Yes, it's true. I admit it. And I'm not being snarky or sarcastic. I'm being real.

And since I hate following rules in general, I'm going to skip from #2 to #21 on my 30 days of Shamelessness fun... because I can. Let this serve as #21: express a strong feeling

I have mentioned Secret Agent Man in several posts, most recently the one about rediscovering the joy of the morning quickie, so you already know that things work well with us on that level. Well, apparently having a summer of "dialing it back" has afforded me a little much needed clarity regarding what I want and who I would like to have be part of it.

Now this is not a hasty decision on my part, no impulse on this one. I have really mulled this one over and I keep coming back to the same conclusion: I like this guy. That's not to say there aren't challenges or circumstances that I would like to be different, but all of that aside, I still like him.

One of the things that had been a source of frustration has been his tendency to go MIA. I don't need him to give me his itinerary but I'm a chick after all and as such, I like to over-think things and assume that everything is about/or because of me. I assumed if I didn't hear from him for a while, he must be over me/with someone else, etc.. I just didn't get it. But now I do. Wow, amazing what a direct, mature conversation can do for a girl huh?

We both ended up back in the same city at the same time on Monday night. That had not happened in quite some time as one or both of us have been traveling and in his case, he has literally been out of the country or locked on a military base with 700 of America's finest for a month straight. Not much he can do about that.

So last night, over several cocktails in a dark corner of a nearly empty bar, I fessed up. I came straight out with it. I have a very big crush on him. His smile said it all, although hearing him directly reciprocate the sentiment didn't hurt either. I told him it was a rare thing for me to a) crush on a guy and b) fess up to it, as I have a tendency to keep everyone at arm's length and have an excellent poker face. He said "Yes, I have noticed, you are a very hard girl to get a read on." I am truly my own worst enemy.

The confession led to a much needed and long overdue conversation on the topic. We both know that our situation can't be and won't be a traditional one at this point because it's just not feasible with what we both have going on aside from each other. And I am OK with that.

We had a pretty big breakthrough on our communication, or lack there of, and how we can both do a better job at it. I think I understand his thinking much better now and he understands that a few little things from him can talk me off the ledge when I go all "chick" on him.

Figuring things out at the crush level and already having things well beyond figured out in the bedroom is making me like him more, which scares the shit out of me to be completely honest, but I think it's something worth putting myself out of my comfort zone for. Time will tell I guess.

But I was happy to wake up beside him again in the morning, and that counts for something.

It has been a while since Randy has found herself with a guy who I let stay the night. Like the whole night. Like "see me first thing in the morning". There are numerous reasons for this, but the stars aligned on a recent evening and I found myself waking up next to Secret Agent Man.

I haven't written much about him recently because dude is off on assignment, out of the country, or just generally unavailable for face-to-face consultation. But I still enjoy seeing him when he is around. Our time together is enjoyable, I like his company, his taste in restaurants, and his intelligent conversation. He is wicked smart. Oh yeah, he's pretty hot too!

So after a recent enjoyable evening out, and a more enjoyable evening in afterwards, I invited him to stay the night. We both hate to be touched when we are sleeping so we were on the same page there. We slept well on our respective sides of the bed and were sad to hear the alarm go off in the morning. We both had to get up and shuffle off to the daily grind as we are very important people as you can imagine and neither of our respective employers could function without us.

He is such a strictly regimented human being that I was certain that he would not be altering his normal morning routine to hang around for too long. But I was pleasantly surprised when he made his way over to my side of the bed and made it fairly clear that he could spare a few minutes to get our days started off right.

I had almost forgotten how nice it was to wake up next to someone that I'm actually glad is there and have a little bit of morning fun. If every day could start off like that morning did, I would be a much more pleasant person to deal with at work....I guarantee it!

If you haven't started your day off with a morning quickie in a while, make it happen. It really is a fantastic way to start your day with a smile.

The Morning Quickie: Nature’s Best Alarm Clock

by Lisa | June 21, 2011 | IN DATING & SEX

Hey kids! Thought I would take a break from all of the "real" writing I have been throwing at you lately to take it down a notch and get back to the nonsense for a moment.

As I declared after my Overindulgence part 1 and part 2 posts, I have decided to attempt to dial back things in the shenanigans department for a minute. And I have. And I am bored. Being good is boring. And boring sucks!


It has not been without merit however. By clearing out the distractions and noise that comes with running in chaos most the time, I have realized a few things that I think are worth sharing.

First, I realize that I had become somewhat addicted to the blatant sexual attention that I had been getting from my various guys wanting to be in my rotation. It's not even so much about wanting or needing to be with someone as just knowing that I have the option to if and when I so choose. Basically, I'm spoiled and a tad insecure so knowing that I have options makes me feel better.

I have basically dropped communication with all of them except Secret Agent Man who actually has potential to be something besides recreation, The Man, who is more of a friend than someone I date now, and  T, who is still a friend despite our "had to be done" question answering hook up.

And I am OK with this. I'm not looking for anything else from anyone else at this point. But, if I am really honest, I miss the excitement of looking for something new, feeling out someone, what they want, what they like, etc.  I had gotten really good at that part and to take myself out of the game like this has me feeling a bit bored.

I'm hoping that feeling of "I'm missing something fun" passes soon, and I am sure it will as I find a deeper and more meaningful relationship with someone. If I can even still do that. I have my doubts at this point. I am really good at being detached.

So there you have it kids, my moment of reflection for the day. Hopefully I'm not boring the shit out of you with my lack of shenanigans but if I am? Oh well, too bad!

Are we ready for part 2 of Randy's overindulgence weekend kids? Good! Off we go!

In my last post I shared how my weekend of overindulgence started.  This is how it wrapped up.

Several weeks ago it was decided that I would be heading to the The City with a few friends for an overnight and a change of scenery. I was very much looking forward to it and I do love a good road trip and the opportunity to tear it up in a different city for a minute.

My friends (a newly formed love connection) left on Friday. I stayed behind because I had  my on-going volunteering obligation bright and early Saturday morning. (Yes, Randy does good for others sometimes. I believe in Karma and I need to do all I can to balance out things in my universe on a regular basis).

My adventure began with a lovely multi-hour solo drive in the pouring down rain with winds that were really ridiculous. But even crappy weather was not bringing me down on this trip. I had several options going for Saturday night ( I have friends, old and new, in the destination city) so I knew going in to it that it would not be a dull night for me.

To my surprise, Secret Agent Man was on assignment in the SAME city for the weekend. What a happy coincidence! I knew he was working the weekend but had no idea where until I told him where I was headed and he told me he was 20 minutes from my hotel and would be getting off of assignment early enough to come visit me.

I am very lucky girl. I have confessed on more than one occasion to you all how much I love hotel sex. I was fortunate to get to partake in it twice last week, same guy, different hotels in different cities. I can't make this stuff up.

After pulling the black out curtains and taking a leisurely afternoon nap, another one of my favorite hotel experiences, Secret Agent Man headed over to bring me a little room service. Sorry, I couldn't resist using the term, it sounds so sleazy in a rap-song kind of way! Afterwards, we met my friends out for a delicious late dinner and drinks. He had to work an event at 6:00 AM on Sunday morning so he excused himself after dinner and the rest of us headed out to a swanky club to get our rockstar on.

And rockstar we did! Drinks, dancing, VIP scene, the whole nine yards. Things got bananas. Randy drank more. Things got more bananas. It turns out my friends new girlfriend seems to like me. A little more than a friend's girlfriend should if you know what I mean. I was flattered but that is just not my thing, regardless of how much I have had to drink.

A short cab ride back to the hotel at 3AM and one dramatic boy/girl hotel lobby shouting match after the cab ride between the happy new couple (I really have no idea what led to that) and I made a run for my room. I don't do drama, especially someone else's. No thanks! Off to bed for me! Alone, thank you very much. I'm not that scandalous.

Contrary to what you might assume based on my last few posts, I don't usually rockstar to a "bananas" level and seldom have more than a drink or two when I got out.I am usually much more low key on my outtings but thanks to the weekend of overindulgence, I went all in on this one.  And yes, it totally felt like it when I woke up on Sunday morning.

After a late check out (best idea ever to call that request in when I got back Saturday night) I spent Sunday enjoying the city on my own. I took my sweet time shopping,  had another delicious meal in a fab restaurant, and then got the amazing cheesecake I referenced in yesterday's post that sparked the whole recognition of the "overindulgence" theme. It really was one of those treasured days of "me time" and getting the luxury of running my own agenda. I came home happy, way too full, a little hungover, and really exhausted on Sunday night.

Although it was beyond fun, I think weekends like this are good for reminding me that I need to get a handle on myself once in a while and re-evaluate how I am spending my time. Taken as a collective venture, I really have been pushing some unhealthy limits and being a believer in karma and all, it's time to dial it back. Don't be disappointed in me OK? I'm sure it won't last forever.