I’ve grown up a lot. Like really a lot. I’ve matured. Stopped being ridiculously awkward. Learned how to tie my shoes the right way. But I’m about to step 8 years back by getting adult braces @ age 21. I’m not okay with this situation. I keep on telling myself it’s a career move. Career move for what, I have no fucking clue.
I know the end outcome will be great, no more weird fangs that my mom always told me would fall into place naturally. Lies, you whore! Lies! No more vampire references. Maybe a bigger dating pool, I don’t know maybe. Maybe an actually chance @ comedic acting, I dunno maybe?!
But before I can get to the end result, I have to get braces. Braces. Not even Invisalign, but that weird ass metal shit. And this is so not cool.
For more than a year I have to face the ridicule and torture of adult braces. Fuck all of you who had normal parents that allowed you to get braces @ 12. You have no clue you truly lucky you are, you bastards.
So what’s gonna happen to me, my senior year of college? Hmmmm….well
1. No sex life. Lets be honest, braceface @ 21 does not equal doable. (Not to self. Buy brown paper bag to put over face.)
Whatever, I always wanted to be celibate. anyways. I am catholic. We are a celibate group.
2. Friends? Um no. Sorry, Miss Natalie but its time to realize most people have not been hanging around because of your “amazing personality.” (Time to develop a skill people can exploit me for.)
3. Ability to buy booze legally. Nope. No, cashier with a functioning brain is going to actually believe your real driver’s license is, well, real , when you're smiling @ her with a mouthful of metal. Good luck with that one missy.
4. Landing a job? Ha, you look like you're 12. Who the hell is going to hire you, idiot? Maybe some Web site will hire you site unseen…Maybe.
5. Let’s be honest. My life is ruined. For a year @ the minimum, which whatever, a year isn’t that long….I'm fucked.
God damn, insecurity, people seem to like True Blood, why can’t fangs be cool?
