sex warehouse

I masturbate. I polish the pearl, tickle the taco, rub the nub, grope the grotto, stroke the banjo. Or, what I find to be the most accurate, I practice self-love.

My 20-something year old life is divided into two parts: pre-masturbation-induced orgasm, and post.

Masturbation was not an option that I ever knew existed as a child. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school for 9 years, until I entered high school. Our abstinence-only curriculum made no mention of sexual desire amongst us horny, hormonal, just-entering-puberty young’uns. Sex was for marriage, and for procreation. End of story.

This led to a series of confusing years. I was a very aroused girl. I recall when I was young, pausing “Edward Scissor Hands” in the hairdressing scene to show my grandmother, because it “made me feel good”! As I got older, I would lie in bed at night, wondering how to ease the throbbing sensation in my groin. A few times my hands would venture south, but to no avail. I was always overcome with guilt or fear of being caught before anything actually came of my wanderings. I was doomed to be sexually frustrated for life.

I decided that I was ready to do the deed when I was 18 years old, in my last year of high school. All of my life force and energy had slowly started to gravitate around my loins, until sex was all that I could think about. There was no way I was going to be a productive college student if I decided to abstain from sex until marriage! I think that due to my lack of education around female masturbation and orgasm, self-pleasure never became a viable option for me. So sex it was!

Things to know: my first sex partner was also my “first love”. I was able to orgasm during P-V sex with said partner. Partner and I broke up when I was in college.

For those of you who experienced your first snap, crackle, pop, explosions in the sky, “holy shit!!” orgasm with a partner, you know what kind of emotional breakdown that can cause when you are no longer with that partner. “Where did my orgasm go?” The fact that another person was the one that enabled my body to experience such wondrous, beautiful, extraordinary sensations that finally gave me sexual satisfaction, and had helped me to embrace my sexuality, made it very difficult for me to understand my body once I was alone.

I had sex with other people but I couldn’t come again. I didn’t know what to do! And dammit, I wanted to come again! In addition to feeling “broken” because I wasn’t orgasmic with other partners, this also made getting over my first lover very difficult… I tried revisiting my pitiful attempts at masturbation, but my fingertips lacked the magic touch.

Concurrently, I was training to become a peer sexual health educator at my college. In hindsight, that was a very interesting experience, as I was really getting my first comprehensive sex education while being trained to teach others. One of our lessons was on masturbation. “Yeah, yeah,” I would say. “It’s not for everyone, that’s for sure!” We took a trip to a local sex-positive adult store, Good Vibrations, where I would later end up working. On our trip I decided to buy a vibrator, to enable me to be a better educator and know what I was talking about when speaking with others about sex toys. And thus began the rest of my life.

Masturbation was not an intuitive process for me. While I knew a bit more about my body at this point than I did when I was in high school, I still didn’t really know where to start. Purchasing that vibrator was a step in the right direction, however. It made me reflect on why I gave up on masturbation so easily, and I eventually became determined to give myself an orgasm if it was the last thing I did!

I remember fondly those initial attempts at masturbation, trying to decide what would hopefully, maybe, just this once work for me. I tried using my vibrator in the shower, at one of my roommates’ suggestion. I tried different positions on my bed – on my back, on my belly, on my knees. I tried reading erotica. Nothing was working. Then I tried closing my eyes and fantasizing about being with a partner – the only way I had been able to orgasm thus far. I tried to be as vivid as possible when creating the image of someone on top of me, fucking me, at the angle that I was always able to come in. I used the vibrator as a dildo, pretending it was my partner, and then used the vibration settings on my clit. Shazaam!

Words cannot express how I felt after being able to give myself an orgasm. I remember being flushed, running out of my room holding my vibrator, exclaiming, “I did it!!!” I felt so accomplished, and I also felt so much more appreciation for my body and the wonderful feelings I was capable of having. The realization that I did not need to depend on anyone to be able to give me a mind-blowing orgasm was so empowering, and I only wished I could have figured it out earlier.

While this was a very goal-oriented process, focused solely on orgasm, I think it was necessary for me to be able to recognize what other types of sensations I enjoyed beyond the orgasm itself. I learned that I am a very visual person, thus the fantasy was what I needed to push me over the edge. I later opened myself up to watching porn, and now that is a regular masturbation practice that I use and love. I discovered that I need more internal stimulation than a lot of other women, and do not tend to orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone. I found that I love the feeling of vibration, which no fingers, tongue, or penis feel like. I realized that I am capable of expressing my love for myself and my body in this way, and nothing else makes me feel more at peace with myself.

After figuring out what types of stimulation I needed to be able to orgasm, I was capable of orgasming during sex from then on! It is incredible what a difference it makes, discovering what you like during solo sex and how that positively impacts the pleasure during partnered sex. Being able to orgasm on my own also changed my experience during sex with a partner. I became less expectant, and more of an equal and present partner. It stopped being about hoping I would orgasm, and instead I could enjoy the entire process, and pay more attention to my partner as well.

I now masturbate on a regular basis, and am a masturbation advocate. It was a life-changing process of getting to know my body as well as my sexuality. While I would never tell someone that they needed to masturbate, I think that it has the potential to completely shift one’s view on sex and pleasure in a positive way, and is something worth considering. Three cheers for masturbation!


Three cheers for Jenna Talia, too! You can follow her on twitter: www.twitter.com/askjennatalia

Sunday, May 1st begins National Masturbation Month and the launch of "I masturbate..." here at The Sex Positive Photo Project blog. Check in daily for sex positive masturbation photos and stories. Masturbation! Rah! Rah! Rah!