Sometimes I feel like we are losing a culture. I don’t know if it is just because I’m getting older…or if it’s only because I’m finally starting to feel the beer. But I stand by my statement, however…let me make it sound a little more ominous….
Our culture is dying.
We are surrounded by these Dora the Explorererers and I-Carlyerers and they just don’t know what good TV really fucking is. I say “Salute Your Shorts”…and these bitches look at me like a leper.
Fuck off. Dora. Fuck off….and your trashy cousin too. No one is impressed by all these animals you save and shit. And that Boots bitch is about to cut your ass.
You’ve been warned, Dora….you goddamn whore.
It’s just sad man. An atrocity. Fucking mind blowing. These shows I watched fucking shaped who I am now today…well that and being fat…and watching 7 reruns a day of SNL during my summer vacations…while eating 4 chicken burritos…and 2 corndogs a day….I don’t want to talk about it.
Corndogs are a gateway drug…to be perfectly honest. Did I mention I used to be fat? Like my parents had to lie to me to not ruin my adolescent self-esteem…which is still dwindling btw.
Any who…I will never forget getting into a scream-fest with my mother at the mere age of eight because all the kids on Hey Arnold got to roam the streets of NYC and they were only nine…so why the fucking fuck could I not ride my bike down my fucking street?!
…it’s still a sore subject.
But this shit shapes us…influences us…forces us to see why we are so obviously smarter than our elders.
What are these kids going to be like when they are older? Bitches and dicks? It’s all those flashing lights, fucks with your mind.
So thank you, Yo Gabba Gabba, for ruining all of our lives. With all those bright lights and glitter…and I don’t even want to talk about how that freaky green thing dances better than me.
But I do honestly believe that these shows will have an influence on the younger generation…which Pete and Pete so obviously did on me.
These kids will be our future politicians/engineers/NASA and shit people…do you really think you’ll be able to sleep at night when you find out that the President elect in 2036 favorite show was I-Carly?
…yeah.
Welcome to the Apocalypse.
