sex warehouse

Well, we've all had a lot of fun dissecting the true meaning of mindfulness. Now let's move on to serious topics.

I just came across this trailer for the 1968 Japanese/American co-production The Green Slime (ガンマー第3号 宇宙大作戦, Gamma Dai San Go Uchu Dai Sakusen, Gamma 3 — Operation: Outer Space). This has got to be one of the greatest, most over-the-top promo videos I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of 'em, believe you me! Dig the groovy theme song at the end. This tune was covered by my former label mates and fellow garage-psych revivalists The Fuzztones.

Hey, and just by the way, another Buddhist word that should fuck off and die forever is skillful. Have you heard this one yet? In Buddhism there's this idea of what they call skillful means. It's the notion that Buddhist teachers use whatever they have at their disposal to teach in accordance with the audience they're addressing. These "skillful means" often do not appear much like what we usually think of as Buddhist teaching (i.e. lame ass fucks in robes sitting on raised platforms talking in soothing voices about beautiful spiritual things).

These days, though, the word "skillful" has become a trendy way for neo-Buddhists to say they like something. "Unskillful" means they don't like something. So if you do something your average neo-Buddhist these days likes he'll say, "That was skillful." And if he doesn't like the way you do it he'll say, in a sweet lilting little voice, "That was unskillful."

When this happens you have my express written permission to punch the person who says it in the solar plexus. Hard.

Skillful this, motherfucker!

In reality these folks have it all bass-ackwards. If you look at the literature most of the things that get pointed out as "skillful means" are things the person who experienced those self-same skillful means did not like at all, or didn't even get at the time.

Whatever. Have fun. I'm gonna go.

If you thought Man Babies was creepy, weird, and disturbing, wait until you see Cat Ladies. Thanks to Christine for sharing these disturbing images with me. I will get you back!!!

After I "retired" from the Advisory Board Company in 2005, I started a consulting business that focuses on developing new revenue streams for companies, whether it be new product development, enhanced marketing, increasing sales, or improving customer service. My expertise is focused on understanding what the market wants, and then developing and positioning the product in the most compelling manner.

My latest effort has been with David Bradley's new venture, Potomac Research Group, which translates Washington policy for Wall Street. Working on the launch of Potomac Research has been intellectually challenging for me, since I know very little about the investment community. But after conducting 25 visits on Wall Street with very progressive hedge funds and investment banks, I got a crash course on what they find valuable and what they want from a Washington Policy firm.

A couple of articles recently hit the Washington Post, that discuss the launch of this new business. One focuses on David Bradley, the owner of Potomac Research, the other on Teddy Downey, the senior analyst that I have been working closely on positioning and selling Potomac Research.


"Selling In-Depth Research on Federal Doings"


"Value Added: Taking Advantage of Opportunities"

X2---Me: in Sarong, You: DC Public Librarian - m4m - 25

Reply to: pers-698822807@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-28, 6:38PM EDT


We were riding the X2 together at about 6:30 pm on the 28th. You asked me a question, I told you about the Indian store on Wisconsin Avenue. If you're gay, I'm interested; if you're straight, my roommate is. Tell me how you started the conversation & I'll know it is you.

Is this for real? A man in a sarong fell hard for a DC public librarian on a bus? I never read "missed connections" because I think most of them are made up, but as Chris said when he emailed it to me, "You can't make this shit up."

Been very busy lately! It's 6.30am now and I don't even feel vaguely like sleeping, so I thought I'd blog some random thoughts and recent happenings!!

1) I had a horrible shock when I had my first MacDonalds Grilled Chicken Foldover yesterday.

The first 2 bites were terrific, and then... BAM! Like a slap to the face, I bit into a giant, raw onion!!!!!!!!

I never knew the bloody foldover has onions inside!!

So here's a warning to everyone who, like me, hates onions, and have a sudden urge to eat a Grilled chicken foldover. Order it without onions!!

To my surprise, when I started telling everyone that the stupid foldover had onions (and honestly, I couldn't get rid of the taste on my tongue till the next morning. SOMPAH! Never exaggerate one!!), NOBODY BELIEVED ME.

Everyone just skeptically and patronisingly told me, "Got meh?"

When I reply "GOT!!!!!!" in a perhaps overly loud manner, they mostly just recoil and say they never noticed the onions inside, ever.

SO NOW... Does the Grilled Chicken Foldover contain onions, OR NOT?

If it usually doesn't, then did my delivery guy delibrately put some in to give me this lifetime trauma?!

Anyway speaking of mac delivery... It's awesome man!!


- 24 hours! Perfect for MJ food.

- Order-takers are ALWAYS, CONSISTENTLY, polite, smart, and articulate. HOW? Where do they find such people? They all sound like Uni students.

- Special orders never get forgotten.


Also, I love the new McGriddle! But it seems like I am the only one, because everyone else thinks it is "weird".

Pancakes kiaping sausage, melted cheese, and egg!! What's there not to like?!



2) Continuation of my maid's awesomeness.

Remember the lizard trap I bought?

That day, the maid came and saw that the trap caught an adult-sized lizard dead inside.

Frankly, it is super gross. The lizard got stuck on the edge of the relatively big trap, so theoretically the rest of the trap (full of glue) is a little wasted.

She took up the box, completely undeterred by the dead lizard, and told me...

She is going to cut/peel off the part of the trap with the dead lizard, so that the trap can still be used again!!!!!

CRAZY NOT!!

She is not only awesomely brave but damn frugal lor!!!


3) I am recently mad over Edamame peas!!


These are the peas that are commonly seen on the moving belt in Sakae Sushi, and I was super surprised when I ate them and they don't taste like normal peas at all!

Hate normal peas.

To my delight, they are commonly found in NTUC in a large frozen package (NTUC house brand somemore lor...), so all you have to do is to boil them (lightly) and sprinkle some salt on them. Yums!!

I am still eating them right now as we speak and I've almost finished the whole package already (!!!).

But it's ok coz it's supposed to be healthy food!! IMMA BE SO SKINNY! But I hope I don't start to have a green tinge.



4) In case you are wondering about the title, some time ago Shuyin and I stayed over at Wanyi's before she went back to Australia to study.

We then decided it will be fun to put ugly make-up on each other.

The chosen theme for me that day was heavy Minah make-up, you know the kind with the severely drawn skinny eyebrows?

Unfortunately, all I turned out looking like was Tranny-ish.


Shuyin having fun slapping on loads of concealer and foundation on my eyebrows to conceal them, then drawing my pseudo-eyebrows 3 cm above my normal ones. -_-


I totally agree now: I do look like a tranny!!

I think girls who have long face or long chins look like trannies lor!! I have a long face. BAH!

Anyway that's not the worst of the photos but I shall not put anymore to scare people.

Shuyin was also a victim of the tranny make-up but I shall not post her pics coz I don't know if she will like that. I know I won't!! Super ugly!! Hahaha!!

And just in case there are new readers here who are horrified and think that I look like that all the time, I just have to say that with proper make-up I look like THIS:


Still a bit tranny-ish but at least not a super ugly tranny...

And lastly, to end off this blog entry, I present you with Wanyi as...



I had to blacken her tooth, but other than Wanyi's good complexion, UNCANNY, you think?

HAHAAHAHA!

p/s: Almost finished the eyeliner stick when drawing her eyes.

My God! I was wrong two times! The first two times in my whole entire life I've ever been wrong! What's happening?

Thanks to Ted Bringer and Dosho Port for pointing out a couple more times the word "mindfulness" or something like it occurs in Dogen's writing. The longest and most complete explanations he gives of mindfulness occur in a chapter titled SANJUSHICHI-BON BODAI BUNPO (三十七品菩提分法). This is chapter 73 of the 95 chapter Shobogenzo and appears as the first chapter of book 4 of the Nishijima/Cross English translation and the first chapter of book 10 in Nishijima's rendition of Shobogenzo in modern Japanese (現代語訳正法眼蔵, which contains Dogen's actual words as well).

Here's what some of what Dogen says:

Mindfulness as a root is a withered tree as a mass of red flesh. We call a mass of red flesh “a withered tree,” and a withered tree is mindfulness as a root. We ourselves who are groping for the mark are mindfulness. There is mindfulness that exists in moments of owning one’s body, and there is mindfulness that exists in moments of having no mind. There is conscious mindfulness, and there is mindfulness in which there is no body. The very life-root of all the people on Earth is mindfulness as a root. The very life-root of all the buddhas in the ten directions is mindfulness as a root. There can be many people in one state of mindfulness and many states of mindfulness in one person. At the same time, there are people who have mindfulness and there are people who do not have mindfulness. People do not always have mindfulness, and mindfulness is not necessarily connected with people. Even so, through the skillful maintenance of this mindfulness as a root, the virtue of perfect realization exists.

The word that gets translated as "mindfulness" in the Nishijima/Cross translation is 念. In contemporary Japanese this character is pronounced "nen" and means senses, ideas or attention. In common usage it occurs in words like 残念 (zanen) "regrettable," in which the first character refers to things generally thought of as lacking or 念入り (neniri) "careful" in which the second character means something like "add" or "enter." The word 念 is not usually translated as mindfulness in non-Buddhist contexts. "Mind," without the "-fulness," might also be a good reading for 念. Try it that way and see what it says to you. Kinda different, eh?

If you want to get real tricky, the Chinese character 念 consists of two parts. The 今 on top means "now" while the 心 on the bottom means "mind" or "heart." In Buddhist contexts in English 心 is most often translated as "mind." So whoever made up the character seems to have wanted to point out the condition of mind right now. For what that's worth, which isn't much really. Just some random kanji play for y'all. Nishijima once told me a story of visiting some Biblical scholars in Israel. He said the visit showed him "the dangers of believing in ancient texts." We get locked into battles of words that are incredibly stupid even though they sound wicked smart.

The point is that the word "mindfulness" has become such a bullshit term in current usage that it's worse than useless. It's time to strangle it and stomp it out of its misery.

Fuck mindfulness.

My friend Tonen told me a story that when she was in Japan a Zen teacher she met there said that Americans who visited his temple were always gushing to him about how mindful they were being. "Put away your video cameras," he told them, "You're just video taping yourselves being mindful!"

Reading what Dogen wrote it's clear that the word 念 was widely misunderstood even in his day among the people he spoke to. Thus he tries to twist their usual understanding of it into areas they don't expect it to go.

In any case, the same Dogen chapter also contains the line, "Do not listen to the inadequate words of Zen Masters and the like." So there!

Got a new SuicideGirls article up now. Yet another one about porn. I swear I'm gonna stop writing this article over & over one of these days. Maybe when people stop asking me to.

I just woke up, so I'm not gonna try and expound anymore about mindfulness until maybe later. The thing with most words used in Buddhism is that once the general public latches onto them and defines them in their own way they're dead. I think it's time to bury the word "mindfulness." It's just a cliche anymore. And, as I said (see below), seems to indicate in practice a state of fuzzy headed thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking while congratulating yourself on how mindful you're being. Lock the God damned doors and close the windows when you leave somebody else's house!

In the only place I know of where Dogen uses the word mindfulness he goes, "Mindfulness is the donkey looking at the well. It is the well looking at the donkey. It is the donkey looking at the donkey. It is the well looking at the well." He also says, "Without knowing who taught you, you think that mind is a function of the brain. When I say that mind is grass and trees you don't believe it." And, of course, Dogen did not use the word "mindfulness" at all. Neither did Buddha. The word did not even exist during their lifetimes. The English language itself didn't even exist in Buddha's day. Later on I'll go look up the Japanese word Dogen used that's translated here as "mindfulness" by Nishijima/Cross*.

Thing is, though, the "mindfulness" being taught nowadays seems to imply that we need to be mindful. As if we could somehow enact mindfulness. Nope. Can't be done. Mindfulness is occurring always. We need to get out of its way.



* It looks like I was wrong! First time in my whole life (hi, trolls)! I'd always thought the donkey-well line was about mindfulness. I even put it in my book Sit Down And Shut Up that way. Which goes to show you can never trust what's written in books! Shameful!!

In fact, the donkey-well stuff occurs in the chapter titled "Not Doing Wrongs" (諸悪莫作　SHOAKU MAKUSA, chapter 10 in book one of the Nishijima/Cross translation of Shobogenzo) and says, "[The relation between] wrongs and not committing is not only a well looking at a donkey; it is the well looking at the well, the donkey looking at the donkey, a human being looking at a human being, and a mountain looking at a mountain." Nishijima explains this chapter on his blog right here. Although he makes a spelling mistake and keeps using the word "will" instead of "well" at one point (I gotta go fix that).

This is a reference to a koan that appears in Eihei Zenji Goroku (永平禅師語録　The Recorded Sayings of Eihei Zenji, a.k.a. Dogen). The koan goes, "Master Sozan once asked a monk, 'How is it when the dharma body of reality is manifesting form in accordance with beings, like the moon reflected in the water?' The monk said, 'It's like a donkey looking at a well.' Sozan said, 'You have said quite a lot, but you have only said eighty percent of it.' The monk then asked, 'What do you say, teacher?' Sozan answered, 'It's like the well looking at the donkey.'"

The only instance I can find where Dogen uses anything like the word "mindful" occurs in a piece he wrote called Zazengi（坐禅儀), or "Method for Zazen Practice." In Kazuaki Tanahashi's translation, which appears in Moon In A Dewdrop it says, "be mindful of passing time." I checked it out and the actual line is: 光陰を護惜べし. Carl Bielefeldt translates this as, "hold dear the passing days and nights." Both the words 光陰 and 護惜 are no longer in common use. 光陰 means roughly "light and darkness." And, by the way, for those of you who think of me as a smutty minded perv, I happen to know the character 陰 from the word 陰毛 which means "pubic hair" or, literally, "hair in darkness." The word 護惜 is a combo of two characters that mean "protect" (護) and "dearly" (惜). That's the word Tanahashi translates as "mindful." It's not as much of a stretch as Brian Victoria translating Kodo Sawaki's statement meaning "we were fed up with killing" as "we gorged ourselves on killing." But it is a slight, though perfectly acceptable, stretch to use the word "mindful" here.

Be careful not to get stuck on words (says a guy who just devoted a couple hours of his holiday morning to looking up some words). Don't say I never looked up nuthin' for you!

I'm so happy Nishijima Roshi put up this post about mindfulness. It's the May 24, 2008 posting if I've just sent you to a generic link to his blog. Anyway I'm so fed up with this whole mindfulness thing it's wonderful to see somebody else feels the same way. And, no, we never discussed this particular topic.

I've been saying lately that I want to destroy the whole cult of mindfulness that's grown up in Buddhism these days. As Nishijima points out, the word "mindfulness" has come to mean getting deeper and deeper into your own head and that's not Buddhism at all. I think I've bitched about this before. But I live in a meditation center where several teachers do their thing. I can't tell you how many times I've been in my room listening to someone rattling on about mindfulness then come out after they've gone to find they've left the door unlocked, the windows wide open, the chairs all over the place... What the hell kind of mindfulness are they studying out there?

It's such a crap word. Anyway, just a little plug for Nishijima's blog. And speaking of plugs, see below for one about the Zero Defex CDs.

No time to write, people coming in for all-day Zazen in moments.

But I wanted to remind all of you that the new Zero Defex CD is available now from CD Baby or you can get a copy personally autographed by me on eBay right here!

You think that's cheezy. I think me and Jeff and Mickey spent a whole lot of money making the bastards...

..at one of her finest moments...



...and at one of her not so fine moments.

Whenever a musical is over-hyped, I am usually disappointed. But, this was not the case with "Gypsy." I honestly had to remind myself to breathe at certain points in the musical. I had a great seat 7 rows from the stage near right aisle and was right next to Patti LuPone when she screamed, "Sing out, Louise," while running up the aisle.

Having heard Patti LuPone's voice for decades on recordings and TV programs, I was aware that she had an amazing voice. What doesn't translate on recordings is how much energy she she sends out as she performs. I could not take my eyes off of her and having heard "Rose's Turn" dozens of times, it was the first time that I truly felt the anger and frustration of Rose, making the song so much more powerful.

But Patti was not the only standout, Laura Benanti, who plays Louise who transforms into Gypsy Rose Lee was equally amazing. Her transition from the "other daughter" into a successful stripper was one of the best interpretations of the part I have ever seen. Her scenes with Patti near the end of the show were some of the best I have seen on a Broadway stage.

One of my favorite songs from Gypsy is "You Gotta Have a Gimick," which is sung by the strippers to Louise as she is about to become Gypsy Rose Lee. The three woman who played the strippers in this production had me nearly rolling in the aisles, they were just that funny. Overall, this is a near perfect production of one of the best musicals ever written.

I took the train up to NYC on Sunday for a project I have been working on the past couple of months. I was suppose to be on the 9am train, but the SKAM birthday party the night before, had me waking up at 10:30 am. This recent Navy grad from Annapolis sat across from me. Although you can not really tell from this pic, he had the most beautiful lips I have ever seen. I could not stop looking at them.

When I arrived for one of the meetings I was involved in, the street was closed and Hazmat workers were scrubbing down the street. Apparently, a sewage pipe burst so NYC literally had a shitstorm. There were several reporters covering the clean-up.

One of the meetings was held in a building right off Central Park with an amazing view. After several trips to NYC, this was the first time I saw the park from this vantage point.

I was so distracted during the meeting, because I kept looking out the window in the conference room at this view.

Apparently, the building in the lower part of this picture are condos. All I could think about was how great it would be to own one of those and wake up to that view everyday.

I stopped by my house today to see if the oven had been installed, only to find this adorable child of one of the workers, taking a nap. How cute is that?

I've spent pretty much my whole morning staring at my computer and scratching my head. I bought this thing called Fab Four, by East/West. It's a virtual instrument thngamajig with samples of all the instruments The Beatles used. The demo sounded really cool and I had good fun with M-Tron, a virtual Mellotron plug in. I figured I'd give this a go. I read the specs & they said you need 13 gigabytes of hard drive space to install it. Well, I don't have that much space free on my laptop or desk top, but I do have an outboard drive that I used to make Cleveland's Screaming and it has plenty of space left. So OK.

When I tried to install it on the outboard drive, I got a message saying it can only be installed on the "running hard drive." Ugh. So I sat and tried to figure out a solution. Here's what I came up with. But I don't know if it'll work or not. I dumped all my iTunes stuff from the desk top computer since I never listen to music on it anyway. That freed up the needed space on the HD. I'm now installing it there. When it's done I can (I hope) copy everything onto the outboard drive. Unless it's got some kinda restriction against that. Looking at the nearly useless FAQ on their site, they recommend in several similar (but not exactly the same) circumstances copying stuff to other drives.

If it doesn't work the way I hope I guess the worst scenario is the thing is forever on my desk top & whenever I need to use it outside my house I gotta move that. It's easier than moving a Hammond organ, so I guess that's not so bad.

Anyone out there smarter than me about this stuff is invited to write me with a better solution.

Some random thoughts for the day:

I was reading a few of the responses to the previous post. I find it remarkable how I'll say something, then someone embellishes what I've said with their own imagination, then that person proceeds to comment upon the stuff they've imagined as if I said that stuff. That's such a weird thing to me.

On this blog I've opened up my life to a tremendous degree. But there's no way I could possibly report everything that happens to me. I had a really good poop this morning, for example. But I don't usually report those details. Even when I report what's going on, you're really only getting like a millionth of a percent of what actually happened. When I described that meeting, for example, I didn't tell you about the strange dude who came up to me in the lobby saying, "Kenny! How ya doin'? Don't you remember me? I went to school with you. Yale, class of '76!" I didn't tell you about the weird security system in the lobby & in the elevator that screamed of intense post 9/11 paranoia. I didn't say much at all about what the meeting was intended to accomplish. And so on and on and on and on. You'll never know any of that stuff. And, if you're sane, you probably don't care.

I'm just wondering how much trouble we human beings cause each other by reading into things, by embellishing what we hear and see with our own invented details and then acting upon what we've invented. A great blessing/curse in my own life is that I'm too stupid to do that to any great degree. I mean if you intend to insinuate something to me, watch out because I probably will not get what you're driving at. Stuff has to be spelled out really clearly.

One thing that's helped in my practice has been that I no longer try as hard to figure out what people "really mean" when they say something to me. I just take nearly everything totally at face value. I don't usually "get" sarcasm, for example. I can tell when people are using it. But more often than not I have no idea what they're implying with it. And I won't usually put in the necessary effort to try and work it out.

I think Zen practice tends to make you more like this over time. I've noticed my teachers do it even more than I do. You develop a kind of dumb approach to life.

Anyway. Whatever.

My friend Leilani who's staying up at Tassajara says that girls tend to leave the place quickly, more so than guys. She asks if Zen is a macho thing. It's a good question. I don't think it's inherently macho or masculine. Yet I do see more guys take to it than gals. Like heavy metal or punk. I don't have any real comment about that. I wish more women would show up to the classes and suchlike. Any suggestions on how to make Zen more user-friendly to women?

I'm in quite an awful mood now. Can't quite say the reason, but well, feeling a little bored at home so I thought I'd blog and complain.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EARLY RISERS?!

Seriously man. Since I was a kid, I've always been shaken awake even during weekends by my daddy, as he thinks that anytime after 11am is unacceptable to be still sleeping.

Now, as I grow older, of course my daddy doesn't shake me awake anymore, but instead I get phone calls or Mike, etc, all trying to wake me up early.

Often, I get stuff like this:

Caller: "Hello?"

Me, groggy: "Yeahhhhhhhhhh?"

Caller: "OMG! You ARE STILL SLEEPING? It's already 3pm for god's sake. You are so lazy/such a pig etc etc."

Me, curious but want to get back to sleep: "What do you want?"

Caller: "Never mind, nothing."

Me: "WHAT IS IT???!"

Caller: "Never mind la! I call you back later."


I CANNOT EVEN START TO DESCRIBE HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THIS IS.

I think being waken up prematurely is among one of the most irritating things to happen to anyone.

And this happened with SO MANY PEOPLE, SO MANY TIMES, that I am not even targeting anyone in particular.

FIRST, I SLEEP TILL WHENEVER I WANNA, AND I DON'T NEED TO BE JUDGED BY YOU. If you don't like it that I sleep till 3pm, then simply don't call me anymore!

And secondly, if you want to call me just tell me what it's for, because I will be fucking curious and cannot continue sleeping anymore!

Thirdly, I FIND IT VERY UNFAIR WHEN PEOPLE SAY I AM LAZY.

That is so FUCKING presumptuous of them! LAZY? Really? What defines lazy? Someone who keeps noctural hours?

Let me tell you fuckheads: I AM NOT LAZY. I simply SLEPT LATE.

Which part of SLEPT LATE don't you understand?

And if I slept at 12pm after a dozen hours of overnight MJ, I AM LIKELY TO BE ASLEEP AT 3pm ISN'T IT???


I don't think I sleep "the whole day". I slept at 4am and woke up at 12pm today. 8 hours is a lot meh? It's perfectly normal what! You also "sleep the whole night", and I am not judging you for it, am I?


I don't get what's with people who rise early coz they have to work and their tendency to assume that everyone should keep the same hours as them.

Really? Oh? You wake up at 7am and go to work and do productive stuff all day till 12am when you sleep? Wow! You mean that's the way the world functions? SO WHAT? CANNOT BE DIFFERENT MEH?

I HATE waking up early because I've got nothing to do at home in the afternoons and it's so fucking hot! I like being awake at night coz Mike's sleeping so I can use the aircon and surf the net in comfort.

I like the night and I don't have to justify myself.

It is not MY FAULT that you people have to wake up early coz your job demands it, and my job doesn't!

I believe if everyone had a choice, nobody would choose to be woken up by a bloody alarm clock every morning.

Provided that you earn the same amount and do the same amount of work, of course everyone will choose to wake up at whatever time they feel comfortable at what!!

Feel so angry with the world right now.

Only fellow bummers can understand what I mean!! My friend who is nocturnal too was telling me how his mother often shakes him up at 11am and will turn off aircon etc to heat him awake.

OMG! I feel so sad for him!! Additionally, he is the insomniac type so it's like after he gets woken up he can't go back to sleep anymore.

Yeah. So you people stop hounding me!!

Very grumpy!!

NAH NAH... New eps on Click Network!!








p/s: As the date shows I blogged this some time ago so I am not really angry anymore... Haha!!

I’m back in L.A. Back home. I started an article about the Buddhist concept of "home leaving" this morning. And maybe one of these days I’ll finish the bastard thing. But I stopped working on it so I could go to a meeting related to my “real job.” And after coming back, I feel like an article about that meeting might be more relevant, or at least more interesting to me to sit down and write. I don’t really like to write abstract stuff.

Anyway, this meeting. Jesus God in Heaven what a fucking nightmare! Whenever you try to explain the problems you have at work to someone outside your company or outside your specific industry they never make much sense. In fact they always seem incredibly trivial to anyone not directly involved. That’s because they are. And the problems we’re talking about are trivial beyond all bounds of trivia. Nobody fucking cares about the rights to pictures from monster movies. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter one way or the other. Most of the stuff most of us face at work falls into this category, I think.

Anyway, my approach to the meeting was to try to keep things as friendly as possible and to have a reasonable discussion in order to arrive at a solution that satisfied everyone involved. Unfortunately I was facing a guy who wasn’t interested in talking like a reasonable human being. I spent about 15 minutes in the offices of the company who are complaining to our company about a bunch of monstrously trivial crap before it was utterly obvious that no discussion could possibly take place. I think they believe they threw me out. I guess maybe they did. They made a point of not showing me to the door, which I thought was just silly. But I was every bit as glad to be out of there as they were glad to have me gone.

The whole scene was beyond silly all the way to the realm of high comedy. And I felt bad for the guy I had to talk to, let’s call him Mr. Koksukka. Because he really seemed to be getting himself worked up into a lather over the whole thing. Of course it’s mostly an act. But it takes a lot of energy to sustain and it must be extraordinarily painful, a sad way to live and work. I suppose he gets paid well for it. But it’s got to be extremely damaging and I can't imagine it's really worth it. I could see the damage it had already done to him and it was hard not to want to try and help. But there wasn’t really anything I could do.

Mr. Koksukka kept trying to drive the discussion into very abstract areas that didn't really lead anywhere good, namely the past. There was a whole lot of "Why did you do XXXX six months ago? Why didn't you do YYYY at that time?" Is this a Japanese thing? Or does everyone do this? Because I always refuse to go there. There's no point. In point of fact in this case I did not make any of the past mistakes he wanted me to admit to. But even if I had there would be no real point in discussing them. And the people I'm talking to never seem to really get that. I want to fix the problem that exists now given the conditions that exist now. That seems to be one of the hardest areas to move these kinds of discussions into, though. In the past I've gotten drawn into that sort of trap and it never goes anywhere useful.

Anyway, as I sat there, trying to talk like a human being to someone who reacted to everything I said with (mostly fake) outrage and anger, I felt my own mouth start to dry up. I thought that was a bit odd because I didn’t feel much emotional involvement in the situation. But Mr. Koksukka’s demeanor was such that it produced a number of the kind of involuntary responses one feels when one is faced with actual danger. At one point I reached for my notebook and accidentally knocked over a remote control thingy that was sitting on the table. Again I thought, weird. I was actually losing a certain degree of coordination because of this. My field of vision also seemed to narrow in a way, as if my peripheral vision was somehow compromised. All of this with only the slightest degree of actual emotional involvement.

Now I’m not trying to tell you how enlightened and “Zen” I am. Just trying to describe the situation. I entered this coming out of two two-day Zen retreats in two weeks and about 25 years of daily practice, including 45 minutes just before I left for the meeting. Though it’s certainly not impossible to fluster me, it’s a lot more difficult than it used to be. Yet the situation was such that an entire array of involuntary responses came into play anyway.

As I walked out I started thinking that there are lots of people who must have to face this kind of nonsense day after day after day. It's soooo sad. To a large degree a lot of the problems that face humanity are caused by so many of us engaging in this kind of desperately silly behavior on a regular basis. I used to deal with a lot more of it than I do nowadays. I’ve tended to cut those things out of my life as much as possible.

But I’ve been lucky. I’ve developed certain abilities and skills that allow me to minimize my interaction with that world. Still, there’s no sphere of human activity that’s free of such stupidity. Sometimes you can find a place to be where people are aware of these things and make their efforts to minimize such behavior. Yet it seems to always surface to one degree or another in spite of our best efforts. It doesn't help that our society rewards people who act like Mr. Koksukka so richly.

Throughout my Zen career my teachers have encouraged, almost demanded, that I continue to work in the film business. I always wondered why because if there’s any business in the world that’s more prone to useless displays of emotionalism, well, I don’t want to go there! It seems like the movie business attracts drama queens like shit attracts flies. Why would my teachers want me to stay in such an environment?

I think it’s because I can make a difference here. And that’s important. And it may be just as important for those of you out there reading this who practice Zen and work real jobs to continue making little differences wherever you are. That’s why I’m not really sold on the idea of people running away from whatever it is they do for a living in the work-a-day world to go and, I dunno, help the starving children in Africa or whatever it is. As if helping the starving children in Africa is better than whatever it is they’re doing now. In most cases I have doubts.

I kind of feel like having one grounded person in an otherwise insane company acts a little like having a gyroscope in the bottom of a ship. The gyroscope is a tiny thing, but it steadies the whole ship somehow. As ineffective and ineffectual as I usually feel, I have faith that I make just a little tiny difference by remaining steady.

I wonder what effect I had today. It certainly wasn’t easy to see. I’m sure Mr. Koksukka has his own view of the meeting. I wonder if he has any clue what transpired. I wonder if I do. Although I'm arrogant enough to suspect I have a bit clearer of an idea than he does. Does it matter? Well, I’m writing this right now. So maybe the meeting had some meaning, rather than none at all.

I dunno. Whatever. This isn’t really one of my best elucidations on the nature of human interaction. But I wanted to post it while it was still fresh. Hope you enjoyed it.

I’m gonna go play in the sun for a while.

Bye!

Last Saturday, Bill had a a mix of friends, coworkers, and clients over to drink and eat before heading to Town for the drag show.

Tom was there making some point that cleared the room. Well, everyone except Greg and Jessica who continued to eat more roast beef.

Mike and Marcia were there, enjoying the outdoor deck and on a very beautiful evening. I think at this point Marcia was discussing that the recent placement of polar bears on the protected species class was, "too little, too late."

We then walked over to Town to see the drag show. As it was a "Madonna" themed evening, nearly every performance was a Madonna song.

Only one of the drag queens looked anything like Madonna. The rest looked like, as one of my friends stated, "hippos shoved in satin with sequins." It was a very fun night!

Chris, Josh, and Shea competed in the 48-Hour Film Project and took home an audience prize. This description of the effort came from Chris:

"We had 48 hours to make a movie between 4 and 7 minutes in length. We picked a genre out of a hat (Road Movie) and, along with 103 other teams, were required to include the following:

(1) a character named Lori or Larry Gardner, a designer

(2) sauce as a prop

(3) the line: 'I'll be glad when he's gone.'"

For 48-hours, the film is cleverly done. I was really impressed with Kevin's original score to the film. The manic piano helped underscore the panic of the action in the film. I especially loved his alteration of the theme music played during the closing credits. That boy is talented.

Did I take this picture because of the cute puppy bulldog saying hi to the adult bulldog, or because of the cute bearded guy holding the leash?

I might start watching the local news more in DC if they danced like this. But, the reason to dance could not be related to a lack of traffic backups or accidents, as they would never have an opportunity to dance. They could dance every time a politician is involved in some type of scandal and they could name each dance after the fallen politician like the "Vitter Vogue" or the "Fossella Fox-Trot." Now, that I would watch...maybe.

I picked up a little newsletter from the magazine rack at a Zen center I visited, a publication put out by the Soto Zen Buddhism International Center in San Francisco. And there was an article in there that, to me, spelled out why institutionalized Zen sucks dead donkey puds.

The article was by a European Zen monk who tells how he got invited to participate in the 2007 Sotoshu Ango in Europe. What on God’s green Earth is an ango, you may ask. I did. I had to go look it up. Turns out an ango is an intensive 90-day Zen training period. In this case it was a very special training period organized by the Soto Sect’s central governing body (Sotoshu) in Japan to be its very first official duly licensed training period in Europe. That’s Soto Zen®, to you buster! So basically we’re talking about the Zen equivalent of a tractor and farm implements trade show or an annual meeting of the Midwestern Nabisco Cookie Company sales reps.

The guy writes that just before he got the invitation, “my 72 year old father was diagnosed with spreading colon cancer.” Nonetheless he elected to go to Soto-shu’s big party. “I wished my father a peaceful death and went on my way,” he says. His dad died the first day of the big to-do. Our friend did not leave the festivities to attend the funeral. All along, he says, he asked himself, “what importance do I give my greatest desire of simply living a religious life, and how is this deep desire obscured, pushed away in a far away corner by some idealistic or romantic desires that disperse my attention and bring along so much suffering and frustration in this life, in this society?” Like maybe the frustration of a dying parent? God I hate it when that happens. It’s worse than hangnails.

Now look. Pay attention to what I’m about to say, Internet trolls. I am not addressing this blog entry to the guy who wrote that article. If I wanted to communicate with him I’d write him a letter. You’ll notice I haven’t named the gentleman in question. Nor do I have any reason to believe he reads this blog. What I am addressing here is the presence of an article like this in an official publication of the Soto organization and the utterly fucked message it sends. Got that? I know some of you don’t. But I’ll keep going anyway.

I have no idea what this guy’s relationship to his dad was. For all I know maybe dad beat him with a coat hanger every day until he was big enough to hit back, and that’s the real reason he skipped out on him during his last moments on Earth. But even if that was the case, all of us have a far bigger commitment to our families — our real families not our fake “spiritual families” — than to some big corporate religious institution that’s throwing a jamboree.

The article makes it sound as though our friend was so dazzled to be one of the elite few allowed by the Masters in far off and oh-so-truly-Zen Japan to participate in the event that he lost sight of his real duties. The Soto organization seems to want to promote the idea that we should run away from the suffering and frustration of our real lives and hide in the warm and protective bosom of big mama Sotoshu. This is what whacked out religious cults do. There is no place for this kind of nonsense in Buddhism. If only this were the only instance where the Sotoshu acted this way…

And just FYI, the folks in most Western Zen institutions have Yellow Fever so bad they need high dosage antibiotics stat. Whenever someone from the magical land of Japan steps into the room they’re all ready to slaughter each other to be the first to stick their tongues up his ass. Look, I lived in Japan for eleven years. I’ve seen more homeless guys in stolen black robes collecting spare change for booze money in train stations than I can count, and more “real” Buddhist monks in flashy imported cars bought with the money they charge to give peoples’ dead relatives Dharma names in Heaven than I could possibly vomit over. Get over it, people. But I digress…

The ancient Buddhist teachers often talked about leaving home and family for the religious life. Fine. But this is not an example of “leaving home and family.” As presented, the story given in this article is an example of getting sucked into the power games of a corporate elite with a vested interest in expanding their authority and control. “Leaving home and family” means switching your focus from trivial materialistic entanglements towards a larger more universal purpose. It doesn’t mean skipping out on your dying dad because you might miss the opportunity to kiss the asses of the higher ups in your cult. And this is sure as heck what the article seems to be promoting. Once again, trust me, I know there are a lot of legitimate reasons people might want to miss out on the death of a parent. I’ve heard stories that would curl your toenails. But getting invited to a big pow-wow by the sect bosses is not one of them. Never. No.

The guy goes on to gush about how the experience of the ango promoted the development of compassion and wisdom towards oneself and towards others. Huh? Compassion and wisdom is when you tell the big guys at the home office in Japan to stuff their party invitation, your dad is dying. Again (again), as much as it might seem like it, I am not, not, not addressing the guy who wrote the article. He gives hints that other factors were involved in his decision. But if the editors of the magazine did not want to send the message that cult activities take precedence over dying parents they should have asked for a rewrite. They didn’t.

Organized religion can bite me. The Sotoshu can bite me. I’ll go to their clambakes from time to time just to see how much distance I need to put between me and them. That is, if I ever get invited to one again. But more and more I’m seeing just how great the gap really is between the kind of Buddhism I learned and now teach and the stuff the higher ups in the Soto Organization World HQ want to spread. I remain a card-carrying member of the cult for now. But, man-o-man do I regret it sometimes.

I first saw Josh Packwood being interviewed on CNN because he is the first white valedictorian at Morehouse College. As he was being interviewed, I thought, "I hate him, he is both smart and hot."

I didn't realize how hot he was until I found this picture of him on Facebook. Josh is the brick house smarty at Morehouse.

I am, and I am sure you are too, THOROUGHLY SICK OF MY WEBSITE'S LOOK!

It was all perfect and gorgeous a few years ago, but now I'm really quite bored by it!

I no longer look like the banner. That pair of boots has long been thrown away and replaced by other camel suede boots. That This Fashion corset has yellowed and might still be around somewhere. Gotta remember to throw it away. Skirt still around though!

Anyway, the flash designer, Alan, has promised me to make me a new banner, but so far he has been busy and this has also gone nowhere!!

So. To summarize, I am welcoming:

1) A website designer (or and team) to help me come up with a new creative concept (i.e. classic/girly/edgy etc... I have an idea but it's very vague so I need help) for my blog's new outlook, and then of course help me design it.

2) A photographer to take photos to this concept. Or the photographer can help me come up with the concept instead of the website designer. Either way!


Alan said he will design the flash banner if there is going to be one, so that part is settled!!

Eh... I don't have money to pay of course, but of course you'll be linked from here and can add my website's design to your portfolio!!

If your portfolio is already full to the brim then maybe you'd do it coz... you like my blog? Ehehehe!!

Ok then, interested people please email me at xiaxue@gmail.com with some past works attached!!

:D

Thanks thanks!!

Update: FUCK OFF, YOU PEOPLE! What's with the insults?

I *should* pay for a website designer? Why? Coz I said I am pro-capitalism?

I am not asking anyone to do a design for me for FREE. I said I will give an ad + link for as long as the design is up there.

Did you know what's the value of Alan's (my flash designer) link being up there on my flash banner?

The value of that for ONE SINGLE MONTH, based on blogads rates (the rates you see there are for weekly only) for websites with my kind of traffic, is about USD$9,000.

IS THAT IS ENOUGH PAYMENT FOR THE DESIGN OF A FLASH AD?

I've had it sit there for more than a year already, right?

That's USD$108,000 in ad value.

And that's not just internet money. People PAY THAT SORT OF REAL MONEY, and that's what I AM BARTERING FOR.

I think it is a muthafucking bloody good deal.

Any designer who is too blind to see the value of this, I am not interested to work with.

If you think you are a designer who does not NEED excess advertising because you are already too good, then fair enough... YOU DON'T NEED TO HELP ME, AND I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE YOU.

Give this chance to many other upcoming talented designers who are craving for a chance for more exposure!

Besides, I'm sure this is a creative avenue for designers who wish to do something more fun than designing boring corporate websites. If you think you will enjoy this, then of course you can feel free to email me.

If you think it's a chore, and just another piece of work for you, YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PASSION, and I think that that's what designers need the most - so you are not likely to be any good anyway. No loss to me. :)

And if you are neither talented or a designer, then please... shut the FUCK UP. It is none of your business, you little busybody fuckface.

p/s: I have already shortlisted a designer and Alan said he will continue doing the flash for me. However, I AM STILL STUCK BECAUSE I DUNNO WHAT THEME I WANT!

I'm sick of the pastel colours so I want something a little less maternal and a little more edgy and grown up. What do you think? If you have any suggestions let me know! NO PRINCESSY PLEASE! I just said a little more grown up!!

I don't know why I am bothering though. I look at all the other bloggers' blogs and they are either thoroughly amatuerish and cluttered, or too basic for any personality.

But I'm should persevere and make the website chio, right?!?!

Gregg sent me a link to ManBabies, which is a website that people post altered pictures with babies' heads on men's' bodies and vice versa. I found it kinda disturbing, yet I could not stop looking.

I was walking by Helix Hotel and saw this man sitting in the over-sized bench in front of the hotel, smoking a pipe. It was interesting to see such an old school moment, happening in front of one of the few trendy hotels in Washington.

While sitting in the park in Dupont Circle last Sunday, this boy sat down next to me to take a nap and tan. I found it hard to read my book after he sat down.

While out with Nick and Kevin, we saw these two built college boys doing yard work. They seemed to be working really hard, but when they went inside, the yard looked exactly the same as before they started. I am still not sure what they were doing the whole time.

My life is so interesting!!

Today....

11am: Maid came. Told her to clean the living room first coz I still want to sleep.

12pm: Vacuuming eventually woke me up. Announced to the living room at large that I am awake! Maid laughed at me and asked if I had a late night. I tried to tell her not particularly, but tongue stud hurt so I just mumbled a patronising reply.

1pm: Bravely, valiantly, I tried to eat some Maggie Mee. I survived it and didn't die.

2pm: Paid maid. She's like fucking awesome, she even cleaned the inside of the laundry basket!!

Decided to go tanning because of rare glorious cloudless sunny weather, and actually chose a bikini to put on. Noticed I have FIVE bikinis that are still brand-new. Surely I'm overcompensating for the spoilt Bintan one?

Wore bikini; noticed ingrown pube. Decided to ignore it for now. Rolled around the bed and realised the comforter is very, very comfy!! Maybe should sleep?

2.30pm: Still procrastinating about the tanning. Talked to Junne online instead.

3pm: Decided I would go tan, but sun is gone! Invasion of the clouds! Good, I thought. One less decision to make for me.

4pm: Pottering around the house and watched an ep of Dou Niu Yao Bu Yao. Called Mike and whined about him leaving me at home, and accused him of not loving me anymore.

4.05pm: Wash clothes.

5.15pm: Mike comes home.

6pm: I take off all hair extensions by myself. Goodbye platinum blonde hair with pink sparkles!!!

6.30pm: Yelled at Mike and demanded for him to bring me to somewhere where I can eat jumbo scallops.

Finding no solution for this that's 1) near to the east and 2) not that expensive, we settled for going to the new Downtown East shopping mall that's very near our place.

7pm: Had small argument about driving there. Mike's all for taking the bus (since it's so near, and parking fees there is outrageous), but we don't know which one to take, and I don't feel like murking around it.

Also, it's technically a date and people don't go to dates on buses!! Mike replied, "No, I bet lots of Singaporeans do." and I mumbled, "Yeah... secondary school students!" quite sarcastically and inaudibly due to swollen tongue.

7.30pm: Had yummy ribeye steak and caesar salad at New York New York. Total bill was $74!!!

Startling sudden revelation that the East is indeed nicer than the West in Singapore, because.... THERE ARE NO BANGALAS HERE!

Compare: Jurong Point is full of bangalas (very lecherous)/Malaysian factory boys (very lecherous)/China men (very lecherous). White Sands? None. Only happy chalet goers and little yuppie families.

I can't even remember the last time I saw a bangala even near Loyang!! In contrast Teban is filled to the brim with them. Eww!

I am an Eastie-convert. SELL-OUT!!

Saw a couple both wearing mud-coloured Crocs. I announced, "Only people in very stable relationships wear crocs."

Mike looks at me, impressed, and said something about how that's very true and someone should write a thesis on it.

8pm: Couldn't finish either the salad or the steak. Took both home.

8.15pm: Went to NTUC and bought foil, ziploc bags, more lizard traps, and some cherry tomatoes which I thought, when chilled, would be good for my long-suffering tongue.

Wanted to buy cling-wrap too. There is none left.

Mike insisted that there were some at home still. He is so sure, he wanted to bet $10 on this. I called him a chicken, and told him to up it to $50!

He said, "Nope... Don't feel right taking $50 from you." CHICKEN!

We go home, and I put groceries away.

THERE IS CLINGWRAP! How? I thought we finished it?

Hastily, I hide the excess clingwrap away and told Mike to come into the kitchen.

"GIMME MY MONEY!" I say. He checked the cupboard and saw no clingwrap, but insisted he never agreed to the bet since I said "Fifty or nothing!!!", and he didn't want to bet fifty so it was 'nothing' then.

Disgusting word-twisting liar!! Hahaha!! YOU OWE ME FIFTY BUCKS!

9pm - 11.43pm: I don't know what I did, but I managed to spend 3 hours online.

In between I constantly pestered Mike to "GIMME MY MONEY!" in a loud ringing voice, which he chose to ignore.

He also poured me a glass of iced water ("6 cubes of ice please!") and I swear I had a tonguegasm.

11.43pm: Writing this blog entry. Gonna put wet clothes into dryer, then play Mario Vs Sonic for a bit on my DS (so ridiculously hard, this stupid game!) and then sleep.


Isn't my life soooooooooooo interesting?

Gotta be, gotta be.

In a small world moment, I discovered Eric Nuzum's book, "The Dead Travel Fast." Eric found my blog from the "Crack is Whack" episode and wrote me an email to tell me that I went to the same high school as his wife back in Nappanee, Indiana. He generously sent me a copy of his book, which I just finished reading.

The book is an interesting ride around the world as Eric chronicles the history and current fascination with vampires. Eric drinks his own blood, meets some current day vampires in a suburban chain restaurant, takes the Dracula tour in Romania, visits the England town where Bram Stroker wrote Dracula, watches nearly every vampire film ever made, and so much more. Eric's writing style had me feeling like I was on each of his little adventures. It is not an academic book, it is more sarcastic and fun than a serious study of vampires, and I found it quite enjoyable. I especially loved peoples' reactions to the book when they saw me reading it on airplanes and trains.

On a somewhat related note, Marcia thought I could use a new coach in my house when it is finished and sent me a link to Coffin Couches.

I am not sure it is my style, but if you would like one for your home, click here.

For those who know me well, they know that I love this song. When I discovered that my friend Kyan shot his own video of the Reba song with 4 of his friends in West Virginia, I knew you would enjoy it as well.

I'm at the Akron-Canton Regional Airport taking advantage of their free, uncensored wireless Internet service. If you follow this blog you'll learn which airports in this country have it. Not only can I look at all the tits and ass on Suicide Girls (and cock if I were to so desire, they now have Suicide Boys) that I want, I can also read this article about war protesters invoking Lucifer for their cause. Wonderful. I often wonder if some of these people aren't just hired by the Powers That Be specifically to make their opposition look bad. Sadly, as attractive as that explanation sounds, I highly doubt it's true. People are really, really, really, really, really, really dumb.

The talk at Visible Voice Books was fun. A wonderful time was had by all.

I spent a lot of time with my first teacher Tim this week. That was very nice. He is the genuine article. How I managed to come across someone like him and later Nishijima Sensei boggles my mind.

They're playing "Take It Away" by Paul McCartney and Wings (I think that one was released under the Wings moniker). A pretty obscure tune for airport muzak. I'm pretty much of a Beatle geek, tho I haven't followed Paul's solo career that closely. In Akron I spent lots of money at Time Traveler Records stocking up on Beatle bootlegs. I got a double set of rough mixes and out-takes from George Harrison's All Things Must Pass album. And a 3 disc set of out-takes from Public Image Limited's early works including the entire Commercial Zone album, the great "lost" PiL record that went unreleased after John Lydon and and guitarist Keith Levene quarreled. Levene issued his version of the record, Lydon sued and the record disappeared.

Speaking of unreleased things, I got a chance to read my friend Dave Materna's novel Big Yellow Car. The book was almost issued by a major publisher back around 1992. But the dorks got cold feet at the last minute. Too bad for them because it's a work of genius! A real portrait of punk rock in Akron, Ohio.

In a few hours I'll be in Milwaukee where I'll lead a two day mini-sesshin this weekend. That should be hoppin'. Show up and buy a copy of the new Zero Defex as a souvenir (and help pay my expenses in the bargain). Or order a copy from CD Baby. (But buy it from me personally if you're there)

Oops! It'll be more live several hours before I get to Milwaukee. The flight has been delayed and they didn't mention that little wrinkle to me when I checked in. See, the woman behind the counter was being hassled by her supervisor to make sure she charged extra for any bag over 61 inches. My bass came out to 61 and a quarter inches and I was duly charged $50. I coulda sent it to myself cheaper! Oh, and her flustered-ness also caused her not to check it thru to Milwaukeee, which, luckily, I noticed when I, uncharacteristically, looked at the tags she gave me. The supervisor needed to be told to focus on important issues instead of dicking people over for extra change for their bags. This I did not do. Not a major failure on my part. But I could have achieved the necessary communication without being harsh or nasty and I should have done so.

So it's airport food for me tonight. Oh boy. I'm sure glad I didn't elect to spend six months in Tassajara. Not. But you really can't remain in places like that very long anyway. You eventually have to leave. I met people up there who'd successfully hidden from the outside world for three or four years. But it never lasts. If you are the kind of person who gets rankled by things you will find things to rankle you no matter where you go. Guaranteed. It's not the surroundings that need changing.

I got called today by a reported from NOW magazine in Toronto. This getting called for quotes is becoming a regular thing. Weird. I'm an expert, I guess. Anyway, her article was about gossip and she wanted a Buddhist perspective. I told her that there is a precept against spreading gossip. I've always found that one sort of funny. I mean, the other precepts cover big issues like killing and stealing. But they chose to include a vow not to gossip in there too, right with the "grave precepts." It seems kind of trivial by comparison. But it must be important. Even so, every Buddhist temple or retreat center I've ever been to is a non-stop gossip factory. It's like being at a hair salon or something!

I think the key thing is that gossip always points way from yourself. You pick out faults in others. But you do not know the lives of others. There is no sense in pretending you do. It's a waste of everyone's time and energy. You can't say, for example, "That guy over there is violating the precepts!!" You do not know what the precepts are for that guy. Never. Ever. No. Forget it. If someone's hurting someone else maybe you should intervene. But such cases are very rare. Mostly it's none of your business. Even in such cases it's never good to assume an air of superiority. Just do what needs done. Gossip always assumes the gossipper is morally superior to the gossippee.

She also asked about thinking before you speak. I told her that in Buddhism we don't really view thinking as the best basis for deciding what to do. In my own case, rather than thinking before I speak, I tend more to look at my state of mind and body before I speak. If I feel that I'm about to say something defensive or hurtful, I usually stop. If that means not speaking at all, fine. Most of what most of us say doesn't really need to be said anyhow.

Here's what's left of the gigs:

On May 17th and 18th I'll lead a 2-day retreat at the Milwaukee Zen Center.

I'll be one of the teachers at this year's Great Sky Zen Sesshin August 9-16. Check out their webpage for details.

The annual Dogen Sangha retreat in Shizuoka, Japan will be September 20-23.

Y'know, if I was newly minted punk rocker I think I'd call myself Linus Appalling.

The new Zero Defex CD is now available from CD Baby. Go order yours today! It comes in a groovy digipak with all the lyrics including my own appallingly bad words for my own song "Hypocrite." On the CD I sing it in Japanese because I didn't want to own up to the actual lyrics. But Mickey and Jeffro, who were in charge of the CD package, put the English lyrics on! Nooooooo!!! But now it's there for the world to see & you can't see it, world, unless you buy the damned CD. So buy it.

Yesterday I got a phone call from the guy who did this article about the cyclone in Burma. I only got one quote. But he spelled my name right, so that's a plus. And he didn't put in a photo of Noah Levine with my name under it (it's really happened before!!), another plus.

The guy called asking me what I thought of the fact that lots of Buddhists are saying the recent cyclone in Burma was karmic commupence (how do you spell that?) for the military crack-down on Buddhist monks there. I had to laugh. It's such a ridiculous idea. It sounds just like when Pat Robertson said the Sept. 11th attacks were God's punishment to all the gays and lesbians in New York (which is what I said that got shortened in the article). Or whatever Pat Robertson said. Just pure bullshit nonsense. Same with blaming the cyclone on karma. Stupid superstitious bull-hockey, I say! And I am the final word on everything!!!!

And even if it was their karma, which is wasn't, who gives a shit? People are in trouble. Go help them. No more analysis than that is necessary.

The guy wanted to know if this was a widespread type of belief across Asia. It's hard for me to say much about all of Asia. But, in Japan it's certainly not common to blame natural disasters on bad karma. I mean, when the Kobe earthquake happened it wasn't like everybody said, "Yeah, serves 'em right for having named their city after Kobe Bryant when he gave all those women AIDS." The closest thing I ever heard to this in the years I lived there was when we found some abandoned baby birds in the warehouse where the company I worked for stored the monster costumes. Someone said that the birds' fate was "Hotoke-sama's will." Hotoke-sama is what they call Buddha. But even in this case there was no recourse to saying this was the baby birds' bad karma from previous lifetimes.

If people do say this, then they don't know much about Buddhism. That's all I can say.

*****

Saturday May 10th at 7 PM I'll do a book signing and talk at Visible Voice Books in Cleveland, Ohio’s Tremont neighborhood.

On May 17th and 18th I'll lead a 2-day retreat at the Milwaukee Zen Center.

I'll be one of the teachers at this year's Great Sky Zen Sesshin August 9-16. Check out their webpage for details.

The annual Dogen Sangha retreat in Shizuoka, Japan will be September 20-23.

Anthony sent me a link to Betty Beauty, which is color for the "hair down there," primarily for woman, but apparently also used by men. Nancy Jarecki, the founder, was in Rome getting her hair styled when she noticed that women who had their hair colored were given a little bag on their way out of the salon. She asked what was in the bag, and was told, "For the hair down there, to make it match." She returned to the US with this idea, and has turned it into a multi-million dollar company.

My favorite part of the Betty Beauty website is "Bridal Beauty." It is Malibu blue hair dye, for that something blue you need for the special day, complete with heart, dove, and XO stencils. Maybe its just me, but if I married a woman that dyed her pussy hair blue for our wedding night, I would freak out.

Did you ever write a screenplay as a child? If you did, imagine having a cast of Hollywood stars read your screenplay in front of a live audience. "500 Miles to Indy" is the screenplay. Elijah Wood and James Denton are part of the cast. Hilarity ensues.

(Meant to post this a gazillion years ago but didn't finish writing it...)

Thanks to blog readers for informing me about yesterday's a long time ago's tiny news coverage about me!!

Basically, the Fash Hag, an anonymous, often sarcastic writer (is she? I'm guessing from the two or so times she wrote about me... maybe she ain't sarcastic to everyone) thinks I should "live and let live" regarding the Bintan blog entry, and not have so cruelly (to some undeserving conglomerate?) wrote about about the resort.

To the Fash Hag, I think you have completely missed the point of my blog entry.

It is not to spitefully cause less sales for Angsana Resort, but to warn innocent travellers not to go to that particular place!

That, my dear, is an honourable and kindly reason, so instead of being reprimanded for it, I ought to be given a Good Citizen Award!!

If, my dear Fash Hag, you don't believe the things I wrote, there is only 1 simple solution.

Why don't YOU do some good in the world, and pay for your own holiday in Angsana? (No, of course you can't tell them you are a reporter!!)

Then, afterwards, if you thoroughly enjoyed yourself and think that the pleasure far exceeds the amount you paid, then YOU can go ahead and write about your pleasant experience and therefore neutralize the horrid blog post I wrote.

If you had shit of a time there, then don't say I didn't warn you!!

What the hell is a Fash Hag anyway? I'm guessing it's inspired by the term Fag Hag - in which a girl who often hangs out with a gay boy is termed a "hag" only because it rhymes with "fag".

But hag doesn't rhyme with Fash (rather, makes it sound quite awkward) so your name is quite pointless. Do you hang out with Fash a lot?

Anyway, enough of this!!

I just got my tongue pierced yesterday, and all of you who hate me, you'll be glad to know that I AM IN AGONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Food and I always had a long-standing, good relationship, in which I eat it, and it is happy to be eaten by me (latter self-assumed).

Now, due to the goddamn piercing, every single mouthful of swallowing is pure agony!!!

I can only eat 1 fusilli pasta at a time. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? CAN YOU?

It therefore takes me about 1 year to finish a bowl of pasta, and I AM STILL HUNGRY!!

Super annoying!!

KK kept ostentatiously showing me her piercing and urging me to do it, expounding loudly,

"CONFIRM WILL BECOME SKINNY ONE!!! CONFIRM! I lost 5 kg!! And it's not painful la!! Confirm less painful than belly!!"






So grinning like a fool, I did it.

And it hurt (way more than my belly piercing for sure), is still hurting (now Day 3), and to my horror, I actually gained 1 kg!!


WHY WHY WHY HOW HOW HOW WHY???!!


THE WORLD IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR TO ME!!!!!!!!!!


WHY IS IT FAT PEOPLE GET FATTER AND SKINNY PEOPLE GET SKINNIER????


Anyway, the whole tongue piercing episode will be on clicknetwork soon. It's gonna include explicit questions asked to the piercer! Haha!!


Meanwhile, new videos:


I learn from an *ahem* expert how to write erotic poetry!! Are you can see from my facial expression, I was immensely bored by him. He and I were totally on two different frequencies and I imagine that when I am old, I'll peruse this video again and tell my grandsons that this is one of the most awkward and PR-ish moments I had in life.

Why? I don't know. I guess he is not serious enough for you to laugh at him, yet whatever he is not serious at is not funny????? It's not funny to listen to some guy's sexual fantasies and urges! God I hope I don't meet him ever again.



Wank-worthy material!

I suggested to Gillian that two of the Chick VS Dick eps should be about Paul doing something KK is good at, and then KK doing something Paul is good at!!

So it was decided that the two things are respectively pole-dancing and singing!!

This is the pole-dancing one, so whether you wanna wank to KK's gyrating (personally I almost couldn't watch it coz I'm her friend and it's like watching your mom dance sexually AHAHAHA), or Paul's slightly gay dance moves - go ahead and watch it!


Ok bye for now!

It's DISGUSTING! I slept at 12am and woke up at 9am like a typical OL can! Please people, jio me for overnight MJ so I don't become like this!!!!

It might become permanent, then I'd start to shop at G2000 and wear Perlini's Silver!! OMG!!! And buy the LV Neverfull, book lunch tables with tissues, which I take out from my lunch pouch!! And I'll clik clak in my 2 inch Charles and Keith and get pregnant!! Omg... I totally want a baby...

Quote of the day:

Kay Kay, after my piercing: "OMG! You totally cannot cannot eat noodles! Especially those curly kind like Maggi Mee!! It will curl around the ball bearing and you will DIE." (looks at me seriously, as if to say, "and you don't want that to be the way you go...")