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| Copyright 2011 Shilo McCabe for Fleur De Lis' Sexy Circus! |
As a little girl growing up you are fed all of these images of what you are supposed to look like. Shit, we were all given a Barbie doll at some point, and we came to think that was what a woman looks like. I think we have all read the research that if Barbie was a real person she would not be able to walk. Little girls are given so many things to live up to, so it is no wonder that as women we are all so body conscious.
I hear little girls who say things like, "I don’t want to get fat." I see girls wearing very adult clothes at a younger and younger age. But when you look at what our society defines as attractive- tall, thin, and with big boobs- it seems to be the image we are fed most. Mainly thin.
There are a variety of body types that not just women, but people, have. I cannot tell you how much time I have spent as a woman dissecting what is wrong with my body. The time my friends and I have spent in front of a mirror telling each other what we find wrong with our bodies. Since I have started a blog where I am photographed constantly, I have noticed my attention to detail with what I look like has evolved.
The makeup, the hair, the nails, and the clothes for women are designed to make me look sexy. Now, don’t get me wrong: I like being sexy. Actually, I love being sexy. There is something about putting on an outfit that you know you look good in and walking out of your house. Now, do I find it inappropriate that men eye fuck me, or yell at me from cars, that I can live without, but at least they still yell at me. Sometimes it makes me sick, and sometimes I smile.
It is hard to be a woman and not fit into a particular mold of what a woman is supposed to look like. When I was younger I had huge- and I mean HUGE- boobs, very short hair, and I was, at best, awkward in my teens. I grew into my looks and I learned how to be happy with the woman that I am. When I get dressed up now it's for me, but I do love to put on pretty things and walk down the street. I love being looked at and admired. Who doesn't?
We are judged on how we look. If a woman is not thin, she is judged for it. Have you ever heard “She has such a pretty face, if only she were thinner”? I think that sexy is in the eye of the beholder. I also think that not everyone is a stick figure, and they should not be judged for that.
Women come in a variety of shapes and colors. However, I do think we have it harder than men as far as our appearance. Men can be slovenly or disheveled and no one really says anything, but if a woman does that she has given up, or she is sad. I have been a size 4, and I have been a size 14, but my confidence has never come from my appearance. My confidence has always come from my ability to use my brain. Your looks fade, and you have to have more than that to fall back on in order to be a complete person.
What I don't understand is why, instead of teaching little girls to be pretty, we don’t teach them to be competent? We should encourage them to be anything that they want to be. Women need to feel less pressure from society to conform to a certain look. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and we should be encouraged to look how we want.
Whether you are a size 4 or a size 24, your confidence should be derived from who you are as a person instead of what you look like. I have met exceptionally attractive people who once they open their mouths, they become so ugly that I am repulsed by them. That movie Shallow Hal was a great example of looking for inner beauty. We need to be able to see who people are, beyond what their outward appearance is. I am lucky to be surrounded by a number of beautiful people, inside and out, but it is the inside that counts the most to me.
You can read more from Fleur De Lis SF on her blog. The above photo was taken during a promotional shoot for her upcoming Sexy Circus! Come one, Come all! September 17, 2011 at the Center For Sex & Culture, 1349 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA. Doors open at 8:30 and the show starts at 9:00.
