It’s like there is no good way to reject a boy anymore.
You act like a bitch and they think you are flirting with them. You act like a jackass, and they text you…”Why did you leave without saying good bye to me?”
Hmmm…er….well… “You disgust me.”
And there’s something you have to respect about a girl that’s a complete jackass.
So let’s get one thing straight….I’m a jackass. Not a bitch…oh no no no. A total jackass.
…respect me.
It’s a curse really. You’d think being a jackass one would be able to narrow down the amount of men one has to come in contact with…however…it has the complete opposite effect.
…I’ve been at my job…two…count em two weeks…and I’ve already been asked out by two guys.
And I’ll say it again… I’m a fucking jackass to these guys….A FUCKING JACKASS… cause here’s the thing…I don’t hide my disgust for other people very well…or at all…
Majority of the shit I say…I’m not trying to be funny.
“You’re really funny.”
No, I’m just being brutally honest and you’re lack of experience in a situation like this is mistaking it as sarcasm.
“…I really am.”
Look gentlemen, if I’m being a jackass to your face then it means that I am disgusted by the sight of you…or that I want to have sex with you.
…okay, okay you have like a 50-50 chance of getting laid.
…75 % chance if I’m drunk.
…99.3% chance if I’m drunk and high.
…but that’s besides the point.
Maybe I just look too nice. Maybe that’s why my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
I try to even it out with my jackassyness, but obviously I need to concoct a plan that’s a little more foolproof.
Like lies…and lots of them.
Oh, don’t act like you haven’t done it before.
I’m currently in three fake relationships to ward off unwanted boy attention.
Oh hey Matt…I forgot to tell you…if this dude at work who won’t stop asking me out facebooks me…like he says he’s going to too…we’ve been dating for the past year…we met in our feature writing class…and you said you couldn’t resist my cankles…
But let’s be honest…no one can resist my cankles.
