For the three of you that were reading my blog a year ago, then you know I had a very very hard decision to make: to get adult braces or to not.
I had finally admitted to myself that I wanted to be a comedian/comedic actor/stripper and my teeth were an issue.
Seriously, it was a huge issue. I had fangs. Well that is an under statement, in all honesty, I looked like an extra from Twilight. And I would have kept them (the fangs) too, but I was pretty sure that this whole TV vampire shit was going to end soon.
Long story short, I picked the former and after a year of antagonizing embarrassment produced from a 21 year-old mouth of metal, as of yesterday I am no longer a freak of nature.
I have fixed my one facial flaw. Ok that is an exaggeration…I could be tanner.
I can still remember my hand shaking as I signed my life away (they make you sign a contract…those bitches) , or more accurately signing my sex life away. Coincidently, my sex life actually got a little better…. I think the guys could smell the desperation on my face…I don’t know… well actually I do know, that’s exactly what happened.
The worst moment was when I encountered my own kind…the other adult bracerers. It’s the equivalent the ginger head nod, but more embarrassing...because you soberly chose this life. You both know your decision was just (in your narcissist minds), but still you stand their in front of each other two defeated adults stuck in a limbo of metal and roast beef…. The roast beef always seemed to get stuck…
And after this post I am blocking out my “brace face” year out of my mind. I will never talk about it again. I will never think about it. Why? Because it never happened.
Never.
I’m also getting headshots in the near future so get ready to blow your loads (prepubescent boys who accidently ended up at my blog by googling “masturbating too much”).
And for the record my new stripper name is Tequila Mockingbird…
