sex warehouse

Today is both the first day of Autumn and Celebrate Bisexuality Day. And I feel the need to kick some knowledge.

We get two Equinoxes a year, right? Two days when the amount of time the earth is in shadow is equal to the amount of time exposed to the sun. I don’t equate dark with bad, or negative or scary, or something to be avoided. I don’t see light as inherently good, positive, something to always be in. Each state has something to value and something to limit. Balance. I’m always moving toward balance. That’s why the Solstices are significant to me too; the days of least balance. The Summer Solstice, for me is a moment of extreme exposure, baring my soul to the sun and to anybody else clever enough to pay attention, and the Winter Solstice is that feeling of complete saturation, restoration, my soul wrapped up in the sparkly dark. 4 days out of the 375 that are clear demarcation points.

I have no judgment for or against any of these; how could I? Who am I to sit in judgment of natural phenomena as powerful as the world spinning? What a waste of time to say the Summer Solstice is best and good and the only day to celebrate. Why see the Autumnal Equinox as a day of mourning because there will be less light? Why condemn the Winter Solstice for being too much dark? In this mode, 2 days are bad and 2 days are good. Only half of the year is good? Who says there are no struggles in the light? Who says there is only pain to be found in the dark? Not me. Nobody asked for my input when these rules were made. No one took into account my experiences when assigning value to these phenomena. I wasn’t around when these categorical decisions were made, and I feel no allegiance to them. I am Californian, where the fair weather is worth more than gold. I’ve never lived in Northern Europe, don’t have any sense of being afraid of winter storms, have not gone months upon months without seeing the sun. I’m not a farmer, druid, nor pagan, yet I celebrate the change in the seasons. You see? The natural world is mine to experience as I will. I can release what does not serve me. I do not have to accept the realities of those who have come before me.

My devotion to balance allows me to surrender to the moment. I can go so far into the dark because I know the light is just waiting for the turn of the earth, and vice versa. movimentum bilanx ~ In movement, I find balance and the Equinox is that perfect day of balance incarnate.

Now take everything I just said and apply it to sexual orientation. Want to make the correlation of the Summer Solstice as hetero and the Winter Solstice as homo and the two equinoxes as bisexuality? Instead of the wheel of a year, it’s the spectrum of sexuality we can move along, both as a species and within an individual’s lifespan. And take note, there is twice as much bisexuality represented on that wheel… coincidence? Hmm? Just an idea. How can one sit in judgment of something so personally powerful as sexuality?

I can’t value hetero over homo, just as I don’t see biexuality existing in reaction to those perceived poles.  I don’t believe any behavior or lifestyle is more natural than any other. I see all three as biologically imperative to our survival as a hyper social species. I see all three as healthy forms of relationships, marriages, partnerships… whatever. Being bisexual is not about being more fickle, or more afraid, or more commitment shy then those who identify as hetero or homo. It is about who you love and when and why. The categories of hetero and homo were constructed without my input. Without my experiences being taken into consideration. They hold no personal value to me. Regardless of what my predecessors were trying to do back in the day when they decided this made sense; I see these hierarchical structures as vehicles of stigmatization and control. I am not interested in perpetuating this false dichotomy. I am very interested in dismantling it. We get to experience our world as we see fit. Sexual health is a basic fundamental human right. We need to define our sexuality based upon truth, pleasure and health. We can leave behind the abusive, the oppressive, the dysfunctional. A lot of work has to be done to move past both heteronormativity and mononormativity, but we can do it. It’s all about movement and balance.

To quote Michael Franti, “What I be is what I be.” I love that song. I love that man and his mission and his music and his method and his message. Yup, love it.  His music makes me happy down to the core, soothes all my ruffled feathers; which seem to get ruffled so easily these days. It’s the reality infused with positivity that touches me. When he growls:

As a nerd this makes me happy, as a sex-positive researcher, advocate and writer this warms me, as a woman committed to a path of responsible hedonism, I am thrilled by it.  This song is also about balance, the tautology of the self. I am both light and dark, I can not be one without the other.

Another Michael Franti line: “It’s not about who you love, but do you love?”