sex warehouse

It is my season of love, football season. Oh and Fall. Between the two of these factors, I'm a very happy girl.
This "Soft-Core Friday" is dedicated to my men in tight white pants.... my Indianapolis Colts and The Ohio State University. As I type this, I'm watching my boy, Pierre Garcon, talking and I'm smiling just seeing his hot face on my TV screen again. It doesn't take much to make me happy.


I know when it comes to football, everyone has their team and I would never try to sway anyone to mine. But the Colts are a good team. They do good things for a lot of people off the field and that counts to me as much as how they play. Plus I look good in blue so any excuse to sport my cute blue girl jersey, I'm all about it. I am a girl after all.

Today I'm taking it deep at Random Girl. This is for several reasons. First of all, if everything was always silly and full of shenanigans, I would be Predictable Girl, not Random Girl.. Secondly, if I am really going to embrace the 30 Days of Shamelessness concept, I need to be real about the few things on the list that could give me an opportunity to grow and move past some shit.  Consider this your warning and feel free to bail out now if you don't want to come along for the ride.  


I'm knocking out two of the heavy hitters with this post because they are kind of  related, at least in my mind, and I don't want to have to write about this kind of stuff again any time soon. I kind of hate this, which means I probably really need to do it. So here goes.... 


Consider this me coming clean on the following days worth of shamelessness:
9. expose something messy or dirty you’d usually hide.
24. share a struggle you have yet to “just get over.”


I'm going to expose something that is messy that I would usually hide. It's also a struggle I have yet to "just get over".  Yes, I am dramatic like that sometimes.  Here's my story.


Sometimes one thing leads to another that leads to another and before you know it you are somewhere you didn't think you would be doing something you wouldn't think you would do and you aren't quite sure why. Ever been there? 


There was a period of time for me, like between the ages of 5-7 years old, when something that shouldn't have happened to me, did. I didn't know it at the time but after growing older and learning more about such things, I can clearly say that it was wrong and it was not my fault.  That's the advantage and the curse of having perspective. 


At the time, it was all presented like a game, like something that should be fun, was innocent, and I should even enjoy. And because the person that did it was close to the family and not a whole lot older than me, it was all ignored by the adults that should have intervened. It was written off as insignificant. It was not. But not knowing the full extent of what was going on or the impact that it would have on me as I grew older and developed my self-image, I simply pushed it back from my mind and went on about my business. 


My family moved and it became a non issue although I still would see this person from time to time. I just smiled politely and tried to avoid him. I didn't want to think about it and I certainly didn't want to talk about it. Once, when we were older, I think I was like 16 at the time, we ended up alone for a moment and he brought it up. I think he was attempting to apologize but I couldn't think about it or talk about it so I cut him off mid-sentence and I left. Ignore it and it will go away right?? 


But it didn't go away. It never had. It was always in the back of mind in two ways. 1) I was never really sure what to think about what had happened. I didn't think that he had hurt me but I also knew that something was very off with the situation because every time I thought about it, I wanted to get sick to my stomach which tells me that at the core, it was bad. 2) I lost respect for my body and didn't think it was worth honoring and protecting any longer because the damage had already been done. 


The second part was something I didn't figure out until much later, after I had abused my body in a number of ways including hiding behind being a "fat kid" in elementary school, stashing diet pills and adopting the "scarf and barf" lifestyle in high school, and offering myself up to most any guy that showed me attention to try to prove I was  "in control" of the situation. I clearly was not in control of anything in those situations. 


I lost the perception of myself, my body, and my worth. I felt like it wasn't mine to have since it was already taken over once.  How could it be important if someone else was allowed to do things to me and no one who could have stopped it did? What did that say about how important I was or how much value I had? 


I know now how flawed that thinking was and how it wasn't my fault. I don't blame my parents or other adults that could have or should have known because I don' t think it was intentionally ignored. I know how strong denial can be and how you can talk yourself into believing that "nothing happened" if realizing that the opposite is too painful to admit and if taking action would destroy other people. 


Why am I talking about this now? Why am I using space to drag you all into this not-so-happy place that was hidden for so long? Because I need to for myself. I don't have the luxury of denying and ignoring any longer because now I have a daughter. A daughter that is the same age as I was when this started happening to me. I have to be honest about what can happen and I won't risk letting the same things happen to my daughter that happened to me and pretend it can't or won't happen to her. 


I can't change anything that happened to me but I can change how I deal with it and I can use that experience to be extra aware and vigilant in protecting her. That's my responsibility and that's the lesson I have learned. 







I'm also using this for my response to the Studio 30 Plus weekly prompt: The End
If you aren't part of S30P yet, you need to be. Get over there and sign up!

I could really knock out about 5 shameless things from the 30 Days of Shamelessness fun I'm working my way through with this one, but I'll keep it to just 2 so I can torture you as long as possible with this self-absorbed venture. 


For this installment of shamelessness, I'm knocking out #7 and #8. 
7.share your efforts at something you don’t think you do well. 
8. sweat.


These two things can best be summed up for me with one word: running. 


I don't like to run. I am not a happy smiley runner girl. I don't get the "runner's high" while doing it and I don't feel super awesome after I'm done. But I do sweat a lot. 


I'm all about exercise. I can do a body fit class for an hour and love it. I can do yoga for 90 minutes in a 100 degree room with 90% humidity and smile through it. But I loathe running. 


In an attempt to both get better at it and try to teach myself to enjoy it, I am forcing myself to run more often. The best tactic I have found is to hit the park with the princess and let her ride her bike on the trails. I basically have to run to keep up with her and watching her have fun while torturing me gives me something to think about other than how much I don' t like to run. It's not a perfect system but it's working so far. 


Part of the reason I'm finally doing this is because I put it out to Rita and Simple Dude via reply to a challenge post that I wanted to do it by September. And September is damn close. And I am a woman of my word. 


I'm not good at it, I don't like it, and I sweat a lot but at least I'm doing it....or trying.

I had the pleasure of spending another overnight in one of my favorite cities with 2 of my life-long best friends. It was truly a blessing to get to spend time with these amazing women, live it up in a swanky hotel suite, and manage at our ripe old age to go full out on a 6 bar crawl of the city's best places to drink, dance, and people watch.

We really should do that more often. I think we will.

One of the highlights of this trip, much like my last trip there a few weeks ago, was another amazing dinner. This will be serving as #3 on my 30 Days of Shamelessness: eat. Whatever you feel like eating.


I totally did. And it was delicious and worth the bazillion calories that came with it. 


We went to a great restaurant/bar/lounge place that had a unique menu and even better atmosphere. The food offerings were kind of "the usual" but most had some sort of delicious twist on traditional American fare. For example, they had french fries that were tossed in truffle oil and made them truly the most richly flavorful fries I have ever had. I stole about 20 of them from my girlfriend's plate as I had opted for another tempting choice: Buffalo Chicken Macaroni & Cheese. 


Yes, it was as awesome as it sounds. Spicy and creamy at the same time and with so much gooey deliciousness, I totally could have had an restaurant booth mouth orgasm at any moment. It was truly just.that.good. 


I don't even want to think about how much fat and how many calories were in that bowl of heaven and really for as delicious as it was, I don't even care. That dish was so good, it was totally worth the damage I'll be working off for the rest of this week. 


Overall, between the friends, the city, and the food.... it was a yummy, decadent, treat of a weekend. 

Yes, it's true. I admit it. And I'm not being snarky or sarcastic. I'm being real.

And since I hate following rules in general, I'm going to skip from #2 to #21 on my 30 days of Shamelessness fun... because I can. Let this serve as #21: express a strong feeling

I have mentioned Secret Agent Man in several posts, most recently the one about rediscovering the joy of the morning quickie, so you already know that things work well with us on that level. Well, apparently having a summer of "dialing it back" has afforded me a little much needed clarity regarding what I want and who I would like to have be part of it.

Now this is not a hasty decision on my part, no impulse on this one. I have really mulled this one over and I keep coming back to the same conclusion: I like this guy. That's not to say there aren't challenges or circumstances that I would like to be different, but all of that aside, I still like him.

One of the things that had been a source of frustration has been his tendency to go MIA. I don't need him to give me his itinerary but I'm a chick after all and as such, I like to over-think things and assume that everything is about/or because of me. I assumed if I didn't hear from him for a while, he must be over me/with someone else, etc.. I just didn't get it. But now I do. Wow, amazing what a direct, mature conversation can do for a girl huh?

We both ended up back in the same city at the same time on Monday night. That had not happened in quite some time as one or both of us have been traveling and in his case, he has literally been out of the country or locked on a military base with 700 of America's finest for a month straight. Not much he can do about that.

So last night, over several cocktails in a dark corner of a nearly empty bar, I fessed up. I came straight out with it. I have a very big crush on him. His smile said it all, although hearing him directly reciprocate the sentiment didn't hurt either. I told him it was a rare thing for me to a) crush on a guy and b) fess up to it, as I have a tendency to keep everyone at arm's length and have an excellent poker face. He said "Yes, I have noticed, you are a very hard girl to get a read on." I am truly my own worst enemy.

The confession led to a much needed and long overdue conversation on the topic. We both know that our situation can't be and won't be a traditional one at this point because it's just not feasible with what we both have going on aside from each other. And I am OK with that.

We had a pretty big breakthrough on our communication, or lack there of, and how we can both do a better job at it. I think I understand his thinking much better now and he understands that a few little things from him can talk me off the ledge when I go all "chick" on him.

Figuring things out at the crush level and already having things well beyond figured out in the bedroom is making me like him more, which scares the shit out of me to be completely honest, but I think it's something worth putting myself out of my comfort zone for. Time will tell I guess.

But I was happy to wake up beside him again in the morning, and that counts for something.

I am so excited by how many of you kids are jumping in the fun and playing along with the 30 Days of Shamelessness! This is going to be shameless fun going down and I for one, can't wait to see what you all put out there.

I was all ready to post something last night and Blogger decided to be a dick and shut down during prime time so I decided to sit in the corner and pout instead.  I'm better today, thanks.

So today, I'm checking Day 2 off the list: look a fool

This one is too easy. I do this nearly daily. Most recently was last night. Having a princess as I do, I find many opportunities to look a fool in the name of entertaining her. Really, truth be told, I would do it anyways just for fun even if I didn't have an excuse. That's just how I roll.

So as you know, I am a pretty big music freak. Like, must always have music on. Some days it is Lil Wayne, others it is 30 Seconds to Mars, yet another it is Britney...you just never know with me. My princess is the same way. One of our favorite rituals on a warm sunny day is to go for a drive,  roll the windows down, crank something obnoxious on the radio, and totally rock out in the car.

I'm not talking about a little head nodding or steering wheel tapping here kids, I am talking about a full throttle, sing as loud as we can, hands in the air (well, at least one of mine on the steering wheel at all times but her hands are in the air) full body car seat dancing extravaganza.

She loves it! She is young enough still to not be completely mortified by her mom acting a fool. So I take full advantage of it. I want her to learn that it's OK to be silly, let loose, and just have fun without being worried about what other people, especially those getting a free show at the red light, think about us.

Plus it's just fun for me. I have to be a grown up and behave myself almost all the time. That gets super boring. Being a big dork and acting a fool is good for me.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.....

So what about you? Act a fool much? If not you should, and then you should share it with the class.

This is an old pic of the princess but it gives you an idea of how she rolls when we are in the car.....

As I was attempting to catch up with all of you lovely kid's posting this morning,  I ran across the 30 Days of Shamelessness meme from Jen O's site. It sounds like this is really something I almost have to do. So I am. And it seems a few others are playing along as well (Lance, Tara, Chibi Jeebs) and I'm looking forward to everyone living shamelessly for a while... should be good times.


The days of the challenge are as follows:

1. declare your love for an uncool TV show.


2. look a fool.


3. eat. Whatever you feel like eating.


4. waste time.


5. declare your love for an uncool movie.


6. act “girly” or “manly” in a way you’d normally avoid.


7. share your efforts at something you don’t think you do well.


8. sweat.


9. expose something messy or dirty you’d usually hide.


10. declare your love for an uncool band.


11. dress to show some skin.


12. share about a health struggle.


13. speak up about something crap that was done to you.


14. hold yourself accountable — not guilty — for something crappy you did to someone else.


15. dress, walk, and act like you know you’re all that.


16. spend money on a non-necessity or share a financial struggle.


17. discuss the reality of your work situation.


18. brag.


19. share details about a bodily function or fluid.


20. talk about sex


21. express a strong feeling.


22. set a boundary.


23. air one of your secrets.


24. share a struggle you have yet to “just get over.”


25. ask for help.


26. make a mistake.


27. express a dissenting opinion.


28. discuss a failure.


29. look a fool.


30. name 3 more ways you can live shamelessly and commit to doing them…

I won't be doing 30 consecutive days of postings because I'm just not that hardcore and I don't really like to follow rules so well but I will be covering all 30 at some point and I am also changing the rules to let me throw more than one into a single post if applicable. I like to make the rules myself. See how that works? I have said in more than 1 post "No shame in my game!" and now I get to make good on it by throwing it all out there for you kids.

Anyone else want to join me in the fun? Let me know in the comments if you think you might so I can follow along.

I might as well just get this whole shameless thing started. I will be traditional enough to start with #1.
1. declare your love for an uncool TV show

I can't possibly narrow it down to 1 uncool TV show so I am going to call out an entire network: Food Network. Whether it is Cupcake Wars, or Diners, Drive Ins, & Dives, I am totally and completely sucked in to anything that the Food Network broadcasts. I can watch it literally for hours. I know how almost every food product is made, I know how Ben & Jerry's picks it's flavors, I even know how neurotic most pastry chef's are even when there is no reason to be. I have seen sculptures made of sugar come crashing to the ground in the competition shows and I have seen want-to-be chef's cry from being kicked off a reality show. There is nothing better than Food Network in my opinion. And yes, I know it's totally uncool.

Source: www.GutterUncensored.com


Here is Emmy Rossum showin' some boobies on the Showtime series "Shameless" with a blonde co-star checking out her twins. If you are like me then seeing Emmy Rossum walking around in only panties and getting fucked topless will make you happy. And she’s not shy about letting the world see her goodies in HD either because she is all natural and it was a natural scene for the role. The 23-year-old actress, who plays William H. Macy's precocious 18-year-old daughter Fiona in the show, reveals not only that she is be naked, but naked "in HD".

"It's my first time being naked on screen so it is definitely a little stressful," says Rossum to reporters, adding, "but I think you just gotta rock whatever God gave you and be proud of it." You just have to love a girl with an attitude like that on nudity and just be proud of it. But the part where she say "it is definitely a little stressful" sounds a lot like complaining to me. And if it is stressful for her to be naked in HD, then why do you do it? Emmy lost me as a fan, I loved her in Phantom of the Opera, but now she is just another complaining set of breasts. However my penis is now a huge fan of her full-size talents. Enjoy! Click on pictures to enlarge.

Source: http://www.GutterUncensored.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emmanuelle Grey "Emmy" Rossum (born September 12, 1986 in New York City, New York U.S.A.) is an American actress and singer-songwriter. She first starred in a string of movies including Songcatcher (2000), An American Rhapsody (2001) and Passionada (2002). Her role in Mystic River (2003) garnered her wider fame. She then starred in the blockbuster film The Day After Tomorrow (2004) and The Phantom of the Opera (2004) for which she was nominated for a Golden Globe. She has since starred in Poseidon (2006), Dragonball: Evolution (2009) and Dare (2009). Rossum has since joined the cast of the Showtime television drama series Shameless in a leading role. The series, which stars William H. Macy, premiered in January 2011. www.GutterUncensored.com