Showing posts with label Indie Ink. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Indie Ink. Show all posts

Final Failure - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

Author: blog xxx
It's Indie Ink challenge time again. I'm lovin' this stuff, kids! Actually I wanted to give up on this one but thanks to the solid advice from and  massive brainstorming situation with a fellow II writer, I found new hope!

My challenge prompt is at the end. Enjoy!
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“Why are you doing this?” Michael asked. He was trying to stall. 

“Why?” Jonathon said with a maniacal laugh, his voice raising to a shrillness that showed just how close to the edge he really was. “Why? All you can ask me is why?  I should have expected that you would be clueless, you always have been.” 

“I don’t understand Jonathon,” Michael calmly. “Please help me understand so I can help you?” 

“Look where I’m at right now,” Jonathon said, his exasperation reaching its peak now. “I have nothing to show for my time in this world. I have failed at every single thing I have attempted. Losing Sara is the final insult to my wasted life. What have I got to live for Michael? You tell me that!”
  
Jonathon moved closer to the edge and looked down at the street below. His whole body was trembling and Michael could see him convulsing like he was going to throw up, but he started laughing instead. 

Jonathon’s laughter echoed off the walls of the surrounding buildings. He had not picked the tallest building to jump off, that would be for an overachiever, someone who wanted that final glorious jump to come with a view. He was satisfied with a six story building in the middle of town. Six stories should be more than enough to finish him off while not being such a grand gesture as to make him seem pretentious or that he was fooled into thinking he was more indestructible than he knew he really was. 

He hadn’t known where he was going when he left that dingy studio apartment earlier in the evening. He just knew that he would not be coming back. He walked for hours, not looking up, not contemplating anything, just walking; absorbing the noise from the city around him like he himself was a long dark hallway. The sounds bounced and reverberated in a mind-numbing jumble of chaos. 

When he looked up, he was on this rooftop. And all the noise stopped. He could hear himself think for the first time all day. That’s when he knew he had to call Michael.  

Michael needed to be here for this. His best friend since 5th grade, Michael had been the one person that could understand Jonathon, could appreciate how his mind worked. Michael had seen every failure first hand. He would have to agree that it was about time Jonathon did something about it. 

And Michael had taken Sara from him. Sara, the first and only girl that Jonathon could say he loved, and Michael just had to have her. He knew that Jonathon wasn’t good enough for a girl like Sara, she deserved someone like Michael. Smart, ambitious, handsome, he really had it all. It made perfect sense for Sara to be with him instead of Jonathon.
  
So Michael had taken her. Well, that’s not how he tells it of course. 'It just happened,' he said to Jonathon one night, 'We never meant to hurt you.' 

Of course he didn’t mean to hurt Jonathon.  But he had. Michael had stolen the last remaining ray of light form Jonathon’s existence. And since Michael was his best friend, he needed to be here now to see this. He would understand. 

Jonathon turned around one last time and looked Michael in the eye. 

“Thank you Michael,” Jonathon said in a steady, even tone. “Thank you for being my best friend. And for taking care of Sara. You helped me see that I am deserving of nothing and will always be a failure. You made me see that this is what I need to do, so thank you.” 

Before Michael could say anything in response, Jonathon turned towards the emptiness of night that surrounded the rooftop and took a step forward, falling into nothing.  

All Michael could do was stand there on the empty rooftop, knowing it was his fault.
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My challenge this week came from K Syrah and was: “I’m 29, Michael, and I live on the west side of SoHo and Y.” – Jonathon Larson
(A Google search revealed this to be a line from the musical Tick...Tick....Boom!, I had no idea)
 
My challenge went to Disease and he killed it! It's awesome! 

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A Perfect Picnic - Indie Ink Challenge

Author: blog xxx
We were perched at the top of the hill; just the two of us.  We spread our old quilted blanket across the freshly cut grass and plopped down with a giggle.  She wasn’t really concerned with what I was doing as I unpacked the sandwiches from the brown wicker picnic basket. Her attention was elsewhere.

She watched the ducks glide gracefully across the pond, her gaze followed them as they went one direction and then another with no particular destination in mind. 

When she tired of that, she lay down flat on her back, her arms crossed behind her head and stared up at the shifting clouds.

“Lay down mama, you don’t want to miss this!” she said excitedly as she pointed out the shapes that she saw in cottony clouds. A heart, a fairy, and then a bear.

With the picnic half unpacked, I set down the bowl of fruit, scooted the plates out of my way, and lay down beside her.

“What do you see now?” I asked her.

She paused for moment, grabbed my hand with hers, and a big smile broke across her face.

“I see happy!” she said.

“That’s funny,” I said, “I see happy too.”

**This was my entry for the Indie Ink Weekly Challenge. I took a little liberty on my challenge prompt from Sherree. She wanted me to:  Describe the best meal I’ve ever eaten. Who was there, where you were, and why it’s the best
I challenged  The Womanist
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Stop being so nice! But don't be jerks...

Author: blog xxx
I don't consider myself a writer. I write, yes, but not by trade or from a result of focused education to do so. I write because I feel better when I get words out of my head and onto the screen or on paper. I write for myself and have for years. It's only recently that I have began putting my writing out into the public realm. It can be a scary thing.

I took it a step further and started sharing in forums like Studio30 Plus, Indie Ink, and The Dude Society. I have learned so much from reading the amazing pieces that people have created and shared in these venues. I also realize that most of the time I am really out of my league when it comes to my writing vs. others.

I am lucky to have a group of fellow writers that continue to read what I put out there. I dare say that a few of them have become "friends" and a few have come to be friends outside of the interwebz. It's an awesome thing!

On thing these regular readers/commenters bring is support and encouragement. But because they are nice, I don't get a lot of criticism or critiquing. So when I do have someone offer criticism or point out flaws/room for improvement, my first reaction is "Ouch!"

My second reaction is "Thank you!" I have so much to learn and I want to be continuously improving my skills and finding ways to make my words more impacting and clear when that is my objective in writing such as by participating in the thinks like the Indie Ink Challenge.

For this week's II challenge I posted words around the prompt "Quicksand". I got a lot of great comments that let me know the feelings and intention I was trying to convey came across to the readers. Whew!

I also got a comment form a new reader. It was a reality check and although polite and ultimately hopeful of my "talent" also told me I could do better and it needed work. She was absolutely right and I even reached out in email to thank her for challenging me to step up my game and work through it to provide a better finished product. Her were her thoughts:

Grace O'Malley said...

The imagery is almost there. This is a good draft, but putting prose into short paragraphs does not turn it into a poem. I hate to be the only person saying this sort of thing to you, but you are talented and I don't want to just pat you on the head and move along.

You have the bones of a very sharp poem here! Now polish it until it can be used as a weapon.


As much as I enjoy all the positive comments I need comments like this to help me grow and hold me accountable to produce pieces worth reading.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a big rule follower and most of my posts are just for fun and I feel comfortable throwing convention out the window and will continue to do so. But on formal writing and challenges where I a want to stretch and grow, I will keep the criticism in mind and try to step up my game.

So quit being so damn nice to me all the time and give me some constructive criticism to work from will ya?!? (Just don't be jerks about it...ok?)
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Quicksand - Indie Ink Challenge

Author: blog xxx
It's Indie Ink challenge time again! It's starting to be my favorite part of my week!

This week my challenge came from Runaway Sentence.
My challenge went to Christina and will be posted here when complete. Make sure you check out both of these great writers!

My challenge prompt this week: Quicksand


Quicksand 
Kissing him is like stepping in quicksand
I instantly start sinking
The harder I try to pull away, the further in I go

The only way to save myself
Is to stop struggling, he says
The smile on his face says much more

It is a satisfied grin
Like he knows a secret I am yet to learn
He is looking forward to me finding out

I am lost under the weight of his body
Our skin, once uncomfortably stuck to each other
Now sweat-slick from the heat, slides effortlessly

Shhhh….. he whispers in my ear
His breath hot on my neck
As he pulls my head back with a jerk, his fingers tangle hard in my hair

The only way to save myself
Is to stop struggling
But I am sinking deeper, giving in to him

I relax into him
Trying to stop the descent
I am trapped, and am being pushed down further

He is the only thing holding me up
He could let go at any moment
Stand back and just watch me sink

But he is not letting go
He is holding me tighter
Going in deeper, taking it further than before
We are sinking together

So this is what it’s like to be completely taken over
I’m sinking faster now, into what I don’t know
But he is coming with me
We are going together

A force stronger than gravity
Holds him to me, holds me down
Impossible now to escape


This song "Gravity" seems to fit the sentiment of quicksand pretty well... Plus it's a beautiful song.


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The Flip Side - Happiness (or Not) in the Moment

Author: blog xxx
Yesterday I posted my Indie Ink challenge response and got some really great feedback. One of the ideas that came up was how there could have been an equal and opposite reaction to the same result, a positive pregnancy test. It is one situation in life where it could be joy or despair depending on the circumstances.

That got me thinking about the flip side of things and I thought it would be fun to take my same piece of writing, and look at it from the other side. So here it is.


The Flip Side of Happiness

Everything about this should be right.

Joyful even.

This is exactly how it should have gone by all logical accounts. Yet I am crying.

The tears come from a place of pure despair, the likes of which I have not felt before. 

I should be happy. My world is perfect from the outside looking in. I have everything.

But now I have this.

And this is mine.

No one can take it away; even though I don’t want this.  There is no way out of it now.  

I guess I got what I deserved. 

And I am devastated. 


Today's song is another Coldplay selection, Fix You,  to balance yesterday's pick.


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Happiness is in the Moments - Indie Ink Challenge

Author: blog xxx
It's Indie Ink challenge time again. I loved my challenge this week, it came from FlamingNyx  and was:
Happiness is in the moments, where circumstance becomes irrelevant. Tell us about your moment.

My challenge went to My Eclectic Bookshelf and will posted here when complete.

Happiness is in the moments, where circumstance becomes irrelevant



Everything about this should be wrong.

Devastating even.

This is worst case scenario by all logical accounts. Yet I am smiling.

This smile comes from a genuine place of pure joy.  Happiness like I have not felt before. 

The timing is awful. My world has literally just fallen down around me. I have nothing left.

But now I have this.

And this is mine.

No one can take it away; claim I don’t deserve it, that I’m not worthy to have such a gift.

It has chosen me.  

And I am happy. 




*don't freak out, it's fiction.*


This song seems almost perfect for the sentiment of this story. Lost by Coldplay. Enjoy
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You Owe Me - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

Author: blog xxx
It's another week of the Indie Ink writing challenge. And again, I got a great challenge to work with.

My challenge came from Disease and this is what he gave me to work with: Paying a Sense of Gratitude
I sent mine over to Jules and she killed it! Check it out.

Here is my take on Paying a Sense of Gratitude


You Owe Me.

That was all the note said.

And she was right. I did owe her. But shouldn’t it be my choice to decide when I would pay a sense of gratitude for what she had done for me all of those years ago? I thought that was kind of the point of showing gratitude, that it was something that was done because a person felt compelled to repay the favor, not because it was being demanded of them.

That is where we disagreed. She was coming to collect what she felt was owed to her.

At the time, I was grateful for how she rescued me, took the burden from me. She said I was too young to know better and I was not ready to face the consequences of my actions.

She made a false confession. They believed her anyways. They needed someone to blame, it had to be somebody’s fault. Tragedies like that don’t just happen by accident. Someone had to pay.

She had paid dearly for my stupid mistake. Never once flinching as she faced the scrutiny, the glare of the spotlight on her and her assumed wrongdoings. She remained silent after her confession. They didn’t want or need to hear anything further from her. The verdict was easily achieved and she was sentenced harshly. She never gave me up.

But it was clear now that it was not done purely to save me, but with the expectation that I would be paying her back at the time and in the manner of her choosing.

“You Owe Me” the note said.

Inside the envelope was a picture of a man and an address, nothing else. I knew what she expected me to do.

Gratitude was not enough.



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My "Worst Thing" Comes Back Around

Author: blog xxx
Normally I would be doing a "Soft-Core" Friday post today but in light of recent events, I have something else I need to get out today. Hopefully you aren't mad at me for it, I'll get back to the regularly scheduled fun-filled programming soon I promise if you will allow me this indulgence.

A few posts back, I was challenged by an Indie Ink peer to write about the "Worst Thing I've Ever Done". If you haven't read it yet, you might want to first because this will make a lot more sense with that for context. I wrote about how I fell in love with someone that didn't deserve my love and that was truly the worst thing I have done. Well, it looks like putting the situation back out in the universe got me exactly what I was hoping to avoid: he's back.

Yep, out of the blue. After nearly an entire year of nothing from him. No apology, no "how are you", just nothing. He had shut me out and cut me off so completely from his life that I didn't even know if he was still around or if he had moved back to Texas. It was a blessing in disguise because after the loss set in and I had allowed myself to move on, I didn't want to have to know anything about where he was or what he was up to.

So on Thursday, around lunchtime, I get an e-mail. Not on my normal e-mail account, but through the online dating site that I play around on from time to time. That's where we originally met. That's how I get it now. Nice. The title of the email? "An Apology".

As soon as I saw his picture, I stopped breathing. In that single second, I had about 100 different thoughts race through my head. Why? Why now? What does he want? Should I just delete it and block him and be done with it? I loved him.  He's so cute. Shit! I hate this!

I just sat there for a minute, contemplating what to do next. Eventually, I decided I needed to read it. They are just words right... what harm could come from just reading an email?  Well... I should have known better. His words, whether loving or hurtful,  always hit me in a way that was far from casual or matter-of-fact. This was no different.

He did it again. He drew me in with his words. Only these were different. An apology, it certainly was. I won't share the email here but he, in detail, took accountability for what he did and how he reacted. Apologized for the hurt he had caused, the conflict he created with my ex, the connection he had with my daughter that he walked out on. Everything. He pretty much addressed every single thing that I had been turning over and over in my mind for the last year. And I appreciate that.
Here is the line that hit me the most:
im sorry that when i entered into a relationship with you that i wasn't prepared to be a 
better man at that point

Woah. Right.

He didn't make any request for response, no plea to be let back in to my life, no excuses for anything. Just owned what was his to own, wished me well, and assured me that he has learned from our love gone wrong and has taken steps, both spiritually and emotionally, to do the work on himself to get his shit together.

I don't really know what to think. On one hand, I am really touched by his apology and feel I should acknowledge it. On the other hand, I wish he had never contacted me and would have just let it be. Now I'm all fucked in the head about the situation again and I hate that feeling worse than hurt or anger or just about anything else.

And no, the irony is not lost on me that just earlier this week I had talked about "clearing the slate" of my current distractions (which so far this week I have managed to do in case you were wondering)  and finding what I really want. Thanks karma.... once again, you have proved you are a bitch.

So now what????? I have no idea. I'm going to take some time and just really figure out why I feel so fucked up about what should be an innocent email and go from there I guess. Did I mention how much I hate this??

I know, I have some stories don't I?  In honor of my drama, today's video is The Story by Brandi Carlile
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Voice of Silence - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

Author: blog xxx
It's time for another Indie Ink Challenge post.

This one, by far, stumped me the most out of all the one's I have had so far. I even went so far as to reach out to my challenger, Amy,  for clarification. She in turn, gave me complete freedom to interpret the prompt in my own way. That was the worst possible thing to do...too much freedom to me is punishment as I am a rule follower when it comes to assignments but I decided to quit whining and start writing.
My Challenge this week: "Art, thou art vox"

I challenged Ixy at http://ms-ixy.blogspot.com/

And here I go: "Art, Thou art vox"

“Art, thou art vox.” He just blurted it out in the darkness as we were lying there together.  He was always doing that, just saying some random thing he had heard or read when there really was no need for anything to be said. He could not tolerate long stretches of silence. 

I sighed and rolled away from him, not in the mood to try and decipher yet another one of his "profound" one-liners, which really were nothing more than something he decided to just put out there to hang between us without context or really any good reason at all.  

Why couldn’t he just say something real? Something important? Something I wanted to hear?  That’s not how it worked with us. I was not someone he was going to invest in with a real conversation. I knew that.

But really? Could he not come up with anything better than that? No, no he probably couldn’t. Or just plain wouldn’t. Anything else could lead to questions, conversations, him having to answer something of significance, and that simply would not do. No, it was much safer for him to stick to obscure statements of nothingness. No meaning, nothing that could lend itself to further conversation or questions or him having to explain its relevance.

At first, I used to think that him putting things out there in such an abrupt and out-of-the-blue sort of way was him being clever, intriguing, trying to draw me in or think he was mysterious or profound.  I quickly realized it was his was of shutting me down, avoiding me, telling me that he was done with whatever we had just been involved with and he was retreating back into himself and wished not to be disturbed.

After all, I was not there for him to have conversations with. No, my purpose was a much different one. He had other people that he turned to when he needed to talk.  He needed me for other things.  I gave him things that he couldn’t get somewhere else.  We both knew that.

And so here we are; laying in the darkness. And the best he could come up with was “Art, thou art vox.”  Yes, art was a voice, but a voice for what? Not his feelings.  If anything it was a voice of denial. A voice of avoidance the way he used that sentence in our context. It was never going to change with us. I would never get those conversations, the words with meanings. Those were never going to be for me.  It truly was a voice of silence.

I had had enough of it. He didn’t get to hide behind a random statement followed by silence any more.

“Do you think you will ever love me?” I asked him.

“Probably not.” he said.

Maybe I should have just been satisfied with the silence. 


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The Worst Thing I've Ever Done - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

Author: blog xxx
I think this thing is rigged! How else would I get this challenge? Really... 


But regardless of my accusations of being set up, I was again given a great challenge prompt as part of the Indie Ink weekly challenge. I'm telling you, if you have not gotten in on the action yet, you really need to. Every week I am more and more amazed by the writing that comes out of it from the kids that participate. 


This week, I was challenged by Amanda. Her challenge was this: What's the worst thing you've ever done? 


My challenge went to A Lil Irish Lass and will be posted here when her response is ready. 


Here's what you get for my challenge response this week. Enjoy! 





The Worst Thing


What's the worst thing I’ve ever done? It’s really hard to say.  To narrow all the bad things down to just one “worst” thing?   I don’t know that I am qualified to make that determination. I usually start off with good intentions if that counts for anything.

If I had to choose just one thing and own it though, it would probably be something I did to myself.  I have always had a high tolerance for self-inflicted pain of the physical variety.  Piercings, tattoos, and things of the like. If it was my choice to be hurt, I can own the pain that comes from the decision. I actually kind of enjoy the process to be honest with you.

It was a different story when the self-inflicted pain was of the emotional variety. I found out that was not quite as easily owned and certainly not as easily tolerated.

One year ago at this time, almost to the day, I fell in love. I’m talking the real true deal. My divorce had just become final, I was feeling free for the first time in too many years to count, and was perfectly content running my own agenda and not compromising for anyone. And that’s when I met him.

I am not someone that falls in gooey, sickening, “I can’t live without you” love. I am much too reasonable for that. I have always made decisions based on logic and followed a path of what made sense to do as next steps. I can say that the day I married my husband that I loved him but I wasn’t madly, passionately, crazy in love with him.

We made sense together and the next logical step was for us to get married and start our career climbs and have the perfect suburban life. So we did. And that worked for a while. And then that wasn’t enough anymore.  We weren’t in the right kind of love with each other to weather the perfect storm that got thrown our way. We made the logical decision and got divorced. I still love him, but I’m not in love with him.

The last thing I expected was to find myself madly, crazy, “I can’t live without you” in love. Ever. That was just not something I would do. But I did. I mean I really did. Head first, jump in, no looking back, all or nothing love.  The connection that we had from the very first look, first word… was like nothing ever in my life prior.

And I’m not talking about lust. That I know well and find often. This was completely different. This was something on a whole different level. The intensity swallowed me alive, left me gasping for air, unable to escape what he was to me. There was no room for logic or next practical steps. It was really a force unto itself. We were just too caught up in it, in each other, to worry about such trivial things like common sense.

He would write me a letter. One every week. Sometimes he mailed it; sometimes he delivered it in person. Those letters were like nothing I had ever read. No one had ever painted a clearer picture of the life I wanted before. It was truly like he was in my soul and knew everything my heart desired. I didn’t know how I would ever be enough for him. I certainly couldn’t return what he was giving to me. I didn’t know how. I’m not the type of girl to fall in love.

There was no choice with him. It was a matter that was beyond my control. I couldn’t have created a space between us if I was forced to. We spent entire weekends devouring each other, leaving only to get food and then returning immediately to pick up where we left off.

It wasn’t sex or fucking or love making, no, it was something entirely different.  Sometimes it was as if we were purposely hurting each other because it was an intensity that was so great that there really was not an adequate way to express it to each other. It wasn’t enough. It couldn’t be enough. There was too much for it to be satisfied.

It was during our times apart, when I could catch my breath, regain vision of my surroundings when they weren’t blocked by seeing only him in my world that I could see what it really was.  It was intense and amazing. It was also really unhealthy and borderline co-dependent. Somewhere between the love letters and the weekends of sex, he had taken over control of me. Literally.

If we weren’t physically together, I was to be online and available to him pretty much 24/7. I was never allowed to question anything, because I would always be wrong, or unreasonable, or not loving him right.   

Slowly as time went by, I began to realize that I was losing myself completely.  This wasn’t the normal give and take, compromising, that you expected to do as a relationship grows. This was a complete surrender. I was being taken hostage by him under the disguise of his overwhelming love for me.  By the time I realized it, it was almost too late.

We had looked at houses and were signing the lease papers to make it official that day. That was the day I ended it.  It was as if some survival instinct kicked in and allowed me the clarity to see how destructive and abusive the relationship had become. What was once beautiful had turned rancid. Somewhere along the line it turned from love to control, and I never saw it coming.  

It was still just as intense as it had started, we were literally like magnets, drawn to each other beyond our own power but now the force that propelled us was dark and would only end with me being completely consumed by him or completely without him. I was not willing to be owned by him.  It had to end.

The worst thing I’ve ever done? It’s hard to say for sure. But letting myself fall in love with someone who didn’t deserve it has to be near the top of the list.

Never Again. 

Updated 6/14/11:
In an ironic twist, I am going to see Ray LaMontagne in concert tonight. Why is it ironic you ask? Because his song "You Are The Best Thing" was "our" song from the very beginning. I guess something good came from the experience, I got introduced to an amazing singer/songwriter and can now enjoy his music with a bit of sad reverence. This was the song that was supposed to be playing in the background as we danced around the kitchen and kissed while making dinner. It was a good plan.  



  
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An Unlikely Source - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

Author: blog xxx
I took a week off from the Indie Ink writing challenge and I missed writing for it. I'm glad to be back up in the mix this week. If you haven't already joined in the fun, quit messing around and go sign up for it...do it now before I get all bossy on you! 


This week my challenge prompt came from Jason Hughes.
 It was this: A life lesson learned from an *extremely* unlikely source/event...


I challenged my girl Alyssa. Her response will be posted here shortly. 


Here is my response to Jason's challenge to me. Enjoy! 



I opened the fortune cookie and just stared at it. Really? Is that really the best fortune that you could give me, destiny? A tempting proposal will soon present itself to me?  Not that riches await me or that I am about to embark on a life-changing adventure? A tempting proposal. Ok then.

Instead of throwing that little gem of fortune away with the rest of the take-out containers and soy sauce packets like I normally would, I hung on to it. I stuck it up on the front of my fridge with my dentist appointment reminder cards and bachelorette party invitations and other various items that I needed to be reminded of.  And there it stayed. Held in place by a clear glass magnet with the word “Hope” written in pretty purple script on the inside. 

I would glance at the fortune hanging by the “hope” magnet every once in a while on my way into the kitchen with my arms loaded down with groceries or rushing out the door on my way to an appointment and think “well, any damn time now would be nice!”

On days when I was feeling particularly cynical, I would question it outright, demanding to know exactly what its definition of “tempting” was because maybe I was just expecting too much and my tempting proposal had already been presented to me like a good Groupon I bought or the buy 1 get 1 deal I snatched up while shopping last week.  I had a feeling neither of those were it though.

So I waited. Growing more disenchanted by the day, convinced that this foretold “tempting proposal” was nothing more than false hope printed in a stupid cookie that came with mediocre Chinese food.

I finally got sick of it mocking me with its red letters from the front of my refrigerator and took it down, tore it in half and threw it in the trash where it should have gone in the first place with the empty take-out containers and soy sauce packets.

And then I got the e-mail. There it was. My tempting proposal had indeed presented itself to me. And this was an offer I simply could not refuse. It was more than coincidence or luck. It was as my fortune foretold.  Those red letters on the little white strip of paper that I pulled from the inside of a cookie that I got with mediocre Chinese food and had torn up and thrown away.

I dug those two raggedly torn little pieces of paper out of the trash and taped them back together with care. I didn’t want to jinx what I had just been given, a tempting proposal had indeed come my way and I owed it all to that fortune cookie.




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Hanging By A Moment - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

Author: blog xxx
Despite my warning to not expect anything from me blog-wise this week as I am already mentally on my Vegas vacation, I already committed to the Indie Ink weekly challenge so you will get a little bit of writing out of me this week after all. Lucky kids! 


The challenge I received from Disease at http://chamindra.blogspot.com/ is listed after my entry. Hope you enjoy. 



Hanging By A Moment

It is our last night together.  Tomorrow morning he will be gone.

We don’t talk much. There really aren’t the right words to be found in this situation. It just hangs in the air between us, but we refuse to acknowledge it.

We spend a lot of time just looking at each other, trying to memorize the features that we have grown to love in one another in the short time that we have been in each other’s lives. For me, it’s his eyes that I want to always remember.  The little lines in the corners that deepen when he smiles, how they literally sparkle when he is up to no good, and how they seem to look right into my soul when he tells me he loves me. They are blue. Not like the ocean or the sky but a different, beautiful blue that is all his own. I want to see those eyes looking at me forever but I will take tonight since it is all we have.

You would think that we would have planned some spectacular night out on the town. Visiting our favorite places or seeing friends that he likely won’t see again for a very long time. But that is not our plan. Our plan is simple, to just be together.  To quietly take each other in, enjoy our time in this last moment.

As the minutes tick by the sun starts to lighten the predawn sky. I usually love the beauty of the sunrise but today it brings with it a heavy reality. This is our last sunrise together. In a few hours, he will be gone and I don’t know if he is coming back.  

There is so little time left for us to be together. We both know it. But for now, we aren’t going to talk about the time apart or the distance that will soon be between us.  We are going to enjoy this, our “right now”.  It’s only a moment and soon it will be gone, and so will he.

My challenge this week was from Disease at http://chamindra.blogspot.com/
You have found that perfect moment but feels like it's slipping away... But you want to hold on 
to it and enjoy it till it lasts. you can 
use the song "Hanging by the Moment" by Lifehouse for Inspiration :)

My challenge went to Sid @ http://blog.creativeshocker.com/


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In My Life - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

Author: blog xxx
It's another great week in the Indie Ink challenge,

This is in response to the challenge I received from Rachel in the OC. The details are listed after my response. I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this one.

In My Life


It’s a long stretch of highway and a lot country road that take me from there to here. Every time I see the sign that tells me I am back here, I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Being back here, in this place where we used to be, brings back so many thoughts, so many moments. A few are good, but most are more painful than should be lived through. I don’t want to be here because I don’t want to have to acknowledge what was once my life, our life.

In many ways, time has stood still in this town. So many things are exactly the same today as they were all those years ago.  Even the people are the same.  How can an entire town just refuse to make progress? They feel no need to adjust and evolve. It’s just how it has always been.  One generation after another, accepting that this how things are and good enough is good enough.

There was one thing that despite the best efforts of everything and everyone around us, did change. That was us. We were supposed to be the ones who made it. We were perfect together. We were going to be the shining light, the couple people envied. We were the ones. You and I, together since we were barely old enough to understand what love was. No one could have known how our story would end.

I forget to breathe as I turn the corner and start down the road where we had lived, where our home had been. My eyes are trained on the horizon as I see the shape come into focus.  The charred shell of that home is still standing.  The siding around the blown out window frames are black with soot. The left side of the roof completely collapsed from the heat of the relentless flames that had burned our lives into ash.

I stop the car and sit there for a long time. I can’t bring myself to get out.  For a moment, I close my eyes and go back to the day we bought this house.  I see us walking together, hand-in-hand, across the sprawling front yard. Smiling because we know that this where our dream begins. There will be kids running up and down that big staircase someday. We will spend our nights on the porch swing, listening to our favorite songs and enjoying the breeze. We will live the life that everyone knows we are meant to have and we will be happy.

I force my eyes open. I can’t do this. Not again. Not today. It is getting late now and tomorrow is a very big day for me. Tomorrow my life begins again.  I just came to say goodbye to the memory of the life we had, the one that burned to the ground and took you with it. I don’t regret a minute of that life, of our love. But, it is time for me to move on.

They said I was the lucky one. I survived the flames. But they were wrong. My life may have carried on, but you died and took my heart with you. My life, and our love, was literally burned to the ground. I never thought I could love again. I didn’t want to. There was nothing to love without you.

But when I least expected it, I realized I could love again. And I need to. He is an amazing man and he loves me and he deserves for me to love him back. He helped me live again. Tomorrow I will marry him and I won’t be coming back here again. So tonight I say goodbye to you, to us, and to the love we used to have.  And I say hello to this new love, the new life I will have, and to what lies ahead.

This Fiction piece is in response to the Indie Ink weekly challenge I received from Rachel in the OC this week.  
Her challenge to me: Take a BEATLES song. Write a story or a memory around it.


This is the second week in a row I have been challenged with something music related. Is my abnormally obsessive love of music that well-known already? Not complaining at all, I love it! 

I chose the song In My Life. They lyrics are below as is a link to the song. Taking on any interpretation of a Beatles song is a daunting task. I hope I did the challenge justice. 

In My Life - The Beatles

There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All this places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more
In my life-- I love you more

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Will I Ever Win? Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

Author: blog xxx
I am excited! Another great weekly challenge from my friends at Indie Ink. They are never going to be able to get rid of me now! You should come play with us, it's a good time. 


This week, my challenge came from Michael Webb at http://innocentsaccidentshints.blogspot.com/ You should stop over and check what he has going on. The challenge is at the bottom of the post. It threw me for a loop but I tried to take it from a relatable angle and somehow came up with yet another poem. I know, yawn... I'm sure I'm boring you by now but thanks for reading it anyways! 




Will I Ever Win?
I keep playing
But no closer to the end
The victory
Or perhaps the defeat

I should pick a better game
One with less risks
One with better odds
Something that requires little skill
And even less investment

It’s easy to win
When there is so little to lose
To go forward with reckless abandon
All in
With no regrets

Much easier to lose
With so much at stake
Such a bet to wager
A gamble
No wise man would make

Will I ever win?
That remains to be seen
But I will keep playing

Stay in the game
Live through the twists and the turns
Learn the lessons as they come
And play again
Wiser the next time



So my challenge was this: Fleetwood Mac once asked, in "Rhiannon", "Will you ever win?". Will you?

Yeah, so Fleetwood Mac is not my specialty but I do like this song and the story behind it. I am including the video and the Wiki facts on it just as an FYI. And yes, I realize that my take on the challenge really has nothing to do with either but the intention was good if that counts. 




http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhiannon_(song)

My challenge for this week went out to Wide Lawns at http://www.widelawns.blogspot.com/ and it was done with fantastic talent. Go check it out! 


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A Poem About A Movie - Indie Ink Challenge

Author: blog xxx
I think I am hooked. I can't stop signing up for the Indie Ink weekly challenges. I am having too much fun!

My challenge this week comes from Katri and it's awesome: A poem inspired by the last movie you saw

The last movie I saw just happened to be out of the trusty RedBox and was "Love and Other Drugs" with Jake Gyllenhaal (yum) and Anne Hathaway. Here is my take on the challenge. Hopefully it gives you an idea of what the plot of the movie is.


I play the players
With an innocent smile
No time for connections
It’s my body they want anyways
And he is no exception

We met under false pretenses
The truth not as important as intentions
His charm and his words
Were no match for me
He never stood a chance

To proclaim sincerity
Falling in love
These are things I just don’t do
And I won’t accept them
From him or anyone

Something to do
A way to pass time
Until my body betrays me
The sickness winning
Ending my game
Sending him on his way with its ugliness

He says he can handle it
That it doesn’t matter
But the truth is his love is conditional
He only wants to be with me
If he can fix me

But he can’t
No one can
This disease bends to no man
And neither will I
I will deal with this on my own
I won’t, no, I can’t let anyone in


I challenged the fabulous Jen O this week. She absolutely killed it! Like beyond! Go check it out. Now! 
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Indie Ink Challenge: Open Access

Author: blog xxx
Hey kids! Hope you all had a fantastic holiday weekend. I know I did. I took the weekend off from all things blog related and I kind of missed it so I was glad to have a great new Indie Ink challenge to tackle today.

My challenge this week came from The Onion at A Lot of Layers. I am quite fond of this girl and her blog. You should check it out. Anyways, she gave me a great challenge to write around for this week. The challenge is included at the end of the story just to build the suspense a little for you.


I decided to take a a crack at this one and incorporate two areas I am not strong in, Fiction writing and dialogue. Hope you enjoy.

Open Access 

I stood at the door panting and sweaty, irritated because I couldn’t figure out the right key to get me in this damn apartment. After being here for two weeks, you would think I would have a clue but no, not the case. At least I had gotten a good run in this morning. I needed something to distract me, to clear my head and push out the thought of what was on the calendar for tomorrow.

I walked in and threw my keys down exasperated that it had taken me that long to get in my own damn apartment and he was just standing there looking at me.

“Nice of you to open the door for me,” I said with a snark. What the hell was his problem?

“Sorry, I was distracted,” he answered, an odd tone in his voice. I couldn’t quite place it; it was something between amused and disgusted. I noticed at that moment that he had my phone in his hand.

The news channel that we always kept on for background noise was running the headlining story, that big cell phone meltdown. Apparently, Blackberry had some sort of meltdown and all of the security code functionality had been disabled. There was mass panic among scandalous people everywhere from what the report alluded to. I wasn’t worried, but maybe I should have been.

“So, what’s your problem?” I asked him sharply.

“This,” he answered. He held up my phone.
Oh shit.

I guess I should have been worried after all. My mind raced to think about what was on there. I had been with him for a few months now but we weren’t exactly exclusive that whole time and I kept in touch with some of my other guys. One in particular that I knew could be trouble for us if he ever found out.

“Nice picture,” he said flatly.

He held up a photo of me and the other guy kissing. We had taken it as a self-portrait on our last date before calling it off. Innocent enough. He knew that I dated other people before we went exclusive.

“So what”, I asked, shrugging off his attitude.

“But I like the video better,” he said with a bitter laugh.

I continued into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and didn’t immediately reply. My first thought was which video? The other guy and I had a habit of making impromptu videos of ourselves in the heat of the moment just to have fun with it. I thought I had erased them all but I must have missed one.

“That was a long time ago. If you want to make an issue of it now, be my guest,” I said back to him trying to keep my tone nonchalant to demonstrate how totally not a big deal I considered it.

“And then, as if the picture and the video of you with him wasn’t enough, there are the texts,” he continued, the laugh disappearing out of his voice, replaced with straight anger.

I knew what he was talking about. I didn’t really have an answer for him but I started to get angry back at him now for taking advantage of the security code being disabled and me being out for a run. I thought we trusted each other? Instead of fighting with him, I just stopped and looked at him.

For whatever stupid reason, I had kept the most recent string of text messages from the guy before. Maybe it was nostalgic, maybe I needed to see his confirmation of my decision on the screen to reassure me that I was making the right decision. I don’t know, I never thought I would have to stand here and justify it to him now.

“And you want to know what the real kicker is?  Not only do I find out you are pregnant with someone else’s baby right now, but then I find out you are having an abortion tomorrow morning without even telling me? Yeah, you can thank your calendar reminder for that little clue in.” He was beyond angry now, his face was red and he was clenching my phone so hard I thought it would shatter.

I wish it would shatter. And take all my problems and this moment with it.

Destroyed and laying in the floor in a million little pieces, just like I felt I was right at this moment.

I walked over to him and pried my phone from his hand.  His face was red and he was shaking. I could literally feel the anger radiating off of him when I was close to him.

Now was not the time to say anything. Anyways, what could I really say to him that he hadn’t already found out from my phone?

I picked my keys back up off the table and walked to the door. I wanted him to stop me but I knew he wouldn’t.

When I got down to the street, I stood on the sidewalk and just cried for what seemed like forever.

Then I dialed his number. 

The Writing Challenge was: During an electrical surge, all cell phones lose their ability to be 'locked". Tell a story about the carnage you think would occur when partners could read all of each others emails, texts and other technological debauchery.

Thanks to The Onion for giving me something fun and challenging to write about!


And on a side note, I wrote an article for The Dude Society, an online men's magazine,  advising guys to clean out their phone so if this scenario ever happened in real life, or they just have a crafty, snooping girlfriend, they wouldn't get busted. You should check it out! It created quite a stir!  
http://thedudesociety.com/2011/03/would-your-phone-get-you-busted/ 


4/26/11 Update: SeeSaw just completed the challenge that I gave for this week at Indie Ink. Stop over and check it out, it's an awesome and unexpected take on it. 


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