Date: November 10, 2008
Re: Rogue Kitchenware
The 9th floor is again having an issue with the kitchenware escaping the kitchen. They are notorious for fleeing the scene, and generally attach themselves to innocent, unsuspecting people who have gone into the kitchen to prepare breakfast or lunch. Be careful. This is a scam. They are just trying to get back to your cozy offices or cubes where they can sit, untouched, on your bookshelves/file cabinets/desks for months on end. While the most aggressive perpetrators this year have been drinking glasses, forks and spoons have been known to climb into desk drawers in an attempt to delay their return to the kitchen.
The remaining dishes and silverware are asking for our help to reunite them with their missing friends. I have attached pictures of the most egregious escapees to this email to help you identify them. If you see any of these fugitives in your office or elsewhere, please bring them back to the kitchen immediately. They will be reprimanded with a hot rinse in the dishwasher. No reward is being offered.
