So I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and I want your opinion…
While as hilarious my pathetic self can be…some days (when I’m being a little less gross/whorey/socially awkward) I just really want to write about… my parents.
And yes, my parents do know I have a blog…and I have told them that in fact, yes, it is kind of raunchy (baby steps people…baby steps).
But they have yet been given the permission to read my blog…I think you can understand why.
Here’s the catch. My parents do expect me to get famous and thus have put a price on their net worth…
… “We get 30% of your profits if you write anything about us.”
Come on! Thirty?!?! That’s a shit ton of money mom and pops.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and all…but 30 percent… love….? Maybe 15 percent like…?
…it’s not like I’m going to let them live out of a box or anything when I’m rich.
I plan on buying them the two most expensive matching wind suits from Sears for Christmas…thank you very much.
But in all seriousness I really do love my parents and would never want to hurt their feelings with anything that I write…but they are a fucking GOLDMINE.
If you think I can joke about sex/porn/taco bell you should meet my mother.
Let’s just say, the phrase, “National porn league” has been thrown out on more than one occasion.
Oh, and let’s not forget… “I farted today…and I’m pretty sure the cashier heard me.”
She’s the future me…in every way possible…it’s really scary to watch actually…
This shit cannot go unwritten. In fact it hasn’t… I have a shit ton of these mom quotes written in my handy dandy notebook.
…But is it time to post them on the interwebs?
Is it worth 30% of all my net profits…?
I mean seriously I’ve made, what? Ten bucks from this blog already…that would be a whopping three whole dollars. Three! Count em’. One …two…three. (Right? I don’t do math…) But that seems like a lot.
So what do I do? Do I make the deal?
Would you guys even want to read about my parents?
Or should I just stick with writing about my unnatural consumption of mayo?
It’s a tough choice I know. Some have even likened it to “Sophie’s Choice” and by some, I mean me…and by me… I mean Mark Walhberg.
Yeah. That’s right…Mark Fucking Walhberg.
