sex warehouse

First and foremost, please check out the brand new HARDCORE ZEN PODCAST. This was put together by John Graves of Dogen Sangha Los Angeles. Be sure and listen all the way to the end, or better yet, skip directly to the very end of the Podcast (after the closing theme & thank yous and all that) to hear the best part.

The featured talk is from my tour of Finland last year. John decided it was best to go with a very basic theme for the first episode. So he chose a talk in which I pretty much give a live version of Hardcore Zen, the book whose Finnish translation I was promoting on that tour. So, yeah, you've probably already read most of these stories. But I'm surprised sometimes at how they change in front of an audience.

OK. So yesterday I arrived back from my European tour in Durham, North Carolina, where I'm now at a subterranean location known locally as "The Lady Cave" in which I hide from the heat whenever I'm here. As you may recall from previous episodes, I am currently homeless. My great friend Catie Braly has been allowing me to use her couch to sleep on and her floor to throw my suitcases all over whenever I stop moving around the world for more than 20 or 30 minutes. That's where I am until such time as I figure out where to go next.

I spent much of my long flight back to the US and many extended layovers yesterday writing a long, long description of my recent trip to Israel. But it was so overwhelming and badly written I'm not even looking at it right now, let alone posting it. Instead, here's what highlights I can recall...

THE GARDEN TOMB
In the photo above I am standing in a tourist trap known as the Garden Tomb overlooking what the owners of said tomb very weakly claim may be the site of Christ's crucifixion. But even they admit the evidence is pretty weak. Still, the rock formations do look kinda sorta like a skull and Jesus was said to have been nailed up at "the Place of the Skull," which no one is quite sure the location of. Plus there's a tomb nearby with a groove in front of it in which a rock could have rolled to seal it up, as was said to be the case of Christ's tomb. So maybe this is the spot.

More people accept the Church of the Holy Sepulcher as being a more likely location. But the Church of the Holy Sepulcher is dark and depressing and clogged with tourists, whereas the Garden Tomb is quiet and bright and has much cleaner toilets. Therefore I vote for the Garden Tomb as being more authentic.

Outside the tomb a small group of Filipino guys (I think they were Filipino) were trying to make some kind of movie, probably for their church back home. The subject of the film appeared to be a bright red robe that they were alternately holding up and shouting about or else kneeling with and making big overwrought gestures while scowling a lot. The very proper British woman who took tickets at the entrance kept telling them to knock it off. They would comply, then wait for her to leave, then start all over again. Quite entertaining.

THE HOLOCAUST MUSEUM
Hint: Do not go here looking for a fun time. It is not fun.

But it's one of those places you have to see and I did. It's impossible not to be moved by such a place. But it also has a numbing effect. At least it did on me. After a while you've seen more Nazi war atrocities than you can possibly process.

I'm trying hard not to come off as cynical. I know the thing Zen people are supposed to do when they go visit places like this is write a very dry essay that details what they saw in a matter of fact way and concludes with some kind of profound thoughts. But I just don't have that in me right now.

Me, I kept looking at the little displays of famous Nazis. All along the walls you have these black boxes with a photo of a Nazi on the front. If you open them up you get to see what that Nazi did and where he ended up -- whether he was tried at Nuremburg and hanged, caught in South America in the Seventies, never found or whatever became of him.

I kept thinking, I want to hear from these people. I know you probably couldn't do that. It would be too much like allowing them to justify their actions. Still, I do not think the Holocaust was just a case of bad Germans killing innocent Jews. That's what happened, superficially. But there's also something far deeper going on.

For example, at the beginning of the museum you're led through the history of how the Jews in Europe were ghetto-ized and stripped of their basic rights. Yet I visited the museum while I was staying in East Jerusalem, where the survivors of that horror have ghetto-ized and stripped the Palestinians of their basic rights.

Which is not to say the way the Palestinians are treated comes anywhere close to how the Germans, and many others treated the Jews during and prior to WWII. Yet I think it shows that what happened in the 1930s and 1940s is not something that can be attributed to one particular race or culture. It is a human problem.

I think hearing what the Nazis had to say for themselves would be very instructive. I once saw a documentary in which a very old Japanese man who had been a soldier during the Rape of Nanking told his story of what happened. It was chilling. He was so matter-of-fact about the whole thing. It's important to understand these atrocities are committed by human beings like ourselves, not by monsters, and not even by what most of us would recognize as insane people.

I understand you could probably never allow such a thing in the Holocaust Museum. But without it visitors are left with the impression these horrible acts were performed by creatures from another world. They were not.

EAST JERUSALEM
Most of my time in Israel was spent on the Mount of Olives in East Jerusalem. This is not part of the Palestinian Territories. But it is an area of Israel in which the population is almost entirely Palestinian. You rarely see any Jews up there unless they're on some kind of a tour, in which case they want to get in and get the Hell out as quickly as possible. There appear to be a few Jewish... I don't know if they're exactly settlements... but they seem to be exclusively Jewish buildings up on the mountain with gigundous Israeli flags on top. I never did figure out what these were.

My host while I was on the Mount of Olives was Ibrahim Ahmad Abu El-Hawa, a 60-something year old Palestinian who travels the world talking about peace. He opens his home to visitors to whom he preaches his message of unity and understanding. He's a truly amazing guy. The article I've linked to tells his story better than I can. It's too bad the photo of Richard Gere visiting his house doesn't seem to be there anymore. I wonder how Richard Gere felt about the lack of hot water in the showers, though. Or about being woken up every morning at 4 by the prayer call from the nearby mosque. "Prayer is better than sleep," the call said in Arabic. Says you! Even at Zen monasteries they let you have another half hour in the sack!

TEL AVIV
The last place I visited in Israel was Tel Aviv. The contrast between Tel Aviv and Jerusalem is so sharp you can hardly believe they're part of the same country. Where Jerusalem is a hotbed of religious tension, Tel Aviv seems to be as secular a city as Los Angeles. In fact, I'll bet there were more observant Jews in the area I lived in, in West Hollywood than there are in Tel Aviv.

Just about the only evidence of anything religious I saw during my two days in Tel Aviv was this crazy Hassidic guy who drove around in a van blasting loud rave type music. Every time he got to a stoplight, he'd open his door, jump out, and dance around the street. When the light changed, he'd jump back in his van and drive to the next light to dance some more. My host, Yuval Ido Tal, told me this was part of a new movement that's gaining some popularity in the city.

It was Yuval who set up a talk for me at the Psycho Dharma institute. In spite of its name, which conjures up images of Tony Perkins slashing meditators with a kitchen knife, it is, in fact, a really interesting organization set up to teach Buddhism in an academic setting but incorporating real practice into the curriculum. I recorded the talk and hopefully one of these days we'll get the Q&A segment up on the podcast.

OK. That's all I got to say about Israel for now.

But I have to get a couple more plugs in before I go. One is for this article by one of this blog's regular readers W. Blake Wilson of Kansas City. It's pretty funny.

Also, the 2010 Great Sky Zen Sesshin is still short of full capacity. This is one of the best Zen sesshins offered in this country. You really should check it out if you want to do a very simple, but extremely powerful week of practice. I'm there, but it's not a Brad Warner sesshin. I'm one of five Zen teachers, the others of whom are far more traditional and orthodox in their ways. It's an amazing sesshin that I would go to myself even if I were not teaching it. It's not too easy but it's not too hard.

Be there! Sign up today!

ADDENDUM:

Here is a video I found about Ibrahim Abu El-Hawa. I don't know anything about Enlightening Entertainment or Supreme Master TV, who put this video up. Their graphics and their name make me feel a tad bit icky. But the video really gives you a good look at Ibrahim and where and how he lives.

1. Even though I'm currently dating a guy, I identify myself as a bisexual who wants to be a pansexual. I feel like I could be attracted to any kind of person, but I don't officially know.

2. When I was younger, I always seemed to want to be with someone, whether it was a boy (which was preferred at the time) or a girl, I found myself desperately craving attention, this eventually lead to the early discovery of masturbation around the age of nine or ten.

3. I didn't understand masturbation until I entered the eighth grade, but up until that point, I loved to be penetrated with just about anything I figured was safe enough to use (and I've used some weird stuff: toothbrush holder, head of a squirt bottle, a water bottle, a Jar Jar Binks doll from Star Wars--the list goes on) and even though I was ashamed of doing it, seeing as somehow I felt it was wrong, I did it very often.

4. By the time I got to eighth grade, having multiple crushes on boys and awkwardly enough having an online relationship with a girl in Louisiana (to whom I officially came out to as liking girls) I finally mustered up the courage to ask out my first (and only girlfriend) in a school bathroom.

5. I spent the majority of my eighth grade year with a girl and was finally told exactly how to use my body and want was happening to me when I masturbated. (I also got my official first kiss and lost my virginity to a girl.)

6. After being broken up with, I spent almost all of my high school career sexless and alone. During this time I perfected the art of pleasuring myself (having my first real orgasm in ninth grade).

7. Around the same time of achieving my orgasm, I nearly went all the way with a close male friend. I'd liked him for such a long time and after the break up I just wanted to be loved again (of course he wanted to 'love' in the most physical way possible and he agreed to attempt sleeping with me) Fortunately for me, the farthest we went was making out and a little touching. The boy is my closest guy friend (aside from my boyfriend) and is miserable and jealous of me. I now realize that I'd be horribly miserable with him and would never want to date him.

8. After the remaining three years of high school, I got back together with my ex-girlfriend during the second semester of my senior year. We had a great, sexual run for six months, until she broke up with me (again) to go to an all-girl college because of the high lesbian population. Go figure.

9. Soon after my ex-girlfriend dumped me, I met my boyfriend and basically hit it off. We had sex before we were even dating and regardless of the fact he said he'd had sex before, we had a blue ball night where neither of us orgasmed (it was the most awkward sex I've ever experienced and it was the first time I'd ever been with a boy).

10. I learned a lot about the penis in college and find it very attractive (funny enough). I'm not sure if I prefer men or women at the moment, but I know I have no problem preforming oral sex for either.

11. I've become obsessed with having rough sex and would like to have more of it if I wasn't such a 'tight squeeze' (if you catch my drift), but at the moment I'd like to work on completing most of the Kama Sutra positions. I just need my boyfriend to build up some muscle so he can pick all 100lbs of me up.

12. I find almost anything 'anal' disgusting. When I was with my ex-girlfriend she was very interested in rimming and I allowed it for the most part (seeing as it felt pretty good, just a little surprising) but I was never all right with the fact that she would go down on me after rimming. I could only think of all the bacteria getting spread and would get turned off. It probably would explain some of my nasty infections as well.

13. On a side note, I'm not all right with a polyamorous relationship or the whole 'taking a break policy.' I understand that humans are polygamous as a species, but I refuse to allow my loved one to explore while they're with me. Call me selfish, but they can explore me. The last thing I need is to track dirt onto my clean carpet.

14. I would like to experiment with vibrators and other toys. Seeing as I've always loved self-stimulation and penetration, I figure it would be right up my alley. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is a typical guy and thinks his 'little guy' can do the job (and for the most part it can). I'd just like to try it once.

15. I don't know much about the rules referring to the size of a guy's penis but I have to say, my boyfriend is average and uncircumcised and I love it. Like I said, I don't know much about how a penis is supposed to be, but I find his attractive and it does the job. I'm perfectly satisfied and I think that makes him happy. Which makes me happy.

16. I sometimes wish I could express my more lesbian side. Being more heterosexual at the moment does not leave much room for expressing my more butch side. I love to wear more masculine clothing and love cutting my hair to imitate a boy's. However, being a typical boy, my significant other does not find my desire to be masculine attractive. It doesn't help that my gay friends can freely express themselves.

17. I would love to go drag-king if I could. Just for a day. I'd wear a mustache and dress in a suit with suspenders and a charming hat. It's a little off the subject but like I previously stated, I love the idea of being masculine. Sometimes when I have the opportunity and my boyfriend humors me, we switch gender roles and I comfortably assume the position as the 'guy' and he becomes the 'girl'. As long as it's not during sex, he usually doesn't mind it.

18. It seems like most of my gay/lesbian friends really hate bisexuals for the bad reputation of just gender swapping because they're horny. It's true in some cases, but not always. I find that I want to be with someone who makes me happy, gender aside. I fall in love for the person, not the gender.

19. There's also the whole 'porn' part of my life. I'm usually very satisfied with the general act of sex, but from the time I was single (three long years) I was stuck on porn to get myself off. Being the anime nerd that I was, I got into cartoon porn (all of which is very strange) and would watch it maybe four or five times a week.

20. When I wasn't watching porn, I was playing porn games. I found it stimulating and kind of fun. It was a guilty pleasure I had and when I was upset I would watch/play around with porn.

21. I eventually got to the stage of watching porn with my ex-girlfriend. Awkwardly enough, she was into gay men porn as opposed to lesbian porn whereas I was into heterosexual porn or lesbian porn (and it didn't help that real porn didn't get me off as much as cartoon porn did). I think I just liked how graphic it was.

22. I still haven't watched porn with my boyfriend, and I feel that maybe somewhere along the road I will. Still, there's the fantasy part of my life that I'd like to share with my man. The bad thing is he really doesn't have any fantasies. That poses a problem when I want to get creative for him.

23. Regardless, I have fantasies of being completely dominated, or being romanced into bed. We've done the whole shower scenario and I'm hoping that we'll just continue thinking outside of the box and the bed.

24. There's always the fact that my man gets turned on by me sucking on his fingers, where I get turned on by being kissed on the ears and neck. Really, I just want to be touched all over. I find nothing sexier than a person willing to touch. I'm a very physical being.

25. Ultimately being a physical person has caused some problems for my relationships, but luckily for me, my boyfriend doesn't seem to mind.

JMU made me a very cynical person and honestly, I couldn’t be happier with that fact. The amount of respect you get for being the bitch who says what everyone else is thinking, is well, priceless.

But to get where I am today took a couple of years. It took years of just watching these girls, no these women, who at first I thought were just a little desperate and naïve. Turns out, they were just stupid.

If you went to JMU then you know the JMU Syndrome. There are two types of this syndrome: the male version and the female version.

The male version is quite simple. One semester at JMU and all of a sudden these men think they can drink anyone under the table, fuck any girl they want and never have to get use condoms because their penises are immune to any type of STD.

When in reality, most of them are light-weights, who piss on themselves “accidently” and are so drunk that they can’t really tell if the “girl” that is hitting on them is, in fact, actually a girl in a beige trench-coatlike dress, or in actuality is Inspector Gadget, but is willing to take the chance.

The female version is a little harder to watch. Most of the girls were at some point smart in their earlier years, but realized quickly that the men at JMU like their girls just the same way like their eggs: over-easy. You know those girls too; their fave song comes on at a party, most likely of the Beiber genre, there hands go up and it’s done, someone is getting blown in a 100 meter radius.

Now as a female graduate from this party school, I will be there first to say that yes this is a generalization, and that yes of course there are plenty of men and women at that school who are smart and hilarious and cool. And if I’m your friend then I probably don’t think you are a douche or a whore.

But let’s be honest, stereotypes start with a grain of truth, and the amount of ridiculously stupid and whorey girls at JMU is appalling. And I’m mostly likely going to make fun of you behind your back and to your face, because you probably won’t get the joke anyways.

The summit ended a couple of days ago but the aftermath will continue for some time. The newspapers are filled with follow up stories about everything that happened over the weekend, from the Black Bloc to innocent people being arrested. It is interesting to see how the focus of the reporting moves from the big picture to the individual human interest pieces.

On Sunday night, the police surrounded a group of people at the corners of Spadina and Queen and refused to let them leave. I say "people" and not "protesters" as it seems that many individuals, hangers-on, passer-bys and even news reporters all ended up in this net of riot cops. During three or four subsequent hours in the pouring rain, the cops systematically arrested individuals in the crowd until finally, so it's been reported, let the remainder go. Did the police over-react?

Reality vs. perception. I watched the crowd on TV and my take was an unorganized group of half-hearted protesters. I had also watched the crowds on Saturday both on TV and in person and believe me, what I saw on Sunday night looked not at all threatening. The police are now saying that they had information about ne'er do wells in this Sunday night crowd but the public perception seems to be that this was not the case.

What is the truth? What was the reality and what was / is the perception? Canada spent over a billion dollars on these summits with the tightest security Canada has ever had and yet, did we collectively hit the mark? Last night on the CBC, the head of the summit security centre in Barrie said that in the end, we had a couple of burned police cars and some smashed windows; all in all, not very much. That may be true; that may be a truth or a perception but now, in the cold light of day, questions are being asked about where were the police on Saturday when the Black Bloc swept through the downtown with impunity and was Sunday merely an over-reaction on the part of the police for getting caught with their pants down a day earlier. I have imagined Stephen Harper on Saturday sitting down with the leaders of the G20 and getting reports about what was going on outside and being embarrassed then sending the message down the line to not let this happen again. Quite frankly, I was certainly embarrassed. This is Canada?

Some Afterthoughts

On Saturday, I watched on TV various members of this Black Bloc group vandalizing property, property which is in my own neighbourhood. The Starbucks at the corner of John and Queen streets? I sometimes stop by for a coffee. The Bank of Nova Scotia at McCaul and Queen? I walk by there all the time. What the heck? No, at the time I said WTF. This is my neighbourhood; this is my backyard; how dare they?

Out on the streets Saturday, I watched as individual protesters yelled at individual policemen. What? I'm concerned about capitalism, global warming, inequality in the world and I'm in the face of an individual cop responsible for protecting the summit while screaming that this is "my street"? No, this is "my" street. I live here. And how is yelling at one poor cop supposed to change the mind, influence the opinion of Stephen Harper or Barack Obama who are blocks away out of sight and out of earshot?

Several times I watched as people in the crowd hurled objects at the police. I found this behaviour outrageous. At one point, I saw something white arc across the crowd and knock a mounted policeman off his horse. Of course, the police reacted and pushed back the crowd; in some cases a little roughly but what the heck? I watched people not just yell at the police but poke at them with sticks, taunting them, attempting to provoke them into doing something. I have to ask these individuals "Are you out of your freakin' mind?" There's a guy standing in front of you who outweighs you by probably 25 kilos. He has a helmet, a shield, body armour and a club. Behind him are more of the same and you're poking him with a stick and yelling at him about your beefs about the world? Newsflash! I don't care who's right or who's wrong. I don't care about the subsequent media coverage and what may or may not end up in court. At that moment, at that precise moment, you are going to get your ass royally kicked.

My beef is with the government, with the system, not with the individual policeman standing in front of me. Rights? What the hey? This is Canada; this isn't some 3rd world dictatorship. There is a time and a place; there is a system; there is a process. Sooner or later, the individual behind the police uniform, the human being behind the riot cop is going to react by being scared or just having taken enough B.S.

I watch a young man and a young woman yelling anti-capitalist slogans at the front of the crowd. They are both look around 18 or 20; they are dressed scruffily with body piercings and tattoos. I ask myself if they have jobs; are they in some way part of the "system"? Aren't we all part of the system?

I walk by a relatively normal looking citizen, a woman, except she is wearing a black T-shirt which reads "F*** Canada". I beg your pardon?

Let me be right up front in case you missed what I've said before. I'm 57 and you're 20. You want to change the world. I want to stop the world from falling apart. 2 perspectives; 2 different ages. I repeat: if it was all that easy, it would be fixed by now.

I'm not saying the big boys don't make mistakes. I'm not saying I'm completely pleased with the world. I'm not saying I don't have my own list of grievances. But, breaking the windows at Starbucks does not in any way help the cause. Standing in front of a riot cop and yelling at him like he is personally responsible for the ills of the world is not just ineffective, it is not fair. Throwing objects at the police is hateful, provocative, anti-social and just downright stupid.

Let me be clear. I did not vote for Stephen Harper. I am not at all pleased with the performance of our government and the governments of the G8 and the G20. Nevertheless, I do respect the magnitude of the problems; it is not easy getting everybody to pull together in the same direction at the same time.

Burning police cars. Roving Black Bloc gangs. People throwing stuff at the police. Local businesses vandalized. People yelling at police, taunting them, poking them with sticks. I'm sorry; did I just walk out my front door onto the set of the next Mad Max movie? Is this anarchy central?

Several times I heard protesters chanting. Some group leader yells, "Whose streets?" and the crowd replies "Our streets". Sorry folks, this is my street. Now go home.

2010-06-29

1. I can’t stand labels. I don’t like to describe my sexuality in one word because I don’t associate myself with a label.

2. I am sexual. I enjoy sex. If you base sexuality on experience, you’d probably consider me straight, with lesbian fantasies/tendencies.

3. I have never told anyone about this before, but I suppose I technically lost my virginity at about 11, when my older brother wanted to play “games” with me. I don’t think of it as sex. In fact I barely remember it happening now that it’s been so long. It wasn’t a painful experience or anything like that. Just something that happened to me.

4. I am a 25 year old female, in a committed long-term relationship. It didn’t start out that way, but more about that later.

5. My first boyfriend was younger than I was, and I wasn’t particularly attracted to him. I was 17 and craved the attention of a boy as all my friends had boyfriends or at least the attentions of boys. I dated him to annoy my family as they didn’t like him and disapproved of us being together.

6. One day when we were alone together, he tried to have sex with me. I remember that his penis was really small, to the point where I wasn’t sure if he’d even entered me. At this stage I still wasn’t really aware of my sexuality, or even what it really was. I was a late bloomer I suppose.

7. We broke up not long after the above incident. It wasn’t so bad being single. I learned to love myself, to enjoy myself. I discovered Cosmo magazine and my sexuality. My mother tells me that all the women in our family have rampant libidos, and I’m no exception.

8. I enjoy talking to random people about sex online. I enjoy finding out what other people like to do, what turns them on.

9. I can be an attention-seeker sometimes. I crave sexual attention. I like to be told I am sexy, and that other people would want to have sex with me.

10. I had a drunken one-night stand with my best friend’s boyfriend. I remember a summer when he wouldn’t leave me alone. He wanted me. I told him he couldn’t have me unless he broke up with his girlfriend.

11. So he told me that he was breaking up with her. He told me he wanted me. He told me I was sexy. I gave in to temptation. I wanted him as well. It was amazing sex. We flirted for a long time after that. It never amounted to anything and for that I am actually now grateful.

12. When I met my current partner, we slept together straight away. I knew it wasn’t something most girls do but it felt right. We’ve now been together for over 4 years.

13. It took me a long time to figure out what I liked and to express what I wanted to do with my partner sexually. I remember when he introduced me to porn sites, and by seeing what others did, I soon learnt what I wanted.

14. After only knowing each other one week, he told me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. We constantly had sex. I think I didn’t sleep for that first year of our relationship. Seriously, we were having sex at least 3 times per day/night.

15. After 6 months, we found ourselves in the circumstance of flatting together. He didn’t bring his bed with him, so we were sleeping together in my bed. Well, maybe not quite so much sleep as sex. See previous point.

16. I have a blog that documents my sex life. Whenever we have some amazing sex, I’ll sit and write about it the next day. It turns me on and turns on the people who read it and comment on it. It even turns my boyfriend on. We usually go to bed and have more hot sex after reading my blog.

17. We’ve talked about threesomes, toys, and other ideas, positions and places we’d like to try having sex. We’ve tried all but the threesomes. I think we’re more in love with the fantasy for the time being. I would love for him to tie me up and blindfold me and tease me until I beg for him to fuck me.

18. For the past 4 months, we have been doing the long-distance thing. Fortunately this makes for very hot steamy sex when we do see each other. It also makes for my imagination to come up with new fantasies.

19. When I’m horny, I’m insatiable. I can’t get enough. These are the times where my poor partner tells me to get a fuck buddy. I have actually tried to meet guys who would want to be just a fuck buddy but I think I need the deeper connection, so I’ll just put up with being horny for now.

20. When I fantasize about sex, it’s about being filled with cock that does it for me. There have been times when I’ve had fantasies about women as well. I have a certain friend who is very sexual and beautiful but the thought of getting naked with a girl scares me. Fantasies are free.

21. I don’t masturbate a lot. I find it difficult to get sexy by myself. As above, I crave a hard cock. I have toys, but I need more. I think I also prefer the interaction that sex with another person brings.

22. I masturbated earlier today and orgasmed 3 times. I suppose the toys can’t be that bad. As with number 19, I’m insatiable and still horny.

23. I just wrote in my blog about my masturbation and what I was thinking about when I did it.

24. I love to be teased. All that crazy dry-humping, groping, and kissing teenagers do. I love the feeling of being turned on.

25. Writing this did not help with my feeling horny.

Copyright Shilo McCabe 2010

An injury has slowed down The Sex Positive Photo Project for the moment, wish me a speedy recovery!  I'll be back with more photos as soon as possible.

xoxo,   Shilo

Our town’s so called independent newspaper the Bolton News has given some attention to the story about two foreigners previously convicted of fraud who have been employed as care workers. This has been allowed to happen by means of a government funded scheme being run by Bolton Council called ‘New Chance’.



Some people have voiced concern that employing ex-criminal to care for vulnerable people is inappropriate, and that Criminal Records Bureau [CRB] checks are supposed to stop this happening. But the reality is that CRB checks can not identify the backgrounds of a great many people who are providing care for our elderly.



The reason for the huge loophole in CRB checks is down to the Home Office. When, for instance an asylum refugee wants to apply for a job in a care home it is in most cases impossible for the CRB to do a check on that individual: let’s face it if a foreigner is telling us they have been persecuted by a regime or political system how can we grant them asylum and then ask their persecutor if our new found refugee has a criminal record. In cases like this the Home Office supplies a letter, removing the requirement for CRB checks to be carried out.



As someone who has had quite a lot of first hand contact with care homes I know that there are many refugees working in these homes and for agencies. Now the question is; how can the Home Office know that these people are not ex-criminals, how can the Home Office know that these people will not harm or have not already harmed elderly people.



For some time I have been in pursuit of answers to these questions, but as so often is the case it seems someone in the Home Office and the Bolton News believes that the BNP are best ignored.



Anthony Backhouse

1. I have identified as so many things over the course of my lifetime. First I was straight, then I discovered I liked girls, so I switched between bisexual and pansexual for a while before settling on pan.

2. I've always explained what pansexuality means to the best of my ability to those who don't know. Nevertheless, I've been considering simply identifying as queer. I've always liked that word, anyhow.

3. I first started masturbating when I was twelve or thirteen to thoughts of fictional characters.

4. Many of my crushes are fictional or otherwise unreachable.

5. My first sexual encounter was when I was fifteen. I was at my best friend's house, and her boyfriend was over. We were all watching TV, but then her boyfriend got up and left the room. I decided to take the opportunity to experiment, and by experiment, I mean groping my friend's breasts and kissing her. She was my first; I used tongue.

6. I lost my virginity to her a few weeks after she and her boyfriend broke up. I was incredibly unsure about my sexuality during this time. I didn't want to not be straight, but there she was, proving me otherwise.

7. We decided to enter an actual relationship a few months afterward. There were lots of sleepovers at her place during this period. I discovered that she had a rather high sex drive. I had lots of fun with that, especially through roleplay. This fixation on sex was one of the things that led to our breakup/downgrade to friends with benefits, as well as her discovering another guy who she felt feelings for. I have nothing against her for this.

8. Apparently, #5 and I were gay lovers in our past lives. I see no reason not to believe in that--I like the idea of being a guy, anyway.

9. On that note, I tend towards being androgyne when showing myself in public. I never wear dresses or skirts in public anymore (or, for that matter, in private).

10. I'm actually quite comfortable with being in a female body, minus the blood gushing out of my vagina every month. Despite this complacency on my part, sometimes I wish I could switch my biology out whenever I felt like it.

11. I write. I have a few characters I like to play around with. Most of them were created based on my preferences in guys and girls, both in personality and appearance.

12. I have recently discovered that I find Nazi uniforms a turn-on. I feel terrible, because: 1) I have taken a Holocaust class, and I should know better than to fetishize such a terrible regime; and 2) I wonder if it demeans my academic interest in the time period.

13. On the less controversial side of the spectrum, I have things for glasses, men with facial hair/stubble, formal wear, and strong noses. I also like mannish women (#5 fell into this catergory; her face was very square, being of Russian descent).

14. My taste in guys is much more inclusive than my taste in girls. Nevertheless, I have trouble finding people who fit the guidelines.

15. I'm currently crushing on a guy who was in my English class this past year. He fits so well into my preference for men that it's scary. I wonder if he has a thing for me.

16. I think Thom Yorke is one of the sexiest men alive. His voice is absolutely orgasmic, and his scruff, social anxiety, and short stature are incredibly cute. I underwent a period where everything I thought about had to do with him. I felt like beating myself up later on when I discovered just how creepy I was being.

17. I broke my hymen this past week with a hairbrush. Blood was all over the sheets, and I tried hiding them away without garnering my dad's suspicion, but it felt incredible. Overall, I see it as a victory.

18. Many of my sex dreams in the past have involved bestiality. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

19. My first semi-sane sex dream also occurred a week or so prior to writing this. I was being fingered by this rather androgynous-looking English girl with heavy eyeshadow and choppy, boy-short blonde hair. It switched to something less sexual a few seconds later, though. I was incredibly disappointed.

20. Most of my fantasies have centered around fictional characters. Oddly enough, the girl in my sex dream was a female version of one of these characters. This made it a lot better for me.

21. I try to keep my sex life as private as possible when it comes to my parents knowing. The last time my dad talked to me about my having sex with #5, I was so scared and vulnerable that I burst into tears and ran away.

22. Strangely enough, I can talk about sex with the people at my church a lot more easily. (I'm a Unitarian Universalist, so go figure.)

23. I find drawn porn, erotic art, and written erotica about a billion times sexier than live-action porn. I prefer slash fan-fiction and women topping over everything else.

24. One of my favorite fantasies is sitting on top of a cute virgin boy and guiding him through the motions. Conversely, I also fantasize about being held down by a handsome aristocrat and being disciplined mercilessly.

25. In the past three years, I have swung between finding sex something to be kept private and sacred and encouraging sexual openness and freedom. I've not let go of my prudish roots completely, though; you'll never find me in skimpy clothing or talking about sex in public without giggling or blushing.

Saturday, June 20, 2010

5pm: Queen Street West near Spadina
Apparently the crowd grew, the police officers felt threaten and abandoned their cars. The crowd then vandalized the cars, smashing out most of the windows and hitting and jumping on the cars. After a while, some people in the crowd lit paper on fire and threw it into the first car eventually causing it to catch on fire.


The police did move in and take control of the area including bringing in firetrucks to put out the car. However, they left both cars there and later on around 8pm, the crowd then set the other car on fire.

Video of the burning police car






3pm: Starbucks: Queen Street West and John Street
My wife and I were watching the television station CP24 who have studios right at the corner. A cameraman was out on the street and captured images of Black Bloc people smashing windows and such. Here is the Starbucks at the corner of John and Queen.


3pm: The Bank of Nova Scotia: Queen Street West and McCaul
As we watched CP24, we saw masked men use boards, rocks and in one case a hammer to smash not only the windows, but the screens of the ATMs.


3pm: Starbucks: Queen Street and Bay
Let's target multi-national companies?



7pm: Riot police: Queen Street West and Soho Street
This is happening right beside my own condo building.


3pm: Clearing Queen Street
Video shot from my 8th floor balcony. The intersection of John Street and Queen Street became a flashpoint when protesters tried to turn south from Queen onto John. Some groups had broadcast their intention of trying to tear down the 1st perimeter fence and the police had no intention of letting them near it. As a consequence, a lot happened right in front of my balcony.

Complete photos and videos

My views:
Friday, June 25 : I'll show you
Saturday, June 26 : I'm shocked. Here?
Sunday, June 27 : It's over
The Aftermath, the Afterthoughts

2010-06-28 : 96F3JHVYCTMC

June 27, 2010

Today, my wife and I watched the news. The total number of people arrested has grown to almost 700. Early this morning, the police went to the University of Toronto and picked up around 70 people who were staying there temporarily in the dorms. Apparently their detective work had lead them to people in possession of materials such as bricks, sharpened sticks and other such paraphernalia which could be used for vandalism as opposed to peaceful protest. Also, the police had found behind the bushes surrounding the dorm numerous articles of clothing matching the outfits of the Black Bloc.

This afternoon, my wife and I went out for a long walk. The streets seem pretty much back to normal. We noted that clean up had been done or was underway for businesses which had sustained damage. We saw a couple of groups of protesters however everything seemed very peaceful. The G20 apparently ends later this afternoon and all of us can get back to normal.

In the final tally, what did the protest accomplish? Do the participants feel a sense of civic pride having exercised their democratic freedom? How do the people who are still locked up feel? I noted that one TV station interviewed a representative of some legal group who was offering counselling and referrals for those who had been detained by the police.

I remain myself quite miffed at watching police cars burning, police cars that I helped pay for with my tax dollars. I am ticked at watching my own neighbourhood set upon by masked men randomly smashing windows. I am cross at those I saw yelling at the police as if the police are somehow the enemy.

Do we need to protest our government? Yes. Do we need to tell our leaders we are displeased with the job they are doing? Yes. Do we need to bring to the attention of the world the various issues which get lost in the shuffle of daily business? Yes.

Nevertheless, it is painfully evident from this past weekend that not all who come to protest do so legitimately to protest (Black Bloc) or know how to protest (yelling at an individual cop or even throwing stuff at the cops). What was accomplished? To all those who were arrested and possibly may at this moment remain under lock and key, was your sacrifice worth it?

The G20 leaders are heading to their respective planes to fly home. They were not bothered by the protesters; they never even saw the protesters. Somehow the time and energy of the entire protest would have been better spent doing something else: writing to government officials, speaking directly with elected representatives at home, contacting media. I for one have the image of a burning police car not one block from my own home. Protest? Anarchy. Legitimate complaint? Crazed anger directed at the police. Desire to strike at unfair practices of big business? Smash the windows of Starbucks and my local bank. Down with capitalism? It is that very capitalism which provided your food, gave you transportation, sheltered you in Toronto and granted you the freedom to protest.

You all have great intentions. Many of those intentions I agree with. Hats off; congratulations. But I think you all need to rethink how to turn your ideas into reality. And please, when you drop back for a visit? I would be most appreciative if you wouldn't trash my neighbourhood.

2010-06-27

June 26, 2010

Canada is known as a peaceful country. Canadians are well known as being polite. As a consequence, whatever I tell you is in no way to going to compare with the seriousness or the gravity of other events around the world.

Nevertheless, I have to shake my head. I live in downtown Toronto in a condo apartment not far from the security perimeter set up to protect the G20 summit which is taking place here. A group of protesters was set to make a walk through the middle of town passing almost in front of my building. As my wife and I watched the proceedings on TV, we watched the protesters pass along Queen Street from our balcony. A TV cameraman captured live video of masked protesters smashing windows of various stores not 1 block from our building. From our balcony, we watched riot police attempt to quell the crowd.

Several hours later, we ventured out for a walk only to see smoke down the street. Moving closer we discover 2 police cars vandalized; one of them is on fire. We walk around part of the downtown area viewing other stores with broken windows. Later we would see other images captured by roving TV crews of masked men using stones, pieces of wood and in one case a hammer to randomly break any glass they were walking by.

This is Toronto? This is Canada? These are Canadians?

David Miller, the mayor of Toronto was shown at a news conference talking of how Toronto is home to major businesses, several consulates, etc. There is almost not a day where there isn't a protest happening somewhere in the city but these protests are always peaceful. Smashed windows? Burning police cars? People being arrested? This is unheard of. What the heck is going on?

The expression of the day for all of us seems to be "black bloc". All news reports were showing a crowd within the crowd, a group of men dressed for the most part completely in black but all wearing some sort of mask, usually a ski mask or a bandanna of sorts.

With roots dating back to the 80's in Germany, the "black bloc" is not a group per se but a method of protest. By dressing in a similar fashion, by masking their identities, the individuals attempt to give themselves anonymity and make it difficult for the police to focus on individuals.

While the main thrust of the so called movement is anti-capitalist, the anonymity unfortunately has given rise to vandalism. Society is the oppressor and smashing anything associated with society is somehow a blow against the capitalistic oppressor.

As my wife and I watched one burning police car live while we were in the street then later other burning police cars on TV, I couldn't help think that my tax dollars paid for those cars. As I watched these black bloc people smash the windows of the Starbucks outlet just around the corner from where I live, I was thinking they were breaking the windows of where I occasionally stop to get a coffee.

Was this the work of a noble cause fighting "against the man", fighting the capitalist machine which oppresses the little guy? Nope. This was a bunch of hooligans, a bunch of wild, aimless youths with a lot of pent-up energy who, thanks to anonymity, were able to "get away with it". As I watched on TV a cameraman capturing the images of a bandanna clad young man using a hammer to wail away at the screen of an ATM at an outlet of the Bank of Nova Scotia, I was outraged at this personal attack on my neighbourhood, in my own backyard. How would that guy like it if I smashed the windows of his house?

At one point, there was a line of riot police just outside our window. My wife and I stood partly on our balcony watching the confrontation live while watching our TV to see what the cameraman in the street was filming live right at the front of the line. I can hear a young lady and a young man yelling at a single policeman about needing to be heard, about social injustice and such. Is this the time and place?

Somebody in the crowd throws an object. I watch this "thing" arc out of the crowd and fall beside a policeman. Scary, and of course the police as a whole react by moving forward and pushing the crowd back. What the heck did that accomplish? Each one of the uniformed police is an individual like you or me probably apprehensive if not scared of being confronted by a crowd which seems unorganized and on the verge of descending into anarchy.

Is this the time and the place to "storm the Bastille"? Canada is one of the best countries in the world. Don't get me wrong; things are not perfect. Nevertheless, there is a time and a place for everything and there is a method of making your voice heard. Want to change the world? Run for election. Don't like how the system is being run? Change the rules but legitimately. Be part of the solution; don't be part of the problem. Smashing a storefront window will not affect the outcome of the G20. Yelling at a single cop dressed in riot gear is not the time or the place to make a point.


2010-06-26

1.) I'm 24 years old, male, and a virgin. I'm not exactly ashamed of this fact, yet I sometimes worry how people will react. And at the same time, I have so many hangups about sex in general, it's just absurd.

2.) My first kiss came when I was around 6-7 years old. I was at a friend's house, and his older sister was there with her friend. My friend was around 9, and his sister was around 13 or so. She tended to be domineering and almost abusive at times, or at least that's how I remember it. Me and my friend were sitting on the floor in the room he shared with his sister, while his sister and her friend were jumping on the beds and singing along to the New Kids On The Block cover of "We Will Rock You," by Queen, playing on the stereo. His sister suddenly leapt off the bed, landed on her feet in front of me, kneeled down and kissed me rather deeply. I think she even used tongue. After perhaps 3 seconds of this kiss, she pulled away, leapt over me and went back to jumping on the beds. I remember not knowing what exactly she had just done, until years later when I thought back on it and realized she'd kissed me. My friend told me a few years back that she had a big crush on me, despite our age difference, but there was no way I would've noticed.

3.) My first actual sexual experience came when I was about 8 years old, with my 6 year old female cousin. My memories are a bit foggy, but I remember us playing Truth Or Dare, and either she or I dared the other to show them their 'equipment.' It mostly progressed from there. The second or third time we played after this, I think I dared her to rub my... parts... with hers. She did so, and I remember it felt so good that my eyes rolled back in my head.

4.) We continued messing around like this for what feels like ages in my mind, but which was probably just a few months. First rubbing one another with our hands, to actually touching our genitals together more and rubbing that way. I thought we were actually having sex at the time, and put a stop to it after hearing of AIDS for the first time, completely ignorant not only of the fact that we weren't actually doing it, but that there was no risk of HIV or any other STDs involved. I actually believed just having sex at all could get you infected with HIV, and was terrified.

5.) I guess I learned the truth eventually, and stopped fearing catching HIV from innocent experimentation. My cousin moved, and perhaps a year later, my next experience was with a male friend of mine, who was my best friend at the time. My memory is a tad foggy, but I think it mostly consisted of the same activities I engaged in with my cousin. I remember he didn't seem too weirded out by what we did, or really to even take much notice of it at all. I also remember one incident of him being at my house, the two of us being alone together, and me trying to get him to come to my room so we could mess around, but he was too interested in some show that was on TV. I remember being irritated by this.

6.) I only had a few dating experiences in school. My first came when I was 10 years old or so, and we had our first dance. A girl I was acquaintances with apparently had been dropping hints for a month that she wanted me to ask her, but I was still a little boy playing with Power Rangers and such, so I didn't notice. She eventually asked me out herself, and I accepted. Shortly after this, a rather bitchy female classmate and her group of friends went around asking everyone if they were going to the dance, and who they were going with. They badgered me until I told them who had asked me out. They went to ask her, she denied it, and the bitchy girl and her friends proceeded to follow me around the playground, verbally abusing me, with the bitchy girl ending it by stepping forward and calling me a pathetic loser for lying, and declaring that I would die alone. The girl who asked me out came to talk to me after this, and said I shouldn't tell people we were going out or anything. The next day she dumped me and went to the dance with another boy instead.

7.) The first time I masturbated came when I was around 11 years old. I can't quite remember how I discovered it, I just remember noticing how good it felt to rub myself against a pillow. After a few tries of this, achieving only stimulation and not orgasm, I discovered the usual method of masturbation on my own, and had my first orgasm. I remember not knowing what the hell I just did, but at least I didn't feel ashamed or afraid of it. I masturbated for years, but didn't ejaculate until I was 13 or so. By this point, I knew enough to know what it was.

8.) My next sexual experience or experimentation came when I was around 12-13 years old. This time it was more experimenting, again, with a male friend. It was a lot of the same as above, except this time we experimented with oral. I feel kind of bad in that he went down on me and it felt unbelievable (I didn't quite come, though)... yet I absolutely could not bring myself to reciprocate. Because of this, we eventually slowed down on messing around, until we stopped completely. Unlike my previous experience with a male friend, we wouldn't talk about the times we'd mess around, and both of us felt fairly ashamed afterward.

9.) In one of the final times we messed around, he came up with the idea that we could try it at the same time, so neither of us could chicken out. This didn't work out so well, since we would mess around in a camper with two bed... cushion thingies. The cushion/bed things were small for ONE person, so when we tried, we ended up just... kind of diddling each other for a few seconds before realizing it wasn't going to work. I think that was the last time we did anything, though we stayed friends and hung out until high school, when we drifted apart.

10.) The second out of my 3 attempts at any form of dating came when I was 15 or so. There was a girl who was 2-3 years older than me that I'd known since I was 11 or so, and who I learned later had a crush on me. The details are murky in my mind, but I made an off-hand comment to a friend about she and I dating, and she confronted me about it, asking if I actually did want to go out with her. I agreed, and so it was. The problem then came with another male friend mocking me endlessly about it, to the point that within the remaining 2 hours left before school let out, I panicked. I talked to her before heading home and said I had to break things off, I didn't think I was ready for a relationship or anything. She seemed okay with it.

11.) My third and final attempt at anything resembling dating came when I met a girl online who lived in Tennessee. I was 16 years old, she was about 22 or 23. We seemed to take to each other right away, and progressed quickly to talking on the phone and sending birthday and Christmas gifts to each other in the mail. The plan was for me to go meet her when I turned 18. Things were honestly okay for about a year or so of this, and then she just started messing with me. Playing little mind games, forcing me to admit embarrassing things (some of which I've related here), and then being almost mocking to me about it, before finally, when I was 4-5 months from turning 18, she told me suddenly that she'd met a guy she likes where she lives, that she was breaking up with me, and then ceased all contact with me whatsoever. Though we never met in person, the havoc she wreaked on my emotions and mental state is still with me to this day. This, coupled with my treatment at the hands of the bitchy girls the first time I tried dating is likely why I am as repressed as I am.

12.) Ever since the above experience, I have a tendency to be afraid of girls I develop feelings for, rather than wanting to be around them. I can't quite explain it, but I find myself illogically nervous and even panicky at the prospect of being near them. I had a female friend I grew rather fond of in my senior year, and we took to talking to each other on the phone for a while during the last few months of school. And I found that when it got to be the time she'd call, I'd throw myself into a near panic and once or twice I pretended not to be home, because I was too scared to talk to her. I don't know why.

13.) As for the girl above... I've had feelings for a handful of girls in my life, but I've only felt actual DESIRE just once. And that was with her. Though I was afraid to be near her, and her calls alone made me nervous, I longed to kiss her, to caress her breasts, to feel our naked bodies pressed together, to fall asleep in each other's arms. And I even entertained thoughts of us losing our virginity to each other, even if I could never in a million years admit this to her. We fell out of contact for a while after senior year, and I learned from a friend that shortly after the year ended, she got serious with a mutual male friend of ours, and lost her virginity to him. The absolute, searing agony I felt in my heart at this news is indescribable. I hope like hell I never feel it again. We got back in contact for a few months after this, but fell out of contact once more eventually. She had managed to figure out my feelings for her at this point, but I never truly got up the guts to ask her out. After learning she'd given herself to another guy(who then proceeded to cheat on her with the school whore), I felt like I couldn't approach her with the feelings I had. Like she'd look at me like some silly boy. I didn't say it was logical. To this day, I've never felt that level of desire and yearning for another girl, and I doubt I ever will.

14.) The closest I came to the above again was from another female friend who apparently had a thing for me since junior high. There's only been a small handful of girls in my life who have had crushes on me, and I'm not sure why they did. In the case of this friend, we got to know each other better in the years after high school, and during an instant messenger conversation, she claimed she'd always fantasized about losing her virginity to me. At the time she was still 17, and I'd just turned 19. I wasn't sure how to react to this information, and she proposed we get together over the weekend, and deflower each other. I don't know what possessed me to agree to this, as I see so clearly now what a bad idea this was, but I agreed. Long story short, she got cold feet, stood me up, lied to me about even asking me in the first place(she claimed a friend was signed in as her and said it as a joke), and went out with another guy the next day. Not too long after this, she lost her virginity to another guy, got married to him, and they have kids now. It was around this time that, consciously or not, I withdrew and gave up on trying to get close to girls at all.

15.) The above encompasses the entirety of my sexual and relationship experience in my life thus far. As horny and experimental as I was when I was younger, I'm completely timid and terrified of sex now. It doesn't have to do with the mechanics of it, so much as the closeness. Once I was old enough to see it as potentially more than just two people having fun, it began to terrify me. I may never understand why, but as far as I can tell, it's the concept of letting someone get that close to me. Of them seeing me naked, knowing what gets me off, knowing fantasies I have, etc. I tend to be fairly solitary, and it just weirds me out to think about.

16.) Though two of the three people I've experimented with in my life were boys, I don't identify as gay, and am not the least bit attracted to men... yet sometimes I still masturbate when I think back on my gay experimentations when I was 12 or 13.

17.) Despite participating in it when I was younger, I'm completely put off by oral sex. Either giving or receiving. When it comes to receiving, I feel like I'd be imposing on the woman somehow, making her do some nasty thing just to get me off. In terms of giving it... I remember the "WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST *DO*?!" feeling I got after my male friend went down on me, and thinking of going down on a girl feels similar. I also feel like she'd look down on me afterwards, because she got me to do something that I find so disturbing, even if I know the girl would never think of me like that. I fully realize this kind of hang-up is usually something girls feel about giving oral to guys when they haven't tried it before, and not a lot of girls would look down on a guy like that. It's just another way that I'm weird.

18.) There are a few things I know there's no way I'd try, even if I were to open up and be more sexual. One of them is the whole money-shot-to-the-face thing. I don't see the appeal at all, and if it happens in porn I'm watching, it's a complete turnoff.

19.) Ass-to-mouth is another complete turn-off for me, and something you absolutely could not pay me to try, giving or receiving. Pretty much everything involving the anus is completely off-limits for me... yet I will admit to experimenting a few times when I was younger, trying to achieve the powerful orgasm that's supposed to result from stimulation of the prostate. I was never successful and always felt a bit like a freak for trying.

20.) I sometimes find I enjoy hentai and such more than porn with real actors. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think somehow knowing that the girls in hentai aren't real is sometimes more appealing to me. There's this illogical feeling I get, that the girls in porn with real people are looking at me and thinking "NAUGHTY BOY, I SEE YOU." Again, I'm a damned weirdo.

21.) While I sometimes enjoy hentai more than normal porn, there are limits. Too often, hentai seems to have a lot of jizz-drenched scenes, and that's a complete turn-off for me. As a rule, I pretty much don't want to see jizz, ever. Be it on a girl's face, splattered all over the place, or even the puddles of it that are left behind in a lot of hentai scenes. It just squicks me out.

22.) Of hentai, I enjoy 'straight shota' the most. As in, younger male with older female. A lot of people look down on anyone who enjoys shota, thinking they're getting off on the drawn image of the naked little boy or something. In my case, as with a lot of others, we're imagining we ARE the boy. This plays into one of my recurring fantasies, of being a boy of around 12-14, who is seduced by an older woman; from an older classmate all the way up to a middle-aged teacher.

23.) I sometimes realize I have a rather large number of fantasies or scenarios I use when I do masturbate or just let my mind wander, yet I'm absolutely terrified at the prospect of voicing any of them to anyone I know, and I'd probably have a heart attack if any attractive girl ever offered to act any of them out with me.

24.) Though I am still a virgin, I have enough knowledge about anatomy and sexuality that I sometimes surprise people that know me. People expect virgins to be completely clueless, but I know just about everything there is to know, stopping just short of the actual act itself. In high school, I even knew more about female anatomy and the mechanics of sex than my friends who had already started doing it.

25.) Most people would claim to be 'too old' to date when middle-aged or older, but... my feeling now is that indeed I am too old to start seriously trying to date. My self-esteem has never been high, and in terms of body image, I find myself repulsive, and couldn't fathom any woman being attracted to me. Besides this, I also feel that no woman my age would feel like wasting time on a virgin. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. But that's pretty much how I feel.

My wife and I watched a news item on television last night which stated that every year 25,000 women die from unsafe abortions in Africa and 1.7 million are injured. Due to the restrictive laws governing abortions in almost all African countries, virtually all of the 5.6 million abortions performed annually in Africa are unsafe. Apparently only about 100,000 of them are performed by trained professionals in a safe environment. The news item went on the cover various religious groups in these African countries who are lobbying to keep abortions illegal and one minister who was interviewed proudly said that he has having a big impact in maintaining laws which make abortions illegal.

This news item is all that much more important considering it was shown on the backdrop of the G20 summit occurring in Toronto. Apparently the G8 which met just before the G20 has made a commitment of $5 billion for maternal-and-child health. However, Canada's leader, Stephen Harper is clearly not supporting any funding or support for abortions within this aid. Stephen Harper as a representative of the conservative movement within Canada follows not just a political path but a personal vision that by outlawing abortion, he can make the entire issue of abortion go away.

In the United States, Barack Obama recently succeeded in enacting a much needed reform in the health care system of his nation. Unfortunately, to do so, he was obliged to make certain sacrifices, certain trade-offs one of which saw him banning the use of federal funds to pay for abortions.

From the above items, I can surmise that there is a strong pro-life movement which has a far reaching effect on politicians and their politic decisions. However, despite their best efforts, the efforts of these pro-lifers, has the problem of abortion been improved never mind been solved?

The statistics vary from source to source but the one conclusion is that every year there are a lot of abortions happening; approximately 42 million abortions worldwide. According to the Guttmacher Institute, "an American non-profit organization which works to advance sexual and reproductive health", unintended pregnancies account for almost half of all pregnancies and 4 out of 10 unintended pregnancies end in abortion. (I just found some statistics which suggest there are approximately 130 million births worldwide annually and 57 million deaths. Do the stats presented by various sources match up?)

In March 2009, the Pope visited Africa and during his trip he reaffirmed the church's ban on the use of condoms. Never mind talking about pregnancy, the numbers related to AIDS were staggering. At that moment, 22 million people were infected with HIV in Africa; there were 11.4 orphans because of AIDS; 1.5 million had died of AIDS in Africa in 2007 and 25 million had died in the past 20 years. But I digress.

Let me recap by returning to the pro-life argument. Abortion is murder. We're all against murder, right? We should all be against abortion.

I look at the above numbers and I have to ask by paraphrasing Dr. Phil of American television, "So, how's that working out for ya?"

I am confronted by a gap, no a chasm between the supposed ideal of having no abortions in the world and what's actually going on. The Canadian leader Stephan Harper does not want to support abortions. There were over 70,000 abortions in Canada in the past year. Barack Obama was forced by various groups to stop federal funding on abortions. In the United States there were over 1.7 million abortions in the past year. Every year there are over 42 million abortions worldwide. How to explain this dichotomy?

In an ideal world, no one would have sex outside of marriage; we would all abstain. Is that happening? I would say the answer is an emphatic no and this leads me to ask the question. If abstinence isn't working; if banning condoms isn't working; if making abortion illegal isn't working; are we collectively dealing with the problem in a manner which would be deemed in any way effective?

Albert Einstein supposedly said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

The numbers above would indicate that current policies have failed to stop abortion. At what point do we collectively assess the situation and arrive new policies, new methods with dealing with this issue?

If I set aside for the moment the idea that abortion is murder, I have to recognize that abortion is an invasive procedure. Anything invasive like surgery is something we would all like to avoid. This isn't good for the body; in fact, depending on the level of health care, it may be dangerous if not fatal. Nevertheless, women are electing to do this. Despite the danger, despite the risk of fatality, women are electing to do this. Why? We make abortion illegal; women do it illegally. We try to take away condoms; women continue to get pregnant. We ask for abstinence; people still have sex.

Wait! I just said that "people" still have sex. Oh yes, women get pregnant from having sex with men. Hey, here's a radical idea; why don't we give all men a vasectomy? I can just hear you saying, "Now don't be ridiculous." Has anybody noticed that the people making abortion illegal are for the most part men, male politicians? Has anybody noticed that the Pope who bans condoms is a man? Has anybody noticed that the pro-lifers advocating abstinence seem to be lead by men? It takes two to tango. If we can't stop abortions from happening; why not attempt to stop women from getting pregnant? This, of course, takes into account just how women get pregnant and that's from men. Yep, that's right. All these women wanting to get abortions became pregnant because a man had sex with them. How come I never see anything about the guy in question?

I am against abortion. It is a surgical procedure; it is invasive; depending on the quality of the medical care, it could be dangerous; it could be fatal; it should be stopped completely.

But, getting from where we collectively were to the point where abortion no longer existed, where abortion was no longer even necessary never mind wanted, involved more than just laws making abortion illegal. Society needed to support and promote sex education. Ignorance was very much a big part of the cause of the entire problem. Society had to support and to promote the use of condoms. Society had to admit that no matter what we do, we cannot stop people from having sex. Sex is natural; it is primordial; it is part of our make-up of human beings.

But most importantly, to get to this point which admittedly is an idealistic, Utopian like point in the development of our society, we have to admit that abortion will have to be an option. As I stated at the beginning of this essay, every year 25,000 women die from botched abortions in Africa. Do we cavalierly stand by observing this situation while saying it is the fault of the person, no, the woman who decided to have the abortion? If I think of those who claim to be against the supposed murdering of a fetus, it is interesting to note how they seem quite unconcerned about these 25,000 women dying.

I am against abortion. I would like to see the day where there were no abortions at all. But, as long as men keep having sex with women, I don't see that happening.

I am for the woman making her own choice. It is her body; I believe she should be allowed to control it. But, I would want to support her in every way possible by avoiding the critical, life-altering decision of having an abortion. I would want to promote sex education; I would want to see condoms readily available; I would like to see contraceptives for everyone. Let's just quite plainly not let the problem get so big that abortion is even on the table as a necessary solution.

So, for those how read this but are against sex education, against the use of condoms, against contraceptives and all for abstinence, I can only say it ain't workin'. The numbers show it; admit it. Let's get over the "how" and work together to get rid of abortion. If a woman doesn't have an abortion because the man used a condom; I'm for it. If a woman didn't have an abortion because she used a contraceptive; I'm for it. If a woman didn't have an abortion because she and the man had sex education; I'm for it. For everyone who is against the killing of the baby, don't forget that a botched abortion which kills the woman results in 2 deaths.

An analogy: If we make firetrucks illegal, can we assume that all fires will automatically stop?

In other words, making abortions illegal does not stop abortions. It merely makes the woman in question so desperate, she would risk her own life. So the law makers in wanting to save the life of the child end up killing the mother. There has to be a better way. If all pregnancies were "wanted" pregnancies, there would be no abortions.

In a nutshell, I am pro-choice and anti-abortion. I am for the woman having the choice but would sincerely hope that we all arrive someday at a point where there is no need for a woman to even have to choose an abortion.


References
The Internet is full of statistics, facts and opinions. It is hard to sort out what's what: what's the truth; what's somebody's opinion.

Abortion Facts: the United States
http://womensissues.about.com/od/reproductiverights/tp/Ten-Abortion-Facts.htm

The Guttmacher Institute
http://www.guttmacher.org

Wikipedia: The Guttmacher Institute
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guttmacher_Institute



2010-06-25

A barrage of disgusting self indulgent camwhoring pictures because I said so.

From when I did my reebonz advertorial's photoshoot. Great eye make up that day ;)

June 25, 2010

As the G20 summit starts in Toronto, Canada, the city's central core goes into lock down mode. Canada has shelled out over a billion dollars for the two summits, the G8 in Huntsville and the G20 in Toronto with supposedly the tightest security ever.

Unbeknownst to the general public, new legislation was passed with little fanfare that gives the police the right to demand to see identification of any person who is within 5 metres of the security fence which cordons off the high security area in which the summit is being held. Right off the bat, in today's paper, is the picture of a young man, Dave Vasey, arrested because he refused to I.D. himself to the police. I am sure that over the next few days, further details will explain both sides of this incident but I can't help wondering as "Fortress Toronto" braces for the influx of protesters, who are all these people, what do they hope to achieve and what will they actually achieve?

Canada is a democracy. According to various reports, Canada as one of the developed nations of the world ranks quite high as a good place to live. Nevertheless, it isn't perfect. I'm quite sure there is a lot to criticize, a lot to protest. However, do we or do we not have a process? One may put forward protest as a legitimate part of the process but how to explain protest when it degenerates into a riot?

A few days ago, I got off the subway in downtown Toronto and discovered a group beside a monument in the middle of the boulevard of University Avenue. A young woman with a bullhorn was talking with the crowd about protesting and saying to have a good time and let "them" know that "we are f**king furious". Somehow the inclusion of the F word seemed to kick it up a notch. I noted that the entire group was surrounded by police.

The very next morning, I couldn't take the subway because a suspicious briefcase had been found in a subway station. Obviously terrorism was very much on everybody's mind and part of the system was shut down while the police determined if this was innocuous or not. It turned out that the briefcase was harmless and had merely been forgotten by the owner; no more, no less. However, such an incident does heighten the level of tension over possible threats.

Thursday, June 24 at 1:41pm, Toronto felt a 5.5 magnitude earthquake centered north of Ottawa. It was quite unsettling to be sitting at one's desk while hanging lights waved in the air, glasses of water showed rippling and the floor felt as if a huge truck was driving by. Ha! I was in a 16 story office tower! How about that for adding to a general level of apprehension?

If it was that easy...

I have always been amused and I continue to be amused by those who in protesting, pretend to know what the right answer is. As a project manager, I know full well the power and problems of public relations. What is the actual problem; what is the perceived problem? My clientele get upset at a project not going quite right when in fact, outside forces have come into play. Nevertheless, it is still my fault; I still end up feeling their wrath and of course, everybody can certainly do it better than me. My point is this: if it was that easy, it would be fixed by now.

Barack Obama came into power on a wave of good feelings, hope for the future and optimism that everything was going to turn out alright. Right now the economy is in the toilet and the American people are very much upset at what is perceived as a huge expenditure to get the country out of its financial mess. Oil is spewing into the Gulf of Mexico at an unprecedented rate; an incident which is now being called the greatest ecological disaster in U.S. history. While Obama did succeed to get health care passed, the final result is very much watered down and will it in the end, give the U.S. people the much needed overhaul it so desperately needs?

If it was that easy, it would be fixed by now.


I have rights

It's the G20 summit. Canada has spent over a billion dollars to put it and the G8 together including the tightest security ever seen in Canada. Terrorism is very much on everyone's minds.

Dave Vasey is asked by a policeman to show some I.D. He refuses. Dave Vasey is arrested.

Dave Vasey in his picture looks to be under 30. I am 57. I understand the need for security. I understand the threat of terrorism. I understand the strong possibility of protests turning violent. If the police ask me for my identification, I am going to produce it forthwith and without hesitation. Dave Vasey now has to appear in court on July 28; I know I would receive a courteous "Thank you very much sir" and I would be on my way. Besides, I am not going down to the security fence; I am certainly not going to stand within the 5 metre limit of the fence and I am not going to by any stretch of the imagination decide to test my democratic freedom in front of somebody charged to ensure the safety of these important dignitaries from gawd only knows what threats. Canada is a truly great place to live but standing in front of a policeman dressed in riot gear armed to the teeth is not the time or the place to change the world; it is just downright foolish.

Do I have rights? Do we have rights? Does Dave have rights? The answer is a resounding yes. But for heaven's sake, pick the right time and the right place.

I want to change world

I have to chuckle. I'm 20 years old and I want to change the world. I'm 57 years old and I want to prevent the world from falling apart. If it was that easy, it would be fixed by now.

Apparently on Saturday, an anti-poverty group called Sense of Security, SOS will attempt to tear down part of the outer perimeter fence; apparently there are 2 fences, the outer and inner. This supposed statement of protest against this "symbol of militarization" will, in fact, do what? Julian Ichim, one of the organizers seems to have taken protest on as a full-time job, not the sort of person I would be following into the fray as redeemer of our society. After all, this is Canada. It may not be perfect but it is one of the best in the world.

I do not disagree with the points being brought up by the protests. Do we have a global economic problem? Yes, we do. Do we have inequality in the world? Yes, we do. Are we all working together for the greater good of the human race? Well, I'm sure we could do better.

However, I return to the idea that all this is just a tad more difficult than everybody standing out of the Oval Office can imagine. If it was that easy, it would be fixed by now.

Reference
Google: "Dave Vasey" Toronto G20 Summit
http://www.google.com/#hl=en&tbs=nws%3A1&q=%22dave+vasey%22+toronto+G20+summit&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=&fp=aa8f1b144aac4a69
Toronto Star: Dave Vasey
http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/torontog20summit/article/828372--man-arrested-and-left-in-wire-cage-under-new-g20-law
Suite 101: Dave Vasey
http://news.suite101.com/article.cfm/ontario-gives-police-sweeping-powers-during-g20-summit-in-toronto-a254199
Google: "Julian Ichim" Toronto G20 Summit
http://www.google.com/#hl=en&tbs=nws:1&&sa=X&ei=0BkmTIvPKoP98Abir-TMDw&ved=0CB4QBSgA&q=%22julian+ichim%22+toronto+G20+summit&spell=1&fp=aa8f1b144aac4a69
A critique: Julian Ichim
http://dcuk.xanga.com/676364280/julian-ichim-marxist-leninist-party-of-canada/

2010-06-25