1. I have had sex with four guys, over the course of four years, two of which I dated.
2. I lost my virginity when I was 16, with a lot of enthusiasm. I really loved it despite the fact that I didn't orgasm. I thought it was beautiful and intimate though.
3. I've never orgasmed during sex or with a partner. I've orgasmed one time, by myself.
4. I am preoccupied by orgasm. I think about them all of the time. I think this is because it is so challenging for me to reach one. I think about other people's orgasms, how often they masturbate, how easy it is for them to orgasm, how good it was for them. I masturbate a few times a week, and I've used EFT to try to make orgasms come easier. I am worried it will never happen again.
5. I mentally feel like I'm missing out on something everyone else experiences regularly, but physically I don't feel deprived.
6. I love kissing. Most of the time that is all I want to do. Sometimes I kiss people that Im not attracted to, and if it is good I definitely like them more. When I meet people I think about if I would kiss them and what it would be like.
7. I also think about people in sexual situations a lot. My bosses, old people. friends, unattractive people. I think about what they look like having sex and what they look like naked.
8. I regret three of the four guys. Most of the time I wish I had only slept with guy #1.
9. I dated guy #1 for almost a year, when I was 16. I felt really comfortable with his body and mine, and most of my firsts were with him. We used to do random sexual acts everywhere- cars, bathrooms, lakes, dressing rooms, etc. It was always fun and innocent in ways. When I try to do things like this now, with different people, I just feel dirty and inappropriate.
10. When things started to go bad with guy #1 he did some things that could be considered rape. I really cared for him, and have forgiven him, so I try not to think about it now. I have no idea if this has an effect on my sex life now. I don't have any rape fears or fantasies currently.
11. I don't feel confident and sexy when naked because I don't think I look like a "woman". In other words; hips, breasts, curves, smooth skin. I think I look like a child.
12. Dirty talk doesn't really get me. If you say "I want to fuck you" I will probably want to roll over and go to sleep, but if you play hard to get I will probably try to rip your clothes off.
13. I don't particularly plan on or want to get married, but sometimes I think to myself that no one would marry me or even want to date me unless I could orgasm easier.
14. My parents never gave me a sex talk. And I've never been caught doing anything sexual. The most my mom has ever said to me about sex was "use protection" and "don't get drunk and do anything stupid". My dad has never said a word to me about sex.
15. One time, I asked my mom how many partners she's had. She said 5. At the time, I was with guy #1 and I thought that was a very decent, acceptable number. Now that I'm approaching 5, I wonder how she kept that number so low.
16. I get really curious about the number of sexual partners my friends have had. I try not to judge, but I think that number says something about you and it makes me so curious I cannot help but ask.
17. I don't think I ever masturbated as a child, but I did have this female friend when I was about 5 or 6 that used to kiss and touch me during nap time in kindergarden. I don't remember how I felt about this, except I never felt freaked out, and we were friends until we both moved away.
18. During sex, I have a hard time talking. My mind really just goes blank and I often can't say coherent things- even to tell my partner to stop or if something feels good. Everyone I've been with hates this, and so do I.
19. Guy #3 was a sex god and thinking about him now still gets me hot. But being with him would probably represent a low point in my sexual life. I didn't feel totally comfortable with him and I rushed into sex, got emotionally attached, scared him away, and was left heartbroken. He's the most attractive guy I've ever been with and when we were together he really boosted my self esteem and made me feel really attractive.
20. Guy #4 and I dated for about six months and during this time he had a condition with his prostate (I think) that caused him to have trouble peeing and also made sex uncomfortable and sometimes painful for him. He didn't tell me this at first and sometime in the beginning of our relationship we were drinking and ended up having sex. Almost immediately after that he stopped being affectionate with me, sex, kissing, etc. This really hurt my feelings and my self esteem, especially because I didn't know why he was doing this. When I finally brought it up, he reluctantly told me about this prostate problem and told me that he had been intentionally avoiding contact with me but wasn't planning on telling me WHY, and he was just waiting for his problem to go away. I felt like shit and completely undesirable throughout this entire relationship and this still bothers me.
21. My only sexual encounter with a female is the one time a girl hit on me at a gay bar and we made out in my car. She was gorgeous and I like kissing (#6) but I wasn't into it. When we stopped kissing I just wanted her to leave.
22. I really like to see myself being touched, grabbed, penetrated, etc. while it's happening.
23. I think I have technically cheated on two of my boyfriends (by kissing another, not sex) and while I think cheating is wrong and shameful, I don't feel bad about either. The first boyfriend mostly shrugged it off and the other will probably never know, but has been shitty to me enough that I don't care.
24. I like receiving oral but sometimes I feel like it sounds like a better idea than it actually is.
25. I'm optimistic that as I get older my sex drive will increase and my sex life will get better.
