to this blog as the first of many semi-productive wanderings of mind. I pay my bills by teaching at the university. Classes start tomorrow, four of them: Intro to Creative Writing, Reading Fiction, Writing About Sports, and Senior Capstone Seminar in the Practice of Writing. Later today I will probably correspond with my students about all manner of high expectations, about syllabi and class attendance and other things I don't really care about so much as I care about passions I hope to evangelize this semester: point of view, structure, the intersections between the lyric and the narrative modes, beginnings and endings, middles. It will matter little to most of them, but if past patterns hold steady, it will mean the whole world to one or two of them, will be life-altering, will ruin them like all of it once ruined me, and the challenge will be giving as much as duty and teacherly love require to those good students without giving so much that it, too, becomes a kind of procrastination, teaching for me being easier than doing, and when it is going well, more fun.

This morning I consider all the other things I would rather be doing with my day than working on my novel. Last night I stayed up late watching Joe Biden interviews on YouTube, and hoped he could make as good a vice president as he seems he might when he is at his best. The night before I watched four hours worth of Charlie Rose shows with film directors I might want to be like when I grow up: Martin Scorcese, Francis Ford Coppola, Paul Thomas Anderson, Paul Schrader. The three nights before that I spent with Graham Greene in Haiti, his fabulous novel The Comedians. Now there are some Graham Greene biographies I want to read. Season Five of The Wire, my favorite show, is now available on DVD, and if I gave it the whole day, I could watch the whole season. I've taken the last four weeks off a two-year study of Italian, and plan to stay away until the novel is done, but I fear I'm losing the good momentum that had me so close to reading Italo Calvino and Cesare Pavese in the original. And there are over two hundred photographs I took a few weeks ago in Haiti that need cataloging. Maybe there is a photo essay in them, about a Dominican dentist and a Canadian periodontist I followed for three days in the mountain village of Callebasse. Maybe there is an essay in the memories they'll stir up -- the child screaming bloody murder as his fourth tooth is pulled, the young girl sterilizing the dental instruments on the shower curtain on the kitchen table, the people waiting outside for their third day, knowing full well that their turn with the dentist will likely never come. There are too many people waiting outside for their third day.

The world is full of beautiful, horrible things, and I'm full with the desire to bring them to the page as an act of bearing witness that for me has become obligatory. But it is so easy to want to do, and it is so difficult to do. So this morning I do this, instead.
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CNN FACES OF FAITH

Here it is:



I had a haircut the day before. I'm wearing a Godzilla T-shirt under my robes. Anyone who knows how Buddhist robes are supposed to be worn could see I'm wearing them all wrong. Also I don't, in fact, work for the company behind the Godzilla films. I work for the company founded by the guy who did the special effects for the classic Godzilla movies of the 50s and 60s. But the company I work for doesn't actually do the Godzilla films. No biggie. Even in Japan people make the same mistake and I probably wasn't clear enough with the guy who did the pre-interview. I'm really impressed that's the only thing they got wrong. Kinda restores my faith in TV news.

Big thanks to the guy at CNN I talked to for about 12 seconds who read my books and got me on the show. Write me some time. I was too nervous to remember your name and that's a shame.

I was surprised and glad they asked about my supposed "obscene speech" or whatever all those people who have nothing better of their own to say always carp about me doing. Truly I would never have bothered with Buddhism had the first Buddhist teacher I met been reluctant to say "fuck" or to call certain Buddhist teachers dildoes.

It takes all kinds, as they say.
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CNN Appearance and More Great Sky Photos


I will be on CNN Newsroom Sunday on Sunday August 24, 2008 during their Faces of Faith segment at 7AM. I don't imagine they're gonna do the whole show just on me. So I'll be on sometime around 7-ish. I also don't know if that's 7AM throughout the country or just 7AM Eastern Standard Time, which'd make it 6 Central, 5 Mountain and 4 over here on the West Coast. Maybe they have some system in place so that it runs at 7 across the country. Check your local listings as they say. I don't have cable TV so I won't see this myself. If anyone can tape it for me that'd be really sweet.

The show tapes at 9AM on Saturday, which means I'll be late for zazen at Hill Street Center. But I got people taking care of that and I will be there after the interview is done. Oh! And pleeeease don't just show up for zazen tomorrow without notifying us first (see link to your left). Drop ins are fine at the normal Saturday morning zazen things. But once a month we do an all-day thing with an oryoki meal. If you just drop in on those days we can't guarantee you'll get fed.

I have no idea what the CNN people ask or what I'll say. I'm hoping it isn't the same old thing as always. But given that this will be an introduction for most viewers, I imagine I'll end up doing the usual, "I was into punk and then I found out Zen was more punk than punk" thing.

Maybe I can get a plug in for my third book which, I've just been told, will hit the shelves of a bookstore near you in February, 2009. New World Library is, once again, my publisher. It'll be called Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate. It's a chronicle of the year 2007 in which my mom died, my grandma died, I lost my job, my wife decided she didn't wanna be my wife anymore, I did a million talks about Zen all over the country, sat a bunch of sesshins, smoked pot for the first time in twenty-odd years (and hated it), got attacked in public by some of my so-called "Dharma Brothers," plus did a couple other naughty things I'm not even gonna go into here. The moral of the story? Well, you'll just have to get the book to find out. I'm just writing this to whet your appetite. Like I told you, I won't whore out Zen but I'll whore out myself as a writer like nobody's business. Anyway, I just figured if someone was gonna write a Shoes Outside the Door about me, it was damn well going to be me. Not you.

I've read all those books too, y'know. Even Natalie Goldberg's The Great Failure: My Unexpected Path to Truth. Katagiri Roshi had sex!! Oh. My. God. The Dharma is ruined! Ugh! I agree it's high time we thoroughly trashed the image of the Eastern holy person. In case you don't think anybody buys that shit anymore here's a link to a story you should read. The easiest way to trash the idea of the infallible incarnation of God on Earth was to trash myself. If you can read this book and still believe Brad's a guru there's no hope for you. I hope that a few readers will draw the inference that it's not just me I'm talking about and that maybe there are no spiritual supermen at all and never ever were. Never. Nobody. But I'm guessing the majority will just think it's all about how I, personally, am not The Guy and won't give up their quest for the ever and always elusive True Holy Man with divine light shining out his lotus asshole. Good luck.

Speaking of which, I got an e-mail just the other day asking me:

Your Sengawa Bridge experience......

I know it doesn't matter, but what does it mean? What IS it?

Your Universe glimpse....

Again... what IS it?

Is the Universe the delusional one, and the Sengawa the glimpse? Are you able to understand them better now, or perhaps tell them apart?


This is a reference to some stuff I wrote in my first book, Hardcore Zen (link on your left). I get asked about this a lot. But the answer is stated in the question: it doesn't matter.

Look. Anyone can tell you a pretty story and say they had Enlightenment. Anyone. Even me. Stories are just stories. Story-tellers are just story-tellers. J.R.R. Tolkien could make you believe in Middle Earth. Doesn't mean you can go there. And you can't go any of the places your favorite "spiritual" authors describe to you either. If you do, it only proves you've entered their imaginations. So what? A journey to the Fourth Level of the Bardo (or whatever) that sounds just like the one in the Tibetan Book of the Dead is no more real than a journey to Middle Earth for a chat with Bilbo Baggins.

Don't believe what you read. I try to write as honestly as I possibly can. But the act of describing something is always the act of lying about it. Can't be any other way.

As for "what IS it," it's a story in a book. Both of them. That's all.

P.S. So are all the stories in all the other books.

Rock on.
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Good stuff

Thanks for the nice emails and comments you guys left. It's great. I didn't know so many people went through similar plights too!

The good thing is, now T's my friend again.

And some other good news!!



Tadah! Passed my advanced!

I was in a damn glum mood travelling there. When I reached, I paid money to the cabbie and said to myself, "Ok, I go take the test already..."

He turned around, smiled at me and told me good luck, so that really cheered me up. How come ah? It's so nice when strangers are nice to you.

I had about 5 or so questions I wasn't sure of, so I anyhowly ti-kum lor. And passed!!

It's so great... Now the tests are computerized so you will know your results immediately!

Yup yup!!


I booked my practical test too. It will be on the 5th of December!! If I pass it, I will be able to drive in USA (flying 10th of Dec)!! Excitedness!! Then I won't have to keep asking a reluctant Mike to drive me to the mall!!!!!! OMG!!


Here's my PDL


Too bad it ends on 11th of Nov. I guess I'd have to renew it.

Manual or Auto??


I booked for an auto test, coz I'm like pretty sure I'll fail the manual... But Mike drives a manual car so even if I pass the auto I can't drive his car!!!!!!

Decisions decisions!

Me driving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The image is fucking hilarious. I'm so short I expect I will have to sit on several tall cushions. Oei! Stop laughing hor!!


Also... also...

ZHNG-ed MY SIDEKICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally the little fucker works!!

My code arrived!!! I paid $92 for someone to unlock it on eBay! :(

The amount of money I spent on this phone........ Le sigh...

But it's worth it!!

It is as heavy as a brick and has zero functions - the camera sucks big time, the internet functions cannot be used, and the battery life is tragic (1 day)...

But... Everyone is still very impressed by the swivel screen! Plus it's designed by JUICY COUTURE, so no complains!


I know... You are waiting with baited breath......



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With flash...


I am so sorry the photos really cannot manage to capture the real chioness of it.

The crystals are not dark pink like that. And the colour I used for zhnging was Light Rose AB.

AB crystals are fucking chio la! It's like this iridescent coating on top of the crystals that make them sorta multi-coloured...




Without flash.

I guess this is the most accurate portrayal of the correct colour, but without flash you cannot see how sparkly it really is. Plus the pic is blur...






The phone is decorated with baby pink pearls and about 7 different sizes of light rose AB crystals.



With flash



Without...

The left side of the picture shows how it's like in real life.


I'm waiting for the a new batch of crystals to come from artbeads.com!! When they do, I'm gonna zhng the back of the phone too. Bling bling!!






Paul and Kaykay... I was there when they were filming their Singing Challenge. That's donkey years ago can?!

AND FINALLY..........


The photos you guys have been requesting for!!


Presenting......


My lip fillers!!















No make-up except for eyelash extensions


These are taken on the first night the fillers were done, so they are still tremendously swollen.

I really really liked them when they were that size! I know most of you will be like, oh, look like duck etc, but I liked it!!!

Unfortunately, Dr Georgia Lee wanted to go light on me since it's my first time, and didn't put so much filler in. After the swell went down, the difference is quite subtle. If I can, I'll go and ask her for a bit more.

DR LEE IS SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Omg I have to rave about her. She's really nice! And when you talk to her, she doesn't care about charges or price... she's more interested to sincerely HELP us girls get prettier.

It's like an art for her, that's why she analyzes your face for you and gives advice on what can be improved, etc.

She gave me around maybe 20 small jabs on the lips. She has like all these little tips and tricks for how to do it so it will have the maximum and best effect!!

I've went with friends to other aesthetic doctors too, but I feel that they don't have that sort of sincerity and passion... They just do whatever they are asked to, and that's it. It is no wonder Dr Lee is the hot favourite among the stars la!!

If you want to do non-invasive work too, you can give her clinic a ring. Her website is HERE.

Woohoo!

She's really good!!! I can't stop raving can??



Night out at Rouge


I met with Rozzie and Gillian, together with Rozzie's friends Patricia Mok and Gordon.




On cab there. I dunno what's with the solemn expression.

See, the lips are nice right?? The difference is not that much, but from the side it is more obvious.





Me with Pat.

She's like a more toned down version of herself on TV in real life. Still very funny and expressive, but not so loud. Haha!! I really like her!! And she very vain and gossipy!! Hehe...


And also also!! My smile's not so gummy anymore!

So if you have a gummy smile too... Maybe can give Dr Lee a ring? BTW she never asked me to advertise for her hor. I just like her and her work so much!!




My normal cam mode... Pat adjusted the flash settings, and...

Tadah!



I dunno how she did it lor! Looks like daylight outside.



Rouge







ME ME ME!!

I love the lips and Dr Georgia Lee!

Omg it rhymes.
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How This Tour Came To Be A Tour

The first time I saw Kathy's name in print was the day my contributor's galley copy of Random House's Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers arrived in my mailbox at Ohio State University, where I was teaching and taking graduate classes. The first thing I did when the book arrived was flip to my own essay, "You Shall Go Out with Joy and Be Led Forth with Peace," and make sure I hadn't committed any embarrassing typos to the page. The second thing I did was read the essays with the most evocative titles, and there was no more evocative title in the book than "Live Nude Girl." I didn't know what to expect, with a title like that, but I was taken from sentence one by the confident, elegant prose of this Kathleen Rooney, and especially by the story she told, which put me, for the first time, in the mind of an artist's model, one who liked her job and did it well.

I wrote Kathy and told her I liked her work. We struck up an occasional correspondence, and over the next few years I kept running into her poems and essays in the literary journals I most admired. My novella "A Day Meant to Do Less" appeared in the Gettysburg Review alongside the work of a fiction writer I liked, Martin Seay, and soon I found out he was Kathy's husband. I read and enjoyed her first nonfiction book, a smart critical study of Oprah's Book Club titled Reading with Oprah. She left her position teaching at a liberal arts college on the West Coast, and her successor was one of my best buddies, who reported how she was a generous teacher and everyone seemed to miss having her around. I found out about her generosity firsthand when a visiting writer at our university pulled out of a teaching gig. I called Kathy and asked her to fill in, and with less than a week's notice, she bailed us out. I sat in on her class, learned something, and got an essay out of what I learned, which will appear in January in Dinty Moore's Brevity Magazine.

At dinner that evening (Beirut restaurant in North Toledo; Mediterranean cuisine!) we talked about what we had been talking about for awhile, which was the difficulty in connecting with readers, and the responsibility of writers to do it themselves. By then we both had books under contract that we expected would come out around the same time. And by then we both had begun to build audiences. We figured if we could merge those audiences, we'd right away double each other's readership. We also figured we could do what indie bands have been doing for decades: tour relentlessly; team up with good bands (in our case, writers) of local acclaim; put on a good show; sell some merchandise; make some friends; have a good time; leave the road with pluses all around.

We were lucky. Both books had found homes with good publishers willing to try something new. We sat down with our publicists and editors and brainstormed. We emailed and phone conferenced. We made lots of lists. We talked about our favorite writers and asked them to join us. Many of them said yes. We love them even more now. Their generosity, happily, matches their talent.

Now it's August, and the hard work continues unabated. There are still plenty of details to nail down. We have to find ways to reach the local media in each city. On a book tour, the media coverage often nets more new readers than the reading itself. And we want to give something back to each city that hosts us, so we have to find venues for free community writing workshops we plan to offer.

If all of this sounds fun to you, let me assure you: It's crazy fun, at least for me. I like working with Kathy, with Melissa and Dan (our publicists), and with the writers we plan to read alongside. I like dreaming 25 good evenings with readers who care about stories enough to come hear them read aloud. I like feeling connected to the writers whose live readings have most moved me, among them Lawrence Weschler, Mary Gaitskill, Edward P. Jones, John Edgar Wideman, and John Dufresne. Most of all, I like the idea of touring with a writer I admire, and learning city by city how to do a thing I plan to do the rest of my life. It's going to be fun, all of it.
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Too much drama

Can't sleep.... I've got my advanced driving test today at 1130am, but my mind is so filled with buzzing thoughts I can't really absorb all that shit. Why is it that when you are in a higher gear your engine uses less power?? I don't geddit??

So. Yesterday night I got incredibly vexed.

I wonder if it is true that when you gain friends you will also lose friends, such that your amount of friends will more or less be always equal?

BFF auditions have ended, and I'm down to my final 2 picks, which I have not chosen yet. I like them both a lot, and of course, these are the two new friends I gained.


As for the 2 that I lost... Well, it's a long story. Why not? I'll tell it to you.


I've known Guy X for 4 years, and we've always been close. And then, about 1 year ago, I got to know Girl X. I like her a lot, and the first time I actually met her, I brought Guy X along with me.


They got introduced to each other, hit it off, and started a relationship.

During the course of their year-long relationship, I was very close to the two of them.


One day, Guy X was found cheating on Girl X. Cheating... Had the intention to cheat. Semantics. To me, whether caught in the act or not does not make a difference.

Girl X was devastated.


Time passed after this break up. More drama ensued, as a close friend, let's call him T, told Girl X, with her heavy coaxing, some more dirty secrets of Guy X.

This close friend T was in love with Girl X, and has been for the longest time.

Of course, Guy X is furious with T for betraying his trust, and vowed to seek revenge on him.


Initially after the break up, Girl X told everyone that she will never get back together with Guy X.

Guy X, however, persisted in winning her back as he claims he loves her a lot. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep... He was at her beck and call, and Girl X is pretty good at mind-fucking him. He was in a horrible state.

I kept my silence for 1 month.

I had found out that Girl X has been telling others that she was merely playing Guy X - manipulating his feelings.

She has moved on to liking other guys, and she made out with that above-mentioned close friend T.


Initially, I gave her the benefit of doubt.

I thought she was in a self-destructive phase because she was so hurt and so sad.


But time passed and nothing changed. Girl X was still flirting with other guys happily. At least, that was my impression. Meanwhile, Guy X knew nothing of what's happening. I wondered if I should tell him.


Well... Guy X managed to coax me to tell him.

Although Girl X was also my friend, I told him what I knew, because he told me he was suffering and he NEEDED a reason to walk away.

He told me he lost 8kg. I felt so sorry for him because when I met him, he was really a bag of bones.

I told him he didn't need to walk away forever.

Just calm down, give the relationship a short break for like 2 weeks. When you two are no longer clouded by emotions, then make the decision whether to get back like adults.


And I told Guy X... I said... If I tell you the information I know, you must SWEAR not to tell Girl X ANYTHING that I said, because it will jeopardise my friendship with her, and not only that, it will also drag my informant into big trouble.


He said he promise.

I made him swear UPON MY LIFE.

He said OK.

HE SWORE UPON MY LIFE HE WOULDN'T TELL.




Guess what?


After hearing all those reasons why he should walk away, Guy X was still hankering after Girl X. They were meeting every night. They still had relations going on. And yes... All this while as I said, Girl X has moved on with someone else; had relations with someone else. Guy X didn't mind. He chose to forgive.


I don't give a shit about that.

I do give a shit about this:


Guy X blabbed.





He not only blabbed, he sold me out, as well as the poor innocent person who told me the info. He not only confronted Girl X with the facts that I told him, he also conveniently told her EVERY single thing I said about her, including my opinion that I think Girl X is scary.


I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF I AM SHAKING AS I WRITE THIS.


I CANNOT BELIEVE THE NERVE OF GUY X.


There he was, sitting on his high horse, BERATING HIS CLOSE FRIEND T FOR SELLING HIM OUT......... SAYING HE WOULD NEVER DO THE SAME TO HIS FRIENDS.....



Why was T wrong? Because T was in love with Girl X and he thought that Girl X was the victim??

BECAUSE GIRL X SAID THE EXACT SAME THING AS HIM, that she needed a reason to walk away??



He turns right around and backstabbed me... Why?

Because he wants to gain Girl X's trust?

No... Scratch that. I fucking have NO IDEA why he would go and tell her.


If he chose to forgive her actions, then why didn't he just keep his silence and keep going with her?


If he chose NOT to forgive, then just walk away! Didn't have to give any justifications!




I WAS HIS FRIEND FOR FUCKING FOUR YEARS OK!



To Guy X:


YOU GO FUCKING THINK ABOUT EVERY-SINGLE-FUCKING-THING I'VE DONE FOR YOU.


The final glorious thing I did for you...


Before you kicked me off to the Land of Negligible Sworn Lives...



I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH TO HELP YOU.


IN SPITE OF GIRL X...
Because I thought that she was stronger than you.



I did it for YOU because I couldn't bear to see you suffer.



AND YOU USED MY LIFE AS YOUR CASUAL SWEARING TOKEN.... AS A FLIMSY EXCHANGE FOR WHAT?



When you wanted to go to KL to go for a girl, who went with you? When you said you are upset and needed to meet, who without fail went to meet you?

When everyone was despising you for cheating on Girl X, WHO FUCKING STOOD BY YOUR SIDE, HEARD YOUR STORY AND TRIED TO CONVINCE HER TO GIVE U A SECOND CHANCE?

WHENEVER YOU ASKED ME TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, HAVE I EVER SAID NO?



IS THIS HOW YOU REPAY ME?



If I die tomorrow, can you answer to my mother? Can you tell her in her face that it's because of your freaking LOVE for Girl X? HUH? Can you?


I don't think you feel guilty over this. Nope... I don't think so. Why? Because the only people who matter to you are those you "love". Family... And your current love interest, whomever it may be.

Friends... What are friends?

It's ok to fuck them over, because with your superb talking skills, you can convince them to not be angry later on.

Go ask yourself how many times you have done shit to me and I have forgiven you.

When you did shit to my girlfriends... Multiple times... When you promised to help Mike in his job search and never delivered...

No need for excuses. I am done listening. You have the gift of the gab, I give you that. You can sell milk to a cow easily.

But I'm done.

I don't need friends who will casually fuck me over for vagina... and yes, even for your stupid fuck-shit dogs that I don't give a flying fuck about. I'll give it another kick down the stairs now if I could.

What's the big deal? It's just a stupid dog leh...

Life of a fellow human you also can casually throw around like it's NOTHING to you... meaning my life is worth less than your dogs?




I know where I stand with you now. If you wish to do harmful things to me like what you wish to do to T, all I can say is, go ahead and do it.

Think about all the things I can also do to you. All the things you said to me in private about others I could tell them.... A mention of your name, or your photo on this blog....

BUT I WON'T, OK?


You know why? Because friendship is not meant as a revenge tool like that. When you confided in me, it is because you trusted me. I won't use it against you just because I am mad at you.

I remember the numerous good things you have done for me, and I forgive. Yes, I am angry now, but I forgive you. I just won't talk to you ever again.


And I'll die knowing that I did you no wrong, and when I tried to help you, you kicked me in the face.





Right. I shall calm down. Back to the story.


So now, Girl X is very angry, hurt, and disappointed with me. She told our mutual friend that she has told Guy X the truth about her actions the past month. She broke things off cleanly with her new guy.

Now, she says, Guy X wants her back, and Girl X wants him back. So they are back together!

Hooray!

What an awesome reunion.


They truly deserve each other. I am saying this is a matter-of-fact way.

In this world, there are some people who respect relationships and commitment.

These are the people that will never cheat, because fucking 2 people at the same time is just plain disgusting, not to say hurtful to the other party you love.

And then there are Cheaters. Unfortunately, the world is filled with unions of Cheaters and Non-Cheaters, such that the Non-Cheater will of course, eventually get hurt.

Thus, Cheaters should always date fellow Cheaters. This way, fewer honest people will get hurt in their quests for endless attention, correct?




I am SUPERBLY angry with myself. In my effort to help a relationship, all I did was to kick myself in the nutsack, metaphorically speaking.


From this moment on, I hereby promise myself
that I WILL NEVER, EVER GIVE OUT
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE AGAIN.




Why?

Because people in bad relationships LOVE it.

They love the drama, the mind games, the breaking and patching, the abuse, the shouting matches, the suicide attempts.

It's true! They love every moment of it!!

What's the point of advising Carrie to drop Big and go for Aidan?

No point, because when destructive people like that are faced with honest, good types, they get bored and they start unleashing abuse on the these honest, good people.


So don't be stupid like me, ok? If your friend is one of these, don't bother telling to say shit about his/her partner in an effort to make him/her leave the relationship.

What will just happen is that your friend will conveniently tell his/her partner every-single-fucking-thing you said, and the next time you see them together, things will be immensely awkward.



Yup. I have been really, really dumb.


Regarding Girl X. I've nothing against her. She did nothing to me, and her personal choices that don't affect me are not my business. As I mentioned at the start, I like her very much, because she is very bubbly, funny, and she's a very loyal friend. She has been nothing but nice to me, and I've been nothing but that to her too, except for the way I handled this incident.

I sent her an email apologizing for letting Guy X know the truth without consulting her first, and yes, I am sincerely sorry for that.


I should have spoken to you, but you were right... I was being a coward because I didn't know how to face you. All I can say is that I am sorry.


I don't wish be involved in all these sagas anymore.

I just want to write my script properly and be happy with undramatic, peaceful friends... and my undramatic, peaceful Mike.


Comments disallowed.
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NEW SG ARTICLE and MORE ABOUT GREAT SKY


My newest article for Suicide Girls is up now. It's about non-attachment. I wanted to put one up about Great Sky. But I rightly figured I'd be in no shape to write an article in the 24 hours between my arrival back in Santa Monica and the article's due date. So you get this one instead.

And speaking of the Great Sky sesshin (which we were yesterday), here's a photo the likes of which you won't often see — me in Buddhist robes with bunches of Buddhist priests and such. I've labeled the teachers for the sesshin. Rosan Yoshida, who also taught, isn't in this shot because he took the photo (and sent it to me, thanks!). You'll have to click on the photo to get it to open up bigger so you can read the labels. On my right (left side of the photo) is Greg Fain, treasurer of the San Francisco Zen Center and over on the far right of the photo next to Dokai is Tojun Cobb of the Milwaukee Zen Center who acted as jisha, the person who takes care of the teachers. In my case, he coached me through all the moves needed for ceremonies. Just for the record, and in case you can't tell cuz of the blurry JPEG photo, Dharma names and shaven heads, Zuiko, Tonen and Myoyu are women. The other teachers were men. This gave the sesshin an even balance of male and female teachers, which I thought was pretty neat and very unique. In fact, it's quite unique for a sesshin to have more than one teacher. I imagine Great Sky isn't the only sesshin that's ever done that. But it's a rare thing.

I was thinking about the post I put up yesterday. I hope I didn't give the impression that the only thing that happens at a sesshin is that the theme song from I Dream Of Jeannie plays over and over and over in your head. It's not.

I mean, I could go on about the profound stillness and silence, the sight of a blue footed heron crossing before the full moon, the sky full of bazillions of stars, the cold mornings in the zendo, the stately meal services, the deep chanting, and all the rest. But you can find all that in every other book, magazine article or webpage that's ever published an account of someone's experience at a sesshin. All true. All beautiful. But somebody's gotta talk about bad TV show themes and the way every time we got to the part in chanting Dogen's Fukanzazengi where it says "who could take delight in the spark from a flintsone" I just kept wanting to add, "... meet the Flintstones they're a modern stone age fa-mi-leeeeee!" Balance, baby, balance.

There's a depth to practice you cannot possibly get any other way than by attending a sesshin. I don't care how profound you think your meditating by yourself in your fluffy armchair in the living room with Dark Side of the Moon playing on the headphones and a lid of primo sensie gets, it cannot touch a single period of zazen at even the lamest sesshin. Not a chance. Sorry.

A week in sesshin feels like a month and a half spent doing anything else. Zazen expands time like nothing you can name. A minute in zazen is equal to three hours bullshitting with your buddies. In that sense, zazen can lengthen your life. You might say, "Well, only subjectively speaking!" To which I'd say, "No shit. And no difference either." It literally makes you live longer even if you drop dead the minute the bell rings to end the sitting.

You find out stuff about yourself a decade in therapy couldn't uncover. It changes your entire outlook on everything. On the way back to L.A. I was stuck in a cattle car class plane seat in front of two toddlers who could not stop screaming, kicking my chair and pooping their pants the entire way back. The stench of baby turds was as profound as anything I encountered at the sesshin. Yet I couldn't even find the space in myself to get annoyed.

There's a way a group of dedicated people combine their energies and there's a way the focus on practice come together that no other activity can ever match. I lived a year in Toyama Prefecture in Japan, essentially isolated with a small group of English speaking people, sort of like being stranded on a deserted island with the survivors of a plane crash ala Lost. To me, that was the only experience that's ever come close to what even a short sesshin can reveal. Talk about your Dharma Initiatives!

So I don't want to trivialize the experience. But, at the same time, it's nigh on impossible to write about it coherently. I've tried and failed so many times. It always ends up sounding like the cliches you find in the magazines at your local New Age bookstore. The world has enough of those.

So, what's your point, Brad?

I dunno. Anyway, here's a photo from the sesshin. Enjoy.
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The Tour Diary Is Live

Today is the soft launch of the tour diary for the Spring 2009 Live Nude Girl In the Devil's Territory Tour, a 25-city traveling literary circus headlined by Kathleen Rooney, author of the memoir Live Nude Girl, and Kyle Minor, author of the story collection In the Devil's Territory. A special guest will join us in each city, among them Daniel Handler a.k.a. Lemony Snicket, Steve Almond, and Joshuah Bearman.

Kathy and I plan to post updates, pictures, anecdotes, and mini-essays from the road. We're hoping to bring a little of the DIY indie rock aesthetic to the book tour, to make new friends, and connect with readers. It's plenty hard to write a book, and now that they're written and (very soon, now) published, we want people to read them.

This blog will probably become a little more active in November, when I do a weeklong warmup tour through North Carolina and Kentucky, and then it will get red-hot in the Spring, when the tour proper gets going. Dates are tentative, but it looks like we'll start in February, with a West Coast leg stretching from Los Angeles to Vancouver, BC, hitting San Francisco, Portland, and Seattle, along the way. Then we'll work our way across the northern Midwest until we get to the AWP Conference in Chicago. Then to the Northeast -- Boston, Provincetown, Providence, New York City, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., Charlottesville, Virginia. In between, we'll do plenty of one-off dates throughout the Midwest.

Our publishers have been most generous with tour support, and we're contributing our own speaking fees from engagements at colleges and universities in order to pay for the rest of it. We're stretching the dollars by sleeping on the couches of friends and strangers, eating modestly, and choosing economical transportation. We will try to offer a free community writing workshop in each city, and, hopefully, we'll do interviews with newspapers, radio, and television outlets in each city, as many as we can, anyone who will have us.

I'll post more information as it becomes available, and I suspect Kathy will be checking in soon, too. We hope to see you this spring!
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GREAT SCOTT! GREAT SKY! 2008 edition


So I'm back from the 2008 Great Sky Zen sesshin. I wanted to write all about it. But there's a sale at Rockaway Records in Silverlake I gotta get to. So this'll be short.

Oh! Before I begin, I checked my zillions of e-mail when I got home. I saw there that someone posted a thing on one of the YouTube videos of me saying (I kinda wish YouTube wouldn't send these to me):


Jimmy Swaggart, TD Jakes, Brad Warner. Anyone can cash in on religion. People will line up to buy their books without examining the kind of lives that these people lead. Swaggart with his hooker, Jakes with the money, and Warner with the fame. I mean come on, a Zen priest that listens to punk rock music and is into recreational drugs????


I don't really care if this guy thinks I'm cashing in on religion (if so, where, oh where, is the cash? Wish I knew!) or if I'm too famous for his liking. But when he says I'm "into recreational drugs" I have to draw the line. I've been pretty clear that I'm not, I think. If anyone out there is still unsure about it, check this blog occasionally for my recurring anti-drug rants or read Hardcore Zen (I forget which pages, but it's almost an entire chapter). Or better still buy the Zero Defex CD! "Your drugs suck! Don't push them on me! Your drugs suck! Get 'em out of my face!"

Here's the briefest summation of the sesshin I can give you:



Yes, that's right folks, this was the tune going thru my brain for a good deal of the sittings. We did seven days with nine 40-minute periods per day starting at with a wake-up bell at 4:30 AM and ending with lights out at 9:30 PM. Which was, by the way, 2:30 AM and 7:30 PM respectively for me since I came from the West Coast and Minnesota is Central Time. The teachers there this year were me, Tonen O'Connor of the Milwaukee Zen Center, Zuiko Redding of Cedar Rapids Zen Center, Myoyu Anderson of Great Plains Zen Center in Illinois, Rosan Yoshida of the Missouri Zen Center and Dokai Georgeson of Hokyoji itself (where the sesshin was held, in southern Minnesota). We each took one day as dohsi (practice leader), on which day we had to deliver a dharma talk and lead services. Leading services is a challange for me because in my tradition we do very few services. So I've no idea what all the dance steps required are. But Tojun Cobb, resident priest at the Milwaukee Zen Center, helped out a lot with that.

Thirty people showed up including a few readers of this very blog who found out about it from what I'd written. I think three people came solely because of that. Thanks for being there! It was a very nice sesshin.

I got hay fever. At least I hope it's hay fever and not a cold. But, ironically enough, my nose, throat and lungs seem to be functioning much better in the pollution of LA than they were in the wide open spaces and clear air of Minnesota. Maybe I've spent too much time in cities! I'm still sniffling some, though. At least I didn't get Lyme disease from the dreaded deer ticks that inhabit the area.

As in 2007, the best talk was the final one of the sesshin delivered by Dokai. He's a genius. But you had to have been there. I noticed they digitally recorded the talks this time. Maybe they'll get put up on a website somewhere someday. But even if you listened I don't think you'd really get a feel for what actually was said. You have to get steeped in zazen for eight hours a day with a group of people all working and living in close proximity for a few days before you'd really grok it. You hadda be there.

I think I had more to say. But I can't recall right now what it was. Maybe the lingering after-effects of the sesshin. I also made a point of not keeping a journal, which I did last year. If I come up with some more stuff to write, I'll put up another post.
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El Vez for Prezident

A group of us went to the Black Cat tonight to see El Vez, the Mexican Elvis. Here is a blurry picture of Tom standing with El Vez before the show started. This was my second time seeing El Vez. I saw his Christmas show a couple of years ago, but got kicked out before it ended after calling a girl the "C"-word after she knocked my phone out of my hand twice as I was taking pictures. So I had to promise to behave this time.

El Vez has to be one of the most intelligent Elvis impersonators out there today and his shows are a lot of fun. This year, he is running for president, because he is tired of the policies of the Bush Administration. Not surprisingly, his platform is anti-war and immigrant friendly.

I am proud to say that I made it through the whole show without being escorted out this year. And after he autographed Tom's stomach "Viva El Vez" with an arrow pointing down to Tom's crotch, I just might vote for him too.
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Yearbooked Myself

I spent some significant time at YearbookYourself.com creating my yearbook photos of the 50s, 60s, and 70s. The first picture looks exactly like my 4th grade teacher, Mr. McGowan. Creepy!









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