Nature. Not impressed. It’s so tall and arrogant. Like, “look at me my pretty leaves sway in the wind as I blow gnats into your face.” You little whore. Waving your leaves for all the boys to see. That’s what skanks do nature. That’s what skanks do.
And don’t be such a cliché, nature…that annoys me. And why do you have to be such a bitch? You just can’t seem wait another month for me to lose my summer weight, now can yah? Oh no of course not, Mother Nature. You want the whole world to see my muffin top….bitch.
Honestly, nature you have become a drain on the society. With all your “save me! Save me!” bullshit. Beggars disgust me, and you nature, are a beggar. You don’t see me begging passerby’s for Tasti-Delite, now do you? Okay only on Friday… whatever, fuck you, I have needs.
I think we can all agree that technology supplies that with the sufficient amount of nature to satisfy our natural needs. If you even have any. You sick fuck.
If I could sum up nature with one word it would be, “meh, it looks better on TV.”
When I want to see nature at its “finest” (which is never) I’ll just DVR the Discovery Channel or watch Shark Week high.
I’ve never trusted nature, and I never will. What are you hiding up in those red woods, you sadist bastards? It seems like some voodoo magic to me. Think I’m crazy? Well we’ll just see whose laughing when the Velociraptors come out at night during your “night hike”. And who the fuck hikes at night? Velociraptors with guns, that’s who. Well them and liberal hippie douches.
We need to be careful, or nature will try to fight for it’s natural right on this planet. Which, um hello, it has no right. Can nature vote during presidential elections? Does nature shovel Ben & Jerry’s into its mouth when Joey doesn’t call when he said he would? Does wear pants?
No. It doesn’t.
Know your role, nature. Know your role. Or we’ll just keep replacing you with those synthetic plants from Home Depot.
