02. I confuse attention with affection with interest with intimacy with emotion with intensity with interest with affection with emotion with attention with, and on and on. My emotional wisdom or maturity is far less developed than my intellect. Always confused. Always confused.
03. My childhood was just one fucked up (sexually related) taboo-laden mess. I hate my parents for ignoring, effectively, an aspect of life common to all. Common to society. Common to all (social) relationships. My parents didn't communicate. Didn't express affection. Didn't have friends. Loved God. Thanks. Philip Larkin was right.
04. There's nothing wrong with sex, sexual behaviour. Consenting. WTF. Why the taboo? Why the stigma, the politics of it all? I wish it was more openly discussed. More openly discussed. It affects everybody. Just talk about it!
05. I've never had casual sex. Part of me doesn't want it. Well, not just one-night-stand-sex casual sex. My experience of sex has been that it gets better with personal familiarity. Sex is important, but it is only sex -- it is different of course when feelings become involved. I crave the physicality. And yet I've never had the opportunity -- or the opportunity hasn't been made clear enough -- to try. I just want some fun. A fling or too. I've gotten nowhere on this front. I want to know how it works.
06. I want sexual freedom. I want to be able to just ask. I want to be able to have the confidence to just ask. To flirt. To find. I don't understand.
07. I want to see every person I find attractive, naked. And that's okay.
08. I masturbate nearly every day. It's a form of. It's energising. The physical release. There is also a sense that it's. That it's a form of deferment. Maybe. Distraction.
09. My sexuality is my psyche is my identity is my body is my reality. It's part of my being, it's part of me. Yet it's so often shielded in some form of emotionally orientated defensive mechanism. Argh.
10. I have a very high sex drive and I've never met a girl, sexually, who didn't like sex. Yet sex is about, is influenced by, attraction, desire and emotional well being.
11. Loving and losing. It's tough. I miss the sex. I love the mess, the smell, the sweat, the physicality. The physicality. The physicality. Sex does have more meaning. Well. It depends on the kind of love. Sex changes if love is involved.
12. I don't believe monogamy is particularly realistic given that everyone changes over time. Lust for other people is inevitable, and utterly acceptable.
13. Sexually, I'm willing to do and accept anything. Everyone is different. What's the problem? I don't really understand.
14. I love kissing, touching, playing, foreplay. Passionate kissing is a real turn on, as is sharp, sassy dialogue. Laughing, smiling.
16. I love going down on a woman. I just love it. Even if there's blood. I love the movement and physical reaction. I love being able to give a girl an orgasm in different ways other than intercourse.
17. I'm happier and infinitely more comfortable with someone when there is an open discussion about what turns who on. And what doesn't. Discovering something new is wonderful. Just talking. Communication. That goes for anything.
18. And talking during sex. Kissing during sex. I love kissing during sex.
19. I'm particularly attracted to slim/ skinny girls around my height or shorter. Small breasts. Defined features. Generally dark hair, generally caucasian. Very attracted to red, very ginger hair. Pale skin and freckles too. Often inherent. Oedipus fucking complex. WTF. Thanks.
20. I'm overwhelmingly attracted to women that use makeup sparingly. That use bright colours. I love chipped nail varnish. I'm so turned off when I can see foundation and fake eyelashes. Fake nails. It's almost an unconscious recognition until I realise why.
21. I've dated girls because they've shown a particular interest in me, and not because the feeling was mutual. Tantamount to self-harm. I can't believe it's taken me quite so long to realise that it's utterly unfair, both on the other person and on myself. Idiot. I once engaged upon a relationship with someone I wasn't physically attracted to. Intellectually, yes, physically, no. I tried, I really tried to ignore it. It wasn't something that I could manage to sustain and so I ended the relationship. I was honest and stated straight out why instead of masking the truth. The truth was painfully true and the confusion moreso.
22. Joel Parrish/Charlie Kaufman and his comment on why does he fall in love with every girl that shows him the slightest bit of attention is uncomfortably uncanny.
23. I don't have nearly the sex life I wish I was having. In equal measure, I'm glad I don't have an STD, or exposure to (more than) one.
24. I would love to have sex with more than one person. A threesome. A foursome. Etc...
